Mums - how important is your horse?

I'm kind of dreading this tbh. I'm getting married in a couple of months and OH wants to start a family straight away. That is fine, I do want children and i'm going to be 30 this year so the timing is fine.
However he seems to think that i'm not going to be able to ride or have time for a horse. I only have one horse and I am keeping it. I think OH will get a shock. He is used to his sister and his brothers wife who literally devote their whole life to their children. When we visted his sister last week she was saying 'you wont have time to sit down and read a magazine once you have a child, let alone have a horse'.
She is knackered, shes up all night looking after her children (they are 2 and 4), during the day all she does is feed the children and clean up after them. She doesnt work but literally she is running round after her kids all day, she doesnt give a moment to herself. My OH's family aren't animal people. They don't really understand how a dog or cat can become part of the family let alone a horse. They dont like dogs or cats in the house ect.
OH's sisters children stay inside most of the day, she takes them out to the park or into the garden for an hour thats it. The rest of the time like I said she is running round the house after them.

Shes a great mum, the kids are super happy but i'm NOT going to be like that!! My OH will see that the kids will have to muck in with our life. When OH can't look after them they will be on the yard with me. I want them outside playing and doing healthy things. If I want to read a magazine I will and they can learn to amuse themselves.
This is what I did when I was a child. My mum did most of eventing when myself and my sister were under the age of 7 and I had a fabulous childhood running around the farm and playing in the hay.

I'm going to be sensible with my children, I know I will love them to death but they will fit in. I'm really determined about this!
 
There are lots of horsey people like you, who have babies and manage. You'll be fine! My farrier's partner cares for 2 horses and two toddlers on her own. Your baby will just come with to 'do' the horse and get used to it. Honestly, you will be fine, there will be time for baby and horse. I've been there and done it (children now aged 9 and 11) so don't listen to the scare mongerer's who tell you that it cannot be done.
My horse means everything to me, I love him totally and there is nothing wrong with loving a horse as well as your children, and we all deserve a hobby. I sincerely wish you all the best, I know it will be OK. You are not alone! xxx
 
Oops! Phone! He's second only to the kids and he is my 'me-time' and keeps me sane. My mum is forever telling me I shouldn't be doing all this horse stuff now I have kids,as I have responsibilities but hey,who tells any blokes that ever? About anything?!? Your own non-maternal part of life shouldn't just stop&if it does,it'll end up in a very isolating,boring,soul-destroying existence. Having said that,tho I love my kids to bits,I am not exactly what you'd describe as an earth mother ;) However,I feel a better mother for going off&doing my own thing & coming back a bit more personally fulfilled - a happy mummy is a better mummy! What blokes give up all their hobbies /going down the pub cos they've had kids? Er...like,none?
 
I didn;t have a horse at the time i got pregnant with my 1st for one reason or another and was in no huge hurry to get another, and I too thought that I would have so much time for lunching and shopping- how fabulous!. OMG how wrong I was!:eek:

I had my 2 a year apart and got my gelding when youngest was 2 as I was really losing my sense of self. At the time I only had time to ride when they were at nursery which made it an even more expensive hobby.

I adore my children and am still a full time mum and they do come 1st, but I'm so looking forward to dropping them off at school tomorrow and zooming off to ride my boy for the 1st time since they broke up for holidays, i'll probably pull his mane and give him a bath after before flu tady up of yard and tack room and book lesson for Thursday and dressage entries for the following Sunday!
 
Try, try and try to keep up with your hobby. Your hobby is for YOU. And, yes, it will be difficult with a baby, if only because of the time factor, but believe me your hobby (even if it was something different to horses) will help keep you sane!
 
I would say having a horse is even more essential when you have a baby as a stress buster and to keep you fit and healthy (mentally and physically). I keep mine at home and out which helps, plus I have a much older daughter to help. I have a 3 yo daughter and my old mare was ready to slow down a bit when she was born so it didn't matter if I could only ride her 1 or 2 times a week, it was always my quality time. Even just nipping out after tea to do the hay and have a cuddle and scratch just blows the cobwebs away and stops you feeling so 'mumsy'.

This time rounhd I am feeling quite sad. I am 37 weeks and had my last ride just after Christmas (stupid hips letting me down). My girls arthritis has deteriorated and it looks like she will now be totally retired - on the plus side once I have hatched I have the fun of trying my big daughters new youngster - eek
 
Being pregnant made me very apprehensive about what I would/would not manage once baby arrived. It is a magical time but it is also full of anxieties!

As it was I couldn't have managed anything because both babies had colic (noisier and less serious than the horse kind!) and never slept. AT the time I didn't have a horse - otherwise I might have galloped away on him!

Now, I am a single mother with 2 young school age girls and more stress in the form of a mother with dementia...and my horse is just essential...he really is what keeps me sane and I am quite a stoical person.

I spent last year, when I had just got him, feeling very bad about the money he was eating up and the time he took up. And then I realised that he wasn't just an indulgence. Without him I'd be a horrible bad tempered mother and probably end up rocking in the corner with the worry about my own mother's condition.

As it is, I think I am pretty sunny and calm. Except when I haven't been able to visit my boy for a few days (don't worry, he lives out on part livery and is wonderfully cared for) because my daughters' needs have come first, and then I have smoke coming out of my ears.

it will be difficult to begin with, but you will find that spare time will begin to come your way, and it will fall into place.
 
ps and in case I am presenting a negative picture of motherhood, the girls are very lovely too - just good to get a break with a beautiful fast four-legged creature who can't talk!
 
bluewhippet said:
Now, I am a single mother with 2 young school age girls and more stress in the form of a mother with dementia...and my horse is just essential...he really is what keeps me sane and I am quite a stoical person.

I spent last year, when I had just got him, feeling very bad about the money he was eating up and the time he took up. And then I realised that he wasn't just an indulgence. Without him I'd be a horrible bad tempered mother
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^^^ this I also spend a lot of time feeling guilty about how much my horse costs but I am also a much better mum because I have my horse (I think) :D
 
If I can give you 1 very important piece of advice to new mums or mums to be.....when you have a young child or are expecting then suddenly everyone and their dog has an opinion on EVERYTHING whether you ask for it or not.

They will see the 'Horses' thing as an extension of this...I mean how can you possibly have a horse AND a family! You will be neglecting your 'duties':rolleyes:

IGNORE them....I had this when I was pregnant, my horse was and always is lame so they (meaning everyone except close friends) would say...surely you have to get rid of your horse now!

OP - It is hard to have both, if you do not have a support network around then you may need to consider a number of things. I found it easier when my daughter was still tiny and could stay in car seat while I sorted horses. Gets trickier when they are mobile, I had to move yards.

As for comments like...you wont have time for anything when you have a baby...well thats not really helpful. Yes it takes over and is very strange at first but people make it sound like a 'prison sentence'. Dont let people get you down.
 
Thank you all. You have all made me smile this morning. We (my partner and I) had the talk about how things would pan out and we agreed that we were just as important in the role of babies happiness as anything else.

Parker, you are so right. It's amazing what people who have previously had zero opinion on what I'm doing, have suddenly chirped up with. Of course I understand they are only taking an interest/being nice but hell the best thing for me would to be support me in what I need and what is need is some positivity!! :)
 
I had a few years 'out' when my share horse retired and I moved and also being pregnant I didn't have a choice really, but I missed it so much when my little one reached 8mnths I started riding again and just recently bought a yearling, my little one is a year old and I do a bit of work from home so it works out well. I never imagined I could juggle a baby and a horse but its not like work to me I love being a mum and am mad on horses so I feel like I have got everything I have ever wanted and couldn't be happier. I'm looking forward to teaching my son to ride as well!
 
My "Babies" are now aged 24 and 21. i already had a horse when the eldest was born and there was no way i was giving it up! My children were carried round the fields in a baby carrier on my back when i went to check my horse, they had a mini wheelbarrow and brush on the livery yard so they could "help" with the mucking out. When they started playgroup or nursery for a couple of hours a week I headed straight to the yard for a quick ride. My horses have kept me sane when I have been stressed, and have kept me in touch with my own goals in life. i have made friends with other Mums, at toddler groups, or the school gates, and as the children grew up we have grown apart, but the friends i have made through my horses have always been there. I think it's because I feel horsey people know the "real" me, they see me dirty, smelly, and without makeup at silly O'clock in the morning, and they totally "get it". They totally understand why i would buy a handbag from Primark for a fiver, but spend a ridiculous amount of money on a pair of top quality competition breeches. My children know that horses are a huge part of my life, and I hope that they will each see that as an example to not change who they are, and to give themselves permission to enjoy something they are passionate about without feeling guilty. My husband is not in the least bit interested in horses, but he has never ever begrudged me any of the money or time I spend on my horses, at times I have (out of politeness!) asked if he minds me spending money on another horse / trailer etc etc and his answer is always that you only live once and you should spend your time doing something you enjoy if that is at all possible.

I would say, that if horses are in your blood, you will be a better Mum for having them in your life!
 
I'm a bit late to this but..

I can't imagine not having my horse. He is extremely important to me. I have one LO. Just 2.5 years old.

I did downgrade some of the stuff I used to do, and luckily new horse (well, newish.. I've had him about 6 months) is low maintenance (ridden wise). The last one was a great fun ride but needed more regular input - my 'HorseOfALifetime' was just that but quite frankly I would have struggled if I had a child - he was brilliant but could be demanding and needed very regular work. He was my baby then though so it was ok :D He died 3 years ago in June.

The lovely chap now doesn't give a monkey's if I don't ride him all week and then hack out/go SJ/whatever at the weekend. He's a godsend with a small child actually.

The downgrading relates to some of the crazier things I did previously (Team chasing etc) and to the fact that I am less.. not confident exactly ?.... but I think more about the consequences of my ridden actions IYSWIM after the baby and this does affect what I do a bit but it's fine and doesn't worry me. AFAIC it's a fairly natural reaction. I don't miss the stuff I used to do and don't feel less of a rider because I don't do them anymore.

I also ride quite late at night during the week. I wait for OH to get home before I ride which can be after 9 some nights. LO is very good at playing on yard while I ride but

(1) I find it hard to concentrate on horse and child at the same time

(2) I see it as 'My' time and actually, prefer to ride late so I can have that time to myself

(3) I worry that if it was just me and LO (the horses are at home in a pretty rural scenario) and I had a fall no-one might know for a while and am afraid of what might happen to LO if I was knocked out, unable to move or whatever.

Family members and other (non-horsey) Mummies did tell me that I would not want to ride/wouldn't have time to ride. Dunno what they do all day but I have time to ride and I want to ride! (am a SAHM mainly and work for myself)

My horse was, both my Doctor, OH and I believe, my saviour when at 8months post baby I suddenly and acutely suffered from PND. I was extremely low and struggling. OH very worried. I wasn't riding. Suicidal thoughts the works :(

OH and Dr encouraged me to start doing more exercise. Riding came up in the conversation and Dr (who hunts) asked pointblank why I had a perfectly good horse and arena (it was depths of winter) with lights and wasn't riding. Insisted I rode for even 10mins every day. It was hard to get up off the sofa get out there and do it but I did (OH had arranged a childminder so I could ride earlier in the day and that there was someone here while I was riding so I HAD to do it lol)

2months later I was totally recovered. Now I make time to ride as often as possible - and I can say it genuinely keeps me sane :D
 
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i think it depends on your support net work!
Due to money i had to move my horse from a yard with schools to a field where he roughed it. My partner is a farmer and started long hours and my family were a hundred miles away. Baby had to come to do the horse everyday and she cried and cried and the time i spent with my horse got less until i knew he was miserable so i had to call it a day.
I was heart broken but i had to do what was the right thing for my baby and my horse who needed a job not a holiday!
Many years down the line i have the horsiest daughter out and she is probably more obsessed than me. I think it may have gone the other way if id forced the issue from a young age. A few friends had babies who'd sit in their pushchairs and have to wait- now they are just not interested in horses.
 
im not a mum yet, but plan one day to be...

I will never sell my boys. They quite literally are my life, I have found my sister of 3, pregnant to number 4 adores coming to the yard and spending time with the boys, and you do see a difference in her, as 3 boys are stressful!

always say to her if she needs time out just go down! I dont think having a child should be any reason to sell a horse, dog, cat anything not unless it is a health issue
 
I have spent every minute possible reading this thread today and I have felt myself physically relax! I didn't realise quite how anxious I was about this subject! I am 11 weeks pregnant and have been very worried about having to give up in my horsey dreams and then I find myself feeling guilty as surely I should be full of joy etc!? I have 2 horses an elderly semi retired nut job tb and a 5 yr old welsh PB who I was planning on starting her eventing career this year (baby was in the plan for next year but has made an early appearance OH is over the moon!!!) I am soooo lucky as OH is super supportive and I have the best brother in the world who will keep the youngster ticking over this year and hopefully take her to a couple a dressage parties at least! I was planning on riding as long as it felt comfortable/safe but have been so sick I haven't been able to yet :-(

After reading this thread I no longer feel guilty, of course my child will have to be my priority but the horses are part of who I am and with support and drive I will still achieve everything I planned to and i will be able to give my child an outdoorsy, healthy lifestyle.

Phew, where did that come from?!? Good luck to all you expectant mums x
 
I have had at least one horse since before children and mine are now 15 and 18. I cant imagine life without them. To me it has enabled me to have a bit of time and space from work,motherhood and all the other demands of life. Ihave been lucky enough to have them at home and a supportive husband which does make it easier. Mucking out,pooh picking just messing about with horses is so therapeutic. I now also have a horsey daughter who rides better than me now and has been able to share my passion. Hacking out together in the summer evenings gossiping would not have happened if she hadnt been brought up with them. Horses to my mind are a way of life not a hobby and neccesary to sanity....
 
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