My husband hates my horses

I keep my two at home and my OH does look after them with the back up of a horsey friend, if I have an occasional holiday. He doesn't do holidays. He was scared of them to start with but is gradually getting confident around them. He doesn't do a lot with the actual horses but will fill buckets and haynets and even poo picked in the field when I had a bad foot and really couldn't walk. He is also good at moving electric fencing etc.

I did overhear him telling a friend that he knows his place, after the horses and dogs and on a par with the cat!!

I have lived in the past with a controlling man, I got rid!

Never thought of arsenic at the time, probably as well!

Jane
 
Trade him in for a horsey one, they're far better
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Simples!
 
My OH is not too keen, but is pretty good.
I have 2 jobs to pay for the horses and I have to make sure they don't impact AT ALL on family life, either financially or timewise.
Compromise is all - do you need 4? If your children aren't interested couldn't they share a pony and you only need one to ride? That may seem unfair to you but give and take has saved many a relationship.
And as Pedantic says, lots of sex - NEVER say you are too tired, that would be the horses fault.
 
Crickey I'm so lucky! My husband never moans about the amount of time I spend down the yard, money I spend on her or the contstant horsey smell my clothes emit
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He rang me yesterday as he had just delivered to a tack shop and they had Horseware Rambo stable rugs on sale, he wanted to know if Cropi needed one
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He bought me a trailer for my birthday so I can get out and about and always asks after her. When I first got the trailer I wasn't very confident in towing so dragged him around with me and he only complained once
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He has got his car which was expensive to buy and his toy, he's also got this PS3 so I think he quite likes it when I go off for the day as he can 'save the world' without me moaning at him to turn it down!!
 
my OH always says he hates my horses and that he wont pay for them..... and that if we were to split he'd NEVER EVER get with another horsey person.

However i do think half of it is because he doesnt have a motor Cross Bike, so i am going back to work full time on the 23rd as i'd like to get him one for xmas.... or at least get him part way.

our world evolves round my ponies,..... to be fair he does help me... at the moment he's making a back wall of a stable. But i would love to go watch him doing motorcross sometimes!!

One of his friends once asked if he'd tried the question.... Me or the horse, he said he wouldnt dare!
 
Readng some of these replies I'm really glad both OH and I had horses when we met (through horses) and both still have horses. Only thing thats changed is the number has increased once daughter got involved.
We both agree that the relationship just would not work if we didn't share the passion. Our lives revolve around the horses. Cost or time involved is never an issue although I did draw the line at horse have top brand shampoo and our bathroon having tesco's Value.
The only time we have a disagreement about the horses is when we both want to go to different comps on the same day.
Two horseboxes is just not going to happen.
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Hmmm if he's like that about horses I hope he wouldn't feel so resentful of any children you may have.

My husband tolerates the horses because (in his mind=paranoid) if I'm at the yard/riding/mucking out etc I can't get up to any mischief off gallavanting with any other men o_0

*sigh* I wouldn't want to gallavant with any other men, I'd rather be with a horse any day :-P
 
My OH was puzzled initially but by the time I moved from one horse at livery to two horses and a donkey on rented land at home, he'd resigned himself to the fact that his wife is permanently clad in jods, considers a clean outfit as good enough for a night out, only has friends with horses ... and perhaps the main thing is that I earn enough to keep the horses entirely outside the household budget. He also is a very keen fisherman, which does help in the 'I'll do this if you do that' negotiations!
 
It is a tricky one. I got horses by stealth - for my daughter! I had loan ponies as a child but never had any contact with horses when we met or for a few years after we were married. Now we have 3.

My husband is wonderful but would be happy if I never had any horses. However he knows they keep me and my daughter happy. He is not expected to pay for them - we do that and I think that it is only reasonable. He did however buy our horsebox and he also is "lending" me money for repairs on it now. He will not let me pay him back so I will take him away for the weekend to say thank you.

Compromise as everyone says - and I think you cannot expect him to pay for your hobby - great if he does - but not really fair to expect it. I know when I have "gone too far" in spending time and money and try to avoid doing this too much. In return he has his footie and does as he pleases with his mates occasionally going away to watch Grand Prix and things for the weekend.

If he loves you he will compromise too. If he is controlling and a bully get rid. There are lovely non horsey men out there you dont have to put up with this.
 
I was in a very similar situation I got into horses fairly late in life and at first hubby was great about it. Then things began to change, he would say I spent too much time there so I told him the alternative of full livery would cost more, but he said thats fine, so horse went on FL. A few months later he was costing too much so explained again that alternative was me spending more time at yard, said ok that would be better. Then of course a few months later I was spending too much time
I knew the underlying thing was he wanted me to give it up but I would not budge as I had taken a good hard luck into our past relationship and realised the pattern.
He was unhappy with his life and blamed whatever he could think of that I was doing. I would change it, but it was NEVER ENOUGH the goalposts kept moving.
I became more stubborn about things.

Eventually the marriage ended after 23 years.... I am still 'into' horses (altho looking for a new ned again) I have never been so happy!!!!! He is living with the woman he left me for and still very unhappy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He tried to come back several times but I knew I didn't want him or his problems

Hun I suggest you look to before you had horses and think carefully about whether he found things to complain about then, (may have been small and subtle) If he didn't then was it because you did everything he wanted????
 
he's also got this PS3 so I think he quite likes it when I go off for the day as he can 'save the world' without me moaning at him to turn it down!!

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This is what saves our relationship! no moaning when they can play fifa for a few hours!
 
Hm. Interesting reading!

I gave up horses when I met my hubby because he didn't like them, and he gave up football because I didn't like it (can't stand the noise!).

A few years later the urge just to have a lesson grew. We had a massive row, about something totally unconnected, and I think my words were long the lines of "I'm going riding and I'm having a life of my own that is not controlled by you. I'll be back in time for dinner!".

I was a stay at home Mum for many, many years. Didn't get a horse because I was afraid of getting hurt when the girls were young and physically needed me.

A shortened version of life is that whilst hubby would be happy if they were all sold tomorrow, he knows they're what makes me tick. I can only have a horse because he looks after her when I'm away. Daughter has one because he will take her out and about. He likes to take action shots and can't wait 'till we're competing properly so he can go play. When we do get compteting he will be as proud and pleased as punch because he knows it is so important to us (by us I mean eldest daughter and me).

He got upset the other day becuase I was stressing (yet again!) about Dizzy, and said Sell Them! But he just wants to protect me, so I let him off lol.

He now watches football and I sit and watch some matches with him (cotton wool in ears lol).

I think what I'm trying to say, and probably very badly as head is not with it today, is that a partnership is about compromise. He doesn't have to love what you do, but loving someone means supporting them. Obviously that means compromise on both sides - we're going to move so we can have the horses at home rather than x miles away.

Anyway, I'll stop ponitificating and woffling and go and drink tea and send you lots of hugs and hope you can talk to him and come up with a balance in your lives.
 
Oh no, poor you. It must be very upsetting and demoralising for you. I am very lucky that my OH does the horses with me, so that he can spend time with me and he helps nearly every night (unless the football is on!) The horses are at home though and we usually do them when my son has gone to bed. He is starting to love them as much as me. Is the problem only with the horses or elsewhere too?
 
To be honest, I am going to play devil's advocate a little and say our OHs have a point.

I think we forget sometimes that men are quite sensitive creatures and get low self-esteem too. He probably worries that you love your horses more than him. As someone else has said, the horses are a life-style and every day I get home late smelling of shite and say 'Monty was being so cute today' or 'Zoom is the bestest pony in the world'.

It must get pretty tiresome. I am not saying that his behaviour is excusable but you can see the reasons behind it.

I think you just need to speak to him about it. Have a really honest and frank conversation about both your behaviours and the way it makes you both feel. At the end of the day, we are horsey girls, like it or lump it but there is always compromise
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Ditch the hubby, men are useless anyway, you get much more pleasure out of horses who the hell wants to be a boring housewife when they could have a troop of horses!!!
 
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He sounds a right meanie, us blokes are normally ok if kept looked after in the bedroom dept, wear him out regularly so he is too knackered to complain about anything, not just horses.

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he he he...I find this works.....
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I didnt have horses when I met my husband..although I had had them in the past. He bought my horse...I bought one for daughter and eventually he bought his own just as he says ' to have more in common with me'.....we have rows on occasion when time is tight and I want to ride...I see it as my right...sounds awful but I look after his mare for him, all he has to do is tack up......he gets fed up when my money is spent on 4x4/trailer/new saddle etc but he cant say owt cos it my money. I encourage him to have his own hobbies.....he's not keen on coming to shows, he wont come and watch me but will come now and again to watch our daughter.

I have to say...when we've had rows he's said....its me or the horse.....I always choose the horses.....he's still here.
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Its give and take....but TBH it doesnt seem as if your OH wants any of it.

Hugs honey...I feel for you x
 
Oh my god, I would tell him to bog off personally my hubby met me with horses and knows that they come 1st no matter what he used to say I am with them more then I am with him...well err yes they need a mummy and I had them before you so problem is?.....

My horses always come first I pay for them out of my wages so OH really doesnt get much say in it and he knows this...but to be fair he has helped me out no end and is now joining the household cav to try and become a farrier and he also helps me out with my mare and did help with merls too...so he came around!

Good luck it's a hard thing but he has to know that you are a person too and need your own things to do esp if your paying for them now!!
 
My OH is a keen fisherman and goes away for a weeks fishing a couple of times a year and fishes most Sundays so he can't really complain about the amount of time I spend with Bella. Not yet anyway as she is only a baby at 14 months
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We have 6 kids (youngest is nearly 9) and have been married nearly 26 years and this is the first time I have deliberately gone against him when he's said he would rather I didn't do something.

He's coming round slowly but has said he won't help me pay for anything for her at all. Just as well I work isn't it
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I really feel for you, but like others have said it is a partnership and you are both entitled to have a life.

My OH is amazing he even suggested that i only work part time so i can play with the horses half the day and be home in time for him finishing works so we can eat together at a reasonable time.

He comes to competitions with me and even calls my dressage tests, he doesn’t like mucking out etc but will do if i am ill. He has his own hobbies and likes it when i am out so he can do his own thing. However, that said i don’t spend all day Sat and Sun at the yard so we have time together and we bought a static caravan so we can go away for the weekend and spend time away from the horses (friend does them then i do hers so she can spend time with her OH) it works.

Give and take is definitely the order of the day, he never asks me when i am coming home but like wise i don’t gossip down the yard if i know he could be waiting for me.

I must add he is very allergic to horses and can’t even give me a kiss if I haven’t got changed form the yard, so he has to dose himself on antihistamines when I am competing, bless him.
 
While, I agree that his behaviour is not acceptable, to have gone from 0 horses to 4 horses in a year probably has been a bit of a shock to him - timewise and cost wise that is quite a commitment.

Can you talk to him and see if you can agree a compromise - maybe you could sell of loan out the ponies especially if your children aren't too interested at the moment, or maybe a sharer would help timewise and financially?

It sounds like a hobby of his own would do him good too.
 
I'm having the same problems with my bf at the moment been together 2 years he lives up north me down south so can only see each at weekends but pony i have is very poorly and is on last lot of medication before we have to make a decision on him. I have had him 16 years and grew up with him and as i work full time i want to spend my weekends with him as i have limited time left but he doesn't understand that i cant come up to him as i need to be here but he wont come to me as he said it's boring......... it's time to get rid!!!
 
OP I feel for your OH - and I'm a horsey girl! My OH has an expensive time consuming hobby. From which he comes home stinking (not in a good way!) and too tired to be any fun. It also makes him tense and worried. So, even less fun. He does pay for it all himself but then we both have jobs and no kids.

We've argued about it more than anything else.

What makes it better for me is
- sometimes doing it in a way that involves me: 'have a go' days for friends, both spectating and picnicking on day out etc, etc
- making sure the bedroom stuff happens, lots
- if he is going to spend most of a weekend doing it make sure at least one evening is a treat thing for us together
- if he is stressed by it (and horses can be stressful too) making sure he keeps it in perspective, my life matters too and if his hobby isn't fun he can always quit!

TBH if you've had time to play with four horses while kids are at school and hubby is working to keep you all it might be time for you to get a job... might not be very fair on him if you get to have your fun every day of the week and he only gets to play (with out you when he might prefer to have you around) at weekends.
 

I know exactly where you are coming from on this one!!

After two years of living in Spain (was here for the four years prior) on his own by his rules, mine has now returned is now sulking about the horses..

In short, I want to be happy, and you only live once so while I am happy to compromise, I will not be giving up, nor will I be arguing about him resenting them on a daily basis!!

He will either be re-schooled and learn to play nicely or he can leave!! I wouldn't choose or respect any man who gave me 'a me or the horse/friends/job/child etc..' ultimatum!!

Keep smiling!! It'll all sort itself out in the end! xxx
 
It's all about compramise IMO. I say if my BF is willing to come up and help with the horses a few times a week (help as in help groom or get them in) or come and watch at competitions, I'm willing to do the cooking or pay for us to get a pizza in.
It works both ways.
 
well said mrs M - as usual. My OH would be so happy if I sold mine but I think he would soon change his mind when I became very unhappy with being horseless - they keep me sane and give me something else to think about other than house, work and children!

Its a give and take thing - he knows I love them and has helped out when needed to and generally with a smile. He doesnt like the added burden they are to my time and family time but knows that I dont abuse that (I generally do the horses when the rest of the family is asleep) and I pay for them out of my own money.

We now try to avoid any arguments, even little niggly comments about the time spent / money involved horses after having several very bad fights which made it much worse - a truce has been drawn and we both know how far we can go before the other gets upset...... If we do then it is dealt with and put away. I will not sell my horses just for him only for the bigger picture of the family - money / time etc and he knows that now. Taken my 3 years though!
 
Why do you need/want/have 4 horses?

I don't really understand why so many OH's have a problem with their wives/gf's having horses.. there seem to be a lot of people on HHO with miserable OH's.

However.. if you don't work and he is expected to stump up for 4 horses I can see why he would be a bit peeved. How about a compromise and get rid of 2 or 3 of them - so you have more time for you marriage, less cost, but still have a horse.

.. I think you need to get realistic
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get him a hobby!! i bought mine a PS3 (pricey but worth it for the hours of peace you can gain by them!) and he cant complain because i just pop him down in front of it and off i go!! he has now also discovered fishing so my comprimise is that i go fishing occasionally and he comes to the horses on saying that i have now been waiting over an hour and a half for him to get ready to come riding so maybe its not worth it!!!
 
i think if you value your marriage then you need to cut down on the horses (4 is alot) and/or get someone to do them for you a few times a week (a sharer or paid help) so you can have certain evenings set aside for familytime/time with OH.

my husband encouraged me to get my horse and knows how much i get out of it and is happy for me. although he was moaning the other nite about his place in the house hierachy. he thinks it goes me, daughter, horse, him, dog!!! bless him he's about right - its nice when they know their place!!
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the only thing he said was that he was glad to be above the dog!!
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gotta love him
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My husband learnt a long time ago that the horses are non negotiable! To his credit I couldn't manage them all without him, and he loves them just as much as I do. He just wouldn't want anyone else to know...
 
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