My Letter to Koko

Kokopelli

Kokopelli

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After reading a lovely post where someone wrote a letter to their horse I decided to write one to Koko. So here it goes :)

Dear Koko,
Yes I love you very much and you certainly know it, but how about some tips on how to look after your owner?
I am pretty sure everyone who meets you quickly figures out you’re a handsome boy and you don’t need to put on your ‘pretty’ face to get the “ohhs and ahhs” that you obviously love very much. So there is no need to prance around on my foot, no offence but you actually weigh quite a lot (and please don’t turn anorexic after this) If someone doesn’t stop by your stable to give you fuss they are probably busy, they don’t hate you so there is no need to get grumpy with them when you next see them.

I know you love going very fast when I ride you and it’s probably more fun but how about when I ask you to slow down you actually do, and in return I’ll put you back in your snaffle? Yes jumping seems a lot more fun when you go very fast but trust me it’s a lot easier when you go the speed I say and as a bonus you won’t be giving half the instructors heart failure. Also its not very fun taking off a stride out or jumping three foot higher than the fence, we know you’re scopey now stop showing off.

Actually, on the topic of jumping I can assure you that no jumps have, or ever will have, monsters which will eat you or harm you. The term ‘tiger trap’ refers to the type of fence, there is not actually a tiger in there so I can assure you there is no need to jump five foot over it. Same with ditches, nothing scary will pop out, it’s a little hole in the ground and there is certainly no need to jump five foot high and six foot wide. I can honestly assure you with all my heart that a jump is not going to eat you in anyway shape or form so please when I ask you to jump you jump with me, not let me go over first, I know you’re trying to be a gentleman but please let’s try jumping the jumps together?

I know my hair isn’t in that great condition and it is hay colour but I can assure you it is NOT hay so please don’t try and eat it, it’s actually attached to my head and hurts very much and I won’t eat your hair either. The farriers hair is not edible either, actually no one’s hair is edible so please don’t eat any hair it’s not good for you. On the topic of it, fingers are not edible either, yes they do look like carrots I’ll give you that but trust me it hurts very much when you chew them and I would appreciate it very much if you would not eat my fingers or any part of my anatomy.

I know how much you love your feed which is why I put it in a nice bucket for you and the idea is to eat it out of the bucket, you seemed to have missed this concept. I am getting a bit fed up of cleaning your feed off the rubber matting, the walls, the floor and your face. Its sticky brown and gross so please remember feed stays in the bucket or in your tummy. Once you’ve tipped your bucket up and you do accidently stand on it is not going to hurt you, honest, it’s not even alive! There is no need to stand in the corner of the stable snorting at it until I take it out your stable so you can continue hoovering the food off the floor. After you eat your tea and had a drink it would be very nice if you didn’t dribble that water all over my hair when you try to eat it. And those metal bars outside your stable aren’t for decoration they are for holding your many clothes, please don’t throw everything on the fall then dribble over it or you will have to wear a wet rug. Also please stand on four legs when you eat your not that well balanced and I think standing on three legs, perhaps isn’t the best idea!

If you do this for me I promise you that I will love you forever, feed you until you’re full, watering you until you’re quenched, keep taking you to parties and I won’t try that Parelli rubbish on you. Please remember these points and we will have a better relationship and I will love you even more then I do now.
 
Mine would go like this.........

Dear Harbridge (Harry)
Oh I so wish that I could jump out of my comfortable bed in the morning, full of the joys of spring to leap upon your back. What actually happens, is that the alarm goes off - and I drag myself out, in the semi darkness, pulling on my hi vis jacket to tack you up.
You are always delighted to see me (as you still remember the winter you had off (with your bad leg) and we left you in the field for most of it.....) But as I tack you up - you but can't help yourself to wave a front leg at me and gnash your teeth (all for show) as we check your tack, have the nicest girth possible on you - and let the back lady at you frequently - but we always put it down to 'temperement....'
This is your 11th year and 6th season as a 'racehorse in training' OK 5th - there was the year off. Each year you have grown - When we got you at 4 - you were a big rangey animal - but every year thereafter- you have grown in size and stature, even thiss year when you are rising 12 - you make the new horse at rising 10 - look small and insignificant - and that has been around Cheltenham! - And yes we know that you love being a racehorse in training! During the last four seasons, other young pretenders have come and gone - but yes you are still the best 'racehorse' we have ever had - and don't you know it! They have come and gone - and they were lovely - Polar Flight, Pole Dancer, Macswiggan, Squire - horses I did jump out of bed with alacrity to ride...forward going ,eager, nice personalities - but sadly not much good on the racecourse....
But.....why are you sooooo horrible to ride! Despite almost 8 years of doing the same routes, on the same roads - you treat them as if they are the first time you have ever seen them? You don't go forward, you shy at the inexpicable, you quite simply ride like a camel. OK, so you will let the school bus pass you (full of waving kids) and an articulated lorry chug behind you, without turning a hair - so that is good - thanks 'H' for something!

Hunting soon - where you do go up a gear - and I have to say can be pleasurable (you have brakes, which is lovely) but why do you still try and kick everything - it is so embarrasing - and potentially dangerous! And soon I am going to have to clip you - What an idiot you are - it does not hurt - and you get so jealous if your stable companion is done first - but we always have to resort to the twitch - it is almost as if you like it!

Poor Scrumpy (your hairey, small pony companion) who always goes to the races with you - as you won't be left on your own....is dreading the up-coming season. However, short we tie you - somehow you always reach over and take chunks out of him. You are at your worst if you have won......we were once flagged down by a following car, who could see from their vantage point - how evil you were being!

Every horse on the farm hates you - as you are horrible to them - unless of course they are a mare.....but we learnt our lesson from your infactuations (where, to be honest you were mad, bad and stupid for a while) so you may have noticed that we simply don't have mares any more!

But you old orange fool - you have given us the most memorable days of our lives - when in your races you have tarried at the back - put in some terrible leaps and blunders - but then tenaciously clawed your way to the front and won races - the most spectaculor being two seasons ago - when a sea fog came down, none of us who see a thing, and come the last you battled with a very good horse, from a very good trainer (related to the owner of Denman) and got your nose in front.

On the racecourse - you are transformed - you run your heart out - and words can't describe just how brave you are.
Which means dear Harry, that we forgive you most things, put up with your less than pleasant personality traits and at 6am in dark winter mornings - when you are trying to whip around - I sort of forgive you!
But I do wonder what the hell we are going to do with you when the old legs finally have enough.....as you are not going to want to be a 'retired racehorse......'
Lots of love
Your long suffering - but immensely proud owner!
 
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