Nervous riders. ...

Earlier in the year i had a spell of lost confidence. I can't pinpoint exactly why - i had a fall jumping last year (not on my horse) so could have been that, or we bought my husband a horse that turned out to be unsuitable and sold him on the end of last year after he'd been ditched a few times! Maybe that played on my mind. Either way, the lack of confidence seemed to come out of no where. It was only ever before i rode though, as soon as i was riding i was ok and if anything happened whilst i was on board i dealt with it. So i knew the anxiety was irrational but just couldn't seem to shake it off. Like one little anxious thought would spiral until i got really tight in the chest, almost like i was anxious over being anxious?!! Know it doesn't make much sense - it didn't to me either! I went and seen an NLP practitioner and had a session with her which really helped me. I was always a glass half empty kind of person but now look to see the positives and not focus on the negative.
I think with a lot of nervous riders they have probably been really confident riders at one point but somethings happened along the way to make a dent in it. There's lots of ways to try and improve confidence without having to give up!
 
I love riding and hacking but a nasty fall has put me off cantering in wide open spaces. So I walk and trot on hacks only and will only canter certain horses that I trust 100% and only on a bridlepath
 
I go through patches of nerves. I had a horrible accident jumping and completely lost my confidence with it. Not riding, just jumping. I feel like I'm too busy and the horses cost too much to be forcing myself to do it when I'm not enjoying it, so I simply don't jump anymore. If or when the mood strikes to begin again I will, but I won't pug myself in a position I feel ill with nerves - it's supposed to be fun!

I do, on occasion feel some anxiety for example out hacking or showing etc because my horse is a fairly complex ride and very sensitive, but I find that if I push past the nerves, I love to ride! And always thoroughly enjoy myself. I would be missing out on this if I gave in and stopped doing it just because I felt a bit nervous. I think it's worth overcoming that hurdle of anxiety, I wouldn't have achieved half the things I have if I didn't teach myself to man-up, feel the fear and do it anyway! I always find that I feel way more of a rush achieving something I never thought I would, as opposed to achieving something I felt complete confidence in doing.
 
eahotson said:
How sensible.
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thanks, I just don't see the point of pushing myself into an uncomfortable territory and potentially making things worse. I have miles of stunning countryside to hack around and access to 3 fab horses that I enjoy riding so why ruin it? my hacking buddies are happy to go off on their own for a canter/gallop and meet me later too so I'm happy and enjoying horses :-) As my username suggests -I am a happyhack!
 
I've had a couple of falls in the last 2 weeks. I have a 99.9% angel of a horse, it was not in any way her fault, although she did run off and leave me the second time which hurt my feelers because I thought we were mates :D .

I thought about both incidents and the counless stupid things I have done where my clever, kind horse has saved me from peril. Any loss of confidence I feel come from a lack of trust in myself only and not my horse, who is not used to people falling from her and is probably mortified in her horsey way, maybe she has lost her confidence in me, how much else can she do to keep me safe?

I am a novice rider, I should always be paying attention to my position, my falls were caused by a combination of leaving the girth too loose which allowed the saddle to slip a lot, and moreover a generally poor position and lack of attention to my surroundings. I was lucky not to get hurt.

I'm generally an anxious person but I am determined not to let my nerves rob me of the pleasure I get from riding my horse so I will endeavour to do better in future, and take some rescue remedy of course.
 
Confidence is a funny thing, especially for high risk sports you learn as an adult.

I was having a conversation with a friend earlier this week where I said that I part ways with my horse on average once or twice per year and when I was younger and less sensible/good, it was a lot more than that. But I've always gotten off the ground and got back to it and those falls have had no lasting or deep effect on my riding. Now a couple weeks ago, I was rock climbing and leading an easy climb. I failed to do the move I wanted and went flying off the rock. I was caught by my gear and belayer and it was a far nicer fall than any fall I have ever taken off a horse, as I was stopped by a nice bouncy rope rather than the ground. My confidence at leading, while never great, is now shot to pieces and I really don't want to climb but then, I also really do. I was saying to my friend that I didn't understand, as I had never felt this way about riding even after innumerable falls. My friend asked me how long I have been climbing (3 or 4 years) and then how long I have been riding (since age 7). She said, "Well, that's the difference!"

But I don't want to quit, although I suppose the gear doesn't cost me £££ per month to keep around.

All the people at my livery yard think I am this super bold, confident rock climber because I am pretty confident on a horse. I'm always wanting to say, "You know that terrified adult ammy horse owner who is too terrified to set hoof out of the arena or canter? That's me on a crag."

Wish I could fix it. :/
 
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Caol Ila said:
Confidence is a funny thing, especially for high risk sports you learn as an adult.

I was having a conversation with a friend earlier this week where I said that I part ways with my horse on average once or twice per year and when I was younger and less sensible/good, it was a lot more than that. But I've always gotten off the ground and got back to it and those falls have had no lasting or deep effect on my riding. Now a couple weeks ago, I was rock climbing and leading an easy climb. I failed to do the move I wanted and went flying off the rock. I was caught by my gear and belayer and it was a far nicer fall than any fall I have ever taken off a horse, as I was stopped by a nice bouncy rope rather than the ground. My confidence at leading, while never great, is now shot to pieces and I really don't want to climb but then, I also really do. I was saying to my friend that I didn't understand, as I had never felt this way about riding even after innumerable falls. My friend asked me how long I have been climbing (3 or 4 years) and then how long I have been riding (since age 7). She said, "Well, that's the difference!"

But I don't want to quit, although I suppose the gear doesn't cost me £££ per month to keep around.

All the people at my livery yard think I am this super bold, confident rock climber because I am pretty confident on a horse. I'm always wanting to say, "You know that terrified adult ammy horse owner who is too terrified to set hoof out of the arena or canter? That's me on a crag."

Wish I could fix it. :/
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I guess as an adult we have a finer tuned understanding of risk and our own mortality. An idea may be to remind yourself that you've done all you can by way of mitigation, you have training, you have the correct gear, although the activity itself is risky you aren't taking any further unnecessarily risks, you can build up your confidence.
 
My nerves are linked to my anxiety I have a perfect pony who looks after me. If I just have up because my nerves (before riding fine once on board) my anxiety would rule me life .
 
Interesting topic. I learned to ride when I was 13 and I have always been a little nervous. The question which interests me what I am nervous of exactly? Its not that I am particularly afraid of falling off, its more that I get anxious about being out of control. I can get nervous on a pony trek on a 'safe as houses' riding school plod because they generally do their own thing on a trek rather than follow your commands. And yet I can be totally unafraid on a very excited horse of my own on a pleasure ride because I know he might prance and fuss but I know he won't totally ignore me. Since I started riding certain horses have terrified me - and others I have never been afraid of at all. Its all to do with how much attention I think they pay me.

As to why I ride despite this fear? partly because I enjoy it when I am not worried or when I am only a little worried. And also partly because I want to get better at it and that means going beyond my comfort zone. I could do dressage on my horse in the school and never be worried. But I owe it to the horse to hack her out even if this does mean I occasionally feel nervy (another horse galloping past me, tractor in the field, lorries on the narrow roads type moments) and I want to stay as an all round rider which means jumping now and again (mostly Fridays!) which again means getting worried (jumping has always worried me although I did manage to get my AI!) why - because I wanted to improve and if i wanted to do that I had/have to do things which make me worried on occasion.
 
At last an interesting and thought provoking question posted on the forum, it has been getting boring, unless you like watching small white horses trotting endless circles.

The answers so far, have been really interesting. Mainly falls or incidents that dent confidence, very few have mentioned advancing age and the inability to bounce so effectively as we age. I have been a nervous rider all my life, yet I hunted for 22 seasons and when I look at a fabulous picture on the wall behind this computer, of me jumping a huge hedge I still wonder how I did it. The answer for me, was trusted and long term horses. I had 3, all with me from foals/youngsters and when they finished through retirement and tragedy in 2004, my confidence died with them.

Although I have carried on, I have never returned to the level I had with my three boys. I bought myself a super new horse in 2005, rode him for a year or so and then put a good rider on and really enjoyed watching the successes.

Why do I carry on. I cannot imagine not getting up each morning, after 37 years of keeping horses, and not going to the yard. I cannot imagine not hearing the welcome I get each morning, the smell, watching the youngsters change and grow. I have accepted the fact I will never improve, bought myself an appropriate horse who is more Road Roller than Rolls Royce and this morning we enjoyed a leisurely hack. I firmly believe even the most nervous riders can enjoy horses, but finding the right horse is imperative and keeping it in the right environment is important if any enjoyment is to be had and nerves kept at bay.
 
AdorableAlice said:
Why do I carry on. I cannot imagine not getting up each morning, after 37 years of keeping horses, and not going to the yard. I cannot imagine not hearing the welcome I get each morning, the smell, watching the youngsters change and grow. I have accepted the fact I will never improve, bought myself an appropriate horse who is more Road Roller than Rolls Royce and this morning we enjoyed a leisurely hack. I firmly believe even the most nervous riders can enjoy horses, but finding the right horse is imperative and keeping it in the right environment is important if any enjoyment is to be had and nerves kept at bay.
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Absolutely agree with this, well said :) I have a semi-retired OAP and a suitable quiet pony and, despite being a nervous rider, they look after me and we have lots of fun. I have very understanding, kind and encouraging friends and a calm, quiet instructor. I don't think I've ever enjoyed my horses more! Being nervous is natural for a lot of us and doesn't mean horses should not continue to be a huge part of our lives.
 
I have had a few falls and my confidence had gone... I don't currently ride regularly which i think doesn't help but i had a lesson a while ago and realized i'm not actually that bad it was just my head telling me it was scary.

I may have hurt myself and caused lasting damage but horse riding is quite dangerous, also i always thought for example: Rugby players get quite bad injuries but they keep going so why can't i? its sport there is always going to be a low point but you have to ''get back on the horse''

I refused to let the falls discourage me as i enjoy the 'fearless' time i had with horses cantering with the feeling that your on top of the world, jumping over small fences and thinking woooww! i actually did that (maybe it was small and everyone snickered but i felt amazing).

To me horse riding isn't all about riding anyway, it's the bond you have with the/your horse that makes you feel good in my opinion.

I may never be where i was a few years ago but i will damn well try.
 
I always use to say when we fall we all naturally blame ourselves but when we blame the horse that is when its time to stop. I think all the falls ive had ive blamed myself although I did blame the tree for the last one I have never blamed my horse so is that why I keep getting back on???
 
I was never the best of riders but I don't remember being scared - even when I probably should have been - as a kid. I took a break of several years in my late teens, early twenties due to college and work and bought my next horse at 25 about a year after I got back to riding. I had him a fair few years and remember well the frustration of not being able to ride half as well as I used to but was only occasionally nervous usually because he was being a prat in traffic :)

I then made the classic mistake of buying a weanling - I didn't mean to :o it just happened like that! Circumstances meant that my original horse had to retire and was then PTS when the youngster was only 2 so I had a 2 year break from riding regularly. As the youngster turned 4 foot and mouth hit our area and as I was on a yard that had no facilities we were effectively confined to a field - he was sat on and left for 6 months because of this.

By this point riding away a just backed youngster had become a big deal in my mind - I was dying to do it but unfit and out of practice (yes of course I should have gone and had a load of lessons somewhere beforehand, hindsight eh?) mixed with a nervy, hot cob who took all his confidence from his rider so it was a disaster. I didn't trust him and he sure as hell didn't trust me, why would he? A couple of nasty and again in hindsight, probably avoidable incidents later my confidence was shot. Being stubborn and/or stupid while I wanted to sell him I didn't feel that he would find a decent home the way he was and as he is my responsibility I decided to persevere. I did get lessons, one instructor was great, another set us right back but for a few years I forced myself to carry on hating every minute of riding but enjoying the day to day bits of owning a horse. I stopped riding him but he had occasional sharers, some of whom were more successful than others!

A very kind friend allowed me to ride her saint and I started enjoying riding again - still nervous but actually smiling during a ride and not needing to throw up beforehand. Eventually I bought a been there, done that type for myself and all was good. I was never going to be the kick on and hang on person that I was at a kid but I was having fun more often than not.

Both horses are now retired, schoolmaster through injury and other because of temperament and I haven't ridden now for a few years. I'm not in a financial position to have another. I've looked for shares but more or less given up on that because the kind of horse that I need is rarer than hens teeth plus as the confidence goes again I am really nervous about even getting on a strange horse:(

That is my sad and sorry tale, sorry for the essay! The odd thing is that I have never, ever been worried by anything that a horse does on the ground, in fact I was always the go to person if a difficult horse needed handling...I miss the good parts of riding but have more or less come to terms with the reality that I probably won't ride again. Actually admitting that was really hard.
 
Very interesting question, and answers. I've never been a nervous rider myself, but have taught a lot of extremely anxious riders, often wondering why on earth they put themselves through it. A good friend, who is a very good rider indeed, is really terrified of riding in open fields, despite having a saintly horse and being more than capable. I have never been able to empathise until I was kicked in the mouth by a stallion whilst holding the mare for covering: proper broken jaw-teeth gone-knocked out job. It being a stud farm, we HAD to cover that mare, so as soon as I was patched up I had to hold the mare again. This was the first and only time I can say that I had a total, uncontrollable, cold sweat, dry mouth, shaking from fear terror attack. Now I understand, and respect to all of you who overcome this feeling every time you get on a horse.
 
Great thread! I am one who rode in my teens and had no fear whatsoever. After a break of 25 years I was horrified to find I was quite worried about falling off. Funnily enough, I then often feel less worried, just after I have fallen off without serious harm! It is a combo of being less bouncy and being much more aware of the consequences of a bad fall and all the responsibilities I have for others. BUT despite being mildly nervous most of the time, I ride because it brings me the most enormous pleasure. I never grin as widely as I do when I've cantered up a grassy track, got over a couple of 2 foot jumps, or (as the other week) cantered round a set of working equitation obstacles that I was scared to walk round 45 minutes before. It is just the most FABULOUS feeling and can keep me going for days afterwards.
 
A late and very much missed friend and I, in our teenage age years, regularly rode our horses along the tow path and jumped the lock gates. Nerves, what nerves !! things you do when you are young, unbreakable and stupid.
 
I also think everyone, absolutely everyone, draws lines and the lines will be in different places.

On another forum I occasionally look at, someone posted asking for advice because they really want to ride, but the thought of even going into a round pen, putting a halter on a horse (who is reasonably sane), and leading it out of said roundpen turns them into a quivering wreck. I can appreciate this because when I introduced a (now ex) boyfriend to my horse, I soon realized that if I could get him to tentatively touch her neck while standing outside the stable, we'd be doing well. I had initially envisioned him sitting on her and getting a pony ride, but not an effing chance. I've never seen anyone so terrified of a horse.

I don't consider myself a nervous rider, but if someone said, "Can you school my horse? By the way, he might rear and flip over backwards," I would say, "uhhhh...no."

For some, standing in the stable with a horse (even a quiet one) is where they draw the line. For others, it's riding ones who flip over. Or others, riding ones who spook while hacking. Etc. etc.
 
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I lost my nerve on my old boy when I was 21, he left me at the side of the road (unhurt) and went home by himself. It took moving to a livery yard and a combination of sheer bl***y mindedness and very supportive friends to get me going again. By the time I lost him when I was 37 I would hack him all over the place and we had competed and done all sorts. I'm so glad I persevered and would aim to help anyone in the same situation.

I agree that people have to do things that scare them all the time but things do get easier. I am much more confident with public speaking now as I have to do it from time to time for my job. I also can't stand heights (jelly legs and a bit panicky) but I went up a castle tower this week as my OH and daughter had gone up and a few years ago I went over Sharp Edge in the lakes (ok that one made me cry!). I refuse to let it stand in my way and I am not going to stand around watching everyone else get on with things while I dither. (Not having a go at anyone and rant to self over!).
 
Caol Ila said:
I also think everyone, absolutely everyone, draws lines and the lines will be in different places.

On another forum I occasionally look at, someone posted asking for advice because they really want to ride, but the thought of even going into a round pen, putting a halter on a horse (who is reasonably sane), and leading it out of said roundpen turns them into a quivering wreck. I can appreciate this because when I introduced a (now ex) boyfriend to my horse, I soon realized that if I could get him to tentatively touch her neck while standing outside the stable, we'd be doing well. I had initially envisioned him sitting on her and getting a pony ride, but not an effing chance. I've never seen anyone so terrified of a horse.

I don't consider myself a nervous rider, but if someone said, "Can you school my horse? By the way, he might rear and flip over backwards," I would say, "uhhhh...no."

For some, standing in the stable with a horse (even a quiet one) is where they draw the line. For others, it's riding ones who flip over. Or others, riding ones who spook while hacking. Etc. etc.
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Hmm, would totally draw the line at the flipping over thing!!
 
Good topic. I can't remember when I couldn't ride; I always have. I never, ever felt nervous; as a kid I made a calm decision once never to get back on a nutjob of a gymkhana pony as she didn't care whether she lived ornot and I couldn't stop her in a Pelham, but I wasn't scared. I've just sold my young Arabian because I've learned what fear really is from him; it was the total unpredictability that's caused it. I'm looking for another but I'm frightened thinking about hacking or going down the scary end of the school. Bizarrely jumping doesn't frighten me in the least, maybe because I've had no bad experiences with it.

Why do I do it? Because riding was always in my soul, and the dream of finally having my own horse again got me through the worst times of my life. If I don't have that to cling to I've got nothing. And the pragmatist in me says I'm not paying for a horse I'm not using!
 
SadKen said:
Why do I do it? Because riding was always in my soul, and the dream of finally having my own horse again got me through the worst times of my life. If I don't have that to cling to I've got nothing. And the pragmatist in me says I'm not paying for a horse I'm not using!
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This
 
We have 3 ponies and I've completely lost my nerve on the "safe" one. I had a crash with the little driving pony, broke my shoulder, but totally my fault and I feel lucky she trusts me enough to have forgiven me, the "sharp" Connie doesn't bother me at all, he just jumps about a lot and I just sit there, but the original one, who I broke in has given me 2 nasty falls in the last 18mnths (after 10yrs). One, she put in a whopping buck in an open field, totally unexpected, never done it before or since then at a fun ride this year we were at the end of the day and I just had a split second of doubt at a jump bigger than expected, we were both getting tired but she just planted me in the bottom of the jump. It's irrational, she's a horse, I'm the one in charge but I can't get it out of my head that she really rather let me down and I'm not sure I trust her anymore.
 
Reasons: Perverse human nature. Masochism. Determination to conquer your fears. Love of those damn horses keeps you going back to them. Adrenalin rush when it does go well. Irony of taking up knitting instead and accidentally stabbing eye with needle. Enough? I could go on...
 
Why?

Because I can't imagine doing anything else. I sit at work/home/wherever thinking about the horses and thinking about riding. Always have. They are my life, my soul.

And because the good times are worth the bad. I was paralysingly scared as a kid, but with a lot of help I do mainly ENJOY riding now rather than being scared of it. But even when I was a kid and the thought of say jumping made me feel physically sick, I would still sit at home wondering when I could next jump.

It's the OMG That was AMAZING feeling that keeps you going, you know if you just push yourself a bit here or there that that is how it will feel, and it is 100% worth it!

ETA I couldn't work out how to properly word the feeling, and the above doesn't really explain it but that is the gist.
FWIW I actually did give up riding for 2 years when I was very young and I don't remember what made me get back into it. I also nearly gave up again when I was a bit older, but the thought of not riding/not seeing a horse scared me/upset me more than the horses themselves ever have. I guess that last bit is the crux of it :)
 
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I'm not scared of horses, but have a healthy respect of what can happen if things DO go wrong.

I remember reading a comment on a thread about hatless riding which was "Well, I don't plan on falling off!"
Unless you're a stunt rider, I don't think anyone "plans" to fall off, but it happens!!

Riding doesn't scare me in the slightest...hitting the deck does!
 
I had an incident recently when the horse took off when I was half on ( half off might be better description) in the few seconds whilst he was whiz zing across the school with me lying over his rump..one stirrup and one rein only, I had time to think about how painful the landing was going to be and how cross my OH would be when we had to cancel going away because I was hurt as it seemed certain I was going to fall. Some sense of preservation kicked in and I yanked the one rein I did have and luckily he stopped. It gave me a scare, actually a big scare! And made me realise how precious confidence is. A number of lessons were learnt.. That it wasn't acceptable to put up with a horse who tanked off once mounted.; wear my body protector ALWAYS. And don't ride new horses when there is no one there to pick up the pieces! Meanwhile I'm going back to the scene of last years collar bone breaking incident to see if this year I can stay on and not break anything .. Fingers crossed :o
 
I'm not nervous in the least, even after more than 40 years riding youngsters, problem horses and stunts, but I have quite recently decided I'm not going to ride breakers or very young horses any more. That's more to do with the fact I think I have slowed down and am less supple and able to react nowadays. No one should have to force themselves to ride, I'm amazed that people keep putting themselves through all this anxiety - surely there have to be reliable horses out there?
 
Cortez said:
I'm not nervous in the least, even after more than 40 years riding youngsters, problem horses and stunts, but I have quite recently decided I'm not going to ride breakers or very young horses any more. That's more to do with the fact I think I have slowed down and am less supple and able to react nowadays. No one should have to force themselves to ride, I'm amazed that people keep putting themselves through all this anxiety - surely there have to be reliable horses out there?
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There are, my instructor owns several!

I think we are often pressurised, both by other people and our own softer feelings, to keep trying with unsuitable horses when really we should sell and get a better match or in extreme cases PTS. I don't mean the normal spooks, or growing pains, but the ones where you know you have a real problem. As in, the instructors and behaviourists all agree that the partnership does not and will not work. But either our hearts or fellow liveries, or other third parties lay a guilt trip on us: after all, if we sell, the horse could end up being abused by someone, etc. Because only we can care for this horse. Which is illogical.

If we are lucky, we get an epiphany and do the right thing by both ourselves and the horse. Then we go away, rebuild, work on our nerves and slowly learn to breath again. And then the inexplicable craving kicks in again. We miss it: the smell, the work involved, the riding. So we go back and it's like coming home :)
 
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