New horse blues - I need comforting words

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BigRed

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I have had my new horse 8 days. She did not settle in very well. To begin with we could not catch her and she did not want to be touched. She is a little better now and I can catch her but she is still very funny about being brushed and touched.

I felt confident when I tried her and I bought her because she seemed so straight forward. The vendor says she will settle down, but I am worried sick that she won't and I will be stuck with a horse that is difficult to handle.

When my last horse died in May I was desperate to get a new horse because I love to ride and enjoy caring for my horse but I now find I am really nervous around this mare and it all feels like a huge mistake. If I can't make this work I will end up never riding again !

Has anyone got any good relaxation tips that can help me through this ?
 
I think she's doing alot better than what you think she is to be honest. It takes months for them to settle down. It took me two hours most days for me to catch mine so count yourself lucky!

Just give her time and maybe try feeding her a calmer and do plenty of groundwork.
 
Sing. Yellow Submarine works well for me but I end up singing the same 2 lines over and over and dah de dahing in the middle.

When you catch her, groom her etc just breathe and sing. If she is silly ignore her and when she is good make a fuss.

Its only 8 days, she has to cope with new home, routine, new handlers, feed, horses etc. Its a lot to deal with all in one go.

Don't get disheartened. Just relax (she will know when you are tense and tense up too) breathe and tell her to get on with it. Start thinking positivly and imagining yourself being very confident around her.

As for giving up - even if this doesn't work out you don't have to go that far. Just speak to the seller again, or sell her on to someone more confident and start again. No point giving up just because its not working now! You sound like you are getting very wound up yourself which is probably 9/10th of the problem.
 
It really is very early days. Take a step back and breathe..

I think the first thing you should do is to not push things. You need to make friends first, as you're both nervous, and that won't help you bond. I would stop trying to groom her ( it really won't hurt for a few weeks), take a chair, and sit reading in her stable with her, with a bag of carrots. Do this until you both start to feel ok together. Talk to her a lot. Gradually start stroking her, and then take things from there. Go for walks in hand together, show her round that way.

I would suggest you both take rescue remedy ( put some drops in her feed), and if needed, put her on a calmer to help her chill out. She may need a vet check, teeth doing, or she coul just be scared.

Just take your time - many horses don't settle as they're not given the chance to.

Keep us posted (((((((((((hugs))))))))) sm x ps singing is a great idea !!
 
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Soo glad i have seen this post..were in the same boat, a not very happy one :(

Basically i got my new pony (i know im 19 and have a pony:p) last Saturday, at first she was VERY nervous, nothing like when i tried her, but believe me with time all changes :D

At first she wouldnt catch, few carrots, now she comes to me:)
Couldn't get tack on, someone stood rubbing her head, over and done with in 2mins:D
Feet - work in progress:rolleyes: we're managing 3 at the moment
Rug on in 5mins again either someone rubbing her head, hay or carrots :)

My very experienced friends mum told me, when a horse is born its mother licks its head and by doing this the horse feels re-assured & comforted believe it or not it calms my uneasy stubborn chestnut mare almost straight away

I have to keep reminding myself, a horse moving to a new yard is a massive thing, like a lady on my thread said, imagine being dropped in the middle of the london station :)

You know how your horse can be - else you wouldn't have bought her :)

Think positive :)
 
I got my new horse 8 days ago too:D

He's doing fine- good days and not-so good days, and I know he will turn out fine. I'm taking it sloooow with him- he's a flighty piece and I want to form a good relationship on the ground- I've ridden him twice so far.

I can't help comparing him to my last horse- nothing will compare to him however- he was a star, but also a total git when I first got him. Our other pony was a git too....but you forget that over time as you form a bond, they get into a routine and settle down.

The fact that you are worried sick may be transmitting to her and making her worried/insecure.

Spend lots of time grooming, just being around her and letting her get to know you. Go into the field and give her a treat and walk away....soon she will be following you around and coming to greet you.

Things will work out fine - just let it be for now.:)
 
We all expect so much from our new horses dont we, We have a little 13.2 who took over 6 months to stop looking 'depressed'. It was as if she really couldnt understand why she had been taken away from her home ( they had only had her for 6 months) and moved on again. That was 18 months ago . she is now much better, happier quite self opionionated and we all love her to bits. She will never be sold on again. :o
 
how long was she in last home for hopefully shell settle maybe she was really attached to old owner and will learn to love and get attached too i recently moved my quiet boy to a new yard he was rowdy first day kicking doors and bolshy and neighing not himself and i had to tell every one that , dont think they believed me but he did settle old owner seems happy to talk to you are you keeping her in a different routine to old owner ? I e t/o or stable ? What about her feed ?
 
shysmum said:
I think the first thing you should do is to not push things. You need to make friends first, as you're both nervous, and that won't help you bond. I would stop trying to groom her ( it really won't hurt for a few weeks), take a chair, and sit reading in her stable with her, with a bag of carrots. Do this until you both start to feel ok together. Talk to her a lot. Gradually start stroking her, and then take things from there. Go for walks in hand together, show her round that way.
Click to expand...

I do this anyway. Thursdays (when the local shop bothers to deliver) is bliss in the summer for a paddle in the river while I sit on the bank reading!

I will also stand and watch and natter away to my boys. As soon as they are within hearing range I am talking to them just about any old stuff really.

Instead of thinking "I am scared of this horse" think to yourself wow what a fab horse I have and isn't she great! Look to the positive and if she flits about tell her in a gruff voice to "get up" or what ever phrase you use for behave yourself so she can learn that actually being a chilled out cookie is not only fun but much easier that fretting.

Make sure that you do not encourage any bad habits to form now and just show your mare that she has to get on with it and when she does actually its a very nice place to be! breathing, singing trying to fish a carrot out of your pocket all of these things will take your mind off of the nerves and get you doing something else.
 
She was with the last owner for about 9 months, before that she was in France. I don't think she got much fuss in France. She was in a moderate size livery yard but from what I gather she was left to her own devices pretty much and did not get turned out a lot. I keep my horses at home. At the moment she is out all the time and I think she likes being out, she gets on well with my pony. I have very good grazing and I am keeping the feed basic so as not to cause any upsets.

My problem is in my head because I was only used to handling my old horse and you get used to knowing that animal inside out. I find handling new horses quite scary.
 
Just try and stay calm, and think how hard it is for her too. She needs a mum real bad, and you're the only one she's got ! You need a horse, and she's the only one you've got - so you both have that in common.

Honestly, I would get yourself some rescue remedy, follow the advice on this thread, and you'll get thru this.

(((((((((hugs)))))))) sm x
 
Hi, keep at it. It took 2 weeks before I could catch my new horse. He still has times when he wont be caught. He has sort of bonded with me now, but when I was away recently he would not be caught again by someone who had been turning him out and riding occasionally! He is quite sensitive, and maybe yours is too. I found it hard at first to understand as my previous horse settled in the first day and I never had any problems. He spoilt me really. Im sure a few days down the line it will all come right.
 
I would just like to comment - what good helpful advice all this is - I bought my new horse in April and I too expected miracles because my last boy was a saint - I nearly sold him after only a month because I was convinced we were not suited (he's a big horse and Im 5ft so this didnt help) thankfully a lovely girl on the yard we are on helped me, she rode him for me to show me what he can do and started to help me with my riding as well, we still have lots and lots to work on and I feel he is very insecure still in his new home, but I have all the time in the world now I have stopped expecting everything to come right straight away. Good Luck - its just time and patience.
 
A YO once told me you need to have a horse for all four seasons before you know it.

I do sympathise though, I've had my horse for 6 months and she's wonderful. However, YO called her 'possessed' after she went crazy on her second day and he had to jump out over her stable door and then shut her in a lungeing pen til I could get there (15 mins, LOL !) We had to board up her stable door for the first week as they were on winter turnout and in at night and she kept trying to jump out. 2 farriers called her every name under the sun and said she was dangerous. Had to get someone to hold her head while I mounted as she would catapult around the school at speed as soon as my bum hit the saddle. Vet, farriers and YO thought she should be shot. She over bonded with other horses, couldn't be tied up as she broke free and galloped off. Couldn't be caught in less than an hour -or more.

Abandoned my plans for my 'ready to go' horse and chucked away my calendar. I have all the time in the world.

Spend the first few weeks working on her physical issues with complete top to toe overhaul, let her chill and moved from a very big yard to grass livery in a herd, established a routine and simplified tack, rode her quietly with a light contact, even when she was running forwards. Spent time grooming, praising her efforts and establishing boundaries. An intelligent horse, she knows whats fair and when pushing the line is a no go.

She is a cracking horse, a dream to ride and handle now. Not cracked the farrier phobia yet, but we're getting there. At her worst, I had to remind myself of what made me buy her when I saw her at her old yard and believe that she would come good again, (even though it seems likely she was buted for sale.)

Hang on in there with your new horse, it'll get better and don't allow yourself to be rushed.
 
I find these posts very interesting. Don't panic. I think horses can take a long time to settle. After all we know they are sociable animals, we know they can form pair bonds or dislike certain horses in the yard. I am sure for some horses it is like being bereaved.

I bought two Shagya Arabs from Hungary, the young one settled, the other who had been part of a driving time was distraught. It took a year for her to feel at home. She would not walk to our menage without having a nervous breakdown, now she hacks alone.

I bought a Highland Pony from a friend. In Scotland he was a plod who hacked out happily on his own each day. After he arrived in France he would shout his head off when taken for a 1/2 mile hack. He too is now a happy bunny.

My Cleveland Bays were all totally chilled about the move. I can take them anywhere and do anything with them. I thik they are real 'people' horses.
 
I have now had my Arab mare for just over a year. I lost my horse of 15 years and worried that I would never find another to match him. But I did! She came over from Jersey to Surrey, so quite a journey to cope with but I was fortunate in being able to take a week off work. Spent every day with her, chatting, touching, grooming etc. We have an amazing bond now.

Keep at it, it really is very early days. When you've been used to a horse for so long, it really can take time for us to adjust. If you can, at minimum just take a chair and sit in the field with her. It is very easy to keep comparing with your previous horse, but this is a blank canvass - take your time in building up the picture again.
 
Oh do hang on in there!!! I am a month in with my new one, He was awful for 2 weeks, wouldnt be caught, rearing in hand and kicking out, napping like you wouldnt believe, in school and hacking, no forward motion and scary reversing! :(
I kept at it, getting him in just for a groom, a fuss, a hack with a friend, building up amount of riding. I have ridden every day for 9 days straight (not hard work im not mean) but have persisted with gentle but firm insistance. He has turned in those 9 days into a star, almost like the switch was flicked on. He knows what I expect, that he wont get his own way, and that life is fun! He is waiting for me now to get him in for hacking in the morning and jumped at the weekend like Ive had him years. I adore him and I think he likes me too!!
Stick with it! Good luck!
 
I love to see the supportive replies you have received. I agree that, given time, she will be more like she was in her previous home with you.

I have had my new boy for 6 weeks 1 day now and he is beginning to settle in and I'm enjoying riding him now. It will work out with your mare I am sure. Stay confident and calm and she will trust you. Wishing you the very best with her - I bet, like me, in a few days or weeks, you and she will be fine!
 
I think you've got some good advice already but I found forcing yourself to smile at pony when you approach actually works !! I think it makes you look less threatening to her and also makes you feel more positive about the meeting. I was in a very fed up mood with my youngster for quite a few weeks but in the end it's so rewarding when you start to like each other!
 
She could just be feeling unsettled because she is in a new place and hasn't settled in yet. The best thing you can do is spend as much time with her as possible, getting to know her. Also, maybe the seller would be willing to come and over and give you some advice? Is the horse known for getting a bit stressed anyway? I'm sure everything will be fine once you have both got used to each other, it takes time for horse and owner to learn to trust one another. :)
 
Don't worry she will soon settle! Make sure that you have her in a nice routine to help her settle in. If you feel a bit nervous around her then I always find that singing or telling her about your day helps :) Spend lots of time with her to get to know her. She has moved to a new place with a new owner, some horses may behave as though they have been there for years but others don't, give it some time and hopefully you will have the relaxed straight forward horse you went to try out.

There was a horse at my yard for hunting, it took him a whole year to settle. Unfortunately it turned out he was not so suitable for a career in hunting and was then sold on....just as he had settled! :(
 
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