Mum guilt after daughters fall

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georgiamai

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My daughter had her first fall off of her pony today and I’m now fully aware of how my parents felt watching me go flying when I was younger 🤦‍♀️

Her pony is very much an old gem that has never put a foot wrong. They were trotting up the field today and I think of mixture of little girl being too confident and pony wanting to head towards home it all got a little fast, little girl panicked and pony bolted. My little girl has been for X-rays and luckily there’s not fractures just bruised the bone in her arm!

However I have the worst mum guilt ever!! I keep thinking I should have somehow stopped it and constantly going through the what ifs!! The rational part of me knows if I’d have tried to run after them pony would have ran more and I probably wouldn’t have stopped anything anyway but I can’t help feeling awful about it!!

Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s felt like this and how do you build the trust back in the pony. She’s an angel and my daughter who is now 6 has been riding her since she was 2 but being the parent not the child who’s fallen has really shaken me!

I know I probably sound ridiculous! Little girl is all ready to get back on for her lesson tomorrow 😂
 
Not a pony fall but a quad bike crash when mine was 4 and 6 lol

Son no 2 driving the beach buggy and son no 1 driving the quad bike.
No 1 crashed into 2 sending him toppling.. he had body armour on, broke his clavicle. Doctors said if he didnt have it on he would have been fine. It was the hard plastic that broke it.
Guilt doesn’t last long. 😍
 
All I can offer is big smile, deep breath and make sure you don't show her your nerves or apprehension and make no big deal of today... tomorrow is a new day, fresh start and she absolutely needs to get back on, even if your nerves prefer she didnt... I remember my Mum being overly cautious naturally and she has a go to sharp intake of breath gasp.. she's very much a worry out loud person, think after... literally a big cheque could arrive for me on a scarily official looking headed paper and she would assume panic mode,trouble incoming...assume.the worst and do the gasp thing...then try style not out on how badly I'd spend it all!!! its the same gasp and worried mum I remember before every single time i rode... gasp isn't it windy...should you go?..gasp isn't that one too big.. or just the be careful....er.and don't fall off!! Really it was every time... I love her dearly but would spend every waking moment as a little horse crazy girl waiting for the time I could be riding...and every moment riding with her words"be careful...don't fall off" racing thru my mind...so much so that I was concentrating so hard on being careful.and not falling off.. that I didn't enjoy it as much as I coukd have...she meant no harm and was,like you, just worried... make like a Swan...panicout of sight!!! Glad your daughter isn't hurt and that she's keen for tomorrow... and hopefully you can have wine or cake now to take the edge off... there is nothing you could have done...was this her first fall? falling off is all part of learning & will make her a better rider.. & you can't learn how to fall without coming off!(if it's only because it make you determined not to make a habit of it!!)
 
After a fall whilst jumping where I was concussed for a few minutes my mum started saying, "Don't you want to do ballet like your sister?" 😂 Of course I didn't! When my daughter started riding I suddenly realised why mum was so concerned! Good that your daughter is looking forward to her ride today - she has the right attitude. I would be more worried if she didn't want to get back on!
 
Auntie-guilt is even worse! My niece broke her collarbone coming off my horse. I felt so bad; she was in a lot of pain and I had to call her Mum/my sister to say I had quite literally broken her child! I was also very worried it would affect my nieces confidence but fortunately it doesn't seem to have - she's still horse- mad.
 
I can't tell you the amount of times I was, quite literally, scraped from the floor and plonked back on ponies. I fell off endlessly. If I cried, or made a fuss they threatened to sell / give the pony away😂. Once, semi conscious and completely winded in a minimus jumping competition after the pony dropped me and then jumped on my back I was allowed to recover for a bit but that was the only time I remember getting a bit of grace. And probably only because others were watching.

I have to admit, when my children came to grief we generally had a good laugh about it, told them it was a good way to learn, dusted them down and plonked them back on.

Give her a first fall rosette and tell her she she has six more falls before she gets a big prize.
 
Mine fell off two summers in a row, broke her arm twice the second time it had to pined, I was expecting a visit from the social. The second time she was literally playing in the garden the pony was stood still, as she slid off she put her arm out and landed on it, I was watching but I was too far away.
When I think back I roamed for hours on my bike, my mum never knew where I was, I went down the big river and fell off the bike a few times, I used also to play in the water filled old quarry. As parents messing with horses is potentially lethal and the only thing we can do is make them aware of the risks and try and prevent them, but accidents with ponies are inevitable, it's the risks they are taking in every day life that they take that worry me.
My daughter became very nervous but insisted she wanted to ride, I told her we would not sell the pony, so she became a competent but very cautious rider, not a risk taker and never fell off again.
 
My mother said you couldnt learn to ride without falling off. Her father was a great rider - hunting, polo and cross country and he must have told her that.
 
I know the feeling and I don't even have kids!

My horse had a silly slip on a slippery road a few days ago. He fell and has hurt my knee. All I can think is that I let my novice boyfriend ride him, and how bad I would have felt if he was hurt - and he is in his 50's and old enough to make his own decisions!!!

I am also a 'buddy' to kids in care and take them on days out. I took two to go-carting, one a day for 2 days. It was at a professional, properly organised site, but blow me, they both had a bad crash and were hurt. I had to return them to foster parents damaged 😱

I did ask them but both said that no, they would not prefer knitting!!!
 
You’ll get used to it 🤣

Honestly the fear is always there really but you do learn to live with it I think…mine has just gotten into XC and that is next level 😳 I used to be worried by her SJ but now that doesn’t bother me at all 🤣
 
My personal view is that we should take safety precautions as a matter of course but we also need to accept that falls will happen. From the child's perspective it's natural for them to get a fright and so taking things back a notch for the next few rides is perfectly ok. I also feel that once the child has calmed down it's good to explain that horses can, on occasions be unpredictable and they're not machines so can have good and bad days. With my son, as long as he wasn't seriously hurt I tried to minimise the event so he didn't think it was a big thing. It was a standing joke that I'd usually be telling him he was fine before he hit the ground! As a parent, it's best to smile and reassure the child but don't blame the pony, I would always say we need to teach the pony not to do certain things and talk about a plan to do this. As a parent there will be heart in the mouth moments but try to outwardly stay calm. As with anything in their lives children will be exposed to risks and we can't shield them from everything so weight this unfortunate tumble against all the times she has enjoyed riding, I'm sure the good times far outnumber the bad ones!
 
I'm glad shes OK and wants to get back on again. Daughter broke her wrist in a jumping lesson when the pony tripped on landing and she went over her head. She injured her shoulder badly at PC camp a couple of years later. She had a few other falls but nothing serious. Her horses took her eventing in her teens and early twenties and scared me witless but she survived. I used to feel physically sick when she went XC.
Guilt is part of motherhood I'm afraid but mostly there's nothing to feel guilty about. Kids need to be allowed to take risks. I'd prefer a child to do it riding the right pony in the right situation than doing other stuff like drugs.
 
My daughter fell off on Tuesday. She’s 10. Her brother grumbled ‘way to ruin a good canter’ and I asked her, ‘Why are you on the floor?’ Then told her to get back on. She was fine.

At 4, my son’s favourite phrase was, ‘Oh no, not again!’ As the Shetland deposited him on the floor! Both kids have been backing small ponies since they were 7. I have lost count of the times one of them has zoomed past me on an out of control spooking baby pony, only to go splat a minute later. They are getting better at staying on unexpected moments - daughter only fell off this week because the pony leapt sideways (fine) then leapt back into the path (also fine) before tripping over her own feet and nearly going down (off came the kid!).

They are told to try not to hit their heads. New hats are £££!

Falling off teaches them to be brave and resilient, which will help them throughout life. It also teaches them to assess risk and to be careful.
 
My daughter was asked to ride a friend's 17.2 horse in a local show. She was about 18 at the time, and I had spent the previous dozen years picking her up, dusting her down and chucking her back on. She came off in the warm up, I duly chucked her back up, and thought she was joking when she kept saying that she couldn't remember the course. She did manage to get round, but actually had concussion. She was fine, but does still remind me occasionally, especially if i say I'd like to see my grandchildren riding.
 
I once made my daughter get back on after a fairly hefty fall into a fence. She spent two days doing the first ride away on a youngster and two jumping clinics. Then discovered she had a broken collarbone as she kept complaining and I finally took her to a&e!
 
Oh the mum guilt! Mum of 3 here who I've somehow managed to keep alive for 10, 15 and 17 years! Numerous accidents over the years, notable ones:

Daughter 1 - approx 13 months old, bedtime, propped up on our big bed with pillow as I ran downstairs to warm her beaker of milk. Not gone 30 seconds hear a thud, ran back upstairs to find daughter on the floor bleeding having split her eyebrow open on the bedside cabinet on the way down! Cue drive to the nearest A and E where they treated her and subjected hubby and I to some questioning :)

Daughter 2 - pestered me for ages to scooter the 1.5 miles to school with older sibling, so eventually when she was about 9 I relented and one morning off they went, on route some over exuberant scooting saw her fall off a kerb, split her lip and knock a tooth out! Thankfully the spanish teacher lived nearby and was also walking to school scooped her up and limped her home carrying the scooter. I opened the door in dressing gown, coffee in hand looking like the worlds most slovenly mother, too lazy to accompany children to school!
That one also got bucked off an unbroken pony I stupidly sat her on in an open field!
 
georgiamai said:
They were trotting up the field today and I think of mixture of little girl being too confident and pony wanting to head towards home it all got a little fast, little girl panicked and pony bolted.
Click to expand...
I'm assuming Pony didn't actually bolt, just tanked off with her?
 
Sorry to tell you, but even when your daughter is all grown up, married with children of her own - the feeling doesn't change when she falls off. I know because I've got two daughters (in their 40's) and every time they fall off I feel so guilty. they have both ridden all their lives (well since they were 3 and 5 years old!)
My grandson fell off (he was 15 at the time) earlier this year and broke his elbow - he hasn't ridden since and says he wont! Even though I wasn't there at the time I still feel guilty about it! He's not a novice, completed in Pony Club Champs last year in the SJ and Eventing, represented the PC and his school at both disciplines and has been riding since he was a toddler!
 
Accidents happen especially to kids, whether horse related or not. Not quite the same but similar enough....when I was young (omg I can't believe I just said that) 'back in the day' - aka 30 years ago - there was always at least one kid who would start school in Sept in a cast because they had fallen out of a tree.
 
suebou said:
I once made my daughter get back on after a fairly hefty fall into a fence. She spent two days doing the first ride away on a youngster and two jumping clinics. Then discovered she had a broken collarbone as she kept complaining and I finally took her to a&e!
Click to expand...

When I was about 10 years old, I came off pony number one at a show when she didn’t make the back of a triple bar - got checked over by the ambulance crew and told fine. Father put stirrup leather round my upper arm to hold it against my body as I said it hurt. Proceeded to jump number two pony in jump off and still can’t remember being crossed that we came third to a pony I really wanted to beat. He did let me off jumping number three pony as that pony was very strong. In the evening, my mother took me to hospital having come home and asked quite what happened to the child. Answer was I’d cracked my shoulder bone.
 
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