My Grieving Dog

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Biglets Mummy

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Nor sure why I am posting to be honest as I know that we all have to just go through the process but I am really worried about my girl.

I've posted on here before about my trials and tribulations with my little Goldie but after much hard work she bloomed into a delightful wonderful gorgeous little dog and we all adore her totally. I am so glad I never gave up and battled on as she is a joy.

She has had the company of my 2 older dogs for the 18 months she has been with us and has truly never lived alone. We lost one dog last year and she completely became devoted to her " big brother"

Last week my wonderful old boy finally succumbed to bone cancer and died suddenly at home. Devastated doesn't even go their. It really doesn't. We are all in bits but this isn't about me.

She has taken it so hard and its breaking all our hearts to see. She is flat,sad, off her food and listless. The first few days I couldn't leave her at all. I popped out to do the horses and my neighbour rang to say she was screaming the place down. I have never heard anything like it. Trembling,sick everywhere...just awful.

Anyway - we are now almost a week in and I have built up a little tolerance to her being on her own and managed 30 mins yesterday. I put a video recorder on to make sure she was ok and she just lies on the floor with her eyes open staring into space. She wont be left any longer than that as I work from home and she is with me all day .

But its her demeanor that is just so sad. She is sleeping all the time or just lies staring into space. I have played and taken her for lovely walks and it perks her up for a bit and then she goes straight back down again.

I am bottling up how I feel as if I cry ( and that's all I want to do at the mo tbh) it makes her worse so I am reassuring her and trying to be cheerful around her. I know its early days and we have to go through this numbing grief but this is so hard to watch.

I just cant think about getting another dog yet and part of me wants to have some time with her on her own to give her 100% for a bit. She has a Kitten that is her best chum. The little one sleeps with her and tries to get her to play and it is the only time I see the tail wagging is when they are playing so that's a little hopeful.

But as I said not sure why I am posting.Just sat here feeling a bit overwhelmed with this loss and want to help her with her loss. We don't have long enough with our beloved dogs do we.
Thanks for listening xxx
 
That is so very sad bless you I think all you can do is what your doing by being there for her and giving her that extra tlc, it's heartbreaking to see how very attached they get to each other it must have been a terrible shock for you all to loose your dog like that, sending you a hug X
 
With no intention of in any way belittling your thoughts, I often wonder if dogs do actually grieve, or if as it seems to me more likely, the sensitive amongst them will pick up on our own displayed demeanour. As you say, when you take her out and occupy her mind, and yours too perhaps, then she seems to cheer up a bit. When you return to your home and perhaps consider your losses, I'd suggest that it's your sense of loss which the dog picks up on, rather than her own sense of grieving.

Another point is that as you've said, any attempts to console the dog left behind has you upset, and when we're like that, so we transfer concern and distress to our dogs, because it's my belief that they simply don't understand.

Whether I'm right or not, is currently academic, because things are as they are. Time heals, and it won't be rushed, sadly.

Alec.
 
Having just gone through this I would say that they definitely do grieve.
Mine goes off her food and is very much more clingy.
I'm going to get another in the near future.
In the first few weeks I got a dap diffuser, left tv on and left things to chew when she was left alone.
I looked after a friend's dog and the difference in her was marked so I know she does miss canine company.
 
wether they greive or not don't bottle up your feelings you will make yourself feel worse and you can't kid a dog about how you feel-just get both of you out as much as possible, go places she can walk with other dogs. The likely hood is she has separation anxiety as she has never truely been left alone till now.
Have a HUG and don't bottle it up.
 
I would find a dog walker or sitter where they go their home. I rehome dogs and I am constantly amazed how quickly they adapt, she sounds as if she needs company, if you can not give it her I think you need to find some for her. Its perhaps a bit soon for you to think about getting another dog but that's what I would be thinking about.
When one of my animals dies I am always sad, but it gives me the opportunity to rehome another one.
 
It depends on the dog.When I lost my standard poodle girl aged thirteen,I expected her lifelong partner ( two years younger) to be inconsolable.But she seemed absolutely fine as long she could keep me as her undivided companion. I got her a male poodle pup as her new pal and they were great friends until she passed last December. He took it very badly,and lost weight.I bought our new mini schnauzer ,and he is thrilled to bits...much happier once again,and eating/playing normally.So,I think dogs which have had dogs around probably suffer the loss more than single dogs.
hopefully when you feel up to it ou will feel able to add another to the home,but in the meantime I'd give her loads of walks and keep her busy.
 
Sad to hear your story.I know many people are not fans of Ceaser Milan but I for one am.One of his cases was similar to yours and his opinion was the surviving dog was picking up on the owners energy and grieving signals which was overwhelming for the dog to making him unhappy. Dogs live in the moment fully aware of the type of energy coming from their leader (owner).They react accordingly and I believe your dog is suffering with you.It is up to you to change the situation and either introduce another suitable dog or some new walks and exciting things she used to enjoy.If she has never been left on her own this could be causing her some anxiety so if you are thinking of a new dog I would think it could be the answer.With your raised "good"energy levels I am sure you will both be back on track soon with new doggy friend around.
 
Biglets Mummy said:
Nor sure why I am posting to be honest as I know that we all have to just go through the process but I am really worried about my girl.

I've posted on here before about my trials and tribulations with my little Goldie but after much hard work she bloomed into a delightful wonderful gorgeous little dog and we all adore her totally. I am so glad I never gave up and battled on as she is a joy.

She has had the company of my 2 older dogs for the 18 months she has been with us and has truly never lived alone. We lost one dog last year and she completely became devoted to her " big brother"

Last week my wonderful old boy finally succumbed to bone cancer and died suddenly at home. Devastated doesn't even go their. It really doesn't. We are all in bits but this isn't about me.

She has taken it so hard and its breaking all our hearts to see. She is flat,sad, off her food and listless. The first few days I couldn't leave her at all. I popped out to do the horses and my neighbour rang to say she was screaming the place down. I have never heard anything like it. Trembling,sick everywhere...just awful.

Anyway - we are now almost a week in and I have built up a little tolerance to her being on her own and managed 30 mins yesterday. I put a video recorder on to make sure she was ok and she just lies on the floor with her eyes open staring into space. She wont be left any longer than that as I work from home and she is with me all day .

But its her demeanor that is just so sad. She is sleeping all the time or just lies staring into space. I have played and taken her for lovely walks and it perks her up for a bit and then she goes straight back down again.

I am bottling up how I feel as if I cry ( and that's all I want to do at the mo tbh) it makes her worse so I am reassuring her and trying to be cheerful around her. I know its early days and we have to go through this numbing grief but this is so hard to watch.

I just cant think about getting another dog yet and part of me wants to have some time with her on her own to give her 100% for a bit. She has a Kitten that is her best chum. The little one sleeps with her and tries to get her to play and it is the only time I see the tail wagging is when they are playing so that's a little hopeful.

But as I said not sure why I am posting.Just sat here feeling a bit overwhelmed with this loss and want to help her with her loss. We don't have long enough with our beloved dogs do we.
Thanks for listening xxx
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Try Dr Bach's remedy. Star Of Bethlehem is very good for bereavement, a couple of drops on the tongue on a frequent basis should help. I feel really sorry for your dog. Did she get to see your pets body before he was buried? I just wonder if she really knew and understood that he was gone, rather than wonder where he is?

I am so sorry for your loss x
 
Thanks everyone for your kind words and ideas. I really appreciate it. Over the past few days I've kept her busy and have arranged play dates with friends dogs and have come to the conclusion that she is missing a dog companion. She is animated and almost back to normal whilst playing but as soon as we get home she seems to see that he has gone and she goes back down hill.
She was with my boy as he passed and I allowed her to even come with us to the cremation home so she rode with him on his last journey and she did seem to accept almost straight away that he had gone and wasn't coming back. I do agree she is picking up on my feelings as I had a good howl yesterday when I found his favourite boot hidden in the garden and she ran off and went back into the kitchen so I do think she is struggling with my grief.
I am going to only have my moments up at the yard on my own or in the car and I will look at getting her a little friend when my heart isn't so sore and my head is a bit clearer. Haven't got a puppy for 14 years and boy the price of them !!!!!
Rescue it will be . Thanks again all. It has helped hearing from you all xxxxx
 
applecart14 said:
Try Dr Bach's remedy. Star Of Bethlehem is very good for bereavement, a couple of drops on the tongue on a frequent basis should help. I feel really sorry for your dog. Did she get to see your pets body before he was buried? I just wonder if she really knew and understood that he was gone, rather than wonder where he is?

I am so sorry for your loss x
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Brilliant idea Applecart14. I hadn't thought of herbal remedies.Thank you and thank you for your kind words xxx
 
Biglets Mummy said:
Thanks everyone for your kind words and ideas. I really appreciate it. Over the past few days I've kept her busy and have arranged play dates with friends dogs and have come to the conclusion that she is missing a dog companion. She is animated and almost back to normal whilst playing but as soon as we get home she seems to see that he has gone and she goes back down hill.
She was with my boy as he passed and I allowed her to even come with us to the cremation home so she rode with him on his last journey and she did seem to accept almost straight away that he had gone and wasn't coming back. I do agree she is picking up on my feelings as I had a good howl yesterday when I found his favourite boot hidden in the garden and she ran off and went back into the kitchen so I do think she is struggling with my grief.
I am going to only have my moments up at the yard on my own or in the car and I will look at getting her a little friend when my heart isn't so sore and my head is a bit clearer. Haven't got a puppy for 14 years and boy the price of them !!!!!
Rescue it will be . Thanks again all. It has helped hearing from you all xxxxx
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Hi, So sorry to hear you lost your lad xx
I lost a young dog and my other who had not long settled in (rehomed from a breeder) was just the same as you are experiencing, soiling, howling etc it didnt settle down and I did get another (she had always been with another dog both at breeders and with me). When puppy came home she told him off a lot! acted like 'who's this!" but her stressed behaviour stopped immediately. I hope you find a suitable rehome/rescue soon
I still miss my other girl padding around the house but I wouldn't be without the puppy/dog we now have xx
 
Second the suggestion re. the DAP diffuser, also you could try some of the Bach flower solutions in her drinking water as that may help.

We went through this with our little terrier when we lost his companion in January; it was so awful seeing his poor little face all forlorn and pinched up and there was just nothing we could do to bring comfort as he was just grieving. What we did do was to give him lots of TLC and cuddles, and kept him as warm and cosy as possible. He really benefitted from having that human touch just that little bit more, just as a comfort and reassurance thing.

Be aware that when the time comes when you may start looking at other dogs, that yours may find it hard to adjust from being an Only Dog to one who shares your space with another. Also you may find that yours may react aggressively to ANY dog, as she may be extra-defensive of YOU as her pack leader now that she's the sole one.

Like horses, great care will be needed when you do decide to get another companion for her, as, like horses, it isn't just a question of just throwing everything together in a herd or pack and hoping that things will just work out! It doesn't always happen tickety-boo unfortunately and sometimes there is a period of hostility and careful management needed for everyone to live together in harmony.

Sending hugs. Its so awful, we know, we've been through it, and you will have to decide on the right timing to introduce another dog before yours gets Solo Dog Syndrome and would react negatively to another one.
 
MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
Second the suggestion re. the DAP diffuser, also you could try some of the Bach flower solutions in her drinking water as that may help.

We went through this with our little terrier when we lost his companion in January; it was so awful seeing his poor little face all forlorn and pinched up and there was just nothing we could do to bring comfort as he was just grieving. What we did do was to give him lots of TLC and cuddles, and kept him as warm and cosy as possible. He really benefitted from having that human touch just that little bit more, just as a comfort and reassurance thing.

Be aware that when the time comes when you may start looking at other dogs, that yours may find it hard to adjust from being an Only Dog to one who shares your space with another. Also you may find that yours may react aggressively to ANY dog, as she may be extra-defensive of YOU as her pack leader now that she's the sole one.

Like horses, great care will be needed when you do decide to get another companion for her, as, like horses, it isn't just a question of just throwing everything together in a herd or pack and hoping that things will just work out! It doesn't always happen tickety-boo unfortunately and sometimes there is a period of hostility and careful management needed for everyone to live together in harmony.

Sending hugs. Its so awful, we know, we've been through it, and you will have to decide on the right timing to introduce another dog before yours gets Solo Dog Syndrome and would react negatively to another one.
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Thanks for this and you are right this has been on my mind a bit as I think I may have a bit of an issue if I leave it to long to get her a chum.xxx
 
i did find having a rehome dog was just as difficult as a puppy in terms of training and time needed (though yes not as expensive initially) i found introducing a puppy to her meant the puppy was submissive and responded to being told off (by her not me :D ) so she did not respond negatively. she did pretend not to be impressed but as I found the stressed behaviour stopped immediately x
 
Don't they have puppies in rescue?Over here ,sadly ,the rescues are exploding with puppies.Id add a pup to your family as soon as you are ready and I bet she will become the matriarch and proud queen of the house in no time .
will you get the same breed type or change completely? I just couldn't face the idea of replacing my heart dog ( st poodle girl) with the same breed and completely changed to a breed I'd never had before( mini schnauzer). It s been so uplifting and refreshing for us all I wish I'd met this breed years ago. Believe me,the dog I lost in dec, was irreplaceable,but this new little monster is such a joy we are all smiling again at her antics.
 
LovesCobs said:
i did find having a rehome dog was just as difficult as a puppy in terms of training and time needed (though yes not as expensive initially) i found introducing a puppy to her meant the puppy was submissive and responded to being told off (by her not me :D ) so she did not respond negatively. she did pretend not to be impressed but as I found the stressed behaviour stopped immediately x
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Puppies aren't always submissive. A friend introduced a pup to her brood and pup started on the older dogs and was unsettling the others. Friend eventually rehomed the pup to her daughter. When I started looking for number 2 dog, I wanted a young dog out of the puppy stage but what made it easier for me was I was able to see if my older bitch would accept him..and if he would "click" for me. I had 2 meet and greets on neutral ground and then tested the water by seeing if my bitch would allow the new boy into the car (she did) also had the security of a 3 week trial. I really feel for you because quite apart from wanting your dog to be happy, the timings have to be right for you as well and there is no rule to say how long it takes.

Shout if you want help getting a Stafford (!) although I did lose my heart to a whippet puppy at Wellington last Sunday...sure mine would have loved him too!
 
Years ago, we had 2 Labs who were litter sisters, an unrelated dog and 2 pups from one of the sisters. Aged 12, one of the sisters had to be pts, the other sister was so distressed that she had to be sedated by the vet. The other 3 dogs all took it a in their stride. Needess to say, they all experienced exactly the same reactions/emotions from the humans in the family.

I'm afraid I'm in the 'Cesar Milan' is a prat camp.

OP. I think you need to get your dog a companion asap.
 
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