Nerves are taking over - Help please?!?!?!?

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Worried1

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After having an enforced year off due to losing both horses I was out of the saddle and did not compete.
As most of you know after a long search and several failed vettings we bought Diva at the end of last year and I love her to bits. She was a little tricky when we first got her but this was more testing us than normal behaviour and now 99.9% of the time she has a halo shining very brightly on her head but very occasionally it slips slighty but nothing major
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BUT I have absolutely bottled it when it comes to competing. I look back and can't believe I ever did the things I used to do (I previosuly evented PC opens/Pre Novice, show jumped (up to 1.10m) and showed at County Level)
These days I need Valium just to do a Prelim!
I have been working really hard with my OH and she is now going so beautifully I REALLY want to go out and compete. But I turn to jelly.
I am almost physically sick and shake. Once I'm on and warming up I'm fine, it's just the build-up.
Once I'm doing my test I am enjoying myself and really pleased I put myself through all the torture and convince myself that I won't be as bad the next time.
But it is not getting any better, it has got to a point where I have decided that until I can sort out my nerves I am not going to compete. I am supposed to be competing at Oldencraig on Friday and Cobham on Sunday ad already I can feel the panic setting in.
My OH is a saint but even he is baffled as he can't see what my problem is.
In his words "She is a lovely horse and you ride her very nicely I don't know why you are so hard on yourself. It's supposed to be fun."
I know he is right and I'm bored just schooling at home I do want to compete as once I'm up there I love it.
I know nerves are a good thing but I need help to channel them positively. I take Kalms the night before and the morning of the competition which do help. But the way I'm going I'll be on them 24/7!
I would really appreciate any suggestions as I can see an early retirement for me on the cards
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TFT Therapy it really does work and several people on here have had it and it did help.

Jo Cooper is the lady most often recommended through this site.
http://www.jo-cooper.com/

I found a lady locally who did it so I could visit her, used it for something different but it worked for me. Defintily a good way to bost confidence all round.

Not stupidly expensive and works quite quickly to, not something you have to do for months on end.

Good Luck.
 
I tried TFT, didn't work for me I have to admit.
I desperately want to compete but cant pluck up the courage to do it, god dam anoying as my lad is so ready to get out there now.
I will go and watch others and when standing on the show field tell myself I am being daft and I can do it, even get as far as filling the entry form...just never post it.
I hope you find a way to get your nerves under control, if you do let my know what worked.
 
There's nothing to fear but fear itself!.Get some recsue remady down you and go for it!.You know you want to and you know your horse wants to.Bite the bullet.Positive mental attitude!.
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Oh me too, Worried!!

I've been doing TFT and whilst not curing me completely, as Finn can be an arse sometimes, so my fears are quite rational...it has calmed me down.

Other than that, try and make competing as easy and simple as you can. Perhaps enter one class unaffil, somewhere quiet, to get you self going.
 
Having also, and still now suffering from nerves I know what you mean! There is no magic wand unfortunately BUT if you get the right "treatment" and are willing to work on it you can overcome your fears. Mind is a wonderful tool and can sometimes work against you.

What is it that you think about when you put in an entry form? What exactly are you telling yourself? Are you worried about what people will think, what your horse will do, what will happen to you etc.... Write these thoughts down, silly as they may seem. Then analyse them.

ie. What if I make a fool of myself?
What if my horse spooks and I fall off ?
What if I faint? blah blah... it is all called negative prediction.. you are predicting what MAY happen. THEN
turn it around..... so what if you make a fool of yourself? Who cares? We all do at some point! Is it going to make you a worse person?.. What if my horse spooks? Well, I am sure you have sat a spook before, and that comes with horses... Do you get the picture? Turn it around and make it a positive thoughts... know I am rambling etc.... Also keep your mind occupied by something positive. ie. Cant wait to get into that arena and show my horse off!! What have I got to lose? Fight the fear girlie and go for it!!!GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
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I would echo Finn - can you find a training class somewhere? One of our local equestrian centres offer a class where you can ride the test once get feedback and then ride it again - what about something like that? This particular one is unaffliated and the centre are really keen to help in any way they can. Is there somewhere like that near you?
 
Hmm yes know where you are coming from. I have been having huge stresses just about riding again after a break since christmas!!

Just set yourself small achievable goals:-
Start with getting someone to video you schooling/running through your test - then have a look at it - I am sure you will realise that the pair of you look good together and all the hard work has paid off and you deserve to go out and show yourselves off!
.......then box up and go to Oldercraig - tell yourself you are just going to do some schooling there in the warm up - nothing heavy and no pressure, then if that goes well go to Cobham on Sunday and dip your toe in the water and compete - you know deep down you want to - just do it in small steps.. (you never know you may even make it into the arena at Oldencraig if you feel comfortable enough!!)

I would totally recommend Rescue Remedy it works really well for me - but I had a bad experience with Kalms doing Dressage to Music at our Riding Club Qualifyer - I was so spaced out - when the music ended I was on the centre line - but with my back to the judge!!!! I can laugh about it now - but I wept at the time - so much hard work ruined!!!!
So set yourself small goals and Best of luck!

Maloo
 
[ QUOTE ]
I had a bad experience with Kalms doing Dressage to Music at our Riding Club Qualifyer - I was so spaced out - when the music ended I was on the centre line - but with my back to the judge!!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

I WANT SOME!!!
 
let me tell u something,WE ALL get nervous,even the best top riders in all levels get nervous b4 or even during any event ,ur quite normal. I need the loo prob 3 times the nite b4 my events,im excited but a bit nervous,its only norm.Suppose the more u go out and compete the less nervous u will be.I use 2 do alot of decent S.J but now find myself thinking 3.3 is huge,its silly! Anyway,goodluck&just enjoy what you go out and do,no1 ill be looking at just u,and if they do,tell them to b*gger off or stick ur tonge out!
 
Maybe I shouldn't say this ...but my friend tried this as she suffers terribly from nerves
Have a bit too drink (hip flasks - v handy) and when she goes in the ring because she is so relaxed the horse is much better too!!!
Just don't topple off.....!!!
 
Yeah, have a quick shot of alcohol before the competition! Just dont turn into a drunk rider though
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Are you sure its nerves and you're not anxious? I used to think I got nervous the night before and morning of a competition but I worked out that actually I was just anxious to get on with it! Which might be what you're going through since once you're on you say your fine?

I dont know if you just intend to do dressage but it you wouldnt mind doing something else, anything you can enter on the day (which is not usually dressage) then what Id do is not enter anything but the night before Id possibly decide to go to the competition the next day. That way its really last minute and you've had not much time to get worked up? Not sure if it would help but worth a go?
 
i dont enter beforehand-i decide on going to the show, then see how i feel on the day! im not too bad with showing, its remembering the order of the jumps thats scares me!!!!!!!!!!!if there was a class where you didnt have to jump in a particular order id be fine. hehe
 
I swear by Rescue Remedy - its gotten me through some very nerve racking competition moments when I first started out. Works on horses too. I give some to Sam before we jump as he gets incredibly excited in the XC field and tends to throw in some rather sizeable bucks between jumps. RR calms his down a wee bit
 
I also think everyone gets nervous when they are doing a competition, I know I do, especially on Grace because I do not know her as well as I know my other mare, Hannah. But sometimes, you do have to put yourself through it in order to start realising it is fun and you do enjoy it.

Maybe you should try to get out more... I know that sounds very scary, but hear me out a bit. Rather than having a whole week before a show to think about it and panic, get yourself to as many as possible in as short a period as possible and then you will start to feel more enjoyment and less panic because you won't have much time for being worried.

The idea of taking your horse to some training days is a good one... you are going out, doing something, but not having the added pressure of doing a test. Or, how about doing some unaffiliated tests before going back to do BD (I think that is the level you are thinking of - sorry if I am wrong) and just having some fun!
 
Thank you Thank you Thank you!
Thanks everyone I really appreciate all the advice if nothing I else I know no I am not alone!
Kalms makes me a really spaced out too so am going to try Rescue Remedy and see if that makes a difference. Will definately give TFT therapy a go.
I have worked slowly at building confidence, OH took Diva out HC a couple of times when we first bought her to get her out and about, then we started boxing her to other venues to school her. Did some unaff stuff and did really well and felt that the natural prgression was to affiliate.
I have a mental block about getting on her first at competitions even though she doesn't do anything!
At one unaffiliated venue early this year, which will remain nameless, we were told off by the organiser who said that OH was not allowed to ride Diva in the warm-up as it as against the rules. At this point can I stress that all he did was give he a walk, trot and a canter on both reins and say look she is fine now get on!
I politely told her that if it was run under BD rules there was nothing to stop us as it was not a championship. OH ever the diplomat said it was no problem and he could understand why people might be disgruntled but that I still had to navigate her in the test but that if it was a problem then we would compete HC.
Ever since that day I feel really worried about getting on. The last couple of times we have been out and I have been riding OH has been made to walk her once round the lorry park to reassure me she is fine. I would like to also point out that he really deserves a knighthood for services rendered to neurotic females.
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Been there!

Hypnotherapy was the key for me. Maybe after all the trials and tribulations you endured over the last year you have vested a huge amount of importance on this horse being perfect for you and so you set up a kind of fear of not doing well and thinking you made a wrong choice?

But you didn't. You love her - you have sorted out your bonding period and as the OH says you are doing well.

Do you belong to a riding club? If you could compete just for fun a few times it might help.

Tell yourself when you do go out that you are going to the venue and will decide whether or not you withdraw when you get there. If you do decide to compete do it for the experience only. You can even enter HC so there is no pressure to perform. You could jump 3 jumps and retire if you liked.

Once you know that it is all on your terms, then the pressure might ease and you may begin to enjoy it again. You have nothing to prove to anyone. The fact your new horse is good 99% of the time is achievement enough! Wish mine was!!!!

Good luck - keep us posted!
 
Ok i dont know if this will help but cobham manor is my local comp centre and if you want support im happy to hold your hip flask.

I only ride unaff- dress / sj / xc / ode's etc but im happy to come along with or without horse and be your "buddy".

This may not help so much for dressage but when it comes to jumping ( sj/xc im happy to meet you at a venue ) it might help you.

I have helped a few people in the past who have had confidence issues- it doesnt always take a profesional. Someone who understands how you feel and can make you feel at ease is often better than feeling you are being watched.

If you want to get over it you will. Ive heard bachs rescue remedy it brill to help with stress.

I find dressage very intimadating as i look at others and im sure they snigger at my lanky mule.

Cobham do clear round schooling every friday and thats a brilliant time to go and learn to relax.
 
But you say you are fine once you are on, and that you enjoy it once you are on? I think that you just need to keep at it - as you are fine once you get going im sure you will eventually get used to it all again.
 
Hi hun - what class you doing Sunday? Im there now, got a late entry for P17, i'll be there for moral support for you
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Think we all get nerves at some point, i know I do. Not soo much dressage as ive convinced myself i cant get too hurt doing that but anything jumping and i poop myself lol!! Like most of the guys, i used to jump on anything but now im more weary and always worry when SJ 'what if' etc...usually feel sick before getting on and once i get going its ok!!! Last winter we had major issues and i lost my confidence completly, to the point i wanted to give up - but with some lessons and someone else riding Star with me it helped and it showed that she is good and can be controlled. Its all in the head at the end of the day....

Just keep getting out to practice and eventually you'll feel more confident - come join the Riding Club and then you can join in the clinics and stuff
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???
 
claire_and_cappelli thank you that's a really kind offer and I may take you up on it!
Have been thinking for ages about re-joing a riding club so think this might be the incentive I need. That way I can out and about without too much pressure.
LadyMagoo do you think OH will still make me pay if I join in one of his clinics? LOL
Doing P17 too so let me know your time and then you can have a paper bag at the ready for me when I hyperventilate
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I know I am being silly especially as we took Diva to another yard today to work her and it was torrentail rain and hurricane winds. She didn't put a hoof out of place. I think at the back of my mind is the time I came off her on the road, which is such a shame as it was when we first got her and she has never repeated that performance. (She got a smacked bottom and was grounded - think she got the message
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)
OH said today that everyone has a confidence crisis at some point and one day we will look back and laugh...
I hope so
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Got to ring for my times later so will keep you all posted for Friday and Sunday.
x
 
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