Need help :(

holeymoley

holeymoley

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Hello, I'm new here. I have been 'lurking' for a while and thought I'd finally post. Its a bit of a big ask for a first post but I wonder if anyone has been in a situation like myself before.

I keep my horse at a very small livery yard. There's one girl who is rather volatile. To cut the story short things have came to a head over a few things and I asked why she did what she did. I'm not a confrontational person at all and I find approaching people about things like this very difficult. I asked her camly and recieved a torrent of verbal abuse from her. I responded to her calmly, albeit my heart had started to race(!) and continued to get verbal abuse from her. I have spoken to YO about it who says she will speak to her but I seen her this morning and I just start to shake and my heart starts racing. I wish I was a bit more 'stronger' in that sense but its not in my nature. I don't know what to do :( Is it too much to ask that I can have a good time with my horse? I work hard to have my horse and everything he has, I really can't be doing with someone like this, it's really not good for my health and my horse is somewhere to get away from my hectic job. She wouldn't get away by talking to someone in the street the way she spoke to me. Help :(
 
I have met a few of those in my journey around the yards in my area. I've tried standing up to them thinking they would leave me alone if I stood my ground but they have usually been the reason why I have moved around so much in the nearly eighteen years I've had my boy.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this, be there, done that and still never found a good solution - sorry :(
 
Unpleasant people pop everywhere, at school, work and in our leisure time.
Dealing with them effectively is a life skill but if you are not able to do so, better to move to another yard or wait for her to leave. Some aggressive types have a history of never staying too long anywhere. Hopefully, she's one of those.
 
Sorry you're having problems with such sn unpleasant sounding person. How is she with the other liveries and do you need to have much contact with her? I would not let anyone spoil the time I have with my horses - its the only place I can truly chill out so if a solution can't be found where you are I'd start looking elsewhere. Life is too short.
 
Sounds exactly like a situation I was in.. Although said person was YO's daughter so did I really ever have a leg to stand on?

Not much of a help.. But I moved yards and have honestly not looked back! Just try not to let her get to you and go about your own business. I also found its easier just to be civil at all times even if you really want to tell her what for - that way you can't be turned into the bad guy when you shouldn't be!

Hope everything gets sorted for you, a horrible situation I know!
 
Thanks everyone. After chatting to YO I was looking up a bit and thought there may be a decent outcome. I've now heard that she's told her a pack of lies and YO has to take both sides of the story. I honestly feel deflated. The other livery knows what she's like . I was adamant I wasn't moving yards or stables because of her but now I really don't know what to do. There's not a lot of yards in my area as it is. :(
 
I was in the same position a while ago on a small yard, the nicest yard in the area really. There was a resident b*tch, who was really good friends with the yard owner and would go running to the YO with lies, and unfortunately the YO believed everything she said and was never willing to listen to any other opinions. This cow of a woman only got worse if you tried to speak to her about any issues, and wouldn't be any better if you tried to keep yourself to yourself, we could never work out quite what she wanted but suspected she wanted the yard to herself.

Various things happened over a space of time and in the end most of us decided we didn't want to put up with either of them any longer, so we moved to other yards (the only ones who stayed were at the yard at different times of the dayso could avoid her quite easily).

So she may have "won" and got the yard almost exclusively to herself, but we are all happier now that we've moved. Time with your horse is precious and should be enjoyable, otherwise what is the point? My advice would be to do whatever you think will make you happy, and if you have to move yards to achieve this, so be it.
 
Let's face it, it's an expensive hobby, and to be unhappy doing it isn't worth it, so unless your YO can deal with the situation effectively it may be best to look elsewhere. It won't hurt to start looking in any case. Pains me to say that, actually, as in a fair world, she is the one who should leave. I never understood why some people have to be generally so unpleasant. She sounds like a bully.

Maybe, if the other livery knows what she is like, you could ask her to back up your version of events?

I'm now on a very small yard ( me and a friend only), sublet from the big livery up the road. Things can get very fraught up there, but the YO will absolutely not stand for any nonsense. Troublemakers get shown the door, sharpish. Put large numbers of women together.....it's like being back at school!
 
I had a fellow livery who used to be vile to me, making rude comments, trying to make my young horse spook when I was riding. She went out of her way to be difficult and rude.
I'm a stubborn cow though and was determined that she wasn't going to drive me out. ( even when she left me unconscious on the ground after my horse threw me)
Things reached a head when I found out she was hitting my young horse, taking his feed ( by this time she was working at the yard a couple of days a week), and tipping his water bucket out. The day I saw that, I nearly hit her I was so mad.
YO was nice enough but didn't know how to deal with this livery so I found a new yard the next day, and moved my boy 2 days later. I haven't looked back.
Horses are too expensive and I've got enough other things to worry about. Horse time is meant to be relaxing.
Kx
 
The more you stood up to the b*tch on my old yard, the worse she got. When odd potentially dangerous things start happening around the yard and horses start behaving out of character, but you have no proof of anything and the YO won't listen, sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on :o(
 
I just can't believe yard owners allow that kind of thing to happen, shocked at what you describe above Circe and have indeed heard worse, its scary!

Even if YO appears to be in with them I'd have a word and tell them to open their eyes, if people end up leaving because of one horrid vindictive person (of which there really are a frightening number in horsey land) then it won't do their business any good.

Sorry you have run into one of the crazies OP, I don't really know what to suggest other than try to ignore now you have said your piece - well done for doing so I too would find that very hard!
 
Circe that sounds awful!

She has a history of not getting on with people at her old yard and I think she's doing to me what she done to one of them there. In the end she left but I'm not quite sure what drove her to it. I'd love to know! I do feel like she should be asked to leave. The other livery doesn't really want anything to do with it as such unless she involves her in some way. She has a few gripes about her too but hasn't said anything yet.

I don't want to publicly post what she's down- I will perhaps PM you blucanoo.

I really like my yard, it suits me for everything and I get on with yo and family.
 
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