My poor instructor :(

[JFTDWS]

I've snapped an instructor before - when someone is yelling "leg, leg, leg" at you, sometimes the only response is "I bloody am". In that situation, I think they were as much at fault as I was - the horse needed to be more in front of my leg, but I am not physically capable of applying any more leg in that situation. That isn't my fault. I pulled up and explained that I physically couldn't do it and would they like to try. They were much stronger than me, but couldn't achieve what they wanted either and I abandoned training with them after that...

Context is everything.

 

[rachk89]

I've snapped an instructor before - when someone is yelling "leg, leg, leg" at you, sometimes the only response is "I bloody am". In that situation, I think they were as much at fault as I was - the horse needed to be more in front of my leg, but I am not physically capable of applying any more leg in that situation. That isn't my fault. I pulled up and explained that I physically couldn't do it and would they like to try. They were much stronger than me, but couldn't achieve what they wanted either and I abandoned training with them after that...

Context is everything.

Kind of done the same after I broke my leg. It's never been the same strength wise and sits at an odd angle. Keep getting yelled at to put my toes forward and I actually just can't, my leg won't do it. But they sometimes don't see that as a proper reason. It's getting better at least strength wise or maybe my horse is just learning to listen better to dull aids haha.

 

[Dave's Mam]

I've snapped an instructor before - when someone is yelling "leg, leg, leg" at you, sometimes the only response is "I bloody am". In that situation, I think they were as much at fault as I was - the horse needed to be more in front of my leg, but I am not physically capable of applying any more leg in that situation. That isn't my fault. I pulled up and explained that I physically couldn't do it and would they like to try. They were much stronger than me, but couldn't achieve what they wanted either and I abandoned training with them after that...

Context is everything.

That's not being rude. That's I CAN'T!

 

[Wagtail]

I'm more surprised at the replies from people that think this is unacceptable or disrespectful to be honest. Lot of people get short and snappy when under pressure and I remember being a similar way when learning to drive. Would have it all mapped and sorted in my head when approaching major roundabouts or junctions and just starting to feel like I had it sussed then he's go "OK now don't forget"

"I KNOW!! SHUT UP YOU'VE JUST COCKED ME UP SHUT UP!!! " and I'd stall the car and there'd be pips and people revving to get past me and that wound me up even more.

Wouldn't imagine the instructor to be genuinely offended or upset by a stressed rider on a short fuse.

Anyway I think if you just mention it to her when you're calm and not stressed

Sorry, but that is not normal or acceptable behaviour. It annoys me when people think they can just hit out at others like this. We ALL get stressed and sometimes want to snap but are too respectful and considerate of others to do it. What would happen if everyone behaved like you? What is the instructor started shouting back at you because you'd stressed them?

 

[DonskiWA]

Thanks all for your advice. To answer your questions:
My instructor is an excellent one and well respected in the eventing community.
She will often ask me a question as I'm riding around to check my understanding and to ensure I've heard her. As in a professional kitchen where the chefs have to acknowledge with a 'yes chef'. It often times only requires a yes/no answer, but my head feels so full of all the things that I'm trying to do, that to have to answer feels annoying. So I snap my reply.
Or, she willl map out a jumping and half way round I'll get lost and snap 'where to, where next?'.
Ironically it's because I'm trying so hard to do the right thing.
I too have also had/have BPD (borderline personality disorder). It's not an excuse, and I haven't told my instructor this. It's mostly 'cured' in day to day life, but still rears its ugly head under times of stress.

 

[TandD]

Thanks all for your advice. To answer your questions:
My instructor is an excellent one and well respected in the eventing community.
She will often ask me a question as I'm riding around to check my understanding and to ensure I've heard her. As in a professional kitchen where the chefs have to acknowledge with a 'yes chef'. It often times only requires a yes/no answer, but my head feels so full of all the things that I'm trying to do, that to have to answer feels annoying. So I snap my reply.
Or, she willl map out a jumping and half way round I'll get lost and snap 'where to, where next?'.
Ironically it's because I'm trying so hard to do the right thing.
I too have also had/have BPD (borderline personality disorder). It's not an excuse, and I haven't told my instructor this. It's mostly 'cured' in day to day life, but still rears its ugly head under times of stress.

From reading this I would say your instructor is not the one for you if you feel you can't tell her fully about yourself.
I teach many with mental /intellectual disability or learning difficulties. From this I've learnt to ask some important questions at the beginning of the lesson...
How are you today?
Is there anything i need to know today e.g. wearing a brace or had a fit recently?
Sometimes: how would you like to be taught today?
It's all about communication with your instructor, how can they help you to the best of their ability if you have have not been truthful and honest with them? I teach many different people and i adapt my style to each so I can help them in the way they need it. Sometimes it's about always talking to you, through every step, every jump. Other times it's about sitting back, not asking so many questions as you can't handling it and giving little pieces of advise for improvement.

To be frank i think you are letting yourself down and not gaining the most from your lesson by not talking to your instructor. We are there to help you learn and can't do that if we don't know the best way to teach you!

 

[Overread]

Sorry, but that is not normal or acceptable behaviour. It annoys me when people think they can just hit out at others like this. We ALL get stressed and sometimes want to snap but are too respectful and considerate of others to do it. What would happen if everyone behaved like you? What is the instructor started shouting back at you because you'd stressed them?

The thing is people who snap when in a stressfull situation are not thinking in a rational frame of mind. They've not learned how to calm themselves in a stressful situation. It's a skill like any other and if you don't pick it up on your own its something you have to learn and practice to get right.
The problem is it tends no to be noticed as a problem until latter life; driving is a common situation because its a highly stressful situation that people, in todays world, can't easily avoid. So you've got to do it; heck you most times need and want to do it; but its still very very stressful.

That's why I said earlier that people who do have this need some guidance in order to start to learn how to avoid behaving like it. Recognising the problem is one thing; but just being aware of it doesn't mean a person can or will stop. They need some methods/tools/guidance in order to start making that correction to their behaviour.

 

[wingedhorse]

My regular instructor is pretty blunt and robust, and has a sense of humour.

Comments like “that wasn’t bad, for you . . . “

I do answer back at times e.g. told left rein longer, and reply “it cant be I am holding same notch on both reins!” Which progresses to discussion that my hands in different positions etc.

Or told – “Sit on your backside, rather than stick it out – it’s big enough already!”. My reply “And I am paying for you to be this complimentary . . .”

We can both be quite sarky, and direct, which would be rudeness another client or to another instructor!

My instructor has a carrying voice, and a number of people at my yard reckon they'd not be happy with being called out on their faults with sarcasm and directness (that the whole yard can hear. But I actually really like instructor, own the faults I have and want to lose them, and find instructor both constructive and sympathetic when matters.

 

[Fun Times]

But. Like. It's low level eventing. So even if you get lost on a sj course in training, does it really merit losing control and ceasing to act like a civilised person. I too am a low level eventer but try to keep things in perspective.

 

[Apercrumbie]

OP from what you've written it sounds like you aren't necessarily being overly rude, but it's tricky to say without hearing it. Perhaps try to focus on your tone of voice - you don't need to say much when instructor is asking if you understand, just a "yep", but equally you don't need to say it in a snappy tone. It's inappropriate and unnecessary. Same goes for when you get lost.

Option 2 - take it all a little less seriously. I find it funny if I get lost on a course - that's a state of mind that I choose to have. It's not your instructor's fault if you've lost your way so don't take it out on her.