New Horse - Extreme Irrational Fear

Serephin

Serephin

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I got my new horse on saturday - he is perfect, really nice temperament, excellent brakes, never hots up - just what I was looking for to get my confidence back after my nutty TB who left lats wednesday.

But for some reason on saturday night I woke up about 5:30 in waves and waves of panic with stomach cramps and sickness - I couldn't sleep and felt terrible all day, but had to go down the yard to ride the new horse as he was on a weekend trial and the owner said I had to decide by the end of the day if I wanted him, so I rode and felt a little anxious and still really sick but he was good as gold and I cantered him out on a hack and everything was fine. So I told the owner I would have him.

Woke up 2:30 am monday morning in abject terror, the thought of my new horse made me feel sick, stomach cramps sweating the lot - didn't sleep all night, curled up in pain as waves of nausea washed over me - called doctor in the morning who wasn't particularly helpful and thankfully by the end of the day was feeling better and had arranged for a girl up my yard to take care of my new horse.

Woke up at 12 midnight, thought, at last I am okay, but no, the fear washed over me again and I spent another night unable to sleep and in pain and sickness. I have an appointment with the doctor this morning, but am not sure what he can do for me.

I am just so frightened and cannot believe that this perfect horse has turned me into a nervous wreck by doing absolutely nothing wrong! everyone loves him and says he is perfect. What is wrong with me??!!

I can't take another night of this. My husband says to relax, the horse is fine turned out and my friend is giving him hay etc - he says to take it slowly - but I just find it hard to believe that I have lost my nerve so spectacularly.

has anyone else gotten this bad? should I just give up horses full stop? I had my TB for two years and loved the whole part of having horses - he was just a bit unpredictable to ride. I think the owner pressuring me to do as much with my new horse over the weekend didn't help, but its a bit of an extreme reaction - I just feel like I can't cope with it all and I feel so physically terrible I just want to die.

sorry for the long post - cookies for getting this far.
 
Maybe try some rescue remedy? I lost my confidence a few years ago on a crack pot TB and even though I knew my new horse was a saint I still stressed big time but with a bit of time and lots of rescue remedy I soon got the hang of it
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I am no psychologist, and so please don't take what I say as Gospel - but it seems to me that your extreme reaction isn't actually to do with your new horse at all, but the release of all the pent up anxiety caused by your previous horse, and allowed to surface now the horse has gone.
If I were you, I would just relax and go with the feelings, rather than fight them, breathe deeply and calmly when you feel them and let them wash over you. I am sure you will find that they will diminish in a little while.
However, if this panic reaction persists, I would certainly go to your GP and get some treatment or a referral for some therapy. Or go to a hypnotherapist or NLP practitioner if there is a good one in your area - they would be able to help. Don't push yourself to do more than you can cope with horse-wise - your horse sounds wonderful, and will still be there when you are over this. I feel for you, it's horrid.
 
I would imagine 'the pressure' that the seller has put on you has caused this. Buying a horse is a difficult decision to make. There is always a worry that there may be something wrong with the horse that you haven't noticed & the thoughts that you could end up with a horse with a problem & expensive bills for however long.

That aside I can understand the seller wanting to know for sure if you want the horse or not so they can move on if it's the later & find another buyer. You have said that the horse appears to be everything you want, if it passes vetting then give it serious consideration & if you can afford to buy plus afford to keep it & it will do all you want then go for it.

This anxiety is felt by everyone buying a horse, you just seem to have it considerably stronger than others.
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Poor you! That sounds awful! Have you been down to see the new horse at all? What have you done with him so far? It sounds like you are staying away, but if you want to overcome this fear, I think you need to get down there, even if you don't ride. Just go down to the stables, take someone with you and get to know the horse - it will make you feel better. If you don't feel comfortable riding, lunge him, or get someone else to lunge him and you watch.

The longer you stay away the worse it will get IMO, as you will build it up in your head. Take it slowly and you will soon get more confidence with the new horse. Good luck and keep us posted
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As your husband said, just take it really slowly. If your previous horse has knocked your confidence, it will take you a while to get it back, no matter how good your new horse is. Just take it step by step. Get to know him on the ground, leading him around, grooming, and generally bonding with him, and just build it up from there!
 
thank you so much for all your replies - it makes me feel better about it all.

I haven't seen my new horse since sunday cos yesterday I could hardly move I felt so bad. Am feeling a bit better this morning, my stomach has finally un-cramped itself enough to give me some relief. I just need to sleep so badly! I am hoping that I can at least get some sleeping tablets cos it seems that I can be fine, go to bed really relaxed and then just wake up with no warning and be in a right state all through the night - really weird and I really don't like it.

I think another aspect is worrying what other people think as well, you know, like why aren't I riding and stuff like that, silly really, but it all seems to be affecting me. I have been looking for a new horse for so long it all seems to have gotten on top of me without me realising it - I feel like a total nut job at the moment!

thanks for your kind words
 
((((((hugs))))))
I know how you feel - I lost my mare last year as she passed away suddenly - it was a big shock for everyone and she was only 11. Anyway it took every single ounce of energy I had to go and try horses. I hated every minute of it. God knows why - my mare was a skatty irish sports horse and I was getting on some real dobbins but I was absolutely petrified. Finally I found the horse I have now who has turned out to be a star but I was the same as you when she arrived!!! Hardly slept a wink the first week!! But honestly don't worry you will get through it. In a couple of months you will be laughing about the whole incident and wondering what you were so worried about. Good Luck and I hope your new horse is a true friend!!!

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When I got Rosie I hadn't had a horse since I was 14!!!! THis was some 30 years later
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, although I had been riding other people's for a few years.

Well, after I got Rose I lost a pound of weight a day for weeks as I was so nervous on edge about what i had done - gone and bought this huge animal that was going to be my responsibility for life!!!!
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Relax!! Lots of people go through this. I eventually conquered my nerves, despite getting bucked off in a spectacular way about 6 weeks after getting her!!! 8 years later I know I couldn't have had a better horse (for me). I love her to bits and we know each other like a married couple.

YOU WILL BE OK. RELAX. DONT LET PEOPLE MAKE YOU RUSH. TAKE YOUR TIME. DO WHAT FEELS COMFORTABLE.
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Poor you. It's horrible to feel like this, I know.

I agree with whoever said this is probably a reaction to the fear your last horse caused, rather than the new one. You are also probably waiting for the new one to do something bad when in fact he most likely won't! Maybe you can't believe your luck in finding such a good horse?

I reckon it will probably just take a bit of time to get over this. You cantered him out on a hack, which is a pretty big leap of faith, and he didn't put a foot wrong. He sounds great. Ride when YOU feel like it and only do as long as you feel like for the time being - keep everything as positive as you can.

You could try taking some Rescue Remedy as well - I hear it's very good for anxiety.
 
I really feel for you, could you find someone to help ride your new horse while you spend time bonding and doing some groundwork, it seems like the pressure to ride is too great and you need to enjoy getting to know him first. I am sure it will work for you. good luck
 
I think a lot of us have been through irrational anxiety and fear with our horses - although you are obviously suffering from an extreme version.
In my own case, I couldn't ride my new horse in an open space - I was terrified that the horse would spin round and tank off with me. I used to wake up in the night and be physically sick with the fear of it. I got in touch with Jo Cooper website here and had TFT (thought field therapy) and found it definitely helped. I knew my fear was completely irrational, but that didn't make it any less real.
All I would say to you is that do not do anything that you are not comfortable with - it doesn't matter to your new horse if you do very little. Remember, horses are supposed to be fun - so don't let anyone or yourself put any pressure on you.
 
Ive been there! When i tried a horse after losing my confidence on yes two horses i bought and feeling a complete failure, i tried a horse and then went home and had a severe migraine. I didnt realise how much stress i was under - I was in catch 22 - I desperately wanted a horse again but I really couldnt take any more stress, anxiety with gettting it wrong a third time, letting my husband down and losing us yet more money (I was down £3,200 by now) and not having the bottle to show confidence in my new horse.
However i have now seen light at hte end of the tunnel, 2 months on with my new (carefully chosen!! ) horse I did baby steps, walking out with hubbie on bike for literally 15 mins (and this was the girl who used to happily hack for hours on my own) and building it up from there. I only do walk and trot if i feel like it and have only cantered twice up a hill but i dont care - i am riding again!

Good luck you will get through this
 
Sorry to hear you've lost your confidence. Been there too!

Are you happy handling your new horse? If so, develop the relationship with him on the ground, and ask someone else to ride him for you, just to keep him ticking along (the last thing you want is to worry about him being "sparky" after having a fortnight off work!).

It might help your confidence if you ride a couple of really quiet, safe, horses in the meantime. Do you have any friends with suitable horses, or maybe a local riding school? I'm not suggesting that your new horse isn't safe, but you might feel better on a riding school horse which you know is "health and safety" approved.

Once you are riding your horse again, try to find a reputable instructor with experience of dealing with nervous riders, and have lessons on your new horse.

Take things slowly, only do you what you're comfortable with (don't fake it!), and keep us posted.

Good luck!
 
Hi HippyNed - Sounds like a realy bad anxiety attack, possibly even verging on a panic attack. You are not a nut job, its totaly understandable, particulalry with the probs you had with your last horse. The problem is that when you care about horses its impossible to switch of the voice in your head saying what if!!!!

Take it slowly and within 3 months you will be posting on here about how well you did at dressage/showing etc etc I am glad to hear you have found somwhere for your other horse at last , where did you find this one? Pm if you would prefer.
 
thanks for the replies - i might give jo cooper a try because i just hate feeling like this - i just want to send him back to get away from this feeling - the doctor gave me beta blockers and took blood tests - but i am afraid to sleep becuase i'll wake up feeling physically sick with my heart pounding out of my chest! just the thought of this new horse makes me feel sick.

i have no idea how i got this way
 
Hi HippyNed, I have had panic attacks and this is what I think you are having. I would wake up in the middle of the night, feeling totally sick, sweating and on the verge of passing out, but this was because I was pregnant with my second daughter and totally stressed out by it! During the daytime I was so chilled about being pregnant, but my subconscious kicked in when I was asleep.

Back to horses - I totally lost my confidence with my first horse (he used to bronc and drop his shoulder and deck me frequently) so I sold him and then loaned a schoolmaster for 4 years who totally restored my faith in horses. I could hack him anywhere, canter him anywhere, compete regularly and I thoroughly enjoyed him. He was retired and I found myself horseless and looking for my own horse to buy again.

Although I didn't have panic attacks, I was absolutely petrified about getting on my new horse in case he did exactly the same as my first one did! The truth is, he hasn't!! He is perfect for me, but I have been so untrusting, he has had to prove himself to me over and and over again. I am finally (nearly two years later) just realising what a fantastic horse I own. A friend came and rode him at the weekend (she used to have her own and now doesnt) and said that he was be best horse she has ever ridden!

My advice would be to go as fast or as slowly with your new horse as you want - he will look to you for confidence and you will look to him, thats what partnership is all about. Lots of small steps cover long distances. We have our horses to enjoy them and have fun - remember why you bought him - you must have felt that special something when you rode him and saw him. Good luck
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You poor thing, it sounds like a horrible reaction to have. Echo other people's posts, don't put pressure on yourself to do too much, just get to know your new horse a bit. Might be an idea to get a few lessons with an instructor - when I got my youngster I had lots of lessons early on as I had got myself worried about how whether I could cope with a young horse - my instructor was great at building up my confidence.
Hope things improve soon and you stop feeling so ill.
 
Hi i am going exactly through what you are. I got rid of my Ex Racer last year after bucking me off and kicking me in the field twice. It got to the stage where i hated handling him. In the end i found him a new home. Eight weeks ago i bought my new horse a very well mannered quite not nasty in any way Trakehner Adam. He has had a bit of a bad time himself but i fell in love with him. The day i brought him home i started to feel sick. Am i doing the right thing. Is he too big for me oh god what the hell have i done. Like you i have been up nights feel sick. Terrified to do anyhting with him. I did not want to ride him and still don;t. The horrible nauseas felling when you are going to the yard. Not eating but. I have a fantastic instructor Kate and her friend Zara who are helping me and i could not manage any of this without my best friend Alison to help me along the way. I am currently having NLP and it does seem to work a litte but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you are not alone. Don't let people force you into doing anything you are not happy with. But you also have to push youself just enough to achieve a success. People tell me Adam is lovely and sweet etc and it is hard for me to see him as everybody else does. Get a good support team to help you. And as you can see from everybody here it happens to all of us. And people like me are going through it now. Woudln't it be nice if there was a confidence pill.

The way i see it so many have lost there confidence and so many have got it back. Hopefully soon we will both be laughing about it and moaning about the rotten bugger has made a mess of his stable again and why the night before a show does he roll in the green stuff. Chin up you are not alone.

One last note Kelly Marks Perfect Confidence a great read. Would definatly recommend it. If keeps your mind off the worry and gives you something to focus about.
 
Thanks so much for your replies - it is good to know I am not alone.

I actually managed to get some sleep last night, so am feeling a little better. I also did a lot of EFT (like TFT - did a course years ago, but never really used it on myself) and it seems to have worked and I can think about my new horse without throwing up!

Am determined to take it really slowly and I have a great instructor who is going to help me out - so am feeling more positive about it all. I think I was also mourning letting my other horse go and there was a lot of guilt about selling him that I hadn't realised. He has gone to a super new home, but I do miss him.

If someone could invent a confidence pill they would make a fortune!
 
Yes take it slow I am. The way i see it is it is better to take it slowly and build an unbreakable bond and restore your confidence fully. Than rush it and end up going back to square one.

EFT? Let me know more i am more than willing to give anything a go.

I think having a good instructor does help. I don;t think i would have got on Adam if it had not been for Kate. Sometimes you need help from other people rather than face it alone.

But good for you it looks like you are making break throughs. And so long as you celebrate each success then you will get there.
 
thank you for all your support - I really appreciate it. Makes me feel like I am not going nuts!

EFT is Emotional Freedom Technique - it is like TFT - I have found a YouTube clip that explains the process really well and will allow you to do the process on yourself - its very effective and has been calming me down over the last couple of days - I still have to get a good nights sleep though, I feel like a zombie!


EFT

I don't bother with some of the process she goes on about - I did a course a few years ago now, but have never really bothered with it as preferred Breathwork as it is more powerful - however, EFT has been a big help these last few days. It seems that some people find it contraversial, so it is important to take from it anything that is useful for you - there are loads of sites on the internet and there were a few other videos on youtube about it.

Here is the founder of EFT explaining the process Gary Craig

I am still in a flat spin about my new horse, but the horrendous panic attacks are not as bad now. I seem to have contracted some sort of stomach bug as well, so am house bound at the moment - this week has been total pants really!
 
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