Mother daughter share advice needed!

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Dustyboy

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I have a six year old Connemara which I share with my mum. I am only 15 and I have had him a year in December and I have fallen off of him four times. My mum gets on well with him. I think it is time to sell him before I loose all my confidence! My mum is determined to keep going and every time I mention it it ends up in an argument. I feel like I need her to see it from my point of view and see that I have no trust in him!

Please any any advice will be very much appreciated!!
 
where are you? maybe someone on here has a horse you can ride or part loan, if your mum could see you happy and confident on something else she may be more prepared to listen.
 
4 times may seem a lot but it depends really on the circumstances, I remember falling off a pony 3 times in less than an hour once and still got back on determined to stay there. If your mum gets on well with him can she not help you more by getting you a good instructor to help you build up your confidence and try and get to the bottom of why you do not trust him, if he is sharp maybe go back a few steps in what you are doing to build up again at a slower pace, it can take time to learn how to deal with new situations and he is still very young with lots to learn.
 
I'm afraid that you will need to be prepared to fall off any pony that you get, really 4 times in 10 months isn't so many. What does the pony do that means that you fall off? Perhaps some lessons with a good instructor, who is not your mum would help.
 
I fell off my gymkhana pony every weekend for weeks til I learned to put my leg on for a jump regardless of how fast he was going at it. I fell off my Arabian twice in nearly a year. The gymkhana pony never frightened me, I was scared stiff of the Arabian. Do you know why you fell off, and what you can doto stop it if it happens again? That helped me loads. echo the above re getting an instructor, mine has done wonders for me, there isn't much I won't try if she suggests it! Good luck, think how brill you would feel when someone congratulates you on how nicely you have brought a young horse on!
 
Is he actually chucking you off, or are you falling off when it's not his fault?

I think it's one of those things you have to accept will happen occasionally if you ride horses. Hopefully as time goes on, your seat will improve and you will fall less. Working with no stirrups, and lots of hours of hacking will help this.

I used to fall off my first horse all the time, literally every couple of weeks. It's riding the spookier/sharper horses that teach you to stick on!
 
I do think that some of the other posters comments are reasonable - it really depends on how and why you are falling off. Nevertheless, if your mum is determined to keep the pony, she should make sure that you are getting the help you need to become confident with the pony, and if he is really not suitable for you, then maybe another share or a pony that is more suitable should be considered. (Even if that means 2).
 
Maybe ask your mum if you can take some lessons on him (if you don't already) to improve your confidence? 10 months isn't very long, you might still be getting now each other. Is this your first pony? Rather than just throw in the towel, speak to your mum about the problems you're having, not suggesting you want to sell but rather trying to find a solution. She might be more understanding if she sees your trying to do something about it rather than just give up. The pony can't be too bad if your mum is getting on so well with him. You could try just hacking for a while to take the pressure off and give you a chance to relax and just enjoy him. What happened that you fell off?
 
I am a Granny and didnt learn to ride till I was very old compared to you. Riding was what I had always wanted to do. But it is a dangerous sport and I always say that no one should ride unless it is something they really really want to do. You posted before about being scared to hack.
So my first question is whether you want to ride at all? On any horse? Or would like to stop riding just for the moment.
15 is the age at which people stop learning and doing the things that their parents have offered and start to discover their own enthusiasms. Is this what is going on in your own family?
Be sympathetic to your Mum too. If her children are becoming young adults, the horse may be extra important to her. Horses are very trainable, they tend to do what one tells them and they dont grow up and leave home. I guess that is why I love them too.
If you do want to ride then I agree that you would like to avoid so many falls - not all falls are avoidable, but many are.
And some types of riding cause more falls than others. Hacking and jumping, for instance. So I would list the situations in which you have fallen. If you work out what is causing the falls you may be able to prevent them.
As good riders have suggested above, you can get coaching to give you more security jumping - or take a break from the stressful stuff and have some lunge lessons or bareback lessons to impove your balance in the saddle.
Have some fun with the horse on the ground as well - I suggested your Mum may like the horse because it does as she says. But what about you? Does the horse do as you want when you are riding it? Does it do as you say on the ground?
As an older beginner I found it very important to read a bit and have some lessons on how to make horses do as I wanted from the ground. I mean leading and turning and passing round and through obstacles. I arranged for my grand daughter to have the same sort of lessons too. Because small kids often have grown ups in charge of their pony - and the pony tends not to take much notice of what the child says.
Part of being 15 is learning to be the boss when around horses. A horse that obeys you from the ground is more likely to do what you say when you are on its back. The horse must be taught to respect you just as much as it may respect your mother.
Lastly, I would give yourself some credit. A 5 year old horse is very young. At 6 he is still learning. Riding a 5 year old horse would be way beyond me and I guess falling might be more likely.
It isnt just you but the horse who are learning. That is quite a tall order for a teenager.
And it isnt compulsory. If riding this particular horse is something you dont want to do and which scares you, it is not obligatory. There are other horses and other less stressful sorts of riding.
You asked for help here on a public forum, and may be the next step is to talk to some adult on your yard, an instructor or teacher or relative who could help you discuss with your Mum and make sure you stay safe.
 
I have weekly lessons and I have fallen off due to him taking off around the school. I wouldn't dare to go hacking out. I know it has only been a short time but even my mum can be nervous to ride him and I feel as if he is to much. I have had him sent away to be schooled and that didnt help at all and I have had time off of riding him to ride others which I am very confident with! I really don't want to get rid of my boy because he is the perfect horse on the ground.
 
Having persisted for years with horses that weren't entirely suitable, my confidence was severly battered. Hopefully with the right horses in the future I'll get it back but it'll be a very long road.

I'm not sure how you can convince your mum to sell. Could you go down the route of loaning/sharing a confidence giver? Then either your mum will see the difference in you and realise how this pony has affected you, or perhaps after a year or two with an older pony you may have the confidence to ride this current pony, and he'll be a year wiser
 
minimilton said:
Having persisted for years with horses that weren't entirely suitable, my confidence was severly battered. Hopefully with the right horses in the future I'll get it back but it'll be a very long road.

I'm not sure how you can convince your mum to sell. Could you go down the route of loaning/sharing a confidence giver? Then either your mum will see the difference in you and realise how this pony has affected you, or perhaps after a year or two with an older pony you may have the confidence to ride this current pony, and he'll be a year wiser
Click to expand...

This is what I am hoping for!
 
I do feel for you. Sometimes we simply don't 'click' with a horse and it can be a lot harder when two people need to feel the same way about a horse.

I am the 'mother' part of a mother/daughter share. We have a lovely horse that we both adore but I'm aware that although the horse is absolutely 100% perfect for me, in a couple of years she won't be quite what my daughter wants or needs and we'll have to think again.

If you've tried having lessons and still don't feel like you enjoy riding this horse, it seems like it really is time for Mum to see reason! Would she be offended if you showed her this thread? As a mother of 2 teenage daughters I know that it can sometimes be difficult to communicate our feelings without tempers fraying! :)
 
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