Kenzo
Well-Known Member
Thank you folks again after reading all your replies and similar experiances then yes it must happen quite a lot...and I'm not the only one who has felt like this and not doubt it will be someone else next week, life I guess. So (((hugs))) to you that have also been through the same.
Maybe I should up knitting instead.
I could knit a scarf to wrap around her mouth next time she talk utter b*llocks to me
(hmm thats about the only bit of humour you'll see from me today).
Anyway I refuse to resort to cat fights in a livery yard and I'm not going to let this cause any problems down there, despite her stable being next to mine and sharing the same same tackroom
, she's shot a big hole in her foot, well in Ro's foot acutally and its a real shame.
I have typed her letter explaining how I feel, its not a nasty letter but I feel it's things that need to said and she must understand what I feel the way I do.
as per usual ignore the typos, you'll be used it now.
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Hi XXXXX
Just thought Id try and put into words on paper because I was very upset last night about it all.
The whole reason you asked me if Id fancy taking on Ro was because you didnt have time, which is perfectly understandable as you have XXXX and obviously are very busy, also because you didnt have time to ride her and wanted someone to exercise her and keep her in work until you where in a better situation and to start riding her again.
You said you were struggling financially having her on full livery but finding it hard also moving back to DIY as your husband was having to come down and see to her, again totally understandable.
I have no idea if she was on full or part at the time ( I cant remember) but what I do know is I said exactly this to you, tell you what stick her on part livery and Ill see to her and Ill pay for her hay and hard feed while there in.
You agreed and said that was perfect as its saving you money through winter and said you dont know how much that means to me as its been a getting me down worrying about it and having to consider either putting her out on loan or at the worst selling her.
You knew that I paid XXXX at the end of every month both Macks and Ros hay, because hard feed was bought in. How you paid Phil be it in advance or when ever was not an issue. Phil was made aware of the arrangement as soon as I took over, which was the day after that evening at the Dragon. I made sure XXXX was ok with this, like I always do.
You stated you were not keen on putting her on loan, for the sheer fact that it would be a stranger, someone new on the yard which maybe XXXX would not want and because shes has her quirks and shes not the easiest of mares at times you were not sure if youd find someone to take her on anyway, that you trusted me and knew shed be in safe hands, which was ideal for you.
It was my pleasure to be able to help you out at time when you were struggling, not only that but it helped me overcome the stresses and strains of all the problems Ive been having with Mackenzie (trust me you dont know half of them) so it I got pleasure from the situation as well, which Im still very grateful for.
I put a lot of work in Ro, not only just with her schooling but shes been hacking out nearly every other day and she has improved vastly and she trusts me, even proving this by being able to clip her. She can now do dressage and jump a small course of jumps, Im so proud of her and she really enjoys it.
Ive been doing my best to keep her weight down but also keep her in good condition, using supplements and pushing for this restrictive grazing because I main concern was I didnt want her to get lami or to the point where her saddle was not fitting correctly due to her changing shape.
Now I have no idea about what your situation is and what time you have now or how you have been financially over the last few months as that is your business, what I do know is that you were falling behind on your livery and I knew this before but you also admitted that yesterday to me, but that was nothing to do with me and I not my concern or business.
If you wanted to change the arrangement and felt you wanted me to pay £40.00 a month on her livery because she was no longer getting hay (still getting feed though but different type due to her diet and work load) you should of spoke to me sooner and we could sorted something out at the time.
Instead you ring me out of the blue and tell me we owe XXXX £150.00, (I dont have a clue what its for) and that you had not got it and we needed me to sort it out, and said you feel that I should pay this.
Now I may be mistaken here but it seems to me that you have fallen behind on your livery, not given him enough and therefore tried to get me to pay for it by changing what wed agreed which is not a very nice thing to do to anyone let alone a friend.
I said I'd sort it, just for sheer fact that I was crying on the phone and you were not taking in what I was saying, therefore rather than argue with you despite your misunderstanding, that Id sort it.
I then spoke to XXXX, where he suggested quite fairly that we split it so it gets sorted.
It seems that now you have decided that you want a financial contribution to Ros livery all year though, which is fine but you have to understand that it was not what we agreed hence why I cant afford it as well as other costs and am not willing to just change my mind to suit you. I was doing you a favour over winter in return, I was able to ride her, which is why it worked out lovely all round.
After your conversation in the stables you said exactly this, why should you have the privilege of Ro 24/7 and all this, being able to ride her and take her to shows etc without paying for it? you also went onto explain that if I had another horse on full loan Id have to pay for all its upkeep etc so I was lucky etc. You also said well you didnt have to pay for her hard feed, you didnt have to pay for her farrier, you offered! Id of happily paid it myself
That felt like huge slap in the face, I wanted to pay for it, it was my way of contributing which is what we agreed on way back in Dec that Id pay for her shoes, i made this clear and you were more than happy with that also.
Not only that but the reason I have got the privalige of taking her to local hack-able competitions is because I made it possible by putting a lot of effort in and her responding well to my training methods, my riding and understanding of how she is. There is no doubt now if you wanted to put her out on loan you would not struggle as she can now go off and do RC activities, therefore making it easier for you to place her on loan.
I was also willing to pay for her teeth doing which is why I rang you last Sat, as it turns out you use another ETD which is fine, but you made no attept to arrange getting your EDT out and just said leave it for now, but Id of still paid for it though.
So now Im left confused, did you want me to contribute for her livery and everything else? or did you want me to pay for her livery but not farrier/feed etc because either way you did not state this.
I really dont know what you expected because you say one thing in one breath and then another in another breath, then you come across and make me feel like you were the one doing me a favour by letting me ride her when I cherished Ro like my own, did you a favour, did what we agreed and saved you money over winter. You should not try and go back and what we agreed, then say well I just assumed and then expect a quick fix and go about things like a bull in a China shop and for that reason alone.
If your putting a horse out on full or even part loan then you draw up agreement if you are in way concerned about whos paying for what, but this was not as issue because a) we were friends and b) I stick to my word and c) it was an all win situation for you and me, therefore the thought of getting anything in writing never came in to my head.
Anyway its not a question of money or that we have had a disagreement, Im only upset because I got attached to her, that is why I was in tears yesterday knowing that it could be my last ride on her, which it was, you could have been a little more understanding but like you said we all deal with things in different ways, you get mad and i just shut down and roll on the tears but it was because you hurt my feelings.
I was offered another horse on loan (in fact 2 come to think of it) a few months back, something that I could take to competitions and jump etc something that was more suited to what I originally was after but do you know what I said? I said no but thank you anyway because I have got attached to Ro and stated that wanted to be loyal to XXXX, had nothing to do with the fact that Id got a free horse as you put it yesterday, nothing to do with money, its because Id put the work into Ro and wanted to continue and didnt want to let you down.
I am grateful to you as I have enjoyed very much looking after her and has given me a reason to enjoy coming up to hard again as everyone will tell you I have got upset many a time with the fall backs with Mackenzie, so this is not a falling out letter its just a way of expressing to you how I feel without getting all upset again.
Hopefully you will be able to enjoy Ro as much as I have and Im glad that you will now be riding her again.
Maybe I should up knitting instead.
I could knit a scarf to wrap around her mouth next time she talk utter b*llocks to me
Anyway I refuse to resort to cat fights in a livery yard and I'm not going to let this cause any problems down there, despite her stable being next to mine and sharing the same same tackroom
I have typed her letter explaining how I feel, its not a nasty letter but I feel it's things that need to said and she must understand what I feel the way I do.
as per usual ignore the typos, you'll be used it now.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi XXXXX
Just thought Id try and put into words on paper because I was very upset last night about it all.
The whole reason you asked me if Id fancy taking on Ro was because you didnt have time, which is perfectly understandable as you have XXXX and obviously are very busy, also because you didnt have time to ride her and wanted someone to exercise her and keep her in work until you where in a better situation and to start riding her again.
You said you were struggling financially having her on full livery but finding it hard also moving back to DIY as your husband was having to come down and see to her, again totally understandable.
I have no idea if she was on full or part at the time ( I cant remember) but what I do know is I said exactly this to you, tell you what stick her on part livery and Ill see to her and Ill pay for her hay and hard feed while there in.
You agreed and said that was perfect as its saving you money through winter and said you dont know how much that means to me as its been a getting me down worrying about it and having to consider either putting her out on loan or at the worst selling her.
You knew that I paid XXXX at the end of every month both Macks and Ros hay, because hard feed was bought in. How you paid Phil be it in advance or when ever was not an issue. Phil was made aware of the arrangement as soon as I took over, which was the day after that evening at the Dragon. I made sure XXXX was ok with this, like I always do.
You stated you were not keen on putting her on loan, for the sheer fact that it would be a stranger, someone new on the yard which maybe XXXX would not want and because shes has her quirks and shes not the easiest of mares at times you were not sure if youd find someone to take her on anyway, that you trusted me and knew shed be in safe hands, which was ideal for you.
It was my pleasure to be able to help you out at time when you were struggling, not only that but it helped me overcome the stresses and strains of all the problems Ive been having with Mackenzie (trust me you dont know half of them) so it I got pleasure from the situation as well, which Im still very grateful for.
I put a lot of work in Ro, not only just with her schooling but shes been hacking out nearly every other day and she has improved vastly and she trusts me, even proving this by being able to clip her. She can now do dressage and jump a small course of jumps, Im so proud of her and she really enjoys it.
Ive been doing my best to keep her weight down but also keep her in good condition, using supplements and pushing for this restrictive grazing because I main concern was I didnt want her to get lami or to the point where her saddle was not fitting correctly due to her changing shape.
Now I have no idea about what your situation is and what time you have now or how you have been financially over the last few months as that is your business, what I do know is that you were falling behind on your livery and I knew this before but you also admitted that yesterday to me, but that was nothing to do with me and I not my concern or business.
If you wanted to change the arrangement and felt you wanted me to pay £40.00 a month on her livery because she was no longer getting hay (still getting feed though but different type due to her diet and work load) you should of spoke to me sooner and we could sorted something out at the time.
Instead you ring me out of the blue and tell me we owe XXXX £150.00, (I dont have a clue what its for) and that you had not got it and we needed me to sort it out, and said you feel that I should pay this.
Now I may be mistaken here but it seems to me that you have fallen behind on your livery, not given him enough and therefore tried to get me to pay for it by changing what wed agreed which is not a very nice thing to do to anyone let alone a friend.
I said I'd sort it, just for sheer fact that I was crying on the phone and you were not taking in what I was saying, therefore rather than argue with you despite your misunderstanding, that Id sort it.
I then spoke to XXXX, where he suggested quite fairly that we split it so it gets sorted.
It seems that now you have decided that you want a financial contribution to Ros livery all year though, which is fine but you have to understand that it was not what we agreed hence why I cant afford it as well as other costs and am not willing to just change my mind to suit you. I was doing you a favour over winter in return, I was able to ride her, which is why it worked out lovely all round.
After your conversation in the stables you said exactly this, why should you have the privilege of Ro 24/7 and all this, being able to ride her and take her to shows etc without paying for it? you also went onto explain that if I had another horse on full loan Id have to pay for all its upkeep etc so I was lucky etc. You also said well you didnt have to pay for her hard feed, you didnt have to pay for her farrier, you offered! Id of happily paid it myself
That felt like huge slap in the face, I wanted to pay for it, it was my way of contributing which is what we agreed on way back in Dec that Id pay for her shoes, i made this clear and you were more than happy with that also.
Not only that but the reason I have got the privalige of taking her to local hack-able competitions is because I made it possible by putting a lot of effort in and her responding well to my training methods, my riding and understanding of how she is. There is no doubt now if you wanted to put her out on loan you would not struggle as she can now go off and do RC activities, therefore making it easier for you to place her on loan.
I was also willing to pay for her teeth doing which is why I rang you last Sat, as it turns out you use another ETD which is fine, but you made no attept to arrange getting your EDT out and just said leave it for now, but Id of still paid for it though.
So now Im left confused, did you want me to contribute for her livery and everything else? or did you want me to pay for her livery but not farrier/feed etc because either way you did not state this.
I really dont know what you expected because you say one thing in one breath and then another in another breath, then you come across and make me feel like you were the one doing me a favour by letting me ride her when I cherished Ro like my own, did you a favour, did what we agreed and saved you money over winter. You should not try and go back and what we agreed, then say well I just assumed and then expect a quick fix and go about things like a bull in a China shop and for that reason alone.
If your putting a horse out on full or even part loan then you draw up agreement if you are in way concerned about whos paying for what, but this was not as issue because a) we were friends and b) I stick to my word and c) it was an all win situation for you and me, therefore the thought of getting anything in writing never came in to my head.
Anyway its not a question of money or that we have had a disagreement, Im only upset because I got attached to her, that is why I was in tears yesterday knowing that it could be my last ride on her, which it was, you could have been a little more understanding but like you said we all deal with things in different ways, you get mad and i just shut down and roll on the tears but it was because you hurt my feelings.
I was offered another horse on loan (in fact 2 come to think of it) a few months back, something that I could take to competitions and jump etc something that was more suited to what I originally was after but do you know what I said? I said no but thank you anyway because I have got attached to Ro and stated that wanted to be loyal to XXXX, had nothing to do with the fact that Id got a free horse as you put it yesterday, nothing to do with money, its because Id put the work into Ro and wanted to continue and didnt want to let you down.
I am grateful to you as I have enjoyed very much looking after her and has given me a reason to enjoy coming up to hard again as everyone will tell you I have got upset many a time with the fall backs with Mackenzie, so this is not a falling out letter its just a way of expressing to you how I feel without getting all upset again.
Hopefully you will be able to enjoy Ro as much as I have and Im glad that you will now be riding her again.
