Moving yards and Lack of confidence riding out in company..

[Shadow the Reindeer]

Two subjects in the title.. i'll try and keep this short, so please bare with me..
I'm moving in a few weeks to a yard i've been on before so know what to expect etc.
My horse has just spent a year on a full livery yard, my intentions being to remain on there. It's all gone pear shape, Oh wants me to move him back, as I'm not spending enough time with him, and it's costing too much. I've had to explain to my sharer the reason for my move back, and she understands (she and her mum have their own horse now at livery yard).
Over the last 12 months, i feel as though he's no longer mine, as with not spending enough time with him, where as my sharer has, i feel as though i'm no longer in control of things regarding him. When I speak to some of the liveries, they think he's hers, and that i'm the sharer..
I should have been more assertive but I wasn't and now i'm paying the price..
The move will give me back my horse in retrospect, and mean i'll be doing him myself, DIY, 7 days a week as I used to.
My sharer can still come up and see him, but i'll have the control I should have had when I moved him.

Lack of confidence riding with others:

I'm so deeply ingrained when it comes to riding solo, I find it hard to hack out with others. I'm a very private person, and keep myself to myself, and this is where the problem lies. How can I overcome my shyness when riding out in company?

 

[popeyesno1fan]

Once you get to that situation, you feel like crap. You need to have total confidence in your horse. I know where you are coming from, Life is very hard to understand at times. Confidence is fickle, at the best of times. xxxx
Hope it all gets better!!!!

 

[mandwhy]

I can see what you mean about not feeling like he's yours anymore, I got that when my friend came to ride the horse that I ride that isn't even mine haha! Still that's the sort of thing you deal with for the benefits of having a sharer

With riding in company what is it that worries you do you think? Is it horse related or purely not having anything to say to people? I think horse people can usually find stuff to talk about! Maybe you could just go for a short hack of an evening round the block with someone who seems chatty and you will probably have to come back soonish what with it getting dark (depending if you want to be talked at, I am guilty of that I think!) then you can see how you go before longer hacks.

 

[Meowy Catkin]

I was in a similar situation to you a few years ago. I didn't have a sharer, but my horse was on part livery and it was awful. I moved my mare to DIY and it was so much better. Both of us were happier.

I also enjoy my own company and love hacking alone (well, me and my horse ) but I found helping others very rewarding. My mare is very good in traffic and going over bridges, so we accompanied a young horse and her rider several times. We also escorted a couple of other horses that needed confidence with bridges.

 

[Shadow the Reindeer]

I worry about boring them .. I'm not much good with conversation, I cope better when I write things down.. just not possible on horseback...

I feel stupid, over the last 12 months, almost taking a back seat with my horse..

I have a freelance RI .. Atm i'm trying to get him 'off the forehand', he's in the process of being re-schooled properly for maybe future showing etc... Sharer told me she's trying to get him 'on the forehand' for jumping (hence poor horse doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing)..

She's a good rider, don't get me wrong, but me, who keeps burying her head in the sand, is ignoring the fact that he's my horse and i'm neglecting that. I feel so ashamed..
My Oh says I have to start spending time with my horse and having my horse on full livery just isn't suiting me.

 

[Shadow the Reindeer]

I was in a similar situation to you a few years ago. I didn't have a sharer, but my horse was on part livery and it was awful. I moved my mare to DIY and it was so much better. Both of us were happier.

I also enjoy my own company and love hacking alone (well, me and my horse ) but I found helping others very rewarding. My mare is very good in traffic and going over bridges, so we accompanied a young horse and her rider several times. We also escorted a couple of other horses that needed confidence with bridges.

My lad has come along way over the last couple of years, he's good in traffic where as at one time he hated lorries and tractors and would tank off. He's 10, and behaves impeccibly these days

 

[ibot]

ahh you sound so sad don't be. having a horse is a meant to be a pleasure so don't beat yourself up about it.

When i moved to my yard i was so scared id only had paddy a couple of months and id only hacked him out once with company

but when you start talking to everyone they were so lovely and over 2 years down the road they are still lovely and we are hacking lots.

there are many things to talk to horsey people about as we all share the same issues like about what rugs to what clip to what your horses fav treat is
keep your chin up
Nicky xx

 

[Snowysadude]

You need to find someone who is just really nice and friendly and not at all shy to hack out with! We had a few really shy people on the yard and I hacked out with them, they are now happy to chat with me and hack, I just talked a lot so there was no awkward silences, asked a few questions and trotted a lot haha!

 

[Herts05]

Why don't you ask your OH to ride out with you on a bike. Otherwise I wouldn't worry. I'd be more concerned about someone's riding ability than their sparkling and witty conversation.
Rather than relying on others, develop a little more self confidence and you will find that people will want to be with you.

 

[FfionWinnie]

If you don't want to hack with others don't bother. If it happens that you do, don't worry about it. Ask the other person questions about their job, life, horse etc. People like talking about themselves, asking them about themselves makes you look like an interested person and people like that

 

[spider]

Most people I ride out with just seem happy to have someone to listen to them! Can't get a word in edgeways!

 

[Honey08]

You just have to find someone similar to hack out with and just go out in couples/ threes..

Good luck at your new/old yard. Not quite getting the bit that your OH complained that he had no time with you when horse was on full livery and had a sharer - surely he will see less of you if you have now to do all the jobs and don't have a sharer..? When he does see you you'll be happier though!x

 

[FfionWinnie]

You just have to find someone similar to hack out with and just go out in couples/ threes..

Good luck at your new/old yard. Not quite getting the bit that your OH complained that he had no time with you when horse was on full livery and had a sharer - surely he will see less of you if you have now to do all the jobs and don't have a sharer..? When he does see you you'll be happier though!x

I read the spending time with him as the oh wants her to spend more time with "him the horse" not him the oh.

 

[MrsMozart]

Sounds good idea to move

Don't fret about the last year. The horse is fine, you're fine. Enjoy the future

As to hacking with people. Just go. A lot of the time I'm happy just to mooch along talking to my horse (she's used to it lol). I'll hack with others - sometimes we talk about something we've just seen, or a horsey thing, but often we're quiet and that's nice. I don't like being out with someone that's non-stop yattering! I like to chill, concentrate on my horse, and have a wee natter

Hope you enjoy your new life

 

[Jesstickle]

Come hacking with me OP. I yabber on so much you wouldn't only need to say about three words/answer direct questions

Honestly, if you're happy hacking on your own and you don't want the company don't worry about it. I hate hacking so I always try and drag someone along to alleviate the boredeom but horses for courses

 

[Honey08]

I read the spending time with him as the oh wants her to spend more time with "him the horse" not him the oh.

Ah - now it makes sense!

 

[Shadow the Reindeer]

You just have to find someone similar to hack out with and just go out in couples/ threes..

Good luck at your new/old yard. Not quite getting the bit that your OH complained that he had no time with you when horse was on full livery and had a sharer - surely he will see less of you if you have now to do all the jobs and don't have a sharer..? When he does see you you'll be happier though!x

I meant he thinks I'm not spending enough time with my horse, I think I spend plenty of time with Oh
I've sort of slipped in to the routine of getting up at stupid o'clock at the weekends because I know my horse is in (he's out at night atm) and I just go down to ride him (Tack him up and ride, whether it's in the arena or an hour or an hour out hacking, the untack and put out) spend an average of 2 hours there, 3 times a week, where as I used to spend half a day with him 4 times a week.
My Oh has said he will help me muck out, he's never done that, not the horsey type at all, he didn't mind emptying the wheel barrow but that was usually it.
I was feeling guilty towards both my horse and husband, horse because I felt as though I was neglected him, husband because I worried about him having to wait for me at the yard (I don't drive), so i'd rush my time there, so he didn't have to wait too long. He wouldn't go home, because he'd say it wasn't worth going home then to set out back half an hour later. He tends to go into town at the weekend for a couple of hours.

 

[Hexx]

One of the guys at our yard likes to hack, but doesn't like to chat while hacking - although normally, you can't shut him up!

I sometimes hack out with him, and quite often we say hardly anything to each other, apart from "left or right?" - it's actually quite refreshing just to hack with someone but be in your own little world.

Maybe you could find someone similar - often when you hack with someone regularly, you do find you lapse into silence and just enjoy the riding.

 

[Shadow the Reindeer]

I'm starting to look forward to going back, it's going to be a shock to the system, 7 days with my horse, but up until a few years ago, that's exactly what I used to do (before I had a sharer) so in time I should get back to where I was.
Thanks for your replies Ladies, you've helped me feel a lot better XX

 

[MrsMozart]

My hubby isn't at all horsey, but he helps out as much as he can (checking them, mucking out, bringing in, turning out, watching me in the school, meeting at a pub (I hack, he drives or cycles), cycling with me on hacks).

He works from home so is on his own all day, so I feel guilty when I go to the yard after work. He keeps telling me not to. He's happy to go three evenings a week, which is when I work my horse, then I hack at the weekends and he does his thing for a few hours.