negotiating with sharers..

is the sharer contributing financially ?
if so use that money for a rider.....then youre not out of pocket.

i definitely wouldnt mention anything to sharer, you dont want to potentially loose them and then really be stuck. ive had a sharer in the past i would take full responsibility for finding someone for the day.
 
Is it around the time you've taken on another sharer?
Go out for a coffee and tell her this. Say you value her but are worried why she's backing off and want to know if there is any reasoning your side, if so ask what a compromise could be.
 
Batgirl said:
You have had some good advice but have been very stroppy in response, it is not realy our problem (nor are we psychic) if ou have had a bad week:

1) talk to her
2) give her rules that she pays or arranges cover
3)allow her to continue and pay the extra days

What more are you after, tea and sympathy? Then post a tea and sympathy post not an advice post, you are just coming across as a rather petulant teenager at the moment.
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already done 1, going to set about 2 shortly after she replies to my text afer her telling me she was just being lazy.

i do apologize i dont mean to be but i didnt expect to get jumped on
 
weesophz said:
its got a lot more complicated since i had to take on a second sharer!
my first sharer is the only with no prior commitments thats why she gets the spare days, the only day she cant do for definite is a thursday and thats always been the case which has been fine.

i dont know if im making it more complicated for myself!
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Seems a bit unfair to be honest - she gets the 'spare' days? Yet when one of those days is inconvenient to her, you get annoyed?

Unless a sharer is given the same days every week then I don't think it's really fair to expect one person to cover for everyone else, and get cross if they can't
 
weesophz said:
shes fantastic with fox and i totally value her, but i dont know why shes suddenly got like this... i dont mind tbh it would maybe give her the kick up the bum she needs
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Perhaps she has had a **** week too (you don't have the monopoly on **** weeks ;) ).

I suggest fixed days for sharers, not switching and swapping (unless mutually agreed), thus no misunderstanding.
 
PandorasJar said:
Is it around the time you've taken on another sharer?
Go out for a coffee and tell her this. Say you value her but are worried why she's backing off and want to know if there is any reasoning your side, if so ask what a compromise could be.
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was slightly before, its partly the reason i got another sharer as she was starting to do less days, i was worried she didnt want fox anymore and i asked her and she said it wasnt the case at all, her best friend at the yard told me the same so im not really sure whats going on.

yeah im gonna sit and have a talk with her i think
 
She might just be feeling put out that you have another sharer and she is effectively working around him. Just a thought.

I think the idea of being more formal is a good one and also having a face to face to see if the point above is what is annoying her. Would also say that if you can't do the day you have agreed to, thats fine but on that day, as the horse is your responsibility then you (sharer) pays for someone else to do your horse. Not you. I do think some of the comments about sharers/responsiblity are a little harsh. Sharers take on both a financial and care responsibility. At least mine do with my old mare!
 
also remember the point of people sharing a horse is normally because they cant commit 100 % to the time and money to own a horse. so i would expect some flexibility/inconvenience.
 
xspiralx said:
Seems a bit unfair to be honest - she gets the 'spare' days? Yet when one of those days is inconvenient to her, you get annoyed?

Unless a sharer is given the same days every week then I don't think it's really fair to expect one person to cover for everyone else, and get cross if they can't
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no not at all, if you go back a page or so you will see that she text me saying that she was being lazy. we all have days we cant be arsed but it needs done!
 
weesophz said:
shes fantastic with fox and i totally value her, but i dont know why shes suddenly got like this... i dont mind tbh it would maybe give her the kick up the bum she needs
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I would imagine it might be something to do with the fact that she could pick her days before, and now you have a 2nd sharer who she has to fit her horse days around....??
 
Luci07 said:
She might just be feeling put out that you have another sharer and she is effectively working around him. Just a thought.

I think the idea of being more formal is a good one and also having a face to face to see if the point above is what is annoying her. Would also say that if you can't do the day you have agreed to, thats fine but on that day, as the horse is your responsibility then you (sharer) pays for someone else to do your horse. Not you. I do think some of the comments about sharers/responsiblity are a little harsh. Sharers take on both a financial and care responsibility. At least mine do with my old mare!
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but before i got my second sharer i sat down with her i told her she would get full say in if she thought the sharer was good for fox or not, and that she wouldnt be put out. i hashed it all out with her and she was totally fine with the situation.

yeah that was my thinking!
 
weesophz said:
no not at all, if you go back a page or so you will see that she text me saying that she was being lazy. we all have days we cant be arsed but it needs done!
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...just a thought, but do you think she could be reading this post....!!?? I very much doubt, that after 2 years of being reliable etc she has suddenly turned 'lazy'.....
 
Maisy said:
I would imagine it might be something to do with the fact that she could pick her days before, and now you have a 2nd sharer who she has to fit her horse days around....??
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i always say to at at the start of the week is there any days she cant do. every other time shes said no but then suddenly ditched out, for next week yes fair enough shes gave notice this time, it just so happens to have fallen on a day that i really needed her to do. like i said at the start i always try to be really fair. my shifts in work are flexible and normally i can work around the days shes unable to do, but as its busy coming up to christmas its becoming more difficult
 
weesophz said:
but before i got my second sharer i sat down with her i told her she would get full say in if she thought the sharer was good for fox or not, and that she wouldnt be put out. i hashed it all out with her and she was totally fine with the situation.

yeah that was my thinking!
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ah but did she think she would be changing days due to the other sharer working shifts? just a thought?
 
Maisy said:
...just a thought, but do you think she could be reading this post....!!?? I very much doubt, that after 2 years of being reliable etc she has suddenly turned 'lazy'.....
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i dont mind if she is i havent said anything thats untrue, and ive text her saying we will need to talk and about other things ive said too. it was her words about being lazy, not mine!
 
weesophz said:
no not at all, if you go back a page or so you will see that she text me saying that she was being lazy. we all have days we cant be arsed but it needs done!
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Maybe yes - however I still think she has a bit of a raw deal having to do the days that aren't convenient for you and the other sharer.
 
So it's not to do with that your short of money ... but earlier on you said about how you where short of money and that was the problem - having to pay someone else to do your horse.

There are days you can't do because of commitments like uni and there are days she can't do and it does cause a problem when there are days no one can do. But that's just what happens.

I can see where your coming from re: you having to sort out cover but at the same time if I was the sharer I would think it was enough that I was paying for a day I wasn't riding on (presumably she pays you in advance so any days she misses or can't do she still pays the same?) I wouldn't want to pay for someone to do the horse on that day on top of that.

Especially as by doing your horse 2/3 days a week she is saving you the livery for those days anyway and giving you money as well?

At the end of the day there are 2 sides to every story. But if I was the sharer I wouldn't be happy if I came across this thread.
 
xspiralx said:
Maybe yes - however I still think she has a bit of a raw deal having to do the days that aren't convenient for you and the other sharer.
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thats not how it works ive said previously my shifts are normally quite flexible so ive been able to work round days she cant do, but this is my last week of uni, so i have lots of work, and its coming up to xmas so my work is really busy as well
 
chokablok said:
So it's not to do with that your short of money ... but earlier on you said about how you where short of money and that was the problem - having to pay someone else to do your horse.

There are days you can't do because of commitments like uni and there are days she can't do and it does cause a problem when there are days no one can do. But that's just what happens.

I can see where your coming from re: you having to sort out cover but at the same time if I was the sharer I would think it was enough that I was paying for a day I wasn't riding on (presumably she pays you in advance so any days she misses or can't do she still pays the same?) I wouldn't want to pay for someone to do the horse on that day on top of that.

Especially as by doing your horse 2/3 days a week she is saving you the livery for those days anyway and giving you money as well?

At the end of the day there are 2 sides to every story. But if I was the sharer I wouldn't be happy if I came across this thread.
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im short of just just now as im doing xmas shopping, its not a permanent thing. both sharers pay at the end of week.

i know there is, im just trying to figure all this out, im starting to feel like im in too deep with 2 sharers.
 
As a sharer I have to say I would not pay extra for days I can't do. But then we both, owner and I, always try to be flexible and reasonable. If I can't do a day, I usually swap with another. If owner wants the horse on one of my days, it's her horse!
If I read a post like this though about myself, I would be very upset.
 
i do apologize to anyone that ive may have came across rude to, i just wanted advice, people were asking questions and i answered them how i saw fit. if my sharer saw this i she wouldnt see anything that wasnt true, we have an open relationship and i always encourage her to tell me if somethings bothering her
 
CLM said:
As a sharer I have to say I would not pay extra for days I can't do. But then we both, owner and I, always try to be flexible and reasonable. If I can't do a day, I usually swap with another. If owner wants the horse on one of my days, it's her horse!
If I read a post like this though about myself, I would be very upset.
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im not sure how it works with other sharers.. mine pay a set £20 a week, and thats all they pay i dont ask them to cover vet bills, shoeing, feed etc i pay for that. How does it work with you and the owner?
 
weesophz said:
im not sure how it works with other sharers.. mine pay a set £20 a week, and thats all they pay i dont ask them to cover vet bills, shoeing, feed etc i pay for that. How does it work with you and the owner?
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£20 each a week?

You're getting a pretty cushy deal then really, if your sharers are paying you around £180 a month - I'd imagine that covers most of your costs if your horse is on DIY.
 
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