Nervous riders - add your success stories!

CarolineJ

CarolineJ

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I've noticed a spate of 'confidence returning' threads over the past week, so I thought it might be nice to have a thread where all us nervous Nellies (and nervous Nigels if there are any out there) can share our successes, small or large.

When I read Fii's post about hacking earlier in the week I thought it was probably about time I got out onto the beach at the bottom of my fields - it's something I've been bottling out of for a while and I bottled it again yesterday (so much so that I spent the afternoon in my PJs on the sofa with a bar of Toblerone :o) But this morning the sun was shining, there was a gentle breeze and I had my gung-ho head on, so we went for it.

As hacks on the beach go, it wasn't terribly successful - we didn't actually set hoof on the beach with me in the saddle :o I'd led him down from the field and was using the bench at the bottom of the path as a mounting block - the moment I was in the saddle he whipped round and headed back the way we'd come and I never really got the steering back under control. At one point he spun so quickly that I was hanging out sideways with my head by his knees :eek: but I didn't fall off, which I'm so, so pleased about.

Eventually, after a couple of interesting battles up and down the path, we ended up back next to the field gate with him thinking he'd won and me feeling mostly scared and partly cross. The cross bit took over and I jumped off and marched him back down to the beach and did the whole hack in hand, then marched him straight past his field and into my neighbour's school where, you guessed it, he was as good as gold.

The old me would have got off and burst into tears at the first spin and would probably be writing the advert for selling him right now, so although it wasn't the most textbook hack in the world, it was a big step forwards in confidence - especially realising that I *had* to go and get back on him straight away or I'd only end up making excuses not to ride again. In October last year I was scared to sit on him when he was standing still with someone holding him, so we're definitely getting somewhere now.

Think I'll wait until my uber-confident neighbour is back on shore until I try hacking again though - I'm thinking I may have to ask him to hop on and ride through the issues for me again.
 
mine would just be me and my horse!

when i first got her i was so nervous if she neighed or moved or stamped etc i'd run away! (i was an out of riding school 11 year old) i was sharing with sister at the time.
then a year later sis moved onto horses and so i had to have meg to myself. the tiniest spook when on board made me crap myself. although i did have my very first hack on her, was a bag of nerves and she was as good as gold :rolleyes:
half a year after that i really hated her we just didnt get on. so mum got me some lessons with v.good instructor and after about 5 we clicked and subsequent lessons really helped us gel :D
doing my first shows on her etc
her taking me round my first 2ft6 course with 2ft 9 jump off-she did stop in the j/o but she had a fall at that height when she was 6 so it's put her off and she'll only do as many as she jumped before she fell.
overcoming her bucking with me etc
nowadays she can do what she likes with me and i just laugh at her! not competed for a while but it had been going very well til then :o
 
Less than a year ago I was terrified to even walk round an indoor school on my horse. The thoughts were totally irrational but I saw him as some insane crazy beast. In reality all he'd ever done is turn himself inside out on hacks or span round when spooky.

I had numerous lessons, thought about it day and night, made plans of action, took it easy, tried to get on with it, brought every confidence book going.....nothing seemed to work

Until one day my instructor told me how it was- that I either had to get on with it or sell him because he wasn't going to change, espicially when he wasn't being worked hard enough......I swiftly burst into a panic attack and wanted to break down in tears but do you what...it worked!!!

1 week on i'd gone for 2 hacks, trotted in school, started to really work him again and had an amazing lesson and our relationship just grew and grew!!! last week I took him on his first real long hack since September on the ride that always used to get him over excited and I loved it! He was perfectly calm and an absolutely gentleman.

I can honestly say I never ever ever thought i'd get back to where I am now. But the thought of losing him just made me think no, i'm GOING to do this. I think until you really honestly get to the lowest point you can, you can't get back up again.

So however bad it gets, just keep going and going. keep trying to find a way, and eventually, one day it will just click! And you'll wonder what you were ever scared of. Also- don't be scared of being scared or see it as a weakness. So many people have been in your place and got it back together!
 
Nice thread :)

Mine is quite recent (yesterday, lol), although I've managed to crack the petrified to get on stage, I've got a way to go before I'll be hacking out and competing again. But I'll get there.

I was unceremoniously dumped off a riding school horse shortly before buying my mare. Initially I was fine, I got straight back on, all was well. I had already paid for 2 further lessons. The next lesson the nerves had set in, the final lesson I was petrified but had already bought my mare (that day). I barely got out of walk!

Fortunately the mare I've got is as solid as they come, very forgiving, very sweet. But I was still petrified even at the thought of getting on her.

We moved yards (I kept her where I bought her from temporarily). The yard I was on wasn't right for us. Even though we've only been on the new yard for less than a week, we've both chilled. The YO and other liveries are so supportive, non judgemental - absolutely perfect for us :)

I've found a new instructor who specialises in people with confidence issues. What a difference!

Last night it clicked. It was the first time I'd lunged her and we had the whole place laughing, my mare hasn't a clue what to do, she's obviously not been lunged before. My instructor had a go unsuccessfully so we gave up and I got on. No nerves, confidence back. My mare did what she usually does, stays in a low gear until she feels me riding better (or actually riding rather than just sitting on her :D ) and steps it up. Perfect for me.

I've got a friend coming over next week to teach me long lining ;)

I now feel confident to take her into the school on my own - result :D

Next step will be hacking out. Long term goal - jumping.
 
I lost my confidence around 2 1/2 years ago in a bolting accident.

I gave up riding, couldn't stay away and when a friend offered me a ride on her Horse Nelly, I leapt at the chance. Although I felt physically sick and cried when friend asked me to try a canter. Friend asked would I like to share Nelly, I agreed.

For the first couple of weeks I would only walk in the school :o then introduced trot and then finally about 4 months later was happy to canter in the school. The real turning point though was when we moved to owners yard, it had no facilities whats so ever, so If I wanted to ride, it was either a field or hack. It pushed me out of my comfort zone and my confidence was coming on leaps and bounds. I was still too scared to canter on a hack though and that was my aim.

Around 4 months ago I decided to get my own Horse, I wanted an older Horse to give me confidence. But I found a 6 YO TBX that I fell in love with, I felt very safe with her, but due to nerves could not canter her when I tired her, my friend (owner of Nelly) got on and canterd her and said she was lovely and I just had to take her word for it, I liked the Horse and got her vetted. My last official ride on Nelly I was determined to canter, So I did :D she bucked because she was so excited but I didn't mind and I trust her.

My Horse is now home, She is kept at the same yard as Nelly, and I have ridden her a few times :) I'm coming on leaps and bounds with my own Horse though and so excited to start going to shows etc. My 3rd ride on her is when I cantered her for the first time, she was lovely. I just needed to know she wasn't going to do anything nasty before I asked to canter. Now were happily hacking and schooling. Haven't jumped yet though and that is my next aim.

Although I will probably jump Nelly first as shes my security blanket :o I owe that Horse so so much, I had 2 wonderful years with her and love her very much. If it wasn't for her taking such good care of me I propbably wouldn't have had the confidence to get my own.
 
I actually went out on a hack today, on my own, & CANTERED!! I had tears in my eyes for joy & I was giggling like a mad woman! It's taken me NINE months to get from a sick to my stomach nervous wreck to this hack today.
 
2 years ago I got bolted with across open moorland when trying out a horse.
Absolutely terrified me and I refused to get on a horse again. Eventually I gradually became more and more confident but never happy in open spaces.

I got my confidence on my old boy Koko but he passed away in october which meant I had to go horse hunting again. We found my current boy Andy through a friend just turned in a field not done much.

He's a very fiery pony and gradually I got more and more confident on him in open spaces. I jumped him in the jump paddock and then I'd take him for a canter in the big field.

Eventually I bit the bullet and went xc schooling on him and loved every single second of it. We've been xc schooling 3 times and I even had teh guts to take him on a beach ride a couple of weeks ago!

I never thought I could do that especially as Andy isn't the quietest horse in the world (spooking, jogging, bucking and tanking) but I never feel nervous on him.

People mistake me all the time for a confident rider and when I tell them I'm actually very nervous they are shocked, it makes me proud that I have faced my fear.
 
I lost mine totally a year ago and sold my horse and gave up. Then in January I was pining and got a partial loan rode borrowed horse for 4 months discovered the fear had disappeared it was wonderful. Loan horse no longer available I have been riding my firends tizzy mare and schooling her succesfully. Today she played up and did a mini rear and I didnt panic and get off I was just very annoyed. So now I am back shopping for another.
 
3 years ago before I got my mare, I would never even dreamt that I'd have achieved what I have.
I got back into riding after having a break when my children were born. My first lesson involved me bursting into tears at the thought of cantering in the school! I was so so nervous. I had a few more lessons and then had the chance to buy my mare.
I was too scared to hack her out at first so used to lead her out for walks until I was happy that she wouldn't run off with me. Our rides would involve mostly walking with an occasional trot but never cantering as the thought of it scared me half to death.

I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone many a time in these past three years but am very proud of what we've done together.
I'm happily cantering around the lanes on her now and we even jump which was never on the cards! We attended our first horse camp this year and set foot on our first XC course. We had a great time jumping and having lessons and learnt so much. We've dabbled in dressage, endurance and showing and have a box full of rossettes to mark our acheivements.
 
Yay I have one of these I can add.

I was always super confident as a young teenager. I'd get on anything, jump anything, go anywhere... you get the idea.
When I was 16 I fell off and cracked my hip. I'm now 23 and I've only just gotten back to what I would call fairly confident. I'll still think twice about what I sit on though.
My previous horse helped a lot and I have a lot to thank him for, but the little pony I've got now, my freebie, has done me the absolute world of good and I can't thank him enough!!

I now have a little Fell pony to show and he is the most honest pony. I'm finally galloping across fields again, jumping, riding him around big show grounds and if it weren't for my current lack of funds I'd be competing him at county level showing. Fingers crossed by the end of the year we'll have done a couple and next year it's all systems go! I honestly thought I was going to give it all up two years ago, I never imagined I'd be this comfortable in the saddle again!

The other day I went full circle which was a huge milestone. I went to visit my old horse that threw me off when I was 16 and had a ride. It was a very symbolic moment for me and I kind of feel like I'm back to myself again. I really felt like a part of me was missing when I lost my confidence and I feel like a different person now!
Since losing my confidence I've actually done an equine degree and am technically a much better rider than I was as a teenager, it's just having that belief in myself and knowing I CAN ride.

The magic trick for me was having other people around me that would support me and encourage me. And also having the right pony. I can't wait to get out on my little superstar pony now!! I feel like he's given me my life back.
 
I lost my confidence totally when I was 13 on a stunning 14.2hh mare who was far too talented for me. In one summer I went from confident incompetence to competent terror, and pretty much stopped riding altogether. I had some lessons at a riding school near us on possibly the most amazing little cob ever, and completed a mini ODE on him (2'3ish, with a prelim dressage test- and we won!). Decided to look for another horse like him- 15hh, solid and sensible to gently hunt, hack and do dressage. I was still very nervous of cantering and jumping and at that point would have happily never done more than 1'6 again.

We found Cheeky. Cheeky was a 15.2hh TB with a slightly unknown past. It's thought he was bred to race but was useless so got sold on. His slightly insane attitude had him passed from pillar to post until his owners got him. They'd owned him for 7 years, and he'd done open teamchasing, eventing, hunting, all 'fun' PC stuff including teams and had finally reached the point where he had no one to ride him- the owner's son was doing BE Novice on his mare, and she had 3 others who were far better than him. We phoned up about him, and went to see him.

He was all wrong. Too big, too skinny, too old. But he'd stolen the treacle jar and was licking it out and his owner began to scold him. He looked at her and curled his upper lip and shook his head... He was laughing at her! Went on a hack, and we cantered. I was so scared, but he pulled up like a dream every time. He was off his head the rest of the time though! I was in love. He came home 3 days later.

In the years I owned him, he got madder and badder and I laughed more and more. When he hit 26, I stopped hunting him because he was just too strong. I often got the comment "Lovely young horse, but not quite ready for a dressage test". I went from being so scared I was in tears before every round to hurtling round 2'9 giggling (his maximum height- he was an old boy!). We couldn't canter out hacking as he'd tank off with me. He always jogged, flung himself into hedges and going XC he had this amazing trick where he'd do mini rears and spins and pretend to drop a shoulder at the start. He had the most wicked sense of humour and you were never safe from his wily ways.

I adored him and I have never felt so safe and confident on a horse. And he taught me to ride. He gave me so much confidence and I can honestly say without him I wouldn't be riding at all.
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We lost him August 2011, when his old bones finally caught up with him. He was still my mad old man, but his body just couldn't do what he wanted. Miss him every single day.
 
I dont normally post but this is such a lovely thread :) Almost 4 years ago I fell off my boy and hurt my back badly. For the next 2 years I allowed anybody to ride him :( I couldnt. But while others were riding I thought at least he isn't standing in a field. Then 2 years ago I moved him - yard was closing - and then nobody rode him. I was terrified - I couldn't even lead him. He was only 5. I realised I didnt know him, couldn't bond with him even though I had backed him etc myself. I couldn't mind the happy times. So at the end of 2009 - before the heavy snow came - I decided that I would sell him. With help I started to do lots of ground work in order to sell him.

In January 2010 I was offered a lesson on him from a visiting instructor. I couldnt ride, was tense, took heeps of rescue remedy but managed to walk a 3 steps before I jumped off. Instructor offered to teach me every week - I made excuses not to, I would shake thinking about the wot ifs - but each week I got on and did a little more. We walked and trotted in just the top half of the school, then the whole school. I would still come off a nervous wreck but then something happened I looked forward to my lesson. I even forgot my back protector and I still got on.

Fast forward till today. I can now canter in both the field and the school. Im jumping wee jumps. I have a really supportive bunch of fellow liveries and YO. My instructor has been the best and totally held my hand every step of the way. And best of all on Sunday Im doing my very first x -country. I trust and love my boy he has never put a hoof wrong even when my nerves have made me shake while on him. I now believe in myself and I dont dwell any more on the wot ifs.

Sorry about this rambling post but Im just so happy and fortunate to have my boy :) Dont give up, take baby steps, set wee goals for yourself.
 
first post and dont know if this counts but...

as a 17 year old very reserved/quiet/shy/unconfident person i found that horseriding was the one thing i had confidence in.

in the 2 years i have now been riding not once have i felt nervous while riding. i feel nervous at nearly every other point in my life but not sitting on a horse!

Before Ben (14.2 'one in a million' cob) came into my life if someone had told me i would be riding a horse one day i would have laughed. horseriding was scary and i didn't do anything scary. but 2 years later i am learning sooo much all the time. i have lessons from a brilliant instructor who has helped me learn so much in such a short space if time. i have cantered in school and on hack, done jumping and riden other horses (though Ben will always be my faviroute!!)

Ben has given me confidence in myself that i have not ever been able to find anywhere else. when im riding him i just fell sooo relaxed and unstressed (the rest of my life i am totally the opposite) Ben has really got me through the last 2 years and for this i will be always gratefull and he defo has a home forever!! i certanly have an awful lot to learn as yet but being around ben and the others just makes me sooo happy and relaxed so i have gone from very nervous person to not nervous around horses and certantly less nervous in everday life!

sorry for the rambling!!but im soo proud of what ben has done for me! love him to pieces!! :D
 
It's great reading other people's stories and reading about people's successes.

Over the years of me owning Ettie I lost my confidence in jumping because she was a nasty refuser (turned out not to be her fault in the end as she was in pain - i lost her in October). So when I was searching for a new horse I wanted a schoolmaster...ended up with a green 5 year old! When I first jumped him I broke down when he refused a pole on the ground - I didn't know how badly I had lost my confidence until then!

Now a few months later I am really enjoying popping him over small poles. Then tonight I took him around our very small homemade xc course. It was the first time he had jumped most of the jumps and he was fantastic. Even though he refused two of them I had the confidence to push him over and then he didn't even look at them the second time. I am so happy! Next I want to try taking him to a competition :)

Proof :D
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Chellebean said:
Does anyone fancy making a group say on FB so we can all help each other? Just a thought! I know I could do with moral support and don't mind setting one up :D
It's great to hear all the stories :D
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Yes please, so reassuring to know I'm in such good company and that we can help each other progress, it really makes you feel "yes, I can do it if I just keep trying" and just aim for little goals, one step at a time
 
My first proper horse (that is to say the first horse I bought with my own money!) a 15.1hh TBxcob Rugby was a loon - I chose the worst horse possible and couldn't do a flipping thing with her.

After too many times rearing in the main road, I sold her. I didn't ride for around 4 years.

I very much doubted I'd get back into it. My legs wibbled even thinking about it. Then one day I decided I had to and we drove up to Cheshire(!) to look at a cheap dealers yard.

I came home with a 17hh+ ID x...Murphy. I had never jumped or done XC. He took me from wibbling fool to:
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via this:
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And then the divine Ed. Who built on the foundations Murphy laid and took me to this:
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I can't thank those horses enough, I only hope they go on to spread their confidence to their new people and give them the same joy they gave me :)
 
I have posted several times about this subject! I am about to repeat myself but I will add my story anyway! It is so nice to hear everyone's success stories!
I lost all my confidence when at 30 I was finally able to afford my own horse, after loaning a schoolmistress for 5 years. I bought what I thought was suitable - 9 years, 15.2 been there done it steady type. He turned into a monster! He was bargy and rude, spooked and span every time I rode, bucked me off regularly, wouldn't canter, couldn't even get him off the yard to hack out he napped so much. I was on a livery yard surrounded by people who were not the most encouraging, although I didn't realise it at the time. I just went up every day, felt like an idiot, tried to ride, got laughed at and would manage 30 mins trotting round the school clinging on for dear life. At one point it would take me 15 mins to stop crying and pluck up courage to even mount. My instructor gave up, had a massive go at me and told me to either work harder or sell the horse. EVentually after 18 months of hell I fell off (via a massive spook) and broke my arm. The people at the yard were totally unhelpful, despite the fact I couldn't drive I was not allowed to have the horse on full livery. I had to get out of there!
A friend who keeps her horse at a farm behind her house had just lost her mare and needed a companion for her gelding so offered me a place. There are no facilities but plenty of turnout which is what my horse needed. When I got there it was like walking into a sunshine after being in the darkness. She helped me while my arm healed and then accompanied me on short hacks over the winter. She introduced me to her RC and I went to a few rallies, the people there were so encouraging. Once the light nights came I had to bite the bullet and hack out alone! And to my surprise I was able to beat the fear and the monster napping, over a few months, to the point where devil horse is now (almost) saintly. Since then I have been jumping for a year and won some rosettes for it, done xc schooling, been hunting and I am as brave as I ever used to be. Me and horse go out for hours exploring the moors and the beach and we trust each other. Horse no longer tries to chuck me off (only every now and then for a laugh) and we are now the best of friends, I love him to bits and am so glad I didn't sell him. In fact if I have my way I won't EVER sell him!
 
noblesteed said:
I have posted several times about this subject! I am about to repeat myself but I will add my story anyway! It is so nice to hear everyone's success stories!
I lost all my confidence when at 30 I was finally able to afford my own horse, after loaning a schoolmistress for 5 years. I bought what I thought was suitable - 9 years, 15.2 been there done it steady type. He turned into a monster! He was bargy and rude, spooked and span every time I rode, bucked me off regularly, wouldn't canter, couldn't even get him off the yard to hack out he napped so much. I was on a livery yard surrounded by people who were not the most encouraging, although I didn't realise it at the time. I just went up every day, felt like an idiot, tried to ride, got laughed at and would manage 30 mins trotting round the school clinging on for dear life. At one point it would take me 15 mins to stop crying and pluck up courage to even mount. My instructor gave up, had a massive go at me and told me to either work harder or sell the horse. EVentually after 18 months of hell I fell off (via a massive spook) and broke my arm. The people at the yard were totally unhelpful, despite the fact I couldn't drive I was not allowed to have the horse on full livery. I had to get out of there!
A friend who keeps her horse at a farm behind her house had just lost her mare and needed a companion for her gelding so offered me a place. There are no facilities but plenty of turnout which is what my horse needed. When I got there it was like walking into a sunshine after being in the darkness. She helped me while my arm healed and then accompanied me on short hacks over the winter. She introduced me to her RC and I went to a few rallies, the people there were so encouraging. Once the light nights came I had to bite the bullet and hack out alone! And to my surprise I was able to beat the fear and the monster napping, over a few months, to the point where devil horse is now (almost) saintly. Since then I have been jumping for a year and won some rosettes for it, done xc schooling, been hunting and I am as brave as I ever used to be. Me and horse go out for hours exploring the moors and the beach and we trust each other. Horse no longer tries to chuck me off (only every now and then for a laugh) and we are now the best of friends, I love him to bits and am so glad I didn't sell him. In fact if I have my way I won't EVER sell him!
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wow - very inspiring - well done you and your horse!!! :D
 
It must happen to lots of people! But so many people in riding have this attitude where showing fear is a weakness, so you end up with a vicious circle where you feel worse and worse and more and more annoyed with yourself. My confidence issues certainly affected other parts of my life because I was so worried about them. This of course made my horse far worse as he could tell I was stressed and anxious and so he was unable to trust me. I lost all sense of the enjoyment side of riding because all I could focus on was that I couldn;t hack out, I couldn't jump, I couldn't do a decent canter and so I would never be 'as good' as everyone else.
This forum certainly helped me because at least I could say how I was feeling without being shot down for it, as I was at the yard.
So I think it is important to share stories and let people know that it is possible to overcome confidence issues, because this forum might be the last place they turn before possibly giving up completely and then feeling a failure forever. I know if I had sold my horse when I hit rock bottom I would be forever wondering what if, which is why I had to give him one last chance.
I will of course be forever grateful to my friend for helping me regain my confidence and also the riding club for being so supportive of a nervous numpty!!!
 
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