Nervous rider - what actually works?

Primmula

Primmula

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Hi everyone

Basically I am a nervous, shaking, sweating wreck when it comes to riding my horse. I KNOW that it's me with the problem, my lad has had others ride him in the school and hacking and he's been fab. In the past we've hacked, schooled, been to the beach and everything together, but now I am so scared that the worst is going to happen to me/him/everyone around us that it has crippled me.

Have you ever been in this situation? What has helped you overcome such extreme fear?
 
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Yes but it was a time comsuming cure. Started with tacking up the pony and then untacking it over several days the tack stayed on a bit longer. then stood on a mounting block with tacked up horse got down and untacked and so on until I could sit on the horse without it moving and finally baby steps back into moving Sing nursery rhymes
 
windand rain said:
Yes but it was a time comsuming cure. Started with tacking up the pony and then untacking it over several days the tack stayed on a bit longer. then stood on a mounting block with tacked up horse got down and untacked and so on until I could sit on the horse without it moving and finally baby steps back into moving Sing nursery rhymes
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Nursery rhymes CAN be a mstake, lol. I met my husband (38 years ago) at a riding school where Ihad JUSTstarted as Chief Instructor. One of my working pupils (NOT a great Instructor) had asked her adult class to sing nursery rhymes when asking for canter (a lot of fairly novice, once a week riders.) She was still giggling about one rider launching into the rude version of Mary had a little lamb! Yep - he sure shut up between the time I took over the class and we got married 14 months later.
 
I found riding a schoolmaster was the most effective after a bad fall from my own horse. I tried lots of different techniques with my horse and made some progress but still didn't enjoy riding in the same way as before my fall. I decided to go and ride a nice safe hack and after a couple of sessions I was back to galloping around the bridleways and just having fun. I did this regularly for about 3 months and my confidence soon transferred over to riding my own horse. I think it was because my brain remembered how to just relax and ride naturally again instead of sitting on the horse like a tense statue.
 
Teeny tiny steps. I was very nervous riding Robin and had lost my wish to ride. I was about to sell. Spent a lot of time just walking down the drive and back. I got a lot of stick for that so had to block it out and tell myself at least I had got on. Then I pushed myself a little. AIM was to go in a field walk a tiny circle and come back out. Gradually that circle would get a bit bigger.

I also learned how to ride him. He hates you sitting quietly and gets anxious himself. He likes to have your legs lightly on him. Also helped me as I was riding him rather than sitting and hoping I didn’t die. Also found its better to get trotting and going if he is a bit bright.

Now I will quiet happily walk trot canter or gallop round fields and we are both relaxed and enjoying it. I think because we do it all the time Robin dosnt see it as exciting and will quite happily mooch on a long rein.
 
Oh poor you! I so know this feeling - you get so tense that it transfers to the horse and everything becomes a vicious circle.

I think you have received very good advice here, but I would just add that if you try for a period of time and still feel this way then maybe you need to start thinking about whether you and the horse are the right pair. I know it may not be what you want to hear, but I tried for 5 years with a horse who was basically just not right for me. As with your situation there was nothing wrong with him, we were just not a good match because I did not have the skills or confidence that he needed from a rider. After a serious accident I sold him to a wonderful home where he is happy, and the new owner, a stronger and more confident rider than me, is delighted with him. To round things off perfectly almost a year after selling him I mentioned to the owner that I was recovered from my accident and thinking of looking for a new horse. He had a 13 year old who he had always said he would not sell on, but he was happy to sell her to me. He gave me the horse on 'sale or return' for 6 weeks and it was a match made in heaven. A nice easy schoolmistress who is not spooky or silly, not too powerful to scare me and she gave me back the joy of riding. No more driving to the stable wondering whether it is too windy, no more taking my jacket off and leaving it in the stable in case he spooked at it in the arena. I have had her just over a year now and in that year have had more fun than in the 5 years of trying to match up to having a horse who was a ferarri, when what I actually needed was a nice safe little volkswagen. This horse gave me so much confidence that I since bought a second (more powerful but still sane and not spooky), and the pair of them give me so much fun every day.

I really hope that you solve this, because riding should be a joy, not something we come to dread and count the minutes until we can get off! Good luck.
 
When I lost my confidence I only lost it on one horse; and it might not work for everyone but we moved yards and I’m (almost) completely back to how I was! Moved to a yard with more positive people who didn’t watch and judge whenever I rode.
 
What windand rain said. I would tack up and say to myself well we will just go and hang around at the mounting block for 10 mins, and I will see how I feel, and it progressed slowly from there. It’s hard if you have no one to help you.
 
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Years ago I had a huge confidence blow after a horrible accident xc and started to convince myself that if I even trotted I was going to fall off and die and my horses legs would break if they hit a pole. Before that I was one of those invincible riders who would get on anything and jump anything at any speed.
I went the other way to most people and was really tough with myself. I told myself I had two choices: a) sell/shoot the horse and admit I'd failed and never step foot near horses again, or b) shut the hell up and get on with it and stop being a pansy. :D
Obviously I went with option B and despite being terrified half the time I ride, I've learned to just get on with it and stay calm and rational.
Also helps me to watch horrific falls at 5* events and seeing everyone just get back up and walk away, if they can do that after falling 7ft down a ditch at 30mph with a horse landing on top of them I'm sure I'll be fine!

It fits my 'tough love' personality and I needed people around me who wouldn't mollycoddle but it totally wouldn't work with everyone so depends what suits you.
 
I never understood why people were nervous until it happened to me after 30 years of riding. The most frustrating thing is that you can't always pinpoint the reason. My fabulous friends saved me and got me back on track. They listened when I told them how I felt and NEVER judged. They sat in the corner of the school whilst I rode, walked with me when I hacked around the village and rode out with me wherever I asked. I also had every safety device known to man! Air vest, hat cam, hi viz, strap on the front of my saddle. I am back to my old self now but, even though it was a few years ago, I'll never forget that feeling.
This is what worked for me, I'm sure everyone is different. I really hope you find a way forward.
 
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I think it depends where the fear came from. Have you had a bad experience or fallen off? Or are you just generally anxious about what might happen? For me the cure is to do the thing I’m afraid of more as this means the good experiences outnumber the bad. It’s fine to acknowledge you feel afraid, it’s not the slightest bit abnormal, but you have to be very strict about where you let your mind go with fear or it takes over, which it sounds like it has done with you. Singing is great because it stops you from holding your breath. I also find it really helps to focus on what my body is doing and making a conscious effort not to allow it to be tense, which obviously transfers to the horse.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. At the end of the day if riding isn’t for you anymore and you are putting yourself through hell every time you get on a horse and you aren’t enjoying it, then stop. There is no shame in that.
 
Primmula said:
Hi everyone

Basically I am a nervous, shaking, sweating wreck when it comes to riding my horse. I KNOW that it's me with the problem, my lad has had others ride him in the school and hacking and he's been fab. In the past we've hacked, schooled, been to the beach and everything together, but now I am so scared that the worst is going to happen to me/him/everyone around us that it has crippled me.

Have you ever been in this situation? What has helped you overcome such extreme fear?
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Hiya...do you know what happened to make you feel like this? Was it a sudden thing or did you have something happen?

After my hubby had a nasty accident I lost a lot of confidence and didn’t know if I’d ever re build it. It took a long time but with having some friends with nice safe horses to lead us out and an amazing instructer who was very sympathetic we are back in track .... feel free to pm me if you like ...I do understand how you feel xx
 
this lady makes YouTube videos every Friday for confidence issues. She specialises in creating confidence in horse riders and she has also advertised a free web chat thing she does for confidence. Might be worth a look xx

 
Another fan of the baby steps approach! Even now I get worried if I haven't ridden for a while. Unfortunately my work/life balance does not promote consistency, but I'm in the process of renovating the school so hopefully it won't matter what time I get to the yard soon!
Don't try too hard! It's just as easy to take ourselves over threshold as it is with our horses, so set yourself a ridiculously tiny target like telling your horse a bedtime story about the amazing riding you'll be doing together one day, and then reward yourself. The bigger the achievement the bigger the reward, so bedtime story = a glass of wine. Getting on and sitting in stand for 30 secs = new jods.
If you're arty, you could create a map of your confidence journey.
 
Good advice - but also brush up on ground work skills -long reining/clicker/agility/TRT or any of the other options ... it really does help the trust bond and means you still have been productive even if you don’t feel like riding much.

Make a virtue out of the issue!!
 
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Do you have any support? Professional support can really help. Some of my clients have told me they have in the past booked sessions because then they feel more inclined to get on - a mixture of having support but also wanting to get their moneys worth! Most decent coaches would be willing to help you with just mounting up and walking out if needed
Try to break down logical risk assessments in your head. What are the risks? What are the likelihood of these risks occurring? How can you reduce the risks?
 
You could always try hynopherapy it works for a lot of confidence issues. I have been hurt more times on the floor than ridden but never lost handling confidence but have more than once lost riding confidence the first time was when I first rode my Arab mare I bought her when pregnant with my third child she had a foal at foot. once he was born I rode her out on a hack she didnt put a foot wrong but I had a panic attack about what would happen to my babies if I was injured it never occured to me that I had only ever been injured on the floor and was daily handling her weaned colt
 
I would definitely recommend finding a riding instructor who is also NLP trained. Mindset is so important and having somebody who can help you replace the fear conversation going on in your head and replace it with something positive makes a huge difference to both you and your horse.
 
I found for my nerves, understanding exactly what I was I was afraid of helped. Once I’d pinpointed that I was able to counter it.

I also got a great book, called Brain Training for Riders. The author is a therapist and also events, so the exercises she has in the book are all riding related.
 
Baby steps definitely. I started with getting on, sitting for a bit and getting off again. When this wasn't scary any more I did a few strides of walk, then got off. Tiny little steps, done frequently, all add up. We can now hack out fairly confidently but if I feel my horse getting tense and I know my nerves are going to make the situation worse, I'll still get off, lead her for a bit to diffuse the situation and then get back on. I'm starting to challenge myself and get a little bit outside of my comfort zone now to give my mare the opportunity to show that she's not actually going to do anything scary, if that makes sense, and that is helping to build trust. Check out Confident Rider on Facebook, this has really helped me. There are free access posts and podcasts and also a membership programme. I was quite sceptical about whether the membership programme could help me and whether it was worth paying for to try to overcome the nerves but it really has been a game changer. Even just having the private facebook group to share little "wins" in a safe place where people understand that it is a big deal just to have got on your horse today is a really helpful thing.
 
Remember that riding is not compulslary. is your horse good to lead ? take him a walk in hand. tack him up go to mounting block , get on board if you feel like it, then dismount. ALWAYS end a session wishing that you had done more. the opposite of pushing yourself, don't say "walk went alright so lets try trotting. "just don't trot, always finish wanting to do more, ie go further at the same pace, or try a different pace, just don't do it, leave it for another time.
 
I suffer with anxiety. the only way I can do it is to fake it and just get on with it. Recently sat and cried on my horse because I didn't feel like I could walk around the arena, and then someone dared (!) to take their horse out to the field past the school, and there was someone else riding in the school next door etc. etc. etc. You can see I like to try and control everything around me and honestly that cant ever happen so I just had a friend help me in the school and I have to ride forward. 2 weeks later and my confidence is really coming back.

I will ALWAYS have wobbles, because that's my personality and comes along with anxiety as well, but dwelling on things doesn't help.

I have tried all of the NLP, hypnotherapy etc. and it didn't help me long term really. You really just need to find something that works for you though. I do sometimes put music on either loud on my phone or earphones (only in the school) and this helps.
 
Dwyran_gold said:
this lady makes YouTube videos every Friday for confidence issues. She specialises in creating confidence in horse riders and she has also advertised a free web chat thing she does for confidence. Might be worth a look xx

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Only discovered Natasha's YouTube channel a week ago but have found the videos really helpful and feel I am making some improvement already. Also did the free web class via her Your Riding Success Facebook page which I found very useful.
 
I have been in your shoes and its not a good place sadly. For me:

Different yard from a place where everyone judged me and made my life unbearable to a yard where the owner was a gentle soul who encouraged me rather than put me down.
Different horse (From highly strung dutch 11yo warmblood to green but sane 5yo ISH) (gentle yard owner helped me on that one!)
Ground work - lungeing long reining liberty and my personal favourite - in hand hacking!
Baby steps - took me a year to ride 5yo ISH around the school in walk without dismounting. But it was worth it. I now do novice dressage tests and even though I have bad butterflies beforehand I don't cry! Result!
Schoolmaster at a riding school - did wonders. The instructors were very sympathetic, LISTENED and didn't judge! At the end they had me riding a horse bareback in a field. I kid you not.
Friends or hubby walking with me, either me riding or them riding, or both
Not being hard on myself - because there is always another day and my horse doesn't care as long as he's looked after.

OK I'm still rather wobbly with hacking but I'm coming on leaps and bounds with that. And like the others I have lots of safety devices!

Good luck x
 
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