Mums - did you regret a step down?

FestiveFuzz said:
I like your thinking, the trouble with this plan is without selling him I have about £3-5k to play with which I doubt would even buy me one leg in the current market 😂
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You'd be surprised, there are bargains around in that price range. My friend recently bought a 13yr 15hh old happy hacker thats s good all-rounder for 5k, my new lad was 3k and another friend has just had a vetting passed on on a 15.2 ish at 4k
 
maya2008 said:
In two or three years (or less depending on which child likes ponies) you will likely need something you can lead a Shetland/Welsh type off. Little children usually prefer to hack and the endless walking if you are on foot is not so fun! So I would look for something smaller (easier to get on/off when they drop gloves/tissues/whatever or for gates etc) 14.3-15hh is a nice size for all that. Find one that loves to hack but doesn’t like a child rider and they’ll be inexpensive or loan. You can always keep the current horse alongside. Have a sharer/loaner until the children are older and more independent.

My little NF is only 12.3hh (I’m small!) but is absolutely worth her weight in gold. She actively helps me with the kids and their ponies, will happily be abandoned to eat the hedge while I sort out my children and is just the best friend I could ever want. She’s a far cry from my competitive days with my TB, but this is a different phase of life and there is much joy to be found in kids and their ponies too. She’s also a completely different pony from the TB I adored and who can never be replaced - and that helps too. Last summer the kids got too keen and I ended up walking for some extra rides. So I picked up a safe but quirky (fun basically!) cob cross for £1k. She’s brilliant fun but will also do the ‘mother’s help’ job. She just finds children on her back anxiety inducing and wants someone to take charge thank you!
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So this is also something I’m also very aware of. We’re fortunate to have the offer of a friend’s pony who has been epically outgrown and is the perfect LR pony to bobble round on, so a lot of this is with him in mind too as there’s no way he’d keep up with my boy, nor could I really ride or lead from him and I definitely can’t mount from the ground 😂

If I can find a happy hacker in my budget I’m figuring they’ll have a job even once I’ve got my mojo back, either for me to potter round on with the kids or I can find a sharer for them down the line so I have company to ride with if I do keep my big boy. I’ve just got to find something now…
 
Ddraig_wen said:
You'd be surprised, there are bargains around in that price range. My friend recently bought a 13yr 15hh old happy hacker thats s good all-rounder for 5k, my new lad was 3k and another friend has just had a vetting passed on on a 15.2 ish at 4k
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I keep hearing this but I must be looking in the wrong places as everything I find is £8.5k+ 🙈
 
If you are not comfortable with his size, will it really change in the future?
If the answer is no, I would sell him and use the money to buy a horse who can be both happy hacker and competition horse in a few years if you want to.

I have just gone this way and bought a rising 6 15.2hh iberian (luso PRE cross) gelding and I am really happy with my choice. He gives me a much safer feeling than my rising 5 warmblood and he has got plenty of oomph to do dressage when I will want to. Now it is going to be difficult to sell the warmblood as I like her and she is stunning but I do not feel 100% confident with her and I think she deserves an owner that will.

ETA : best part the gelding was only 3K but I am not in the UK. He is green but just gives you a safe feeling, isn't spooky or overly sharp.
 
Mine is 16:3, can be a bit sharp mentally but I can pick him up and put him down as needed, he is going to have a month off due to a vet procedure, but when we can get out again i can just hop back on no problem.

My old 14:3 welsh x I had would have no concern about dumping me as she ran off to save herself.

So if his attitude is perfect for you, I would keep him, get the pro to do some more work with him while you just take the pressure off and enjoy playing with him.
 
my kids are now teens, but I had exact same situation as you when I had my second. I had a 6 yr old event horse who was exactly my type pre kids but sadly he was just that bit too big/strong/sharp for a mum with a toddler and new baby. I struggled on for a bit, but it all became too stressful and I sold him. Big relief!

After a mistake purchase (won’t go into that!) I then bought myself a nice big young Connemara (4 yr old) who I had fun bringing on at home when I had time, didn’t need much work, super steady, amazing to lead ponies off, and kids even ended up riding him! A succession of connies followed, getting increasingly more sporty which just about satisfied my needs…they were much cheaper back then though.

And now I’m back on a bigger ISH but a much steadier type than I used to ride, but we are doing a bit of low level everything, incl unaff eventing. I still love it, glad I didn’t give up, but also really pleased I didn’t compromise the kids too much for the horsey desires.

I didn’t have strong dressage needs though, which is why the connies suited me. And I love bringing on young ones, so was happy to keep starting again.

Perhaps a schoolMaster would suit you better, but it does sound to me like you need to move your chap on, sadly. Last think you need is too much outside stress when raising kids, they will provide you with more than enough of that! Horse should be a lovely escape!
 
FestiveFuzz said:
If I can find a happy hacker in my budget I’m figuring they’ll have a job even once I’ve got my mojo back, either for me to potter round on with the kids or I can find a sharer for them down the line so I have company to ride with if I do keep my big boy. I’ve just got to find something now…
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If you're on local FB horsey groups pop something up. There are lots of horses who need a quieter life lurking around.
 
Accidental Eventer said:
Ok so my baby is now 3.5. I show jumped when I was pregnant and then re commenced about 8 weeks pp. I didn’t do anything crazy, I’ve always topped out at 1m before and after babies!

I had my worst ever fall when my baby was 13 months old and that ruined my confidence and I’ve been working really hard to repair it ever since. The what ifs ring be rug loud in my head.

I have a sharp thoroughbred, and I was very worried how he would cope with the reduced work. He has in fact thrived and is now a chilled out but also sharp horse. We still show jump over little jumps, and refocused to dressage. Going to give medium a crack this year. Though also planning to get back out eventing!

Largely I hack. You’ll find me on the trails most of the time and schooling maybe once a week. One of the biggest changes for me has been learning that saddle time is what I want, competing is just a bonus. I also have terrible mum guilt when I’m away competing!

Some advice that was given to me that I wish I’d paid more attention to, from a good coach I respect a lot, don’t make any big changes in the first year after you have kids. Don’t go up any levels, just keep the status quo. I wish I’d paid more attention but I was determined not to change. I am very different now but I think I’m a better person now than I was. I have more hobbies outside of horses.

I also know that as a mum, I want to feel as safe as possible riding. My two horses are super. Henry is sharp, but he’s not stupid. Just a bit energetic and a little spooky sometimes. I’ve had him for 8 years though so I know him inside and out. My old boy is the same.

Basically, I’ve stepped down, am very happy having done so, kinda miss eventing, really enjoy hacking and have prioritised feeling safe and using horse time as something that gives me the energy to get me through the big feeling of being 3!
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Sorry to hijack OP, but AE where do you hack? I would love to do nice hacking but don’t know where it is. (I’m north) Very jealous of the beautiful green scenic hacking some of you seem to have! Here all I’ve seen is bush, sand/rocks , pines and dead fridges :/
 
KEK said:
Sorry to hijack OP, but AE where do you hack? I would love to do nice hacking but don’t know where it is. (I’m north) Very jealous of the beautiful green scenic hacking some of you seem to have! Here all I’ve seen is bush, sand/rocks , pines and dead fridges :/
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I have access to trails out the back of Maida Vale, between Kalamunda Rd and Welshpool rd, so that’s where I go most of the time, since they are out our back gate. Sometimes I meet friends in Pickering brook, I’ve also been around riverside in champion lakes, and I want to check out the trails around jarrahdale sometime.

I’ve done some riding around Brigadoon from the SEC, wasn’t that thrilling but nice to be somewhere new.

I also have plans to go around Victoria dam sometime too!
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Accidental Eventer said:
I have access to trails out the back of Maida Vale, between Kalamunda Rd and Welshpool rd, so that’s where I go most of the time, since they are out our back gate. Sometimes I meet friends in Pickering brook, I’ve also been around riverside in champion lakes, and I want to check out the trails around jarrahdale sometime.

I’ve done some riding around Brigadoon from the SEC, wasn’t that thrilling but nice to be somewhere new.

I also have plans to go around Victoria dam sometime too!
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Thanks for the reply :) We just have 1 3km bridle trail here and it's pretty boring now
 
I haven't had kids but was in a similar situation when mum had a head injury and that brought on dementia type symptoms, from which she never recovered and eventually died. In the 2 years' intervening, I was her only POA, so she was entirely dependent on me and took a whole lot of time and emotion.

I lost my mojo with my horse and eventually sold. The horse was out eventing with a young teenage rider, who'd only ever ridden ponies, within 6 weeks - so nothing wrong with the horse. They had a fab next year, being placed top 10 in the national eventing school's championships. I was really happy for them and didn't miss that horse at all.

I downgraded to an old cob. I started leading in hand as he had many physical issues, hence he was also very inexpensive. Once I'd had him a year, I bought a retired person's ID x Connie, 15.3 armchair. He was 4yo but a very staid character.

My priorities have changed. I used to yearn to event again, I'm now not bothered. I have 2 lovely, chilled, fun horses, for less money that selling the previous one. I can have a friend ride. I can not ride for weeks then saddle either or both up and go for a ride. It is such a relief.

The 2nd horse can step it up some, and could do a lot more, but I am in love with the chilled and relaxed vibe. I have little ambition.

To me, if you are considering selling, then you already made your mind up on some level. When a horse is right, nothing could prise him from me unless from my cold, dead hands.

Also, accidents can happen with any horse, but if I'd had an accident from the sporty mare after I'd had doubts, and left mum in the lurch, I'd have kicked myself a lot more then if I'd had a freak accident with the cob.
 
More years than I care to remember I was in a similar situation to you. My horse was a young 17hh non traffic- proof event/hunter type, who I knew was more than I wanted to handle. On the birth of my second child I bought a 14.3 coloured cob. That purchase led us to showing coloureds all over the country , then breeding and producing them. Never regretted for one moment the 'step back' as it led to an amazing journey [ that is still continuing ]with coloured horses.
 
Hey all! Huge thanks again for all the thoughts and suggestions, it was really appreciated. I thought it was probably about time I share a little update.

I’ve been back in the saddle for around 8wks now and am gradually falling more and more in love with my boy. Weirdly soon after my posts on here I found the perfect horse for loan, but when push came to shove and it came time to organise a viewing I just couldn’t do it. Instead I made the decision to keep my boy on schooling livery for the rest of summer and am making the most of having a trainer on tap and am loving having fellow liveries around.

I’m absolutely thrilled to have found a fabulous trainer who totally gets me and knows when to push me, and when to take the softer approach, or call me out on my overthinking nonsense 😂 We’re now happily hacking out, cantering about and I no longer get that sick feeling as I put my foot in the stirrup. There’s still a long way to go before my confidence is fully back, but we’re definitely on the right track now.

The plan for the rest of summer is to get him out to some arena hires and a couple of unaff comps with my trainer so he can have some confidence giving outings before he comes home.

Anyway, this update is nothing without some pics so here’s some of my faves from the last few months…

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Really pleased to read this. You look great together, he doesn't look too big at all!

p.s. I got my worst riding injury (touch wood) falling over with (rather than off) my 14.1 Sec D. All my horses since have been between 16.2 and 17.1. 3 have been great, one not so much (even though I never fell off him) so I don't think size is something to worry about if they're the right horse.
 
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