My horse isn't for me?

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KMeq

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So after retireing my hearthorse because of her lameness I bought my new horse last September. She was everything I have dreamt of. A young 5-year-old, with great bloodline, athletic build and beautiful movements, the perfect dressage prospect. I wouldn't even have been able to afford her, but since she needed to be sold asap, her price was reduced. I was on cloud 9. I thought that this is finally going to be my chance to compete with those german dressage horses. I rode her twice before we decided to buy her and everything was fine. I was hoping to compete her this summer.
Not long after we brought her home she started acting out and I was scared of her. It all started with me being scared to ride her, but after I while I was too scared to even lounge her. We moved barns end of December and I also had a new trainer. We worked on calming down my horse, but I was still scared to ride her. My parents and I agreed, that if I won't be able to ride her in all 3 gaits by summertime, we will have to sell her. But things then started to work out for the better. I started to not be so scared of her and by spring I was able to ride her alright. I decided not to compete this summer yet, because even though things were working out, we werent competition ready. End of this september (after 1 year of owning her) I was able to take her to a clinik and she worked really well. But since then nothing works out for us. My old horse loved working, she was eager to learn, whereas my new horse just doesnt really care about anything. She likes hacking, but thats all. She's lazy, doesnt like to be ridden and is in no way trying to help me out when I am riding her. It came to the point where she doesnt want to do anything when I'm riding her, she's not even willing to start walking, all shi does is stand in one place and buck. My trainer can ride her of course, but I feel like I just can't seem to communicate with her. We only have like 2 good rides at most, than we relapse and it's horrible for weeks at a time. Then I might have one okay ride on her, then again horrible rides for like 2 weeks. And I can see that she doesn't enjoy working...

I started thinking about the fact that maybe I should sell her. Maybe she's just not the horse for me, and I'm not the right rider for her. And I know that this sucks for both of us. I love her, but I don't want to force her to do something she hates, while none of us is having fun.
But when do you know that you just don't click with your horse? Like, how much time and how much tries does it take to know for sure that it's not working out? If I give her one more year then I have to give up on competing neyt summer as well... Or I could look for a horse that I could compete with... I just don't know what to do. I keep hoping that one day we will work out, but then I keep getting disappointed. Maybe we were never supposed to work out, maybe she entered my life to teach me how to let go? But then I think about her abilities, and the fact that I was able to buy her for half the prize.. I mean, if that's not a sign that we were supposed to end up together, then what is? But then I als keep thinking of a quote from a song "If we were meant to be, we would have been by now."

Does anybody have any advice for me?
Thank you :)
 
If you had felt this way after 1 or 2 months I would have said give it longer... but you have really tried for 12 months
Riding is supposed to be fun - we put our hearts and time and finances into it at the expense of much else
Many people don't 'click' too
What does your trainer think? If she goes well for him / her, are they happy that there are no physical reasons why she should be so reluctant to work for you?
If so, then I would probably put her on sales livery with your trainer if you can and get a horse which suits you better.
She will possibly be happier too with a human that she clicks with as well
Its hard getting another after your 'heart horse' - mine passed away a year ago, and I have a lovely horse now who is probably better than she was (certainly easier!) but I don't feel like a team with him yet. I still enjoy riding him though, and I think that will come.
If you don't see that in your future, then maybe selling is the right thing.
 
I'm concerned when you say she won't even start walking, but stands in one place and bucks. That sounds like a pain reaction to me. Have you had her saddle and back checked lately? It might be worth getting a vet to check her over before you decide.

However, if there is no physical/pain reason, then it does sound like the two of you just aren't suited. Some horses and riders aren't suited, and it's much better to walk away before one of you gets hurt.
 
Horses are not lazy, they are very amenable animals. It actually takes far more effort to stand and buck than it does to walk on, please think about this. Throughout reading your whole thread I was waiting to read what your vet said, but no mention of this came. Stop comparing her to your old horse and please start looking at what is wrong with the poor creature that is in front of you.

Sorry I'm posting the video again.

 
Mmmm..... agree with poster above, that behaviour would prompt me to think there may be a pain response somewhere......

But you say your trainer rides her OK without any issues. Still, it might just be worth a check; also get your vet to check for gastric ulcers so you've eliminated as much as you can.

That said (playing Devil's advocate here) you could just be throwing good money after bad IF you are not suited. End of. However (Devils advocate again!!) you obviously liked her enough to buy her in the first place and have put an awful lot of time and effort into her so it seems a shame to sell her on........

May I ask, is this the first time you've had a mare? Coz when I started riding a mare, I really hadn't a clue of the way their brains work!! Having always had "boys", it was a fundamental mind-shift - you really DO have to "ask and/or discuss" rather than "tell" with mares, and until I got my head and psyche around that simple fact; I really struggled when I first got my old girl and started riding her, and just didn't realise this!

I do think too that you are comparing this mare a little over-much with your old horse??? That is very easy to do, but I rather wonder whether it is inhibiting your mindset right now?? Perhaps you would benefit from trying a different trainer to see if there CAN be something you can salvage?? It might be worth a try especially now during the winter months where if you DO decide to sell her, you wouldn't expect to achieve anything like a decent price.

OR turn her away for the winter and see how she comes back next Spring.......... just a thought.

But I would certainly investigate pain issues before making ANY decision. And if you ARE getting a physio out (which I would recommend), then get yourself as rider checked out too; important this!!
 
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MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
Mmmm..... agree with poster above, that behaviour would prompt me to think there may be a pain response somewhere......

But you say your trainer rides her OK without any issues. Still, it might just be worth a check; also get your vet to check for gastric ulcers so you've eliminated as much as you can.
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A good and strong rider can push almost all horses through the pain reaction.
 
Leo Walker said:
A good and strong rider can push almost all horses through the pain reaction.
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I would also be wondering if she was half price because the sellers had other reasons not just a quick sale, there could well be a long term underlying condition that a pro can ride through, so I would definitely get her checked thoroughly before making a decision to sell, if something is found that can be treated you may still have the horse you wanted.
 
be positive said:
I would also be wondering if she was half price because the sellers had other reasons not just a quick sale, there could well be a long term underlying condition that a pro can ride through, so I would definitely get her checked thoroughly before making a decision to sell, if something is found that can be treated you may still have the horse you wanted.
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This.
I would be disappointed that your trainer hadn't suggested getting the horse checked by a vet by now.
 
Okay, so firstly I want to adrecc the vet thing:
She was checked out by a vet when we bought her, and had her whole body x-rayd, everything was just fine. After a few months of owning her a physiotherapist checked her out and still no problems. Took us a long time to find her a saddle (because of her long and straight back), but we managed to find a perfectly fitting saddle. She was checked out by a vet again a month ago because of the fact that she's constantly on her period, but still the vet said that she was in no pain and that she'll grow out of it.
Also my trainer is a very gentle and understanding woman - so what I'm trying to say is that she never pushes too hard or she would never hurt or kick any horse. It's just the technique. She is able to ride my horse because she's a better rider than me. She can do sitting trot and sit in the canter and the horse shows no signs of pain or any inconvenience. Also no signs of pain on the loungeline.
So she has been checked by a vet multiple times, and besides the fact that she's on her period a lot, she seems to be fine...

Somebody asked what my trainer said about my horse and me:
She had said from the beginning, that she doesn't think this horse is for me, BUT if I want to ride this horse, and if I really want that, then she'll do everything in her power to help me deal with this horse. Which she does and I'm really greatful. I wouldn't even have made it this far without her. She just understands horses really well, she understands their feelings, the anatomy of a horse but also the human anatomy and how my movements affect the horse, etc.
However she's not the first person to tell me that it's not the right horse for me. The trainer I had before her said the same thing. He said that this horse is just too much for me. Also another trainer and dressage judge that I know pretty well had visited us multiple times and told me the same thing. But I really wanted to prove everybody wrong and show them that I can do it.

Also someone asked if she's my first mare:
No, my old horse is a mare too, and I have also ridden quite a few horses before buying my new one, I also competed with some friends' horses and I always seemed to click better with mares...

I hope I answered all questions that came up in the thread. :)

I would also like to add, that she acted quite crazy after we bought her, after a while I was compelety scared of her. She was crazy while riding, lounging and I couldn't even walk her on hand. She was not just crazy, but dangerous too.
She's much better now, most of the time she's a really calm horse, doesn't get scared easily and she can be trusted most of the time, so we've definitely progressed in this area, but shes still a handful to ride.

Thanks for the advices :)
 
Faracat said:
Horses are not lazy, they are very amenable animals. It actually takes far more effort to stand and buck than it does to walk on, please think about this. Throughout reading your whole thread I was waiting to read what your vet said, but no mention of this came. Stop comparing her to your old horse and please start looking at what is wrong with the poor creature that is in front of you.

Sorry I'm posting the video again.

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That’s a fantastic video but scary as it probably means I’ve never come across a completely sound horse!
 
There will be something wrong with this horse I would bet the GS hacienda on it .
I have lost count of how many times I have seen horses who misbehaved with their owners go well for strong pros and turn out to have hideous things wrong with them .
OP has the horse had a full problems with performance work up from a vet who specialises in this type of work .
And have you tried her on regumate .
 
Getting a horse vetted for purchase and getting a lameness work up are completely different. Please OP, get the vet back again, and tell them everything you have told us here.

I'd be concerned that it is a hormonal issue - horses shouldn't be constantly on their period! Ovarian cycts or similar can lead to behavioural issues, together with reactive sides and ridden problems. Just a thought. Good luck in whatever you decide to do x
 
I'm not impressed with a vet who simply says that a mare will grow out of obvious hormonal problems. I would find a different vet and get a 2nd opinion, preferably with a scan of her ovaries. A horse that stands in one place and bucks is definitely in pain somewhere.
If you tell us where you are OP someone may be able to recommend a good vet with expertise in these issues.
 
To be blunt I think you’ve been drawn in by an idea of what a horse can be without the skills to make the horse into that. Provided the vet thinks she’s sound etc I’d sell and buy something more ready made for your skill level and current aspirations.
 
OK, so she has not had a full lameness work up and she has a massive red flag RE her reproductive system that has not been investigated.

Get a specialist vet out to see her, or even better take her to a vet hospital. You really need to get things investigated and treated, even if the end goal is to sell her on once she's happier.
 
I know how tetchy and sore my mare can be when she's in season and she's nowhere near as bad as some I've known - sounds like she needs a scan to see if there's something going wrong internally.
 
I glossed over the end of the original post as at that time I was looking for veterinary input, but it has since mulled over in my head and I have a couple of points to make.

Maybe we were never supposed to work out, maybe she entered my life to teach me how to let go?
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What sort of crazy 'newspeak' is this?
Horses will certainly teach you lots of things and it is true that you never stop learning things with horses, but this just sounds like you are trying to emotionally detach from her and therefore wash your hands of her.

She is your horse and your responsibility until she is either dead or sold. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable putting her up for sale as things stand.

Remember, you are your horse's advocate. They cannot speak, so you have to speak for them. She is trying to let you know (through her behaviour) that something is wrong. You need to keep pushing to find out what that is. You have a big clue due to her not coming out of season.

Things that you may learn while you search for what is going on with your horse.
1. Vets are fallible. They are human and that means that they make mistakes. You need to push for a 2nd/3rd opinion, go to a specialist etc... until you find someone that takes you seriously and actually listens to the horse.
2. Really good riders can get a horse to do things despite them being in pain and/or refusing to do the thing with another rider.
3. Sexism is rife in the horse world (towards mares, I've had long discussions with my vet about the subject and it is a very sad one). Are you female? Would you be happy and skipping through the daisies if you had a period constantly? How would you respond if you went to the doctor and they told you that you'd grow out of it? Would you be able to be athletic and perform on demand with a gynecological problem?

I mean, if that's not a sign that we were supposed to end up together, then what is? But then I als keep thinking of a quote from a song "If we were meant to be, we would have been by now."
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This is utterly irrelevant. There are so many songs in the world that you can find a song quote to back up almost any stance/thought/feeling. How about 'deep down inside I feel to scream, this terrible silence stops me.' It may have been written about an injured soldier who couldn't talk, but it's apt for a horse in pain that cannot talk, no?
 
OP if my horse went to the wrong person she would be labelled a nutcase within a week and would have a host of people suggesting there is something wrong with her, she is the most amenable horse for me because I am calm but I have seen her switch to psycho with someone a bit nervous and heavy handed on board.
Whilst there is a possibility the horse has something wrong and hopefully that is being looked into there is also the possibility that you are not the right person for this horse.
Did you see the facebook post where Jay Johnson helped the lady with the rearer? That looked like it had all sorts of problems, went through every check including reproductive system, now with the right training is absolutely fab!
 
Horses don't "enter" our lives, they are bred, trained, bought and sold. There is possibly something wrong with your horse, or you are not competent to ride her, either way it is your responsibility to do something about it.

Oh, and: "the fact that I was able to buy her for half the prize.. I mean, if that's not a sign that we were supposed to end up together, then what is?" That is a sign that she was cheap for a reason, and the reason is most likely that they saw you and your empty head coming......
 
HeyMich said:
I'm concerned when you say she won't even start walking, but stands in one place and bucks. That sounds like a pain reaction to me. Have you had her saddle and back checked lately? It might be worth getting a vet to check her over before you decide.

However, if there is no physical/pain reason, then it does sound like the two of you just aren't suited. Some horses and riders aren't suited, and it's much better to walk away before one of you gets hurt.
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This could be a hack issue too... needs a full vet work up
 
Some transition work may help (e.g. walk-halt, trot lengthening/shortening). Transition work can help lighten the aids. From the description, there may also be a power challenge from the horse. If there is, your trainer may be able to help identify it and provide guidance (although you will need to work through it with your horse). If leadership is established gently (yet as firmly as required), the horse/rider relationship can become a mutually happy one (from experience). If it is not a leadership challenge issue, warming up in a relaxing trot or longeing her before your ride may help (especially with a nervous or high-strung horse).
 
OP you are clearly out of your depth with this horse. Please get her seen by a good reputable vet for her hormone problems, and then when these are resolved, you should sell her, she is not the horse for you and there is no shame in admitting that.
 
You say she likes to hack and you want to school and stands in the corner won't move and bucks. She is trying to tell you something.
Just like us horses find some things easy and some things difficult, and like us they want and easy life. Some teachers make you work, and some you can bully and they will go away. Your horse is smart and that is what she is doing. She has weighed up your body language as you walk towards her and thinks Nah, not today.
So you have two issues, why does she not want to work, is mental, or physical and only looking a her as a whole will help you decide with a vets help? The second issue is you think you can not do it together so you have become disheartened, which is not surprising.
Someone riding your horse and it going well for them is a mental kick in the teeth.
I think you are not a child but I have seen this happen so often with children's ponies, the pony essentially is not going to change, but the parent persists in trying to get the child to ride it, and they end up not wanting to ride
I would sell her if possible because horses are supposed to be fun and it's not working for both of you. Treat yourself to some lessons or hacks on a nice horse and get your confidence back up. I
It takes years to build a partnership with some horses, so when you buy just accept its never going to be as good as your old horse, and one day it will be different but just as good, but it will take time.
 
palomino200 said:
Some transition work may help (e.g. walk-halt, trot lengthening/shortening). Transition work can help lighten the aids. From the description, there may also be a power challenge from the horse. If there is, your trainer may be able to help identify it and provide guidance (although you will need to work through it with your horse). If leadership is established gently (yet as firmly as required), the horse/rider relationship can become a mutually happy one (from experience). If it is not a leadership challenge issue, warming up in a relaxing trot or longeing her before your ride may help (especially with a nervous or high-strung horse).
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Not so easy to do on a horse which will only stand in a corner and buck! That needs to be sorted out first.
 
As you are fed up with this horse I would firstly say don't ride her again. While ever she is displaying these behaviours she is not saleable, and you will not decipher if it is an issue with her or with you as a rider for her. You riding her is compounding he issue and clouding the waters as to what is the matter.

I would secondly investigate saddle fit and her hormonal issues. I would have her ovaries scanned, it is just an ultrasound and will not break the bank.

You sound as if you are at a professional barn. So third on the list would be for your trainer to ride and get her out competing. As a 6 year old with athletic build and beautiful paces, if she is healthy she should be up for competing very soon. Get her some consistency with her work and get her a competition record. As a 6 year old with a dodgy background, she will need a competition record to counter that worry in buyers' minds.

If she proves OK physically, and OK for the trainer to ride and OK to compete, then fourthly, advertise around March. If she is going well and competing word may well get round before then and she may sell before.

The above course of action would likely bring about the best resolution for your horse and for you (and the trainer TBH, but that is a side issue).
 
Agree with the honetpot and JB, get her hormone issues looked into more closely, but even if she has a problem that can be sorted relatively easily by a vet, I really don't think she's the right horse for you from reading this, I'm sorry.

The refusing to move and bucking could be entirely physical, but from my experience, that level of refusal to engage with their work generally has a considerable contribution from mental pain/stress/fear. What is certain from your description, is that this horse is very unhappy being schooled by you, and you are very unhappy schooling her. So probably best for both of you to try a new partnership now
 
To be honest it sounds to me like any one of quite a number of younger (As in teens not twenties) PC Kids I have had involvement with over the years who have bought a competition animal not realizing how different they are. There do appear to be vet issues which haven't been investigated fully - but the comments about the trainer being able to ride the trot and canter of a probably fairly big moving youngster intended for dressage makes me think of a younger rider (again - teens not kids, I'm old OK?) somewhat over horsed with a youngster.

Yes there is lots more to this - vet issues, the need for a quick sale. Young folk and young horses. Possibly first horse. Clearly confidence issues.

OP - you probably need to listen to your trainers and sell this horse on as responsibly as you can. As she stands you won't see much or any of your money back. But she clearly is not working out for you and there is no blame in that. Yes in an ideal world you would spend significant amounts looking for vet answers, fitting and re-fitting tack etc. But it is also right - and a grown up decision - that you are not right for each other. But if you have any say in the matter please try to make sure she goes to a responsible and experienced home.
 
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