My horse hates me...

[Jericho]

I just want to cry... After five years of owning her and being ultra careful and quiet and sensitive with her she still acts like I have beaten her every day. This horse has had an easy life and although I can't guarantee it she seems to have been well looked after and competed successfully in the years before I have had her (now 16yrs old). Tonight I did finally lose it and have left her in the field unrugged without hay or her evening feed after flinging her headcollar at her departing rump (yes stupid, infantile and totally shouldn't have done it but it was a total act of frustration) because I went to get her in and she acted petrified again. I just about get her headcollar on to her nose and she pulls back and legs it with utter fear in her eyes, stands snorting and shaking and then not letting me within 20 m of her) I have NEVER hit her or scared her when catching her, yet she acts like I do most days. I just don't get it. She acts like she absolutely can't bear to be near me, turns away when patted, completely zones out with human interaction eg grooming, being ridden. When turning out, she will rip her head out her headcollar as though desperate to get away. She lives at home with other horses so no other people really handle her but she is just getting worse. She is handled every day to come in, feed, change rugs, etc fed carrots in the field etc but only ridden once or twice a week and then only hacking.it's becoming soul destroying and I don't know what to do...please please can someone help? It's like she has some sort of mental health problem, and it's getting worse. could she have a tumour or something? I don't want to humanise her or expect cuddles or kisses from her, I just want her to trust me and want to be near me. Would NH help?

 

[Horsemadsmother]

Could anyone else be getting in the field and upsetting her? Or something driving past?

 

[kerrieberry2]

oh bless you, I feel your pain, my mini Shetland is the same, in fact ive not even been able to catch him, for almost a year! he will come up to me for feed and I can just stroke his nose but I can't get a hold of his head collar!

have you hard your mares eyes checked? I am convinced that he has something wrong with his eyes, he is very jump and always has to turn and look at me straight on! if I walk to the side of him he will back up away from his feed!

and he hates other people, if they make too much noise he hates it! and like your mare, he seemingly had a good life before coming to me! lots of in hand showing and baby making! but was gelded at 9 so I wonder if that might have had something to do with it

 

[tallyho!]

Hormones!

I can almost guarantee it. All mares are affected by it at some point in their lives and at different levels of course but I have known a mare like this.

If she gives you good work and is obedient and does as asked, really, that's great! The rest of the time she just wants to be on her own. Not all mares like fuss and attention. All on our yard are mares and believe me, each one has her own quirk. We have one just like yours.

To stop the running away from the headcollar, we use treats. That's a safety issue more than anything as the family who own her are young. She has not one affectionate bone in her body and treats the other mares like she wants to eat their faces. Just how she is.

My filly is mean as two tomcats in a bin when in season. As soon as she sees me, ears back, whites of the eyes, nostrils flared. I just ignore it and have my elbows in handy positions ready for the swipes and bites. I don't usually get bitten but the once I did, I am ready for any teeth or shoulder/quarter barging, sometimes even the I'm scared of you routine pops up. Prize ***** for a week. Rest of the month... twinkle toes, sugar dumpling "who me??" Please hug me attitude.

The rest are somewhere in between. Sounds like your mare is slightly more off the spectrum but not totally uncommon.

Unless you fancy camping out in the stable, looking deep into her eyes doing a bit of whispering and bonding and la la fancy pantsing then, well, I guess you'll just have to go get cuddles of some other horse who is willing to rent a hug out to the nearest willing human.

 

[Goldenstar]

I have had Tatts five years now and sometimes for no reason he acts as though I catch him every day using an electric headcollar .
Some horses are never demonstrative or crave human interaction that's just how they are .
The fact she's difficult to turn out as well suggests she had an issue in the past .
Now I think about it my second pony was like this as well , which was upsetting when you are eight .
It's hard to advise you without seeing the horse but yes help from a good trainer might well help ,or even just the eyes of a experienced friend .
What happens if you approach walking backwards and a bit from the side until your standing beside her shoulder and feed her a snack then go away ?
Never walk up to the front of this type of horse always go to the side of them .

 

[Antw23uk]

Five years? Your a better person than I am that's for sure. Sorry but I would have got rid long ago. Life is too short to be miserable with such a demanding and time consuming hobby!

 

[Jericho]

Thank you all for your support. I have just had a large glass of red wine and went back out armed with carrots. She walked away when she saw me despite other ponies all being in and having dinner so I sat on ground eating the carrots. She slowly came up but never close so I made the last few steps, fed her carrots, slipped headcollar on, sat next to her whilst she ate her dinner then fed her more carrots. And turned her out, all the time feeding her bites of carrot. No problems fear or silliness at all. But I know tomorrow she will be all scared again. Strangely enough other horses just do not bond with her, I hardly ever see her scratch with other horses and she is totally bottom of the pecking order with every single horse straight away. It's so sad in a way but totally frustrating in others. I have to explain to visitors that she is extremely shy and never have abused her but that she must have been in the past, which I actually don't think is true! Mares, who would have them!??!

 

[putasocinit]

When you do catch her, can you leave her head collar on in the field, will save a lot of hassles when catching, it might also make her think she is being handled by the contact of the head collar instead of free without it.

I got rid of the pony from WHW i sent it back, daily grind of trying to catch it, every day was like i had just met it for the first time, even though he was fed, groomed, rugged, lunged, led, i couldnt take it anymore, life is too short for unnecessary hassles. Good luck

 

[loz9]

How frustrating! They definitely know how to push our buttons!!

Slightly out of the box thought regarding the catching, but how to you put the headcollar on? Do you undo the buckle & put the strap behind the ears, or do you unclip the throat clip & push it over the ears? I only ask as we had a very difficult to catch horse who we thought was just being an awkward youngster. It turned out she has aural plaques in both of her ears at the process of pushing her ears back to put the headcollar on hurt, but pushing them forward to take it off didn't. We have now switched the way we put the headcollar on & she's (usually!) as good as gold. Like I say an out of the box suggestion, but you never know!!

 

[MerrySherryRider]

I have a mare just like her. When I got her vets and farriers thought she had a mental issue. She didn't trust people at all. A successful competition horse, she'd worked her guts out and because she had a work ethic, she was ridden too hard and too much.
Far from hating me, she is actually a very sensitive, genuine horse. She doesn't do cuddles and acts as though, I'm interrupting her day, but whenever I go away, she's the one that the YO says misses me.

What I'm saying is, that sometimes, the horses that act as though they don't need you, sometimes are the one's who need you most.

 

[tallyho!]

So true though, so many of my friends would not have mares. They are weird creatures.

I seem to have been lucky with mine, so far, as I only get treated like vermin once in a while but she is delightful most of the time. I won't go so far as to say she is like my cuddly gelding but, not far off.

However, a couple of the mares in our herd are cold. Evil to each other at times. I know the mare I mentioned above with kids, doesn't groom or get groomed. She is aloof and has not pair bonded either. The other low ranking mare tries to pair bond but never really seen her groom or be groomed but she is affectionate to humans. The others do groom each other but can also be horrid to each other.

Women!

 

[Corner Mad House]

I have 2 mares. My youngster is over me like a rash, she talks all the time and is an absolute gem, I love her to bits. My old girl is often call 'smiler'. In the summer she is a sweetie-pops. Over winter she is baggage, she bites, kicks, tries to stamp on your toes and can just be bloody minded about any handling .... hmm she is 22 and I have owned her since she was 5. Always been the same ... fist time I cleaned her girlie bits she decked me.

I would however recommend Natural Horsemanship/Monty Roberts stuff .... it can and does work, my old girl is much improved on how she used to be.

 

[Highlands]

My cob mare is being really naughty won't be caught etc.Left a headcollar on, think its hormones, she's vile! Spends her time smelling the muck heap ans snorting.

 

[saddlesore]

I had a gelding like this. Nothing but nice to him for five years but was always a pain to catch , mini rear when brushing mane etc. everything was a total drama. He made me lose all interest in him and sold him. Others will disagree I'm sure but I didnt owe him a lifetime of my care, attention and money for nothing back....

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Have you had her vet checked? It could be a medical issue, or she might be like MSRs mare. Often competition horses are trained not to expect any sort of human contact beyond what is absolutely necessary, so don't know how to accept it. The poor thing sounds very unhappy if she can't socialise with the other horses, either. Has she lived inside most of the time in the past?
I can understand your frustration, too. I would change how you do things, very gradually, one thing at a time and give her time to get used to what you are doing differently, to see if that helps.
I would offer treats to persuade her to spend a bit of time with you e.g. when you turn her out and if you feed her any alfalfa at all cut it out. It contains phyto-oestrogens which can increase mares' hormonal behaviour.
Good luck!

 

[L&M]

We had a gelding that sounded a little similiar. He also had no self preservation or common sense, the other horses rejected him, and he was a total jekyll and hyde to handle and ride. He would be your best friend one day then run away from you the next and was very un-nerving to own.

I never got to the bottom of him and sold him on, but always suspected he was 'autistic'.....I don't know if horses can suffer from this condition, but I have never met a horse that was so hard to figure out.

 

[Gingersmum]

I put my hands up. I have done the lob the head collar in sheer frustration thing !
You are not alone in this. I would be inclined to get a vet check on her, possibly a vet who also rides who might assess the behavioural alongside the scientific issues.

 

[Spencer93]

I think this would break my heart if it was a horse I loved. My mare can be grumpy and stroppy but not all the time and I know she doesn't mean it. How is she with other people? Is it just you? I agree with all the above but sometimes there are just horses you don't click with and maybe the best thing to do would be to sell her on and buy something that loves cuddles and makes you happy every minute of every day

 

[Apercrumbie]

I feel your pain, she sounds similar to my old mare. Believe me, it doesn't mean she hates you. I actually had a very strong bond with my mare despite the catching issues. I think something like NH could well be worth a try - after 5 years it does sound like you need a change. Just make sure you do your research into whoever you decide to use.

 

[angelish]

have you tried catching her by putting the lead rope round her neck so you've got her before putting the head collar on ?
how is she with food , i'd section a small area off beside the gate and feed her in there every day , put the bucket down let her in without trying to catch her and then let her out again so she gets used to coming into this litte area everyday

i'd make this a real habit and then the days she is bad to catch your in a smaller area so not as far to follow her
i had a bad catcher and they are so frustrating

my last project pony thought he'd like to be bad to catch but he had other ideas when he was chased about the field and made to work whenever he refused to be caught first time
after five mins of chasing him about making him canter and not letting him stop to eat he used to be begging to be caught but mares are not as easy to fool this way

 

[Jericho]

Catching isn't really the major problem, some days she is absolutely fine. Other days, she stands and shakes, eyes wild whilst I put on headcollar. Other days she walks away the moment she sees me, other days she gallops away. My ploy is always to put the lead rein round her neck first. Sometimes I lead her in like that. Sometime once I have given her treat and a pat she will just follow me in. I guess it's the non consistency of her behaviour that is upsetting. If she is that mood, a mere twitch of the headcollar or rope at the wrong moment results in her pulling back and legging it. Againa interesting,y if she is having a bad day I find a bit of walking her on and away makes her much better but I have to judge whether she is scared or just being silly and watch for the signs that she wants to come to me very carefully. And also this nmare never ever puts her ears back, is never grumpy or mardy - she is just wary or shut down - that's the heart breaking bit.

Thank you all for your words - it's reassuring that it's not just my mare. She is so good to ride but I wish she just enjoyed people a bit more!

 

[Dry Rot]

I have a yearling with this tendency and I know exactly what caused it. I can also understand your frustration. He raced out of the field shelter when a foal, as foals do, slap bang into a fencing strainer. The force of the impact broke the strainer so it must have hurt. He has blamed me for that incident ever since. I have got a gradual improvement by tid-bitting with carrots but he is still inclined to spook for the slightest reason.

He is now in with a couple of half brothers and has a similar attitude to them, a sort of armed neutrality, which is part "herd adjustment" and partly his nature. He did have his half sister for company before and always used her for cover so he was difficult to work on but the next step will be to have him in alone with some one-to-one treatment.

I'd try de-sensitising to things your horse seems to spook at by watching carefully and "eroding the threshold". That is working on the exact split second things go wrong and offering a slice of carrot exactly at or in anticipation of that moment. Whatever you do, keep your cool! Whatever it is that spooks him (and my chap) can be countered by a pleasant experience (carrot) and eventually (in theory!) the desirable reaction should take over from the undesirable. I have a 2yo who also had issues but he is now the quietest nicest confiding character you could ever wish for…so the prognosis is not necessarily all doom and gloom.

Meantime, I'd try to be aware of small things which might set him off, like the time of day you go to him, what clothes you are wearing, the colour of your bucket or lead rope. Silly details like that can become immensely important to animals although we tend to over look them as it is irrational, in human terms. to consider them as warnings of impending danger. Horses have only survived as long as they have because they are prejudiced about what might be dangerous. The ones that stuck around to find out got eaten a few tens of thousands of years ago!

 

[el_Snowflakes]

Iv really never heard of this sort of behaviour & Iv had 2 mares. Can you try doing some groundwork with her in the school?

 

[Goldenstar]

Have you tried a field safe headcollar with a short piece of rope on it ?
Try to go as often as you can into the field go up to her then leave .
The fact she's bottom of the pecking order is interesting ask your vet practise if they work with a behaviourist ( ours does ) that might well help even if someone just gives you better insight it will help you.

 

[Orangehorse]

I haven't read all the posts, but I had a difficult mare too - she would kick and bite and was a misery, except when she was ridden and she was a delight to ride. She loved going for a hack and was easy to school and tried hard. I used to dread having to fetch her in from the field and I was so tempted to send her to a sale.
She didn't act frightened at all, just a complete misery and she still is the only horse that has ever kicked me.

Her problems weren't the same as your mare, but what turned the corner was taking her to a Tellington Touch workshop, where we learned to do the "touches." Mare loved this! And then later we did riding work and I ended up riding her round with just a rope round her neck and no bridle. And I mean walk and trot so there was ample opportunity to buck or rush off. So she didn't want to kill me!

So after that I did the touches, which isn't massage but it is the same sort of thing, and we came to an understanding. She was still grumpy though! I was very sorry to see her go in the end, but she went to a good home where she has been a success.

So maybe some sort of body work might help your mare, just using your hands. So often we just do things to horses, we don't spend much time just chilling out. A NH person might give you some hints and tips too.

 

[Hackie]

When you do catch her, can you leave her head collar on in the field, will save a lot of hassles when catching, it might also make her think she is being handled by the contact of the head collar instead of free without it.

I'd be inclined to leave the headcollar on as well. Not ideal, but if it saves a daily drama then do it.

 

[Suncat]

Hi OP, my gelding had some really mixed fortunes before he came to me. While we got through a lot of his issues he always remained a pain to catch. In fact after a few years he seems to get worse. To my shame I’ll admit to the horrible frustration of lobbing head collars and having to heard him into walkways to catch him – it was heart breaking; it really killed me when he’d be friendly in the stable and then run like I was the devil in the field. He wasn’t very sympathetic to sobbing at the gate either

In the end (well… in desperation), I got a Behaviourist out to see him and that changed everything. She was able to assess his behaviour and identify his (conflicting) responses clearly. This led to the crux of the actual problem and to a plan to handle him better in the short term and a longer term plan to retrain his responses/experience to something positive. I learnt a lot too and had to take on new things. I’ve been around horses since I was a kid and thought I know a bit about their physiology, but it was a real eye opener. But it was a complex response, so like everything else, sometime you need a specialist to get you going in the right direction.
18mths down the line he can now go out without a head collar.. in fact this weekend I turned him out in the morning, pretty confident I could catch him a few hours later for the farrier before chucking him back out. He didn’t disappoint.

I did well up at the gate the other day though.. I called him and he actually came. I did remember to scan about for walkers/other people before carrying on about what a clever boy he was and how happy he was making me… don’t want reports of a crazy lady in the field…

Feel free to PM me if you want more detail, I don’t know if it’s the right answer for you, but maybe it’ll help. Have hope x

 

[MerrySherryRider]

There are some really interesting posts on here. I mentioned my mare's behaviour regarding catching to a couple of behaviourists and they pretty much laughed and sympathised but didn't have any solutions that I hadn't already tried, so Suncat and Orange horse's experiences are very interesting.

What I did find helpful, was that my horse needs the security of routine. She finds the unexpected difficult. When ever possible, I catch her at a regular time and give her a 5 minute warning beforehand. I show up at the gate with a headcollar, shout her name and then do a couple of quick jobs before going in to get her.
Okay, so I have to book an appointment for her time, but its a minor inconvenience

 

[unicorndreams]

Have a look at clicker training - in particular look up Maxine Easey who is really good at remedial issues using these 'positive reinforcement' techniques. i don't think you'd have much luck with natural horsemanship aka parelli as they tend to use negative reinforcement which might turn your sensitive mare off further. It sounds like she has been 'flooded' (over-faced) at some point in her early training and hence does not associate humans approaching her with a positive experience even though you have always been nice to her she has 'historic learnings' that perhaps make it hard to believe you will always be so.

 

[liberty and tommy]

hi im pretty sure your horse doesnt hate you! by the sound of it you've been nothing but considerate which is much more than anyone else would probaly put up with! have you got grooms at your yard? or near a road or footpath where other people may have come into contact with her? if so maybe they have done something that is upseting her. she may have had a huge traumatic experience in the past that is blocking her mind full time!
Also i noticed your using 'her' which means she obviouslly a mare, are you sure shes not just not being a typical mare? pudding my mare does exact the same things, but we know its just her you would notice this if shes worse when the sugar of the grass starts coming through?
although if your absoutly certain this is not because shes a mare and mares are bascily one of the most aggraviting things to do in certain ways, i would advise you to get her teeth checked if shes in constant pain it could be causing her to be agreessive or mean.
my mare wont let you catch her even if you have got treats and its even worse because she kicks, she also gets lose when walking to the field terrozing all the other horses, when you ride she can either be in a mood to not move at all and just buck/bronc/rear or she can be in a mood to just bolt off never a dull moment!!
have you tried putting her on a mare antistress supplement (specilaly for moody mares) or a calmer of something?
hope this helped xx