moving on.......or not?

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Mickle

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We lost both our ponies (one due to old age, the other due to illness) in the space of 2.5 months in late 2006. The problem is my daugther can not seem to let go even though it is 14 months on. Every time she gets tired or down about something she ends up pouring out her heart. Each time she seems to break her heart a new. She was 8 when they died and is now 9.5 years old. She rides weekly at a local school. I would welcome any ideas to help her 'get over' the ponies. She loves everything to do with horses but can not seem to say goodbye and move on.
 
Could you buy her another pony? Or maybe loan one, or find her a share?? It might help if she has something else to get stuck into.
 
It is a definate possibility. Even with looking around at new ponies, and loaning a lovely mare she hasn't let go. I feel she needs to say goodbye some how but I'm not sure how. She says she feels guilty liking/loving another pony. I have told her Poppy would have wanted her to share their love with another pony. It breaks my heart to hear her sob and wish she could have Poppy back.
 
Bless her, I still cant get over my pony who died 3 years ago, but I had my Ralph to help. If your in a position to buy another one that will help, if not have a pony on loan.

I would imagine its hard to go from owning two to going back to a riding school and having to hand him back and not having all the interaction that goes with having your own.
 
Aww bless her. I lost my old mare back in September 2005 and it still really hurts me and i still regularly cry about her, i still miss her dearly, but one day to help me i got all her little bits and bobs like her headcollar, a brush, a haynet, all the things which she loved and i also took abit of her mane and tail when she was put to sleep, and i have now made a memory box of her with a photo of her on the top, so everytime i get down i just go and sit with her. Im 19 and i still miss her dearly, she was my best friend and even though i bought a new youngster he will never be able to replace her, but he helps me, the greatest thing is time is a healer and the day we had her put to sleep my world fell apart and i never thought i would be able to carry on but you do. Give her some time and let her cry, she wont believe you when you say it will get easier because i have been in that position but trust me she will get better, it will just take time. xx
 
We've lost ponies and dogs and the children have been really upset, but not to the degree you've described. I've always been matter of fact about it and clear about the decision making process & what actually happens.
My friend has a daughter & cannot tell her about their pony being pts, 6 months ago, child still thinks pony may come back, & is in a rest home somewhere. Friend describes how devastated she was as a child when animals were pts, & how she expects her daughter to be the same.
I may be wrong & please ignore me if so, but I think children react the way we guide them to regarding issues like this. Obvioulsy they are all different & some will react more than others. But I would ensure your daughter is quite clear about what has happened, not thinking animals have been 'put to sleep' or anything ambiguous like that. I would also be tough and personally pretty much ignore the tears, it's time to move on. end of.
 
When you have strong/distressed feelings about anything I don't think you can just tell yourself Get over it! I don't think it works like that. You could try telling her that the pony had a good life and a kind, stressless ending which is more than most get sadly.Ben Fogle wrote a couple of pet books, mostly about dogs but he writes very sensitively about euthansia and there is a poem in one ofthem that helped me come to terms with loosing a much loved cat.He also writes about a student he knew who was at college and nearly had a breakdown over the death of a family dog that he grew up with. He started to come to terms with it when he could talk about it as he felt stupid thinking peope would think, SO MUCH FUSS ABOUT A DOG!. Failing that try counselling. Its important IMHO for her to resolve this to her own satisfaction, and find a way of doing it as this will be the pattern (good or bad!) that she will probably use for the rest of her life. I don't think supression is the rightway as appart from anything else, it breaks down under stress.
 
Bless her....it is a very difficult time to cope with, especially as a child I would imagine.
I lost my first horse 11 years ago...and I still think about her lots and can cry over losing her. I was 24 at the time(!)...and completely devestated. We spent 12 years together.
I have a memory box for her and tons of photos...
One way I found that eased it slightly was to think she was now an angel and was going to go and help someone else, somewhere else, who really needed her.
I couldnt contemplate actually going to get another horse...as it felt wrong...but my new horse sort of found me and she needed someone to help her...so it was my turn to return the favour in a way. I also found the hole left by losing my mare was huge and I knew I would get another horse of my own again at some point...I have to admit I wasnt interested in riding others, only one that was mine again.
I hope your daughter manages to come to terms...
 
Could you get her another pony of her own? I am sure this would help, you just dont get the same emotional bond with a riding school horse
 
Very touched by your post - I think that some children are just more sensitive and have more mature feelings than others, so she may be feeling the loss more than other 9 year olds. Possibly she doesn't feel confident with the loan mare? Could you find something to buy/loan that, however you word it, is a sad pony that really needs her time and love,that hasn't had a happy life and that she could make a real difference to? She might respond to a "request for help"? Just a thought - once a happy bond is there, it would make the loss easier.
 
Thank you all for your kind words. By the way she is aware that the first pony was pts and her pony Poppy died a week after becoming poorly. She wishes she could have her back but knows this is not possible. IT just breaks my heart when she cries and upsets herself. I agree that the riding school ponies can not fill 'that' spot even though they are lovely. I think it is time to buy a new pony.
 
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Very touched by your post - I think that some children are just more sensitive and have more mature feelings than others, so she may be feeling the loss more than other 9 year olds. Possibly she doesn't feel confident with the loan mare? Could you find something to buy/loan that, however you word it, is a sad pony that really needs her time and love,that hasn't had a happy life and that she could make a real difference to? She might respond to a "request for help"? Just a thought - once a happy bond is there, it would make the loss easier.

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The loan mare is lovely but the farm she is kept at has no real facilities for riding and she is not confident enough to hack out. With regard to your second comment about the 'sad pony', that is exactly what poppy and her companion were! I think you are right that she needs a pony that needs her.
 
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