Nervous ridder

[ELM975]

Hi,
just looking for some advice have any of ur kids been very nervous no confidence but sure they love horses and ridding ?
my girl is 7 she been on lead Lein for a year anytime we try to progress she gets really upset. Just wants to be lead we ride nearly every day. Iv tried lesson but she is stiff and ends up crying and wants off.
we have 2 pony and one is as bombproof as they come so we stick to this pony to build confidence but it just doesn’t seam to work ?
Iv tried chatting to her and making sure she wants to ride and she says she loves it, Iv told her no matter what we are proud even if she doesn’t want to ride we just want her to have fun and she enjoy life and if this makes her upset then maybe stopping is right ? But she say no I love it I want to learn I just have no confidence. She wants to be their everyday and loves the care aspect,groom doing the stables and hay nets ect chatting to the other kids watching other ride etc but when we get her on it’s ending in tears. I’m now stuck with what to do as I have tried the nice approach and Iv tried to push her on and it’s just not working just now ?
im a big softy and I just don’t want her doing something she doesn’t want to or have any of you had This and the kids sure they want to ride but the confidence just isn’t their ?

 

[Red-1]

At age 7 I would just let her do what she likes to do. If she wants to sit on then fine. If she wants leading round at walk, that is also fine. It is meant to be fun.

If there was a group of similar little people then that can help. I would also make sure the pony is bulletproof, the trainer sympathetic and fun and the surroundings as safe and fun as possible.

 

[paddi22]

just let her go at her own pace. if she wants to spend a day grooming and not riding, what's the harm? it makes no difference what level she is at riding so if she needs time on the lead rein for longer then do that. sometimes focusing attention on it even in a nice way puts more pressure on the kid. kids will say what they think you want to hear (I want to ride) but their body language and actions shows more than words. I'd stop asking her and just let her suggest stuff at her own pace of what she'd like to do that day.

I've seen a few kids exactly like that, that just took a bit longer. there seems to be a point that something clicks and they get a bit braver. but it's a case of just letting her go at her own pace.

 

[Lois Lame]

Maybe she doesn't really want to ride, just spend time around and with the pony. Any why not?

As someone else said, riding is meant to be fun, so if she's only doing it to please you (and she well might be) I can't see the point in it.

What if you accidentally-on-purpose forget to mention riding for the time being and see how that goes?

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Go at her own pace and stop pushing her, poor child. If there are any other children at a similar stage around, you could set up some very basic games, starting with games that involve leading the pony, rather than riding, such as a sack race. When she gets into it, something to carry while she rides will distract her from worrying about the riding. Are you teaching her yourself? very often children respond better to having a different RI.

 

[Upthecreek]

Has your daughter had a scary experience to cause her to feel like this or has she always been like it? As others have suggested, my approach would be not to ask her if she wants to ride and see what happens, see if she asks to ride. If not perhaps she needs a break from riding and just spend time with the ponies instead. Regardless of what she says, if she is crying and wanting to get off most times she rides on a bombproof pony it could be that riding is just not for her.

 

[paddi22]

Are you teaching her yourself? very often children respond better to having a different RI.

really good point. a friends kid was very nervy on her pony at home but transformed when she started at a local riding school.

 

[paddy555]

Are you teaching her yourself? very often children respond better to having a different RI.

I had this problem as a kid, not with riding but learning to swim.
My parents singled me out, dad tried to teach me, his friend tried, he found an over qualified teacher running classes for me and I could never get it. There was another class on the opposite side of the pool and I knew that if I had been sent there to join in with those kids I would just have got it happily. Sort of been part of it. The kids would in fact have taught me as I would have wanted to keep up with them.

So what I am saying is to just let her muck in with her mates. Let her put the jumps up, hold ponies, fetch and carry until one day she is so desperate to have a go it will all come together.
Let some of the other kids ride the bombproof pony so she can see it is quite safe. Maybe what you see as bombproof she doesn't. Perhaps another child will let her have a short ride on their pony if she likes one in particular.

 

[Winters100]

I would not worry too much, and I would definitely not push her. It is great that she enjoys caring for the ponies, so I would just let her do that. Instead of asking 'do you want to ride' maybe just carry on with all the tasks and drop in 'if you want to ride let me know'. Paddy555's idea of letting other children ride the pony is also a good one, and if she does decide to ride maybe you can have a few little games (for example picking paper cups off posts and moving them to another one). Regarding the lead rein I would just keep it on, don't even mention removing it, let the suggestion come from her.

Good luck and I hope that with a little time her confidence will grow.