nervous rider on nervous horse

Cassy

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I have only ridden my new horse twice in the month I have owned him. He feels very tense when ridden, even at the walk. I know that I need to relax but I am finding it very difficult. I am doing lots of in hand work with him but need to overcome my ridden nerves if we are going to form a partnership. My daughter has ridden him several times and seems to be getting on better with him but she is a very confident rider. I will have some lessons when the weather improves but in the meantime I would wecome any advice. He has had his teeth done and a new saddle fitted this week. He is lacking in muscle and condition and he is 10 years old, but I know little about his history.
 

DabDab

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If you can I would book a bunch load of lessons in - because then you have a an instructor there as a safety net, it makes you do it and it gives you things to work on that will take your mind off him being tense

Good luck
 

McFluff

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Agree with both the above replies. You need to find ways to fake confidence so you both get better. Set yourselves up for success, someone on the ground, lessons and short sweet sessions with easy aims all help. Also try positive visualisation - play a scene on your head of the session going well, imagine how every step and stage feels and picture it going well. Bach’s remedy works for some too.
 

YasandCrystal

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I would suggest you start your ridden sessions with some breathing exercises. As you warm up your horse concerns rate on breathing in through your nose to the count of 4 and then breathe out slowly to to the count of 5. Keep focusing on this as you walk around the arena and you will relax along with your horse. If you feel yourself tensing at anytime do the same exercise. It will help.
 

Notimetoride

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All of the above, but the main thing is get on and do it. It's totally impossible to overcome your nerves unless you face it. Just set v small goals but don't make any excuses not to try.
 

Cassy

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Thanks for those suggestions. I know that I need to get on and do it in order to overcome these nerves. I had my last horse for 9 years and she was a very laid back horse to ride. I feel the new horse is not listening to me the rider just walking round, head up and being more interested in his friends in the field.
 

ycbm

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Sing!

It really works. Makes you breath and relax.

I choose 'whenever I feel afraid, I whistle a happy tune ...' but you can sing anything you like.
 

meleeka

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Sing!

It really works. Makes you breath and relax.

I choose 'whenever I feel afraid, I whistle a happy tune ...' but you can sing anything you like.

Ten Green Bottles is my particular favourite :)

Agreed you need to force yourself every day if possible. Start with a really short ride and aim to increase gradually each time. I read of a method which I want to try which is to force yourself to get on board every day for a month. Even if you just sit there for the first day or two. It’s essy when you’re nervous to think of reasons not to ride, but the feeling of achievement when you realise you aren’t scared anymore is worth it.
 

minimex2

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Been there, done it, and have the Tshirt in all the colours...

Ive made every excuse not to. The best thing I found for me is force myself even if you are on 5 mins a time youll feel so good after that you've done it.

Always make sure you have someone with you to help and just chat to you.

Im overcoming my demons and confidence issue . Its very slow , but one step at a time....
 

Pippity

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Thanks for those suggestions. I know that I need to get on and do it in order to overcome these nerves. I had my last horse for 9 years and she was a very laid back horse to ride. I feel the new horse is not listening to me the rider just walking round, head up and being more interested in his friends in the field.

Oh, this is so familiar! You need to make it impossible for him to just walk round without paying attention to you - lots of transitions, shoulder fore, travers, renvers, leg yield, etc. My share horse is extremely nervous, and at first I used to try walking him round on a long rein to get him to settle down and relax, but it just made him worse. The trick is getting his mind off the things that might leap out and eat him (leaves, shadows, a line on the ground) and getting him concentrating on me.
 

Horsekaren

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Lessons, Lessons and more Lessons.
I have had my boy almost a year now and about 3 weeks in of having them i lost myself and became a bag of nerves. This stemmed from one spook and i was knocked massively. I sat the spook and and stayed on but it really shook me.
i then went down hill for about 6 weeks to the point that i was so nervous i was making everything worse... at one point i was on my horse standing at the gate inside the school and a horse was being turned out and i panicked and yelled "help me" almost in tears at my partner, in which he held my horses rein..... during this moment said horse was just standing at the gate as i was asking him to and simply lifted he head to watch his friend go by..... no help needed but the psychological terror going through my mind was awful.... i made him worse, i made him nervous all because he ovs thought he was about to die as im wimpering on his poor back.
Needles to say that moment was my breaking point... i couldn't carry on like that so i got instructors... two of them, twice a week! one was great for building my confidence and within weeks i was jumping.... huge progress from standing at the gate shaking. My second instructor who i still have once a week now started off with a head set.... it was amazing she was watching and talking me through every movement in flat work. i felt so safe as i knew what ever happened by instructors were there to talk me through. one of my instructors said she doesnt ride without a body protector... so i thought... well if she doesnt then why the hell am i.... purchased a second hand body protector and have worn it always... i have come off a couple of times and i bounce right back up and back on.... the latest one i even giggled as i hit the floor.

confidence is so fragile, i tried loads to help me, calms, reading, singing, breathing.... im not ashamed i even tried the old vino and nothing helped. I needed to have confidence in myself and my riding and the only way i could get this was with good instructors and having lessons as frequently as i could afford.

Good luck! you will get there!
 

starfish8

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Hours in the saddle & lots of lessons with an instructor who really works for you - one who knows just how far to push you out of your comfort zone each time.

I also find keeping my horse's brain busy, transitions, shapes etc - and working forwards, not poodling around in walk (which initially felt 'safer' but actually gives her and me far too much time to think about potential monsters). Constantly reminding myself of the corrections my instructor gets me to make to my own position keeps my mind off the 'what if's. Body back, heels down, head up, elbows bent... all the things that easily go out of the window when you tense up.

And set yourself up to succeed - lunge him for a few minutes first if he feels like he might be a bit full of beans. At first try and ride when the weather is good, not when its blowing a gail and pouring rain. Get someone to be there with you - your instructor, daughter, even a non-horsey friend. Your comfort zone will start to grow and one day you'll find yourself hopping on without giving it a second thought.
 

Pedantic

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If the horse isn't suffering any physical problems, then ride the backside of yourself and the horse, don't over analyze everything, every hour spent in the saddle is another hour of experience and confidence, any problems deal with it learn form it and move on, works wonders.
 

Cassy

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Thanks for all your suggestions. Not sure which is the best course to take:
1. Work on circles etc at walk with on a long rein in the hope that he will chill or
2. Ask more of him
I will be sticking to walk for now as when asked for trot he shoots forward with head up resisting the contact. I think some of his problems stem from lack of schooling and being mounted and " off we go" type of rider. Hence as soon as you get on he is anticipating the dig in the ribs!
I am not in any hurry but realise I need to sort my confidence out.
 

Annagain

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I would work on lots of exercises in walk, there's no need to be going any faster until you're happy. Focus on getting him supple and listening to you and turning off your leg rather than your hand. Try starting with a very loose rein and do a 5 metre circle in each corner and at B and E. Really focus on turning him with your legs and body. The other good one is to do a serpentine from one end of the school to the other and try to fit as many loops in as you can. There's no need to go all the way to the edge of the school, just keep doing small loops across the centre line and again turn with your legs and body, not the reins. The other one you could try is doing a 20m circle at A or C. As you hit X do a 10m circle in the opposite direction - then carry on back on your original circle. All this on a really loose rein with your leg and body doing the work, not your hands.

Then take up a bit of a contact and practice lengthening and shortening the walk - aim to get as many short walk strides along the short side as long ones on the long side (this is surprisingly hard but will teach him that leg doesn't always mean go, it can just mean change your stride. You could also try a bit of leg yielding or a turn on the forehand again just so he learns leg doesn't mean go. I'd also do lost of random changes of rein serpentines and or circles - both small and large in odd places to keep his mind active and focussed on you.
 

skint1

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I really hope you get there Cassy, it's not easy, but it must be so worth it. I am still on that journey trying to find my brave pants. My horse is older, been there done that, and semi-retired really. The main thing my horse needs is a confident rider, he is a novice ride, a saint among horses, IF the novice is confident. I have actually made him nervous of large vehicles and motorbikes because I was so worried what he might do if we met any. That's the thing with nerves on a horse who reacts to nervousness in a rider, it can create problems that never existed.
 

starfish8

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Time will tell. I feel that he will eventually be the right horse for me.

If that's how you feel about him then go with it. Use that to keep gradually extending your comfort zone. You can do it, you know how to deal with a spook should one come along, a horse that's rushing etc - don't let your brain get in your way.

Sing, breathe, get yourself plenty of help... and fake it till you make it!!
 

Dave's Mam

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I am a nervous rider. I have a young pony. Said young pony has not put a foot wrong under saddle bar a couple of spooks. I have lessons as often as I can afford & I speak to my instructor often.
One thing she reminds me to go through is "Has he ever done anything bad?" "No"
"Has he ever done anything that scared you?" "Yes he spooked." "What was that spook?" "Scuttled forward for three strides with a slight sidewards" "Did anything else happen?" "No." "Did you sit it?" "Yes." "OK, what are you worrying about"

I go through this mantra many times & I am actually starting to listen to myself.
 

FestiveFuzz

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Echo those that have said to just crack on and force yourself to ride little and often. It really does work, especially if you set yourself a little goal every day.

I'd also be inclined to start with a little more contact and really ride him into it. My boy is awesome and when focused will absolutely trust me to go past something scary with minimum fuss, but ask him to work on a loose rein and unless I've got him completely connected he'll be off looking for monsters and spooking at whatever he can find.

Also make it a habit to mentally check you're not gripping anywhere you shouldn't be. At clinics or competitions etc. I warm up thinking about loosening my legs and letting them hang down so that I'm not gripping with my thighs or knees, shrugging my shoulders to ensure there's no tension and unfixing my forearms by alternating lifting them up and down. This helps ensure I'm giving my horse clear aids and not fixing on the contact at all and also helps me to focus and be aware of what my body is doing.
 

Mildlander

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I've also had confidence issues when riding on my own - the result of a fluke bad fall on a hack and echo all the above suggestions of small steps, singing, have someone with you.
But I would also add in wear a body protector/air jacket if that helps. it has done for me, if I feel that if something happens I won't get hurt (or at least not at much) helps me to relax and therefore the horse.
I've worn one for schooling and hacking when I've felt a bit wobbly/tense.

Anything that gives a bit of extra confidence - go for it
 

Cassy

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Thanks for the support. I too had an unexpected fall over a year ago and had 6 months off riding following surgery on my neck. So yes I have invested in an air jackect and intend wearing it everytime I ride. At 65 I dont want any more injuries. I do really have to concentrate on relaxing when on board as my daughter kept telling me to get my legs off him although I thought they were off!
 

Maesto's Girl

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Start lessons sooner rather than later to stop this mindset in its tracks. Speaking from experience, my spooky mare really was getting the better of me and I let it go on for so long I wouldn't even canter a certain area of the school. Have been having lessons now - all through the winter - and last week, I managed to sit a horrendous spook and continue my controlled canter around the school (even past the scary bit) AND asked for canter at my scary spot.
 
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