My husband hates my horses

My OH says 'Horses mean divorces!' I too have 4, but one is out on loan and and 2 are my mare and foal, out 24-7. So only one horse that is time consuming. He would rather I spent all my time with him, but I am very independent and like 'me time'. I try to have 1 whole day at the weekend when I don't go to the yard, (usually a Saturday so I can compete on a Sunday) and spend the day with him. your OH is right in saying your life shouldnt revolve around the horses. A Marriage is a commitment as well as a horse is.
 
My husband many years ago said: You spend too much time doing housework, get yourself a hobby. So as i had a horse as a teenager i started having lessons again. He brought me all the gear off i went. As you know its not the same just having lessons so eventually had my own. He brought me the horse, new saddle. Then my daughter got the bug. Brought her a pony for christmas. Sold mine, brought another and new saddle. Then he brought me a trailer and 4x4. Daughter lost interest so now only have one. BUT OMG do i have it all thrown back in my face, oh yes all the bloody time. I work part time to pay for my horse he pays all the household bills. I'm very gratefull for all of it. But he still says my biggest regret was getting you a horse. Well my horse is here to stay so tough.
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I think we forget sometimes that men are quite sensitive creatures and get low self-esteem too. He probably worries that you love your horses more than him.

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You know, I've been criticised on here for being too fussy and having too high standards of what I require in a OH. But from reading posts like this, I'm thinking I've probably got it right. I would never have an OH who wasn't athletic and had a sporty hobby (my criteria was being able to run at least a 34 minute 10k!), and who equally wasn't practical and couldn't have a decent go at things like car maintenance and yes helping with my horses if needed and building field shelters.

I'd never go for the sort of spoilt, petulant man who expects you to run around after him! I certainly wouldn't want a man who had no hobbies and was scared of going outside and getting dirty, and I think the fact that such men are considered the norm, rather than being kicked into touch, just encourages them. Oh, and I can't cook either and have no intention of having kids, yet my OH wouldn't dream of expecting me to have no pleasure in life, and he loves my horses, especially my mare :-) He only comes along now and then but thats fine. Surely your aim in life should be to make each other happy, not remind each other of your "duties".

OP - perhaps a bit of marriage guidance could work wonders? As I said in my previous post though I do wonder if he is panicing slightly at going from 0 to 4 horses in a year. I have 2 and certainly wouldn't want any more, its far too much work! What about a compromise - if you got the horses down to two, he would come along more to them with you?
 
'If my OH starts to whinge, I give him the 'look'..... He soon shuts up
Na my OH pretty good, he has the odd moan, but I do have 11
(5 for sale) ' !!!!!

11?!...... And you can kill his whinges with 'the look'??! Crikey!! He is either really brilliant, you have him really well trained, or you are REALLY scary!!

I think I need to practice my 'look'!
 
I totlly understand where your all coming from. Before I met my hubby I always had pet ponies. Then I got married and lived in germany/USA for years.Came back to the UK,then hubby follows,NOW then.He got me the money for my horse but is very resentful of my cob,jelious if you ask me.Everytime we get into a argument,the horse comes up. I ignore him,theres no way I would part with my cob and he jolly well knows it.
Stick too your guns and stand your ground!!!!!
 
QR - i'm pretty shocked by many of the attitudes on here! Just reverse it a bit. If someone posted:

"My husband is really into motorbikes and every spare moment is spent in the shed prepping his racer, reading motorcycle mags or planning his next season's campaign. I never see him after he comes home from work and he always smells of oil and there are bits of motorbike scattered through the house. I want to go on holiday but he's either spent the money on some new carburettors or we can't go away when I want because there's a race meeting on he wants to go to. He's got a whole set of friends that I don't know, he keeps nagging me to come out to races with him and I'm just not interested. Now he wants to buy another bike."

You'd all be yelling "Get rid of him, he's doing you no good, he's being spoilt and selfish, put your foot down" but when it's a woman who's husband seems to be feeling that way about horses you're telling her he's being unreasonable and to get rid of him! Even though in this case the bloke is actually PAYING for the horses!
 
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I'd never go for the sort of spoilt, petulant man who expects you to run around after him! I certainly wouldn't want a man who had no hobbies and was scared of going outside and getting dirty, and I think the fact that such men are considered the norm, rather than being kicked into touch, just encourages them. Oh, and I can't cook either and have no intention of having kids, yet my OH wouldn't dream of expecting me to have no pleasure in life, and he loves my horses, especially my mare :-) He only comes along now and then but thats fine. Surely your aim in life should be to make each other happy, not remind each other of your "duties".

OP - perhaps a bit of marriage guidance could work wonders? As I said in my previous post though I do wonder if he is panicing slightly at going from 0 to 4 horses in a year. I have 2 and certainly wouldn't want any more, its far too much work! What about a compromise - if you got the horses down to two, he would come along more to them with you?

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I totally agree HH.
 
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QR - i'm pretty shocked by many of the attitudes on here! Just reverse it a bit. If someone posted:

"My husband is really into motorbikes and every spare moment is spent in the shed prepping his racer, reading motorcycle mags or planning his next season's campaign. I never see him after he comes home from work and he always smells of oil and there are bits of motorbike scattered through the house. I want to go on holiday but he's either spent the money on some new carburettors or we can't go away when I want because there's a race meeting on he wants to go to. He's got a whole set of friends that I don't know, he keeps nagging me to come out to races with him and I'm just not interested. Now he wants to buy another bike."

You'd all be yelling "Get rid of him, he's doing you no good, he's being spoilt and selfish, put your foot down" but when it's a woman who's husband seems to be feeling that way about horses you're telling her he's being unreasonable and to get rid of him! Even though in this case the bloke is actually PAYING for the horses!

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Hmmm.....when you put it that way......

*wanders off feeling guilty*

I better 'be nice' to OH more often and keep him happy
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QR - i'm pretty shocked by many of the attitudes on here! Just reverse it a bit. If someone posted:

"My husband is really into motorbikes and every spare moment is spent in the shed prepping his racer, reading motorcycle mags or planning his next season's campaign. I never see him after he comes home from work and he always smells of oil and there are bits of motorbike scattered through the house. I want to go on holiday but he's either spent the money on some new carburettors or we can't go away when I want because there's a race meeting on he wants to go to. He's got a whole set of friends that I don't know, he keeps nagging me to come out to races with him and I'm just not interested. Now he wants to buy another bike."

You'd all be yelling "Get rid of him, he's doing you no good, he's being spoilt and selfish, put your foot down" but when it's a woman who's husband seems to be feeling that way about horses you're telling her he's being unreasonable and to get rid of him! Even though in this case the bloke is actually PAYING for the horses!

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Now I'm thinking I am quite strange! My OH does Ironmans. Thats why he can't help me that often with my horses - he has to train. If he needs a new bike, then I understand why! Our summer holiday next year is already planned - I will be supporting him at the Nice Ironman and then we are spending two weeks in the French Alps where I will indulge my third maddest hobby of all, downhill mountain biking. And TBH I've always rather fancied having a go at motorbike trail racing!

Why do I understand? Because we met when we were both on the Scottish Triathlon squad and have so many interests in common. Albeit now I prefer middle distance running, DH and showjumping.

I'm always puzzled by hearing how people with different interests compliment each other, to me it seems far easier to just have an OH you have things in common with! I'd never have a non-sporty OH, they just wouldn't interest me.
 
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I think we forget sometimes that men are quite sensitive creatures and get low self-esteem too. He probably worries that you love your horses more than him.

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But from reading posts like this, I'm thinking I've probably got it right. I would never have an OH who wasn't athletic and had a sporty hobby (my criteria was being able to run at least a 34 minute 10k!), and who equally wasn't practical and couldn't have a decent go at things like car maintenance and yes helping with my horses if needed and building field shelters.

I'd never go for the sort of spoilt, petulant man who expects you to run around after him! I certainly wouldn't want a man who had no hobbies and was scared of going outside and getting dirty, and I think the fact that such men are considered the norm, rather than being kicked into touch, just encourages them. Oh, and I can't cook either and have no intention of having kids, yet my OH wouldn't dream of expecting me to have no pleasure in life, and he loves my horses, especially my mare :-) He only comes along now and then but thats fine. Surely your aim in life should be to make each other happy, not remind each other of your "duties".

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How bloody dare you!
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For your information my OH is a landscape gardener with his own business who regularly works 10 hours a day, 6 days a week. He is also an excellent painter and sculptor who went to art school. He has 7 tropical fish tanks and spends alot of time doing that.

He also does ALL the cooking and cleaning so I can have horses!!!!!!!!!

Just because I am not totally selfish and want to have a relationship where I actually spend time with my OH does not mean I run around picking up after him while he sits on the sofa farting and drinking beer!
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It also doesn't mean that I love my horses any less than you do. I was merely implying that maybe instead of being 'he can piss off if he resents my horses' people should maybe look at their own behaviour and respect the fact that sometimes you have to make time for each other.
 
Judging from some of the answers on here you are quite strange, as am I! We've both got partners who have (or, in my case, had) another interest which we accept and support. I shared my partners love of motorcycles and was actually fully involved with it. It's only since he's been unable to have bikes that I've got back into horses. He supports me in my hobby now.

However, what I posted was trying to be the direct opposite of what the OP to this thread wrote about her OH and to point out that in an equivalently unequal situation the clamour from here would be to ditch him.
 
My OH is absolutely fantastic I have to say. He comes to the yard with me on the days I'm riding as I'll be there a while and he says he'd rather spend time with me at the yard then not spend time with me at all. If I'm not riding I go straight to yard from work and I'm home by 7.30pm and he does the tea for me. I tried on a dress the other day for a party on sat and he was gobsmacked cos he's not seen me in a dress for years, I don't have a social life so he was shocked!

I honestly don't think he has ever complained about my horse. Sometimes he complains about not having money and I feel guilty and say that if we didn't have Belle we'd have money, but then he says yes but he'd rather I was happy most of the time and just occassionally sad we don't have any money, than have plenty money and be miserable all the time because I didn't have a horse. Did that make sense?

This post has made me realise I really don't appreciate him enough, think I'll make an extra effort tonight.

OP - I really hope you figure out what's best for you both and that it doesn't end in either of you being miserable.
 
Phew thank goodness I found a horsey one!

We met riding and are now looking to buy our first horse jointly to share. So riding doesn't often cause friction between us.

But I can see that if one isn't horsey it could easily be a problem. Not too bad if you each have an expensive time consuming hobby (my firned rides while her husband plays golf, they have an agreement to each try the other's hobby too) but if one is horsey and the other doesn't really have any big hobbies that just spells trouble.

I think OP you both need to compromise and respect each others interests. 4 horses at home is a lot, especially if you arenn't working, could you agree to limit the horses, and get a job if he stops moaning about them?
 
Ah, the pitfalls of the HHO forum! I wasn't getting at you directly, I just took a bit of your quote and replied to you, although I guess it looked as though it was aimed at you personally. It wasn't, it was a generic post. Your OH sounds great.

And again, generally, I just find it a bit sad that there are so many unhappy relationships around with people who seem stuck together but unable to play together. Some posters on here criticised me in the past for being too picky about men for saying I wouldn't go out with one who didn't share some of the same interests as me. In that I would turn down a man who liked me but wasn't at all sporty or outsdoorsy. Apparantly I was being too fussy. I don't think I was.
 
I'm very lucky, I had my horse when I met my OH, he'd had ponies as a kid though. It was him that suggested we bought a field, and of course we had to buy another horse then to keep mine company, so he had one - he didn't ride her much, and he suggested we bred from her (we did). He then wanted another horse so he could still ride - he got one but didn't ride it, and we sold him in the spring this year. So now we have my cob, our youngster and a couple of loaner hill ponies as companions, but we also have sheep, dogs and poultry. The horses all live out so low maintenance, and none are shod - he doesn't resent them at all. He is more likely to go off ealking the dogs (for of them too!) whilst I ride - it works. Oh, and we own a feed merchants, so we work as much as each other, we keep the house semi clean and tidy, and we don't starve.
 
... has been a problem all the time... but OH does tolerate it quite well to be fair and does help the poo picking and going feed shopping and stuff. I am now a full time mum of two and the horse keeps me sane so he knows he has to tolerate it. But no more than that...
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Why is it always the woman who ends up having to compromise and do the cooking, cleaning etc?

I am lucky because my OH and me share the household chores, he looks after my hoss when I am ill and the cats and himself and me.

He even has a little moan if I am suddenly finished at the stables early!

It works great for us because he has his sky sports and the tv and I have the outside and my hoss.

It should be give and take, I would never ask my OH to stop watching footie and he resented the hoss at first, but he has now accepted him and my horse associated obssession.

I think you should both sit down and talk about things calmly and I am sure you can both reach a compromise.
 
We keep horses, pigs, sheep and poultry and my husband can't really understand what I see in horses. He thinks they cost a lot to maintain and you don't even get to eat them!! (His words not mine). Having said that when we met 12 years ago he was the one who suggested I buy a horse so he's only got himself to blame (I do have 3 though now). He does all the fencing and maintainence at the land plus tows the trailer. I also usually get him to sit on unbacked youngsters for the first time, so I won't be getting rid of him just yet.
 
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my husband can't really understand what I see in horses. He thinks they cost a lot to maintain and you don't even get to eat them!! (His words not mine).

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pmsl
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You know what...reading this thread has made me feel lucky to have my OH too.....

Ok...so unless its a sunny day and theres something to mend...he's not likely to want to spend the day at the yard. BUT...he will happily paint /mend stuff...he's putting a new floor in the trailer for me.....he will come for walks with daughter on her pony and go for the odd ride with me although his mare is more of a field ornament. He does put up with me riding and stinking and being gone for the day showing. He is happy to go to Rideaway and R+R and browse horse stuff etc etc. He will come to Bramham and the likes for a day out....he will stand with the blacksmith and vet when my work hours mean I cant.

I do the horses after work and he does the teas for me and kids. He does the ironing, decorating, house maintenance etc etc etc. he will be on-call to reverse my trailer cos I'm shite at it
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I encourage him to go fishing/play badminton and go out and get lashed with the lads when he wants to...about once every other month bless him.

I think I've got a good deal actually....so every now and again when he gets a bit fed up with it...I can understand and be extra nice to him and put the horses on the back burner .....thats not bending over and taking it, its called being in a relationship.

Phew....time for a cup of tea me thinks......
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No worries
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All is forgiven.

It just read like you having a go at me.......the joy of forums! I don't think you are being picky at all, it is very important to have similar hobbies. Me and OH have similar hobbies, he just isn't crazy about horse-riding which is a fairly major hobby!

He still comes along to shows and says lots of things like 'she's tracking up nicely', 'she looks a little overbent' and other such gems that he has read in H&H but has no understanding of the meaning!
 
My boyfriend always calls my horse stupid (he does have a point there) but deep down I think he's quite fond of Flash
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He'd never admit it tho
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I have to agree. My decision to get a horse was one discussed by myself and my non horsey OH. All he said was, "I don't mind as long as you can afford to pay for a livery so we can still have holidays and time together." He LOVES football and cricket but its important to make room for a marriage and to make sure that time and money spent on hobbies is equally portioned out. Havign said that, he now pays for a horse and two ponies for our daughters since I became a full time mum in february this year. But that's marriage - circumstances change and he would never break my heart by making me give up my mare. I have to agree with other posters though, four horses in one year is a lot! Perhaps he doesn't communicate his concerns well, but it does sound like he has grounds for a grievance.
 
Gosh I do feel lucky! I think that when it comes down to it, compromise is key. My OH loves my horse, brings him in, brushes him and will often come for a 'walk/ride' with the dog. In return, I ensure I am home at a reasonable time and he gets to play Forza racing car thing on the xbox!

I do feel blessed as my ex seriously resented the pone even though he was on PL to help avoid difficulties.but it was never enough for him and constantly moaned about it. Result? Horse - 1 : ex-boyfriend - 0

OH is an angel and I am a lucky girl, he has resigned himself to the fact I
am a horse-wife and not a house-wife!!

ETA - got horse during relationship with ex as he worked abroad current knew I had horse. Probably made a difference...
 
Must admit my OH is an Angel, likes the horses will muck out under protest, likes to ride out now and then as long as horse tacked up, but has what I call a hot bot he switches them on and I seem to slow them down, never asks about the bills and will take time off work to help get the hay in and empty the muck trailer each week good at fencing and repair work round the place, but he has had 35 years of it.
 
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