Moved to new livery yard, how on earth do you make friends?

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fallingstar

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Hi everyone

Two weeks ago i had to move my pony to a new livery yard after spending the previous 4 years privately renting a yard with my friend. The whole thing has been very traumatic as my 'friend' basically threw a wobbler over something ridiculous and threw us off the yard! So as well as me loosing my friend of 8 years standing and been gutted about that my pony has lost his best pal in my friends horse who he was really close too.

So my question is, how on earth do you make friends on a new yard? I try to be friendly, smile at people, say hello etc but dont really get much response. To be fair the yard owner and her staff are all absolutely lovely. I told the yard owner i mainly hack out and would love some people to ride with. She therefore introduced me to one of the other girls who keeps her horse there and hacks out a lot. This girls response to me saying i was looking for someone to hack with was ' You do go fast though dont you? i cant be hacking out with people who just slop about on the buckle end, i like to go fast'.

I mean what on earth are you supposed to say to someone like that? Yes my pony canters and can pop a fence but hes also nearly 20 years old and has a few soundness issues. I can hardly take him bombing all over the countryside for hours on end!

Since then ive passed this girl and her friend out riding, both of whom just stared at me and didnt even say hello until i said it to them! Frankly im starting to think are me and my poor pony going to condemmed to a lifetime of being loners, its all really depressing.
 
It's not always easy hun. I've been on a yard where I've felt like an outsider and nothing I said or did made it any better. I ended up moving yards.

On 'normal' yards, I find that it's the times when people come together, leaning on the gate watching the horses, waiting for the water tap, etc. that people start talking to each other.

If others there see that you hack reasonably and with the wee burst of speed then there'll be others that want to do the same. It comes with time and with people getting to know you.

As to the ex-best mate, well I have no idea what that was all about, but it sounds as though things had run their course. Time for you to enjoy moving onwards :D

Hugs and a hot choccy (with a flake) :D
 
Be polite and smile at every one you meet.
Never get involved involved in gossip - if it starts - walk away.
Do nice little things now and again - take a box of biccies up for the owners , a big sack of carrots left in the tackroom for all the horses to share , sweep the stable entrances out etc.
Ask people about their horses, which farrier they reccomend etc.
Good luck - im sure you will be fine!!!! xxx
 
Think you just have to take time about it. Say hello and smile. Ask people about their horses. Ask advice on hacking routes and someone might say I'll show you or would you like to come out with me.
 
It is hard. Unfortunately us horsey people seem to be the strangest of folks! Keep smiling, keep saying hello, keep reminding them every time they lay eyes on you that you are friendly.

They might be a little cautious about you because they alredy have some kind of heirachy and are worried about "the newcomer"... you never know!

Other suggestions to try get them at least talking to you could be:
-Offer to turn out/check/fly spray some of the over liveries horses AM a couple of days a week in return for them doing it with your horse (assuming you are on DIY?) even if they say no, there is an opportunity for a dialogue there.

-Swallow your pride and ask for suggestions about just about anything. Even if you have a routine in place, you never know, they might have some good ideas and people like to give advice I have found! Also it would make people feel special that you asked them, and more inclined to look at you in a more positive light. Once again, it is an opportunity to talk to them.

-Ask different liveries about the hacking and if they know any rides that they think you might enjoy.

-Lots of asking really.

-Tell them you admire their horse/saddle/riding, everyone loves to recieve a compliment and it will make you look like a nice and complimentary person!

Sorry about your old yard, it is always really tough when something like that happens. Though I am sure in time you will make lots of new friends at your new yard :)
 
Thanks for the replies, i think i might well be needing that choccie flake Mrs Mozart

Main problem is the yard is full livery so theres no chance for bonding over the water tap/ hay bales etc, People just turn up, ride and go away again. Or theres the groups of peope just standing around laughing and talking but you have no way of getting 'in' on the conversation.

I sometimes think a lot of it is snobbery frankly. For example these girls i mentioned both have gorgeous warmbloods and are all decked out in the latest gear. They see me and my not a penny to rub together little new forest and look down on us immediately.
I tried to start a conversation with a lady yesterday about how stunning her horse is (hes an andalucian x and totally gorgeous) She just said 'thanks' and then turned away from me! Dunno what that was all about.

Oh and me and my friend fell out over a muck heap! The guy she gets to remove it charges us a fortune and i found someone a fraction of the price to do it. She said she didnt want to use my guy, i objected to paying a fortune when it wasent nessacary and she threw me and my pony off the yard.

And thats the gods honest truth, nobody believes me though as it sounds so utterly far-fetched!

Its a shame as the staff and owner themselves are lovely and cant do enough to help, just need to tackle the other liveries.
 
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Give it time and do what people have suggested above, but if in a few months you are still not getting to know people, think about a different yard.

Some yards can be really quite unfriendly - and others quite the opposite. My yard is really quite big, and almost everyone is really nice. We are all really different; some of us compete, others just hack, and others just have big pets! But we are all nice to each other.

We have regular dressage competitions on site and 2 big annual shows which are great ice breakers. Everyone is out bathing / practicing in the days running up to them which is how people get to know each other.

Really - if its not got better soon, look for somewhere nicer where people won;t judge you and your pony x
 
Can't believe your friend chucked you off yard because of a muck heap!!

It always takes time to make friends as you are nervous and other people might be nervous as well as they are probably still sussing out what kind of person you are. You sounds lovely to me and a great friend!! x

Hope you find a good friend soon. Where are you? I'll come ride with you :D xx
 
Two weeks isn't a long time so I would say stick with being friendly and making chit chat when the opportunity arises.

Sometimes people seem standoffish but are shy or awkward so don't be disheartened. However some people can be snobby and unfriendly - tbh the sooner you learn what they are like, the sooner you can stop wasting your energy trying to be nice to them and focus on the friendly people - and there will be some

Have another chocolate flake :D
 
I'm having that problem. I've had my horse about eight weeks and haven't really found anyone to hack with or anything like that. It's a small yard and people are established with their friends, and no one wants to hack out with a five year old, even though she's good!

It doesn't help that I have known the YM since we were at school together so I find it difficult to approach her 'professionally'. All a bit awkward really :/ I'll stick at it cos it's two mins down the road, with great facilities, but I would like someone to hack out with.
 
The way I made one of my best friends on the yard by asking how to do the leg straps on a rug :p I already knew how to do it but it worked.

Also I had a spare rug that I had been given that was too small for beauty to another persons pony. Also I just smile introduce myself, compliment on ponies,
 
Wow thanks for all the replies guys, its all much appreciated.

Last night was a bit of a breakthrough night. A nice woman came over and introduced herself and asked if i would like to ride out with her when her mare is sound again (shes lame at the minute,poor thing) So that was quite encouraging.

I passed 2 girls from the yard out hacking though and they didnt ask me if i wanted to join them (which is what i would have done if i knew the hacking routes and someone was a lost newbie) but hey ho. It was quite funny as my pony was prancing and jogging like a berk and one of them looked terrified and asked if he does anything dangerous! I felt like answering 'Yes hes a brute this 20 year old NF of mine, i would keep well clear'
 
OMG I've just came from the same situation as you, I spent 12 years on a friends yard, then it all went pear shaped should I say.

I'm now on a DIY livery yard, I was terrified of the idea, I've been there since end of MAY, and I now love it as does my pony.

Everybody seems really friendly, the odd person blows hot and cold but thats to be expected, I have loads of people to hack with, I just love it, wish I'd done it sooner.

Do you have a notice board why not pop a note on the board asking for someone to hack with thats what one of the girls did at my yard.

I talk to anybody which always helps, and went upto and chatted about every bodies ponies.

2 weeks is not long Ive been on my yard 2 months now and I'm only just beginning to feel at home.

Keep Smiling :-)
 
It def just takes a while. I have also recently moved (been there about 2 months now). You just need to stick with the smiles and good mornings, people take a good long while to defrost!!! For some reason if I pass people out hacking they sometimes barely aknowledge me, other times on the yard are happy to say hi. I don't get it and I don't think I'm going to!! I always make sure that I say hello to people, if there is an opportunity then I ask how their horse is, and try and make conversation out of that or what they have been up to with their horse recently. Some people just won't have it though. There is one girl (who is new so I try and say hi and make conversation so she feels welcome) who simply won't reply - I'm pretty sure I'm not that scary/repellant!! I'm sure there will be some nice people on your yard, they just might take a while to warm up and come out of the woodwork. Some people seem to not want to make new friends, and I would just try to be civil and friendly to them. Takes time with the odd horsey people! Just ignore any gossip and try not to take it personaly if people blow hot and cold with you.
 
I'd give it a bit longer as 2 weeks isn't that long, but i'd also be keeping my eyes open for other yards. I've been in this position before - beautiful yard, lovely YO...but just a handful of unpleasant liveries. It stopped being fun so I left.

OK the yard i'm now on isn't 'perfect' (doubt such a thing really exists!) but we have a good bunch of people. It makes such a difference. If it were me i'd give it a bit longer then i'd be off.
 
fallingstar said:
Wow thanks for all the replies guys, its all much appreciated.

Last night was a bit of a breakthrough night. A nice woman came over and introduced herself and asked if i would like to ride out with her when her mare is sound again (shes lame at the minute,poor thing) So that was quite encouraging.

I passed 2 girls from the yard out hacking though and they didnt ask me if i wanted to join them (which is what i would have done if i knew the hacking routes and someone was a lost newbie) but hey ho. It was quite funny as my pony was prancing and jogging like a berk and one of them looked terrified and asked if he does anything dangerous! I felt like answering 'Yes hes a brute this 20 year old NF of mine, i would keep well clear'
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When you were at your friends yard was it DIY? If so maybe move to a DIY yard but as others say avoid the politics
 
I have a yard very close to home that is full livery, and I nearly moved there but would be the only DIY - this kinda worried me as I wondered if there would be anyone to ride with, hang about with and whether I would be looked down on as being a 'poor' DIYer. As it turns out I have ended up back at my old DIY yard where we have a good mix of people but we all get along and I think that being a bit farther away from home is a small price to pay for the benefit of good socialising at my yard and lots of people to ride with.

As others have said - just keep smiling, even if it makes your face ache and they should warm up to you. I know what you mean though - I smile at everyone and there are still a couple of people that just don't respond, so I just keep smiling at them and saying hello and eventually they smile back!
 
Its even harder for blokes i think.
We moved yards in April and although the yard is lovely and Hovis has settled in well the reaction to my hubby is hilarious.
As i work away three days a week hubby looks after the boys when i'm away. As the rest of the yard is ladies its almost like they don't know what to do with him! Its taken til last week for any of them to invite him out hacking etc and then i swear they thought he might offer them a quick roll in the hay when they got back!! I know he finds it lonely but it was the same on our last yard apart from one girl who is in the RAf so works with blokes all the time and didn't seem to think hubby asking her if "she fancied having a ride in the woods" was a sexual come on!
I feel sorry for men on livery yards - we women can be bitchy at the best of times but when horses are involved its awful
 
I'm soooooooo happy I'm on a private home yard. I hated all the politics and bitching, and got to the stage that I really didn't want to go down any more. Thank god I met my lovely new YO ! sm x
 
It can take a while definitely. I'd always give it a month and then see how you feel. It can be lonely at first and some people look at you like you've got two heads but eventually they will chat to you. There will always be the little 'cliques' that stick to themselves but just smile as you are doing and hopefully you'll be happy there. Good luck with it!
 
Sometimes the direct approach works best - just ask someone who hacks out a lot if they would mind you joining them one of the days so you can find out what the routes are. Saying 'one of the days' means they dont feel obliged to set a date, but I bet they ask you in a few days.

Good luck (and what a nit wit your friend was to throw her toys out of the pram over something so flippin trivial)
 
0ldmare said:
Good luck (and what a nit wit your friend was to throw her toys out of the pram over something so flippin trivial)
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Hmmm, I smell a rat there. I imagine the previous YO was getting the cheap rate but charging OP the difference!

OP hang in there, I find that most people go out relatively early in the morning, 8-9am so if you can get there then you may find it a bit busier.
 
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