My niece has upset her YO for going for a lesson with some else ?

[Mary3050]

Hi guys,

So my darling niece had managed to upset her amazing YO ? . Now both parties are upset and the last thing my niece wanted to do was upset her YO . How should my niece fix this and am I missing the issue .

For context 3 friends where booked for a shared pole clinic/Lesson at an arena not far away . They text my niece as one of the friends horse was lame the night before . She had already paid and asked my niece if she wanted to go if so friend was happy to pick her up and take her. As she was going to still have to pay and would rather it be used .

My niece has lesson around 4 a week on her two horse with her YO. She message to let the YO know she would be taking one of the horses out to a pole clinic and her friend would pick up the horse. YO replied no worries enjoy. No lesson with YO where cancelled or changed.

The clinic was hosted by a instructor who has lessons with my nieces YO and occasionally rides some of the YO horses when short staffed. We will call M

My nieces had an amazing time with her friends which was so nice to see. However when she got on for her lesson Tuesday YO asked what she had done to upset my niece for her to go to a lesson with someone else especially M . My niece explained what had happened and apologised for offending her YO . My niece said she wouldn’t do it again. The lesson didn’t have its normal energy.

After the lesson in the evening the YO message saying that she has overreacted and mis-read the situation. My niece replied and said that she should have thought more about her YO feelings and was very sorry . But since the YO isn’t giving my niece her usual slots and seems a bit cold it’s been nearly a week now .

My niece has been a wee bit down about it all. I personally don’t see the issue as there are other livery’s who go for lesson with other coaches.

My niece keeps saying she needs to make it right . But I think it just needs time and the YO will be okay .

What does everyone else think . Is she in the wrong

 

[AmyMay]

Your niece has done nothing wrong. I’m sure YO will get over herself eventually.

 

[ihatework]

I think your niece should stop trying to people please!
YO was in wrong to be grumpy but has recognised that and apologised.
Just tell your niece to crack on as normal and also she is perfectly entitled to have off site lessons with whoever she damn well likes!

 

[Red-1]

No, she is not.

I would continue to book the lessons and give YO time to get over themselves.

Also, niece may be reading too much into it.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

YO was unreasonable, niece can have lessons with anyone she likes!

 

[PapaverFollis]

Jeez. YO needs to get a grip.

 

[Mary3050]

No, she is not.

I would continue to book the lessons and give YO time to get over themselves.

Also, niece may be reading too much into it.

I was there when they had the lesson. I did say maybe something going on in YO life that’s unsettling her and not to worry to much.

 

[Cloball]

It sounds like your niece needs to be confident in the fact that she was in fact in the right and isn't responsible for other people's feelings. She shouldn't feel like she needs to make any 'right'.

 

[twiggy2]

YO has apologised, could niece just be over reacting? any good instructor will appreciate a sifferent pair of eyes can often bring a new solution to issues, especially if YO trains the other instructor it's at least not going to be massively conflicting.

 

[Mary3050]

YO has apologised, could niece just be over reacting? any good instructor will appreciate a sifferent pair of eyes can often bring a new solution to issues, especially if YO trains the other instructor it's at least not going to be massively conflicting.

I have been up and the relationship between them seems a bit off. My nieces usual lesson slots have been given to other people . With my nieces being at less convenient times. But I said it may have been just a mistake.

 

[snowangel5]

Oh dear that sounds bad but I hope both can sort out the problem

 

[Fransurrey]

YO needs to grow up. Even if it wasn't a cancellation, your niece is perfectly within her rights to have lessons elsewhere. If nothing else, it gains a new perspective. Hopefully your niece is overthinking things and that's what's affecting the relationship, though.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

Jeez. YO needs to get a grip.

This and grow up

 

[Arzada]

Is this the same instructor/YO who you posted about previously as always being late for your niece's lessons?

 

[sbloom]

I suspect this isn't in the UK? Some countries have much more of a tie to the yard instructor which is hard for us to understand.

 

[Ample Prosecco]

I was in the UK on a yard and my then YO threw a strop about me having an offsite lesson. I stopped using YO for lessons after that. It was less convenient but I am not paying people who are precious and ridiculous! Though I acted completely normally around her and she was off with me for a couple of weeks and then got over it.

YO needs to get a grip and your niece needs to be reassured that she has done nothing wrong at all. A useful phrase I sometimes say to myself when I feel guilty about 'upsetting' people when in reality it is people getting themselves upset for no good reason, is 'let her problem be her problem'.

 

[Mary3050]

I suspect this isn't in the UK? Some countries have much more of a tie to the yard instructor which is hard for us to understand.

Yes is in the UK

 

[sbloom]

Yes is in the UK

Interesting, well, there's no history of people having to stick with their yard trainers in this country so it's the trainer's issue 100%. In many cases people have different trainers for flatwork and jumping and, due to most trainers not addressing rider position sufficiently well, I'd recommend most people also have a biomechanics trainer if they possibly can. Ridiculous to have to stick to one.

 

[paddi22]

is the niece a child or adult?

 

[Mary3050]

is the niece a child or adult?

Young adult she almost 20

 

[Mary3050]

Interesting, well, there's no history of people having to stick with their yard trainers in this country so it's the trainer's issue 100%. In many cases people have different trainers for flatwork and jumping and, due to most trainers not addressing rider position sufficiently well, I'd recommend most people also have a biomechanics trainer if they possibly can. Ridiculous to have to stick to one.

Lots of others on the same yard do ?

 

[Ample Prosecco]

Interesting, well, there's no history of people having to stick with their yard trainers in this country so it's the trainer's issue 10o%

It's suprising how many people I have come across who take issue with it! There was that YO who objected. And there was a dressage trainer who used to come to our new yard who then rang my best friend when she had a lesson with someone else to ask why! And then I run camps and got a FB comment from another trainer Ive used in the past saying 'why aren't you using me to teach on camp? Angry face sad face emoji. " Not joking but seriously cross. I run confidence camps and this person markets themself as a 'confidence coach' so perhaps thought they ought to be chosen but I can pick whoever I want, thanks!

I am a freelancer and I would never dream of even commenting about a client leaving me for someone else. Never mind actually making a fuss about it. People are weird.

 

[maya2008]

I would just switch trainers permanently to someone else if YO was being unreasonable like that! Vote with your feet and all that.

 

[Mary3050]

It's suprising how many people I have come across who take issue with it! There was that YO who objected. And there was a dressage trainer who used to come to our new yard who then rang my best friend when she had a lesson with someone else to ask why! And then I run camps and got a FB comment from another trainer Ive used in the past saying 'why aren't you using me to teach on camp? Angry face sad face emoji. " Not joking but seriously cross. I run confidence camps and this person markets themself as a 'confidence coach' so perhaps thought they ought to be chosen but I can pick whoever I want, thanks!

I am a freelancer and I would never dream of even commenting about a client leaving me for someone else. Never mind actually making a fuss about it. People are weird.

It really surprised me . I would think it was an issue especially not with amount the instructor gets paid by my niece . It was also the instructors designated day off . My coach used to encourage me to do things with other professionals etc as different people do things differently. She also used to take me for lessons with her when she went for her lessons with some top trainers . I think it’s bonkers really .

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

Your niece has done nothing wrong. I’m sure YO will get over herself eventually.

^ This. Your neice did nothing wrong, she explained to Yo before and Yo said ok enjoy. Yo with just have to get over it.

 

[Mule]

The YO sounds a bit childish. Your niece doesn't owe her anything. The YO and clients have a business relationship, first and foremost.

 

[LegOn]

Your niece did nothing wrong and sounds like her YO is just being a bit sensitive about an issue probably has nothing to do your neice but now is collateral damage.

I know you mentioned the YO gets lessons with M - maybe they arent a close as it might seem or there is a history of people being poached by M, could be a million things! But obviously, YO has some other issues going on and your niece is feeling it - your niece certainly hasn't done anything wrong so should continue on as normal with YO but in a nice and pleasant way call her out on the lesson moving antics etc - Just a nice 'I'll be going back to my usual time slot, thanks a mil - cant wait to continue on with our usual great progress!'

I think YO is just sulking a bit and when called out on it, I'm sure she will snap back to herself.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Yo needs to get over themselves and grow the heck up.

 

[Goldenstar]

Your niece just needs to ignore what’s happened and treat the YO just as she would have before .
I do know that this attitude does exist elsewhere but it is ridiculous and precious and must be ignored .