Need some sharer adivce...(long)

I think a lot of people who do not ride natives can not understand they really to not need telling over and over, a pony has a very direct mind, I've done this ten times so now how do I get out of this. Your pony us lovely and you have trained him well I would turn him away for the winter and look again in the spring for another sharer, there will be plenty. If the mother has this attitude now I dread to think what she will be like later on, I would have given her marching orders when she changed the saddle. I have loaned out my ponies so I am used to letting go of control but I would not stand for this.
 
Echo all that has been said before, get contract, in contract I would include that he will be weekly schooled.

Def would state that saddle only to be used once fitted by a pro.

Equally I would play devils advocate and say that would it be ok for you and rider/instructor to come and watch the pony ridden to see the bucking so that the rider can "sort" the problem for them, then get the talking going and get them to swap for lessons with her?
 
I would get rid. It really shouldn't be this hard. You're discussing with them and tolerating their whims, as if they were the owners and you had to butter them up to get them onside so you can do things your way. It's your pony for goodness sake! Put your foot down.

If you're struggling financially then stop the competing, lessons and dressage rider schooling, that will free up some funds. There may be other things you can cut back on too. You say you just bought a new saddle despite your old one still fitting fine. That doesn't sound like someone who is struggling financially tbh. Struggling to maintain your current standards maybe, but that's not the same thing. With a good pony like yours I'm sure you'd find a new sharer soon anyway.

At the moment the pony is being badly ridden twice a week (lesson with poor instruction and mothers 'help' during the schooling session). You've got a decent pony, why would you let these people mess up its training? If this wasn't happening you could probably manage the schooling yourself without needing the dressage rider.

The mother says "it just won't work" because she's so far been unable to bully you into letting her have full control of everything, which is what she seems to want, therefore its not working for her! She needs a full loan or to buy her own horse. Drawing up an agreement won't work because from her current attitude and behaviour its clear the mother has little respect for you. What makes you think she will stick to an agreement rather than go off and do her own thing when you're not there? I think you'd be crazy to have any trust in her.
 
Sugar_and_Spice said:
I would get rid. It really shouldn't be this hard. You're discussing with them and tolerating their whims, as if they were the owners and you had to butter them up to get them onside so you can do things your way. It's your pony for goodness sake! Put your foot down.

If you're struggling financially then stop the competing, lessons and dressage rider schooling, that will free up some funds. There may be other things you can cut back on too. You say you just bought a new saddle despite your old one still fitting fine. That doesn't sound like someone who is struggling financially tbh. Struggling to maintain your current standards maybe, but that's not the same thing. With a good pony like yours I'm sure you'd find a new sharer soon anyway.

At the moment the pony is being badly ridden twice a week (lesson with poor instruction and mothers 'help' during the schooling session). You've got a decent pony, why would you let these people mess up its training? If this wasn't happening you could probably manage the schooling yourself without needing the dressage rider.

The mother says "it just won't work" because she's so far been unable to bully you into letting her have full control of everything, which is what she seems to want, therefore its not working for her! She needs a full loan or to buy her own horse. Drawing up an agreement won't work because from her current attitude and behaviour its clear the mother has little respect for you. What makes you think she will stick to an agreement rather than go off and do her own thing when you're not there? I think you'd be crazy to have any trust in her.
Click to expand...

This^^

I would not tolerate someone dictating to me what I could and couldn't do with MY own horse. Rude, horrible woman.

I would sit her down and say that they are ONLY to use the saddle once it's been professionally fitted and that yes, you and your DR trainer WILL still be riding the pony. Like it or lump it.

You WILL find someone else, even if it takes a couple of months and you have to ditch having DR rider riding him for a while, cut back a bit etc. You'd manage. Not quite sure you'll manage long-term with this mental woman!!
 
Or you could just tell her that her attitude is really upsetting you, and that you have concerns for your pony's schooling and welfare whilst in her care, as he is not being ridden correctly, or in the right tack...

Then point her towards the nearest riding school.
 
Your sharer's mother seems to be under the impression that they are renting a piece of sports equipment, not sharing a pony who has been carefully produced. In your position, I would expect to have final say on choice of trainer and tack used. A trainer with a hard line approach that doesn't suit your pony would be an absolute no.
 
While this woman sounds a complete PITA, I wonder if she has misunderstood the concept of sharing? She seems to be acting as if she has a full loan, rather than an equal share.

I agree with others that you need a written agreement, stating whatever way of doing things you are happy with. Then it is up to the mother whether she is happy to sign it or not. If she is already saying that elements "would not work", it wouldn't surprise me if she cancelled the arrangement soon anyway, which sounds a shame given how well her daughter is doing.
 
Its not working, youre not happy, theyre not happy and neither is the pony, no point in continuing imo.
And anyone who said " its just a horse " about one of mine would be sent off with a flea in their ear never to park their ar$e on the horse again .
 
Mother sounds like a blumming nightmare and unless you can get her on your side then it probably isn't going to work long term.

It sounds as though you like the daughter and that it is probably worth trying to make this work short term.

My suggestion would be to, at your expense, try and get the daughter to have a lesson or two with your dressage rider/instructor. Try and put your money where your mouth is (in the politest sense of the saying!). If mother & daughter can see some quick improvements then they may be more open to the idea of moving from their instructor to yours.

Re the saddle - I think you are being fair - if they want to use theirs they get it properly fitted. In the interim they use your new one (and if they get help with your instructor you will probably find the issue they have with the saddle magically disappears anyway)
 
I have written up a contract and going to email it to her tomorrow night. If she says no then she def isn't the one and will have to find someone else. My horse comes first.

Thankyou for all your advice/help on the situation. Will keep you all informed.
 
An update -

I got rid!!

He ended up not wanting to load, turning his bum on me in the stable and becoming very upset when schooling. Hopefully he will soon return to his normal easy going personality!!
 
It's not like I even asked for much!

After watching a lesson with their instructor on Saturday it was actually saddening to see what they were trying to turn him in too. Because he finds it more difficult to bend left she stuck him on a 10m left circle for an hour - never seen so much tail swishing and showing/grinding teeth. He is so easy going and sweet it broke my heart!
 
What a shame, it sounds like it could have been such a lovely share for both of you. Well at least you now know what to do when you find your next sharer - agreement/contract from day 1. As long as everything is properly discussed at the beginning disputes are far more easily resolved. It sounds like he is a great pony so I'm sure you will have no trouble in finding him another sharer.
 
I'm really sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped it would but I also think you did the right thing for your boy. Hopefully you will find someone soon who will treat him (and you!) with the respect he deserves.
Well done for sticking to your guns though!
 
rachaelstar said:
I am struggling financially with him to be honest, and I do want a lot of money for him, but at the same time he is trained to elem, won everything so far with the child, and will easily do byrds/BD etc so is a true competition pony. He is also a bombproof hack and jumps whatever for fun...I do the hacking a jumping as they arent interested in that. Or should I say the mother isnt interested in that...the daughter would love to jump him!
Click to expand...

And how much do you think it would cost them to buy a pony like that? They basically want you to provide them with sole use of a pony but for the cost of a half share. They are a hassle. Get rid of them, there are plenty of people who will appreciate what you are offering. They sound total pains, and they will only get worse and more possessive.

Edited to say just read your update - well done! Sounds as though they were hurting him!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top