Nevous riders, do you ever feel like giving it all up?

LaurenBay

LaurenBay

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My head is a mess at the moment, my confidence has hit an all time low. I haven't ridden in 2 weeks. I was actually grateful for the ice as iy gave me an excuse to not have to ride. My mare hasn't done anything to knock my confidence. But she has just changed so much too quickly for my liking. I am fine in company, but theres knowone really to hack out with around my way. I can't school her as she struggles (she is being seen by vet and pysio who say stick to hacking, in which she is sound) she has a sharer who takes the pressure off me as she takes Ruby out hacking alone twice a week. When I first got Ruby she wasn't fit, she wasn't overly spooky and was a great confidence giver. Now she is spooky and very forward when shes out alone. I just don't enjoy riding her as much as I used too. The thought of riding her sometimes makes me feel sick. Although in the summer I love riding her, she is so chilled and I was hacking out alone daily. Now her turnout is reduced shes like a different Horse alltogether. My sharer doesn't have any problems with her (shes a confident rider) and loves riding her. I can't have lessons because I can't take her in the school. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I need a kick up the backside!
 
I have been exactly like you were I used every excuse not to ride, but it was all me, my horse was an angel winter and summer. In your case, your horse is knocking your confidence. Is the weather affecting turnout at your yard or is it always like this? If so, I would look for a place that will offer 24/7 turnout. If its temporary, perhaps take the pressure off yourself and work her in-hand? Groundwork is just as vaulable as ridden and there is lots you can do together to keepher excerised and both of your minds active. But don't push your confidence beyond endurance that will set you back. Trust me, I know!

Sorry, just re-read that yourr sharer has no problems. perhaps you could take lessons to build up your confidence on another horse and let sharer do all the riding for a while, while you work Ruby on the ground?
 
Take the pressure off yourself- and stop riding at the moment. Do lots of ground work with her and build on your relationship. Come the spring you will look forward to riding again.
 
You could be me . I've totally lost my confidence. Pony really forward going needs ridden everyday . But I haven't ridden for a few weeks just can't get the confidence up although we do have a school. There is a confidence thread somewhere on the forum that has good advice . I don't have any advice but you are not alone . X
 
Whereabouts in Essex are you Lauren? Is there someone who could walk alongside you when you hack out? Perhaps with a lead rein on? Just some time with the pressure taken off you could be all you need to regain your confidence?
 
She is an angel in the summer. But a bit of a cow in the winter. I am confident on the ground, so even when she mucks about thats fine. I just can't deal with riding her. The last time I hacked her out alone she spun twice and tried to run for home! I made myself carry on (for both our sakes) but I was shaking like a leave. I would love for her to live out (she is a good doer and loves being out so she will be fine living out) but there is knowhere close that offers 24/7 turnout. She goes out every day from 8am-4pm. Ridden twice a week by sharer who takes her out for about 2 hours.
 
My family aren't Horsey so couldn't rope any of them to walking along side of me. I'm still newish to the yard so wouldn't ask any of them. I'm in Harlow.
 
Yup.
I sold my horse, bought a pony and even though the pony is MUCH spookier than the thoroughbred (prone to canter off in the other direction) I totally dote on her.

I've done more with my little pony in three months than I did with the big horse in three years.

I don't regret buying the big horse, he taught me a lot but I'm pleased he's gone and I have my pony, I also don't care what other people think of me as I'm having fun!
 
Me! I always used to make excuses not to ride. Thought about giving up loads of times and did actually stop for a while. I too would actually make myself feel sick from being so anxious about riding. I just took baby steps, I can now ride a little way on my own, once I'm happy doing that well start to go a little further. I'm fine in company just when I'm on my own. I also decided I couldn't jump anymore after 4 broken ribs, well jumped a tiny fallen branch today whilst on a hack, like I said just take baby steps. Set reachable goals so you don't always feel like you can't do it, I have also found singing and playing music keeps me relaxed hacking alone which in turn keeps my horse relaxed which makes him not behave like a plonker! Every time I ride now when I arrive back I realise how much I love it!
 
I couldn't sell her and get another. She has an ongoing stifle injury, can't be schooled and also has mild COPD (although hasn't coughed in about 4 months) I just don't think theres a market for her and I would be worries where she would end up.
 
3 suggestions:

1 - look for a yard with more winter turnout and you will probably find she chils out a lot more. Also, has her feed changed?

2 - try riding buddies on fb for a hacking partner. She may be much more chilled out in company.

3 - enjoy doing some groundwork and bonding until you feel redy to get back on. It sounds like your sharer will keep her ticking over.

Try not to put any pressure on yourself. Remember we have horses to enjoy them:)
 
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I have been where you are, not purely because of my own horse, I lost it a while before I got her! But I was terrified of her, on the ground and riding. The issues on the ground soon drifted away as I got to know her, she isn't nasty at all and never bucks, rears, bolts or anything like that but she can be very spooky which I found very hard to deal with.
In all honesty I cannot tell you how I got over it, but I think the main thing was building a bond with her. I pushed myself to act confident and ride her through it! It's not everybody's cup of tea but for me it worked.
I would suggest lots of ground work, getting her to trust that if you are on her she can trust you to guide her through things scary and she is safe with you! Having people to help you, people who can walk/cycle beside you will be a huge help! Or even going out when your sharer is riding her walking along side to watch that with the confidence from the rider she will not do anything to stupid may make you see that she isn't going to hurt you (this for me was a huge thing, knowing that my horse want going to buck me off or bolt off down the road) and also lessons with a good instructor will help you huge amounts. Also walking her out in hand to help you both put trust in each other.

Just to add that I hack my horse alone majorly of the time now, I know when she will react to things and how to deal with them in a calm manner and her spooking has minimalised huge amounts as she trusts my judgement and I have confidence in myself to push her on without panicking myself.

Set yourself little targets to overcome, like a 10 minute walk around the block, or 10 minutes in the school and just go from there. It is a horrible feeling to lose your confidence but with time and help it can be overcome :)
Good luck, I hope it all comes together soon and you can start enjoying your riding again!
 
Her feed has changed from last winter. She is now on half scoop Fast Fibre with a half mug of Micronised Linseed, she has this twice a day. No treats and adlib hay overnight.
 
I would also like to add, I was so nervous when I went to try my horse I would only walk him round the school no trot or canter, they must have thought I was a complete idiot, looking back buying a horse was probably a silly idea when I was so nervous but now I really trust him.

A big thing for me is that when doing all the things I panic about, hacking alone, jumping etc, nothing bad has actually happened and anything that has happened I've been able to deal with it. From what you have said you've had a few incidents with your horse, what you need to focus on is that you were able to deal with it (scared or not) and ride through it and continue, instead of focusing on the incident itself, I know this is alot easier said than done and I could probably start practicing what I preach also :)
 
Her feed doesn't sound like it should be making her excitable, but it might be worth switching things out to see if it makes any difference as you never know how individuals react to things. What was she on before?

Would your sharer come down and walk with you while you hack out?
 
I've been like this for a while but recently read a thread on here about the same thing but the young woman had overcome by just telling herself to just do it. For some reason it really spoke to me and if I am making every excuse not to ride then I just remind myself of her and just bloody do it. I'm finding the more I just do it, the more confident I'm becoming and the more I'm trusting my horse and the more she is trusting me. My girl is like yours, she is harder to handle when being stabled so she's out twenty four seven now. I'd try talking yourself into it because the more you do it the more your confidence will rise in each other.
 
I have never had a big accident before with her. I've falllen off once and it was such a silly fall! I had a big bolting accident before her though which is where I lost all my confidence.
 
I also never canterd or jumped when I went to try her. Most of the Horses I went to visit, I only felt safe enough to walk on. I felt happy with her to trot.
 
Can you afford to ask your sharer if she can help you with time rather than contributing money for her share?
Then she could walk out with you for moral support.

I really understand as I have a lot of confidence problems but also have an unsaleable horse and am too addicted to horses and having them in my life to give up.
 
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Laurenbay my boy started behaving in a similar way recently - from a plod to bring utterly packed full of energy that he didn't know what to do with. I didn't know where to start but in the end I cut the linseed... and my lovely ploddy boy returned within days. I know its not meant to heat them up but it defiantly definitely made my boy spooky. Worth trying anyway. Plus rock rose rescue remedy in a cup of hot water before a hack.
I know just how you feel. It's horrible x
 
EllenJay said:
Take the pressure off yourself- and stop riding at the moment. Do lots of ground work with her and build on your relationship. Come the spring you will look forward to riding again.
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This, take the shoes off and don't ride till Spring? In the meantime, maybe find a riding school to have some really low key lessons on different horses (that can really highlight your weaknesses and give you time to work through them) and maybe investigate some ground training ideas.

For what its worth, I have had a lot of fun with clicker training ..... the least it does is get the horse more focussed on you and improve your bond. I have had a lot of fun and inspiration looking at the Hannah Dawson website. Although quite expensive, I find it really inspirational on ideas of what to work on and love the videos. There is nothing wrong with having a horse who can stand for ages, can be ground tied, lifts up its feet by pointing, moves back at a word, you can practice next flexions, standing still at mounting blocks for ever and some ideas on spook busting. So much to do that will help with the ridden work (and you can then take the ideas under saddle which is even more fun!!!).
 
I totally feel ur pain!! I would spend lots of time grooming etc and don't ride for bit! I have previously found lunging gives me confidence!! U can do it!!! I'm v nervous but managed to take my boy cross country this year after building up my confidence!
 
I can't lunge her due to her lameness issues. My sharer doesn't pay anyway (she used to but lost her job, so I asked her to carry on for free as she is such a big help) I will try cutting out the linseed, thanks. Its such a relief to tell someone. So thank you all for your advice/stories and wishes.
 
Aw, really feel for you - and all the other people who share your nervousness; there are many. I'm pretty gung ho myself, but wouldn't ride anything that scared me on a consistent basis. Why don't you be nice to yourself (and your mare) and chuck her out over winter and then start riding again when the weather improves in the spring?
 
Yes, I feel like giving it all up quite frequently!

I'm having lessons on my horse once a week and I've owned her for three months, but am still terrified of hacking out on my own, which I'm really cross with myself about.

On Monday morning, I was wondering if I should sell her to someone who could have such fun with her, as she is such a sensible horse and adores hacking far above schooling. However, Monday afternoon I had my lesson on her with my lovely instructor, and felt all positive again! Now a week has gone by and I'm feeling useless again, but I know a lesson will prove to me that I can actually ride and will make me feel better again and I *will* get out on her at some point!!
 
Cobcuddler said:
Yes, I feel like giving it all up quite frequently!

I'm having lessons on my horse once a week and I've owned her for three months, but am still terrified of hacking out on my own, which I'm really cross with myself about.

On Monday morning, I was wondering if I should sell her to someone who could have such fun with her, as she is such a sensible horse and adores hacking far above schooling. However, Monday afternoon I had my lesson on her with my lovely instructor, and felt all positive again! Now a week has gone by and I'm feeling useless again, but I know a lesson will prove to me that I can actually ride and will make me feel better again and I *will* get out on her at some point!!
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For all nervous riders: don't beat yourselves up! You don't "have" to do anything, do what pleases you, what makes you feel accomplished, what makes you happy - horses are for fun (unless you're a madly competitive sort, in which case do another sport).
 
EllenJay said:
Take the pressure off yourself- and stop riding at the moment. Do lots of ground work with her and build on your relationship. Come the spring you will look forward to riding again.
Click to expand...

Agree, the right kind of ground work is magical to build respect and confidence. If your are not sure then invest in a trainer to help you.
 
She has to be excercised though, otherwise her stifle gets worse and then shes lame. I can't take her in the school either. Can't lunge. Can only long rein and hack. I need to give myself a slap! Shes just not the Horse I brought :( will try take her off the linseed and see if that makes any difference.
 
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