Narcissistics/Gaslighters

[Gusbear]

Hi all,
I’ve been debating posting this for a few days as not sure if I might be the problem, but here goes …
I won’t go into massive detail but want to hear from anyone that has had dealings with friends, family, partners that exhibit narcissistic behaviours and/or gaslighting.
I’ve been on the receiving end of such again recently. They have spent the past few years trying very hard to be good to me, however the past few weeks have been a nightmare as they have again seemingly returned to their previous Jekyl and Hyde persona and accordingly my stress levels have gone through the roof trying to calmly and effectively placate them.
I’ve had extensive training in conflict resolution, have 30+ years in customer service and am the least aggressive/confrontal person you will ever meet.
I’m now at the point of giving up trying and blocking them as hard as this is for me.
It’s sad for me as they have been in my life for over 40 years and the one person I thought I could rely on.
Apologies for the pity post, however they have ground me down to the point to where I’m now second guessing everything I do and say and I am feeling so sad about it. I’ve even switched off my phone overnight so as not to be bombarded with abusive texts from them.
Unfortunately, I don’t have any family nor any close friends anymore (as they told me my friends were toxic/oddballs/ not really my friends). . Effectively on on my own save my dog and horse. Thank glad they are both good listeners
Tea and bickies for anyone that cares to reply.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I don't have a huge amount to post other than to say sorry that you are in this situation, my ex-boss was a complete narcissist and it's horrible to deal with and really grinds you down.

Please don't feel as though you can't try and rekindle those previous friendships that you were driven away from, everyone makes mistakes and if you address it by apologising and saying 'x' person drove you to believe 'y' but you realise it was an error now and so on, I'm sure they would be open to speaking. I know I would be.

 

[MrsMozart]

Oh that's not so grand.

You need to do what's right for you, for what gives you the greatest peace of mind.

As an aside you might consider moving your thread to The Clubhouse.

 

[Annagain]

You do have friends. They've probably been really worried about you but frightened of saying the wrong thing and waiting for you to come to the conclusion by yourself that you need to get away from this person. Reach out to them. Tell them what you've been through and they'll be so pleased that you got in touch and will want to be there for you, I'm sure of it.

 

[Asha]

So sorry you are going through this, you are not alone.

Ive met a few similar characters over my lifetime, and the only thing that has made a difference to me is walking away from them . I now have no contact with them at all and im so much happier in every respect.
One of them tried their best to come between my husband and i, which was never going to work. Its only now when i look back i can see what they where trying to do

You can move away from them and you will be happier for it

 

[Amymay Again]

Just block them. Life's just too short to be dealing with that sort of nonsense.

 

[tda]

I can't imagine how you've put up with this for even a week. I think I might send their abusive messages back to them and ask , did you mean to send this to me? Then block and move on (tho if its a family member that might not be so easy)

 

[Parrotperson]

You have friends here

This is harassment. Don’t be frightened to go to the police.

You have to advocate for yourself now. Get whoever it is out of your life. Now.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Block their number/ability to contact you on any platform. Cut them out of your life and don't let them back in, you really don't need that kind of 'friendship'. Then perhaps you could contact your old friends, apologise for losing touch and try to rekindle those relationships.

 

[Pinkvboots]

Cut them from your life its not worth it no one needs a toxic relationship like that.

 

[Nocturnal]

I feel for you.. I know such a person and rue the day they came into my life. Good for you for saying enough’s enough! Hope you can rekindle old friendships

 

[Barton Bounty]

Well, you and I are in the same boat… this friend of mine is exactly the same!
Known her for over 18 years. Met a guy from TikTok moved him in with her daughter and her after 3 weeks. Turns out he was homeless. He is schizophrenic, severely depressed and has serious mental health issues by his own admission and openly tells people on the internet. Id say alcohol is playing a big part too because since the first week in June drunk every day, couldnt care less about anything around them. Neither of them work and it is just a poisonous toxic atmosphere.

There is a whole massive story that goes along with abusing the estate and property on the estate too but too much to go into.

I have removed from my life.. so much easier..

 

[lynz88]

an ex boss of mine was a narcissist and it was AWFUL. I know precisely how you feel and what you are going through/have dealt with (the Jekyll and Hyde personality is tough to deal with - you never know who is showing up to the party!) - within 8 months of my joining a previous company, I had been ground down to something smaller than a micron. My confidence took such a hit it wasn't even funny and took years to build it back up. My lack of self confidence really came through in my interviews when I was searching for a new job which prevented me from getting a new job.

Now's the time to be strong and continue blocking. It is the best thing you can do for yourself and if needed, bring the texts to the police so there is at least a record in case anything were to happen.

 

[ecb89]

My mother in law is a text book narc. I have no relationship with her.

 

[Jenko109]

I've always been a strong believer that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, or spent time with anyone who you don't want to spend time with.

I missed a relatives wedding a few weeks ago because I simply do not want to know them. I'm not interested.

Life is too short for toxicity. Bin them off now before they mess your head up any more.

 

[luckyoldme]

I should have a degree in people with narcissistic tendancies.
I had an education in narcissism from an early age and passed my final exams when I walked away from it 10 years ago.
Personally having spent my whole life trying to put on a front because of our family narc, I can spot them a mile away now.
The only real thing to do is to walk away. They will always want the last word and be ready for the fact that when you stand up to them they are relentless.
Mine made sure I had no family in my corner, and I had to wait patiently for them to see through her.
10 years on I'm rebuilding some of the relationships she destroyed and she has sadly alienated herself from a family who have gone above and beyond to help her.
Weirdly , although I was desperate for the rest of the family to see through her I take no pleasure from the situation she is in now.
Just sorrow that a person can reach the age of 80 and have the emotional intelligence of a toddler.
Sorry.
You hit an ever raw nerve !

 

[Equi]

If you dread a message from anyone, get rid of them.

 

[Lucky Snowball]

My ‘best’ friend of about 8 years was odd. We texted several times a day when we didn’t see each other. Same interests, really got each other. None of her family, parents or grown up children spoke to her. (Wonder why) out of the blue she stopped any contact with me. I phoned several times but it was clear she didn’t want to know me.

 

[fidleyspromise]

Life's too short to deal with people that bring you down. Health is important and she's damaging yours so block, sigh and move on.

I've had a few dealings with narcissists and the manipulation games and gaslighting were unreal. I had to take a huge step back and go no contact for my own well-being as I always felt selfish, depressed and had no time to myself. My partner helped me to see that I wasn't and I deserved peace and time to myself.

 

[E13]

Bit of a lurker but couldn't not reply - I've had a situation with a narcissist this year, and honestly it's almost broken me and I'm still climbing back out of the pit (or sometimes just floundering about in it). It's a horrific situation to deal with, and those who haven't gone through something similar sadly don't always quite understand. So just another voice to say "I hear you ". My advice would be to block, you will never win with this type of person (even though you're not trying to win anything, you just want to make things ok again).