Musing over my horse

[poiuytrewq]

Right now I’m feeling really miserable and depressed about life, I’m sure it pretty much all stems from horse problems.
I have two ponies and 2 retired horses. They are hard work and cost me a lot. I work part time but 7 days a week every week to afford it all. The aim is to get enjoyment out of my hobby riding the ridden horse. It’s just not happening.
Purchased last winter after years of bad luck and heart break with various ex racers. Decided to splash out a little and buy a “decent horse”
Bought a 9 yr old gelding. Full history known. Daughter knows the guy I bought from and I know previous owner who purchased as a foal.
They all say he’s a really chilled out boy, especially hacking alone.
I didn’t find him chilled out at all. He was bolshy, bargey and rude on the ground and fairly revved to ride.
Wasn’t too worried though and put it down to new home, routine people etc.
He did settle, i’d not have called him quiet to ride but he was ok. I could hack alone or in company. Did a bit of cantering but the ground was rock solid so that was limited.
Was riding most days, usually with one other horse. His behaviour started worsening- still ok but at first it was new places were super exciting, stuff like that.
It’s escalated. I blamed/tried everything. Different feed, calmers, hay, more turnout, less turnout.
Some days he was ok, others he feels about to fire me.
Friends horse was off injured mid Nov so at first I carried on alone but we got to the stage I was actually relieved to get home in one piece and several times had a really horrible “this is it” feeling where I really struggled to contain him.
So I just stopped and took a step back for a while. It was December and daylight against me, also Christmas etc.
Friends horse came back into work last week so again I’ve been hacking out with her. We have only walked and trotted round the roads so far. He’s been okish, but we have had a few really quite hairy moments.
Im finding my enthusiasm to ride or even interact with him is about zero. Friend only rides in good weather and it’s almost a relief when she cancels due to rain, just because I don’t have to ride him.

I’m absolutely certain it’s me. I fully admit he’s scared the cr** out of me now several times and I know if we meet a large vehicle/other horses etc he’s going to go
It again so it’s no fun. I know I tense up and I try so hard not too but I have hip and back problems anyway so am tight at the best of times.

So, I’d thought a few weeks schooling livery followed by lessons or something but realistically money wise Im not sure I can.
I’ve tried to get someone else to hack him from home to prove it’s me that’s the problem but again that’s not getting far.
If I tried to afford moving him to a yard long term for facilities and company/help he won’t get daily turnout, I’m also sure he won’t settle in a field alone (all yards seem to have individual to)
My lorry is off the road so I can’t go for lessons or to a school. I can’t have lessons here as no arena. There are a few I can use locally but they still all involve a fair bit of road work by myself. I also suspect he will be absolutely fine in a school and still an idiot on my way home.
I just feel so dismal and blaa about it all.
Sales livery is my current direction of thought and just stopping altogether.
Help…. Any ideas or advice

 

[poiuytrewq]

Sorry that’s really long and a bit rambly.
I don’t want to be that person I read about who’s scared to ride but I feel like that’s where I’m going to end up

 

[Barton Bounty]

I got myself into this position at the last yard a few years ago! It was a nightmare. Most ignorant horse owners there had no horse etiquette and would tank up behind you or worse towards you, it just fried BBs brain, it was actually a shame. Every time I was going out there was always drama so I started reducing the riding and then I felt bad so I thought no! I am not doing this.
I started a routine, same thing , roughly same time every day! He thrived on it! He absolutely loves going out and that was a few years ago and we have never looked back. There are a few days throughout the year that obviously I can’t ride etc but one day off really doesnt hurt.
If I were you, I would try a routine. Same thing every day but initially only do 20 minutes riding and build yourself up from there ?
Edited to add I did it alone and it was far less stressful than him feeding off other horses energy

 

[scruffyponies]

Didn't want to read and run, as you sound so fed up and frustrated. It sounds like you are a decent rider with a decent horse and it has all just got a bit stressful for both of you.
It sounds like he could do with a high mileage few weeks, and ideally, to get back confidence, so could you.
Is there a local rider with a quiet hacker who could be persuaded to ride out with you?

 

[chaps89]

Honestly, it’s supposed to be fun. Sometimes we just don’t click with a horse. Doesn’t mean you’re a bad owner/rider or that the horse is bad, just means you’re both suited to different things.
Potentially yes if your lorry was running and you had a school and could have lessons etc you could get through this but I think it’s important to be realistic about what we can do/afford.
It doesn’t just sound like winter blues which is why I’m suggesting maybe sales livery would be a good route to explore. Pick somewhere they will get him going again and do different things with him and go from there.

 

[rextherobber]

I've been in a similar position with a horse too, absolutely dreaded riding her, but we got through it, but I had a school. I made myself do it at the same time every day, and I also had a fab instructor who used to come out on short hacks with me on foot (she was young and super fit!) which really, really helped as she could see the issues first hand - although I was far more relaxed with her there too. Hope you get sorted, but there's also no shame in just admitting you don't click with a horse, and finding one you do get on with.

 

[EllenJay]

Maybe he just isn't the right horse for you. Sounds like you both "wind" each other up a bit, so take a step back. Have you though about getting a sharer for him for a few months and see if with more ridden work he settles, otherwise there is no shame is saying "This isn't the right horse for me at this time", sell him on and find something you can really enjoy.

 

[Roxylola]

We do this for pleasure. There's no shame admitting this isn't pleasure for you or your horse and that you're not right for each other. I think you're right to look at sales livery tbh, I'm less sure you're ready to stop completely, just because you and he haven't got on doesn't mean you won't get on with a different horse. But that's a decision for another day

 

[Abacus]

Before I read down that far in your post I was thinking 'sales livery', unless you really love him in some way. As others said, no shame in admitting he's not right for you and that the right sales yard would work him hard, keep him in a routine and sell him more effectively than you can at the moment.

I had one like this who was never settled and felt constantly on the edge. In fairness he never went too far but the constant tension and spooking were no fun at all. I thought he'd be better on a busy yard as with me, it's so quiet all the time that he started overreacting to the tiniest things. I did manage to sell him myself to a lovely girl (on a busy yard) and the last I heard all went well, but I would have sent him to sales livery if he hadn't sold quite quickly.

I hope that it goes easily and you find the horse you really want to ride. This time of year is meh anyway...

 

[Roxylola]

I helped a friend sell her "hot, quirky" dressage horse a few years ago. He was sharp and over reactive for her, sold to a girl in her early teens - not a particularly gung ho kid, when she tried him I had to chat with her initially just to chill out and get her to breathe!















Within a few weeks she was out doing pony club, event training, dressage, hacking, and he thrived on the work he got. Super horse just wrong for my lovely quiet dressage focused friend

 

[Equi]

Sell. He will be perfect for someone else and then all involved will be happy. Horses are too much money and too risky to just keep ploughing on when the issue is that you’re just not 100% clicking.

Keep the money from the sale in a different account to go to another horse, something a bit more your speed.

ETA sell before you are at the point of scares to ride, cause then you not riding first will make buyers think hmmmm. But just be honest that he’s a bit much for you and although he’s not been bad you’re just not a big fan of riding him.

 

[emilylou]

I'd sell him and buy a horse you enjoy. If you speak to a good sales livery they should have enough connections to match you with a new horse and help sell your current one. Worth having a chat with a few places. Sounds like the kind of horse that will give you a good budget for a new horse.

Horse riding is dangerous and you should never feel afraid to admit you're over horsed/not a good fit, as not every horse is for everyone. Find a horse you love to ride, there will be one out there. I always think its much better to be confident on a horse that is well within your confidence level/abilities, than to have something that challenges you and leaves you feeling nervous.

In regard to money/work etc. is there any way to cut down on the other 3? Could one of the retired ones be loaned locally as a companion to help relieve a bit of the financial pressure or a sharer for one of the ponies? And the occassional complete day off would probably do you a lot of good too, even if once or twice a month

 

[Dexter]

Sell him. I can't ride my sisters horse. No idea why, but she turns into a sharp, hot idiot when I ride her. We just don't get along. It happens. Don't waste any more time, because al you are doing now is waiting for an accident to happen which could well shatter your confidence completely.

 

[Highmileagecob]

He sounds absolutely perfect for someone who likes a challenge. There are plenty of good homes out there, and your happy hacker is just waiting for you to find him. Sell with a clear conscience before there is an accident.

 

[poiuytrewq]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I had expected more of a kick up the bum than agreement to be honest.
I do think I need to check a few things off the list before sales livery, but I’m not adverse to the idea at all. He’s the only horse I’ve ever had that’s been sellable (hence the retiree’s)
So I’m keen not to get stuck with another long term if I’m not getting any enjoyment out of it.
My checklist really needs the lorry ?‍ which is annoying.
I want to get the checks I’ve had done already by different people. Just to reassure me that those things are fine.
I want someone else decent to sit on him and hack him, this is proving difficult, again if I had the lorry I could take him to one of the yards I work at and get someone to get on him but I don’t.

In regards to sales livery, he’s not going to be an expensive horse.
I’m not sure what constitutes as a horse worth selling that way. I can make him look smart, wait for the fields to dry up and sell him for less but with no commission or livery costs from here. ?‍ I imagine horses sell better in spring?
When all this started escalating he was in an almost strict routine which included about an hours hack every morning. That’s dwindled but he’s always in a basic routine.

I honestly don’t think I’d get another. I’m paid to hack a few hunters out a couple of times a week, so can get some riding in still if I wanted anyway without the hassle.

As for the other guys no I can’t change anything with them, one does live out at my friends but the two ponies and old boy have to stay here and have quite careful management with various issues! I love them though, they knacker me out but when riding is going well
It’s all fine and mucking them all out on wet dark mornings isn’t a problem- how can something so small have such a big hold over everything!!!?

 

[Tarragon]

It is always a bad time of year... so many factors in making life difficult! No day-light, poor weather, mud etc. it makes everything harder.
Yes, you could sell as you don't seem to have clicked with this horse, but perhaps consider just taking the pressure off yourself and relax a little and wait a few weeks for the weather and your mood to improve, and review?

 

[Britestar]

As everyone is saying. Not every horse is for every person.

I went through this with a homebred. Now we have an arrangement. He just hacks in company and I ask nothing of him, except to walk happily along.

Luckily I have something else to ride and have fun on.

 

[ihatework]

I think as soon as you have lost confidence in a horse it becomes difficult, time consuming and expensive to regain that confidence (if you ever do).

No shame in cutting your losses. Indeed it’s the sensible approach and probably best for the horse long term too.

 

[Auslander]

You could go through your checklist and tick them all off, but it's not going to change the fact that this horse doesn't sound like he's your cup of tea, and he could very well be someone elses.
I'd say move him on, and relax!

 

[Flame_]

I did this. I had a smashing little mare, really comfortable and lush in the school. She was even a great hack, except in traffic. It only took a handful of really hairy near misses for me to decide that it was not heading in the right direction, was not going to work out and that there were many situations in which my mare would be the dogs bollox but it wasn't going to be hacking on the lanes with me. I sold her myself with full disclosure about the vehicle issue, she went off eventing and I got myself a little arab and never looked back. Wrong horse, it happens and it usually takes a year to be sure whether you're progressing or mismatched.

 

[Hallo2012]

if you can only hack, how many times is he getting ridden?

if he is used to 3 x school and 2 x hack and is now only getting 2 x hack etc he is going to be fresh and sharp and possibly lacking that bit of routine the schooling gives.

but equally even so, if facilities unlikely to change then he is still the right horse in the wrong situation maybe, so no shame in finding one that thrives on the hacking work.

 

[Squeak]

I think there are some horses who having no school and predominantly hacking would be the making of them and others who just can't cope with it. Especially with the dry summer we had that limited how much fast work we could do. Likewise there are some horses who flourish with a lot of schooling and others whom it fries.

It sounds like it's a bit of a square peg, round hole situation. We've all been there, it's so hard to say enough is enough as we're usually taught that we have to work through and solve everything but sometimes there's just no point, the right horse is out there for you that will make it all seem easy and enjoyable again and likewise the right home is out there for your boy.

 

[poiuytrewq]

He was being ridden 5 times a week up until friends horse went lame. Turned out daily.
I bought him in November last year so it’s not our first winter. He was in less work last winter as I had two to ride. He was fine last winter - I mean as I say he’s never been a complete dobbin but he behaved and passed big traffic, hacked alone etc.

 

[poiuytrewq]

I think there are some horses who having no school and predominantly hacking would be the making of them and others who just can't cope with it. Especially with the dry summer we had that limited how much fast work we could do. Likewise there are some horses who flourish with a lot of schooling and others whom it fries.

It sounds like it's a bit of a square peg, round hole situation. We've all been there, it's so hard to say enough is enough as we're usually taught that we have to work through and solve everything but sometimes there's just no point, the right horse is out there for you that will make it all seem easy and enjoyable again and likewise the right home is out there for your boy.

The dry summer didn’t help. We were doing loads of off road hacking but only walk and trot.
Now the thought of taking him off road makes be recoil ?
The rain, ground softening and grass coming through was my first finger point at him starting to mess round.

 

[Upthecreek]

Life is too short to be miserable and working your arse off to keep a horse you don’t enjoy is soul destroying. Dreading riding is hideous because you constantly feel like you’re forcing yourself to do it when you really don’t want to. I understand why people put themselves through it, usually because they genuinely care for the horse and feel they are letting them down by admitting it’s not working and selling. Sometimes this is best for everyone concerned and before I read to the end of your original post I was thinking that I would have already made the decision to sell in your position.

 

[Upthecreek]

Also sales livery is a good idea if you’re not confident in riding him and don’t have the facilities to show him at his best to increase the chances of finding him the most compatible home. I know you said he’s not an expensive horse though, so you may only end up breaking even or even being in deficit by the time you’ve paid the fees.

 

[Hallo2012]

The dry summer didn’t help. We were doing loads of off road hacking but only walk and trot.
Now the thought of taking him off road makes be recoil ?
The rain, ground softening and grass coming through was my first finger point at him starting to mess round.

ulcers?
changed shape and saddle pinching?
sore feet from the grass?

if he used to be ok and now isn't, that's a bit different to always having been this way. You might have already been down that worm hole though.

 

[spotty_pony]

Whereabouts are you based? It does sound like he may be just not the right horse for you sadly. What could work though would possibly be if you had somebody share him with you who wants to do a bit more? Someone who is experienced and wants to school and jump too and then you hack in between? It may be that he settles with some schooling and variety and this way you won’t be paying for schooling livery and it will take some of the pressure off you.

 

[nagblagger]

Can I ask did you ever 'bond' with him? Do you give him cuddles etc, be honest, if the answer if no definitely sell as he is not part of your family. If the answer is yes it may be worth trying schooling etc when your lorry is running.

 

[poiuytrewq]

ulcers?
changed shape and saddle pinching?
sore feet from the grass?

if he used to be ok and now isn't, that's a bit different to always having been this way. You might have already been down that worm hole though.

I feel like it’s always been there/him but for one reason or another has worsened. He’s never been quiet and was like this to ride at first. The first time I hacked from home was hideous. Then I felt like we were getting to grips with each other before it slowly worsened again.
I have zero grass, enough to pick at but he’s turned out with 2 little ponies who are laminitis prone and they are fine unmuzzled.
Saddle has been checked. Back, teeth etc done.
I do want to get a second opinion.
I haven’t scoped him. I may do but the way he is doesn’t scream ulcers to me. He went round the village today like a dobbin then the last bit tried to p off and buck all the way home. Once through our gate he deflates and I can buckle end feet out of the stirrups through the farm yard to my stables.

@nagblagger thats an interesting question actually. I don’t know. In my working and personal horsey life so many horses come and go that I don’t think I get overly attached anymore. I love and care a lot about lots of horses but I think I’ve been stung too many times over the years to really love one, that’s awful! I’m surprised at myself.
I deal in some way with probably over 50 horses a week though.