MUMS: Would you give up your horse to get one for your daughter?

Ravenwood

Ravenwood

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This is our current situation. My daughter (11) has learnt to ride on the 15hh mare that I look after full time for her owner who is down a few weeks of the year. She is the most wonderful, kindest pony, we have had her for two years so my daughter starting riding her age 9. She is the perfect, safest hunter and a lovely hack (a bit slow going out and a bit fast coming home though!). But she will never be a jumping pony, or a showing pony or a particularly good PC pony, she absolutely hates being in the school and lessons, she completely goes to sleep.

I love my own horse to bits, she is everything I could wish in a horse. Fast and forward going but 100% sensible and safe and again a perfect hunter and hack. She has had a difficult life, she is a chestnut mare but a real one person horse but we have totally clicked, I also have had her for two years.

My daughter is a wonderful rider, kind and gentle and seems to have a very natural seat, she has come to the stage where she could really progress with the right pony, a lovely school master that will take her through PC.

But, not only could I not afford another, I couldn't cope with the extra work and keep three horses hunting fit during the winter. I keep reading the adverts for ponies and wish I could get one for my daughter but to do that I would have to give up my lovely mare (she would go back to her previous owner, its written in our contract, but she would just be turned out as she had been for years before I got her)

Mums, have any of you every given up your own horse to get a better one for your daughter?

Just to add that my daughter has never really come out and asked for another pony, but thats her nature, and she loves the pony she rides now but she would never be able to go any further on it and I feel she is really missing out on the fun that is out there for kids and ponies.

ETS you can see her riding said pony in my sig.
 
I'm not a mum, I'd fit better in the daughter category, I got the horse my mom could never afford when she was a child, and I wouldn't be without them. But I don't think its right to sell your horse, is there no way your daughter could share another pony? Or even loan? And does it need to be hunting fit over the winter? Your daughter could then still ride the current pony, but jump the new pony at weekends? If you explained it to your daughter, ask what she thinks, maybe she's not unhappy about her current ride?
 
My mum gave me her horse, she was a big member of rockwood harriers hunt and gave up her own mare for me to hunt on until I got something of my own, and I love her so much for it, nowI have my own two boys she rides them too
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I had a choice, get a horse for me or a pony for the kids.

I got a pony for the kids, reasoning that in a few years time I will be able to have a horse for myself, and I still get to look after the pony and ride anyway.
 
I know some people that did this, the kids got bored and stopped the riding, the parents regretted selling their perfect horse - not a good situation.
 
i would love to give my daughter my own horse but she is 16hh and far too strong for her, we have already tried that!! Well done your mum and what a great daughter you are to appreciate her for that.
 
in that situation, I would do the same, but I already had my horse before she started riding. If I get her a pony I would still be looking after the current one anyway to ride and hunt which suits me fine but can I give up my own horse?
 
You say finances are a consideration, so this is my train of thought. A better pony for your daughter, means lots of outs, competitions and additional expense. If she does well this can really escalate. Over the years I have seen this good young riders cost their parents the earth.

Could it be a slipperly slope you go down, if you do buy a next pony? How committed are you and your daughter to progressing her level of riding and wanting to do more things?

Also at the age of 11, are her studies and school activities and friends going to become more time consuming and important? Would it be possible in a couple of years that she has a more independent life with the afore mentioned and not wish to spend as much time riding, which can often happen?

Thinking along these lines and the incrediable personal scarfice you would be making, is it possible that things could change and you would live to regret selling your horse.

Eleven is a funny age with girls and they can change so very quickly, I would give the matter some serious thought.

I hope these comments help you think things through laterally, best of luck with what ever decision you make.
 
No, I honestly believe that until children can take care of a horse themselves that I wouldn't consider giving them their own.
 
I know - that worries me a little, but I know I could always have my horse back but she is 14 now and how long do we look into the future?
 
If my daughter was really, really keen I would probably go all out for getting her the ride she needed. Having the right horse can be such an incredible experience at this age.

Particularly because it would not mean you having to sell a horse, but rather hand back one you had on loan.

However, from what you say I am not sure that your daughter is really burning for it ... she may well be very, very happy on the pleasant horse you already loan. My daughter asked for her own horse every day for four years. I have never regretted getting her one.
 
Why do you need to keep all three hunting fit? Why not keep your mare, and hunt the 15hh if the owner requires it to be kept fit?
Then you'd only be giving up a bit of hunting as opposed to the mare. And you can always work her more in the summer?
 
You have echoed my thoughts exactly - although, yes I would pay for the competitions etc, I don't think that would amount to more than actually having 3 rather than 2. But am I denying her the opportunity of having fun with a pony by not giving up my own? Kids are kids for such a short time.
 
i wouldnt have been able to handle the guilt of my mother selling her horse for me (if she'd had one!)
idont understand though, why not send back te loan horse and keep your own?
 
Just to clarify - I do own my horse, she is not on loan, but when I bought her I agreed to sell her back to previous owner.

xxKatyxx Cant really see the solution in that - doesn't fit in getting another pony. If I give up my own mare then yes I would still have the 15hh to hunt and like I say that is fine by me, she is lovely and hunting is a huge part in our life. But to get another pony for my daughter I would have to send back my mare. Should also add that during the winter, horses are kept in and therefore have to be exercised everyday regardless.
 
this might sound really cruel and i dont have any children but if i had the perfect horse then i would never give it up!Exams should be more important now!
 
Just to clear up another point - I keep the horses at the yard of the owner of the horse I look after - free livery in return. I do not have my own yard. Therefore there is no option of returning the 15hh! - God I hope that makes sense and it is actually a perfect set up as I treat the yard as my own and any decisions are made through me because I am there everyday but actual owner is only there a few weeks of the year as it is their second home.
 
Getting a good pony may well help your daughter progress, but I'm not sure if that is a good enough reason to sell the horse you obviously love. You say she seems happy enough riding the 15 hander and there are so many kids who ride up until they are 12/13/14 and then give it up, especially if they are in the situation it sounds like you are in where a parent does most of the actual work involved with owning the horse. If she shows she is desperate to have a horse when she is older and can show she is capable of looking after one herself then maybe reconsider but for now I think you should stop feeling guilty about enjoying your own horse and worrying about 'holding her back.'
Plus, I know I would feel horribly guilty if my mum sold her horse to buy me one
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Yes the more I think about it the more I am convincing myself that we should keep the status quo. I am more than happy doing all the work, the kids are at school for so long and they have so much homework, in the winter it is just not fair to ask them to help with the horses.

I just wish I didn't have to work then I could spend all my time with the horses and my gundogs!!
 
I started on mums horse when i was about 11 - he was a 16.2 warmblood - me and mum did a great share from there on.
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hard to say, i had cheep ponies when i grew up..
 
Yes. like I say she has tried to ride my horse but she is much too much for her, but it would be the ideal solution. Nothing wrong with cheap ponies - I had absolutely loads of other peoples cast offs when I was a kid! Its not the purchase of a pony that I am concerned about more the continual cost of keeping it, mostly in the winter.
 
I'm 13, and would be incredibly guilty if my mum sold her horse for me to have one. It's not too bad keeping 3 horses fit over the winter you know, I look after three on my own, with my mum only coming down at weekends. In the week, I get home from school, ride two horses, whether this be riding and leading or separate schooling sessions and one has a day off. They all have alternate days off. It is the riding that is the hardest thing when you are looking after 3 horses.

In the summer of 2005, I was looking after 6/sometimes 7 horses, one of them on box-rest who had to be held in a chiffney when I mucked out, one who took me 45 minutes for him to struggle along to the menage where I had laid a carrot trail for him, one pony inside because she was too hot, an old retired mare, a nutty TB who I had to ride, a welsh cob who I had to ride, and an anglo-arab mare I had to ride. Only two of them were my horses! I don't really know why I posted that... It was to illustrate a point, which I've forgotten now...

Anyway, I wouldn't give up your own horse for your daughter. The right pony will probably come to you in time. Does your daugher's pony jump?
 
I think you should leave things as they are. Although your daughter doesn't get on with your horse now, she will soon be into a growing phase and may get on better with it in a few years when she's bigger and even more experienced. Meanwhile she's happy with the 15h mare and you are happy with the livery situation and your horse.
 
Does she really want to do PC etc - or would she be happy with the horse she has now?

Also, check in your area (put up ads etc) to see if anyone has a pony they would like competing for them. I borrow a teenager to compete my pony in the summer!
 
Summer holidays are coming up - you could always ask around (you must know loads of people through hunting) and see if anybody would like their pony exercising by your daughter whilst they are on holiday. It's a bit dependant on how good she is, but it might be worth a try. Or see if any showing people are in desperate need of a jockey?
 
My children asked for a pony from when they were 4 or 5. I got them lessons every week and built up their involvement with a yard until the oldest was 14 and spending every spare minute at the stables.

I waited until I felt they had the maturity and sense of responsibility to look after the pony properly - and the experience.

Then I bought a pony and put it on full livery for them to get used to it. Within two months they were fully responsible for its care and within two years I had added a horse so they had one each.

They do everything for their horses as well as help at home. It is very expensive - the showing can cost upwards of £50 for entry fees - let alone the cost of the the car, the trailer and the diesel.

I would not change things until your daughter starts begging for a pony - and only do it then if you feel she can look after it.
 
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