New horse - wwyd

[mrchip]

First time post so please be kind...

I'll try to keep it short. I bought a 5 yr old cob from someone we know in Ireland end of last year. Everything started brilliantly but as he got fitter he started to get a little testing with me. My confidence is not as it was due to a couple of recent life experiences and previous horse with bordering dangerous behavioural issues coming from kissing spines (long story!). I didn't want to ruin him (he totally feeds off your mood) so gave him a few months off. He grew several inches up and several inches out. Ugly duckling turned swan and boy does he know it. Bought back into work by a trainer for 4 weeks and then went to a friend for 2 weeks hacking out with her horses and solo. He's come back home and been so much better but I am still struggling with my nerves on him a little and I think its due to his size (despite the fact I have always had and preferred larger horses). He can be nappy going out alone and riding at home and he's a big lad (16.3hh TB x Shire). I realise he is just a baby and this needs working through - there is NO malice in him whatsoever - but I'm not sure I have the energy or confidence to do it.

He lives at home on the farm with his pet sheep for company and is quite frankly the happiest most chilled out horse you could wish to meet. We are not blessed with bridle paths up here so its either road work (country lanes/big machines) or fields at home which are huge and which he finds terribly exciting when he's not trying to nap to the gate. I have no-one to ride out with which is what he needs so much more of and currently have no transport (waiting for box which keeps getting delayed) to get to lessons or to hack with others. He hacks like a dream in company (tractors/motorbikes/buses no problem) but we have had also some brilliant rides solo recently - its just I am aware of what he could do when we are on our own if we meet something a little scary. I know I have the skills to deal with it but its like I have a voice in my head saying I can't do it - anyone else have this??

My gut tells me to find a him a new home but my heart says otherwise. You see the phrase one in a million bandied about too often but he truly is. Beautiful, affectionate, quiet, he adores people - he has no vices, a toddler could deal with him, lives on fresh air and just so, so easy. I bought him for hacking, a bit of low level dressage and local showing but its becoming apparent he could do so much more than this. The lad moves like a dream for his size and picks things up so quickly I know he has huge potential dressage/showing and he even loves to jump. I spend alot of time with him, we have a huge bond and are extremely fond of one another. He takes everything on the farm in his stride - barking dogs/noisy forklifts etc. I am well aware horses like this are few and far between and I just wonder what on earth I'm doing everytime I write an advert for him. I know I would probably be more suited to a 15.2hh 10 yr old for what I need but I was looking for 6 months before he came up and everything that was in my (not unreasonable budget) came with problems. I go through days of thinking I can do it and other days of thinking it shouldn't be this hard. Having had youngsters before I wasn't totally up to having another but was assured he had an old head on young shoulders etc etc *rolls eyes!!*. We've got this far (and spent alot of money I don't have!) do I keep going??

I would just be interested if anyone could maybe throw a different light on this or what you would do?? Thanks so much for reading if you got this far.

 

[Bellaboo18]

The thing that jumps out for me is he has no equine company. Any horse you buy needs this so i'd question if your setup is ideal for any horse.
I should add I imagine this is where the napping behaviour stems from.

 

[ihatework]

He sounds like a lovely horse and from what you have written it sounds like you have evaluated the situation quite accurately.

These big horses, especially with some shire in, can be really quite sensitive and insecure. I’m actually anti keeping any horse isolated, but even though he seems calm at home sometimes they just internalise their stress and it makes an appearance in other ways.

I would be inclined to do one of two things, either sell him (but also consider how fair it would be to keep your next horse alone), or consider moving him to a yard where he and you can have company.

 

[SpringArising]

You really need to get him some equine company. It's cruel keeping them alone - they're herd animals and sheep don't cut it.

What does he actually do that's testing you? It sounds like you only have good things to say about him so can't see the negatives so far. What are your plans for him and what are you currently doing with him?

If he's not the horse for you then don't beat yourself up about it.

 

[splashgirl45]

agree, although he may seem happy it is not natural for horses to be kept alone and i would suggest you move him to a yard where he and you both have company . that will make you feel more confident if other people are around, now i am older and dont feel i am as good a rider as i was when i was young i am very careful not to ride anything which is not bombproof as i think i would lose my confidence so understand how you are feeling... company for both of you is the key i think...

 

[Orangehorse]

I think you have to decide if you are going to learn to ride him or find him a new home. For a young, strong and fit horse he isn't doing enough work. Try taking him out on Saturday and Sunday for at least 2 hours, and then every evening for a week. Don't give him any hard feed (you don't mention any). Horses can do a lot of work, and an amble round the lanes and a bit of schooling is hardly anything.

For your nerves try Rescue Remedy, or anything else that you can think of. If YOU are nervous, what is your horse thinking - that there is obviously something to be worried about and if you can't take charge he will,for self preservation. Was he broken in and ridden by a man?
They will assume the horse will behave if they say so, so no doubt enters the horse's mind either.

Could do some ground work with him in the field - Horse Agility stuff, or mini Trec obstacles. Over poles, over tarpaulins, bend round barrels, over little jumps. That will give you some fun training to do and time together where you are not riding him but you are getting to know each other and it will exercise his brain too.

 

[mrchip]

I think you have to decide if you are going to learn to ride him or find him a new home. For a young, strong and fit horse he isn't doing enough work. Try taking him out on Saturday and Sunday for at least 2 hours, and then every evening for a week. Don't give him any hard feed (you don't mention any). Horses can do a lot of work, and an amble round the lanes and a bit of schooling is hardly anything.

For your nerves try Rescue Remedy, or anything else that you can think of. If YOU are nervous, what is your horse thinking - that there is obviously something to be worried about and if you can't take charge he will,for self preservation. Was he broken in and ridden by a man?
They will assume the horse will behave if they say so, so no doubt enters the horse's mind either.

Could do some ground work with him in the field - Horse Agility stuff, or mini Trec obstacles. Over poles, over tarpaulins, bend round barrels, over little jumps. That will give you some fun training to do and time together where you are not riding him but you are getting to know each other and it will exercise his brain too.

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply - you've pretty much nailed it in your reply and although he is ridden everyday perhaps not with as much purpose as he needs, no not on any hard feed and yes was broken and ridden by a man - interesting. I think I know what the answer is I just don't want to admit it. Thanks again.

 

[mrchip]

He sounds like a lovely horse and from what you have written it sounds like you have evaluated the situation quite accurately.

These big horses, especially with some shire in, can be really quite sensitive and insecure. I’m actually anti keeping any horse isolated, but even though he seems calm at home sometimes they just internalise their stress and it makes an appearance in other ways.

I would be inclined to do one of two things, either sell him (but also consider how fair it would be to keep your next horse alone), or consider moving him to a yard where he and you can have company.

Many thanks for your reply - yes he is very sensitive and really looks to you for guidance which I'm not giving him enough of at times. I think I know the answer just don't want to admit it!! Thanks again.

 

[LegOn]

Is there anything in your budget to maybe move to a livery yard that has a good instructor on site that you could lessons with for 6 weeks or so?

It might just be enough to give you the confidence to build up to the things you want to do with him, give him some confidence in what you expect of him - all while you have some experts on hand for support and advice? Somewhere that has hacking so you can do it with company & then work on doing it alone? An instructor or YO onsite that will give lessons is brilliant so they can give you homework or also hop up & see whats going on when you are feeling your confidence getting tested.

I think if you are at the stage where you are considering selling him but your heart isnt in it - I would try throwing the kitchen sink at it so if you do decide to sell him, you will know you tried everything possible & it might be a bit easier on your heart x tough choice either way but he is young & probably does need some confidence building! Best of luck - really hope it works out for you cause he sounds fab!

 

[Sukistokes2]

I think you have super horse that will in a while really suit you, so I think its a big decision to sell, one you might look back on as a mistake . As a person who can suffer from my nerves I can tell you this, that no matter the horse , no matter how good they are the "what ifs" pop up. This guy sounds worth working with. First of all get the checks done, always worth it with these sensitive big horses. The fist sign I had that all was not well with my boy was planting. Then he needs equine company. Is there anyone who can move their horse in with yours, company for both of you. Or move to a livery for a bit. Do lots of riding in company, get a good professional to do the stuff on his own. Then once going nicely get them to walk out with you. Good luck

 

[Midlifecrisis]

You know I Think you should go to a good livery yard with arena for lessons and buddies to hack with..give yourself a good few months to grow into one another. I had a friend who kept her retirees at home but her riding horses at a livery yard so she had company and support...

 

[D66]

Moving to a yard would be best, i think.
Long reining might help with the hacking out issues - get the trainer to show you how and to take the horse out first to give you confidence. Also get lessons on board.

 

[sport horse]

Could your farm accommodate a livery or two that part of the deal would be to ride out with you?

 

[irishdraft]

As someone who has dealt with youngsters from home with no help I know how hard it is and I don't particularly suffer from nerves. As others have said I would find a livery yard so you can have some lessons and hopefully support around you plus company for the horse.

 

[poiuytrewq]

Could your farm accommodate a livery or two that part of the deal would be to ride out with you?

This was my thought, I’m in a similar situation riding wise as in I have a horse who could do with company but I have them at home do no one to ride with. I’ve often thought if we had more grazing I’d advertise maybe even free keep in return for a hacking buddy and the safety net of having someone else around.

 

[mrchip]

Is there anything in your budget to maybe move to a livery yard that has a good instructor on site that you could lessons with for 6 weeks or so?

It might just be enough to give you the confidence to build up to the things you want to do with him, give him some confidence in what you expect of him - all while you have some experts on hand for support and advice? Somewhere that has hacking so you can do it with company & then work on doing it alone? An instructor or YO onsite that will give lessons is brilliant so they can give you homework or also hop up & see whats going on when you are feeling your confidence getting tested.

I think if you are at the stage where you are considering selling him but your heart isnt in it - I would try throwing the kitchen sink at it so if you do decide to sell him, you will know you tried everything possible & it might be a bit easier on your heart x tough choice either way but he is young & probably does need some confidence building! Best of luck - really hope it works out for you cause he sounds fab!

Thank you so much for taking time to reply and for your kind words - I totally agree with the kitchen sink throwing (!!) as I just know I will regret it. A great idea, sadly we aren't awash with livery yards round here (v rural) but if I could get my head round not seeing him everyday and send him to one a bit further away it could be an option and a v good one!! Thanks again x

 

[mrchip]

I think you have super horse that will in a while really suit you, so I think its a big decision to sell, one you might look back on as a mistake . As a person who can suffer from my nerves I can tell you this, that no matter the horse , no matter how good they are the "what ifs" pop up. This guy sounds worth working with. First of all get the checks done, always worth it with these sensitive big horses. The fist sign I had that all was not well with my boy was planting. Then he needs equine company. Is there anyone who can move their horse in with yours, company for both of you. Or move to a livery for a bit. Do lots of riding in company, get a good professional to do the stuff on his own. Then once going nicely get them to walk out with you. Good luck

Thanks so much for the reply and yes I have a nagging feeling I would look back on selling him as a huge mistake. He has had everything done just recently but good advice......and its a good idea about having someone 'move in' with us, hadn't thought about that - would just have to be the right person thanks again

 

[mrchip]

Could your farm accommodate a livery or two that part of the deal would be to ride out with you?

I really like this idea (if it was the right person!!) thanks for the reply

 

[KittenInTheTree]

Would riding him and leading a sensible, "been there and done that" nanny type companion work? Just thinking outside the box.

 

[mrchip]

As someone who has dealt with youngsters from home with no help I know how hard it is and I don't particularly suffer from nerves. As others have said I would find a livery yard so you can have some lessons and hopefully support around you plus company for the horse.

Thanks so much for the reply.....yes I've done it before a couple of times but found it much easier than this and both under 15.2hh. We both know my nerves are not going to help his education so I think finding a temporary livery solution is best. Thanks again.

 

[mrchip]

Would riding him and leading a sensible, "been there and done that" nanny type companion work? Just thinking outside the box.

Oh I hadn't thought about that - I like that idea!! Thank you so much. PS I love your sign off !!

 

[mrchip]

Moving to a yard would be best, i think.
Long reining might help with the hacking out issues - get the trainer to show you how and to take the horse out first to give you confidence. Also get lessons on board.

I think a temporary yard move may be best - ah yes, long reined many a horse but many thanks for the reply

 

[Ceriann]

Sounds like you have a lovely big lad that just needs a bit of confidence and support. If you keep at home - any friends tbat could help out and livery at yours. He gets some company (so important), you get support out riding and company to make things more fun? Its great keeping them at home but quite lonely when you hsve issues. Last 2 summers i had a friend (who liveried down the road) coax and encourage me to hack out. Shes moved now and i will miss her.

 

[mrchip]

Sounds like you have a lovely big lad that just needs a bit of confidence and support. If you keep at home - any friends tbat could help out and livery at yours. He gets some company (so important), you get support out riding and company to make things more fun? Its great keeping them at home but quite lonely when you hsve issues. Last 2 summers i had a friend (who liveried down the road) coax and encourage me to hack out. Shes moved now and i will miss her.

thank you so much for the reply - no-one i can think of but it is a great idea and yes i agree it can be extremely lonely when you have issues.

 

[VRIN]

I think you will regret selling - you have already spent 6 months looking and not found anything suitable. Nothing has changed in the market! At least before you decide to sell look at what alternatives are out there (realistically)

I have a youngster (and I keep it by himself at home) - don't have the luxury of large fields to hack in (sadly) - and they do try it on at different stages.

If going out alone is there someone who can accompany you on foot or on a bike? Often helps us feel more confident if there is someone on the ground. Could you use electric fence (not electrified) or something similar to section off a smaller area of a field. May be start by just walk lunging him around the perimeter until you feel confident that he will not have any issues and then get on him. If you start feeling uncomfortable then just get off an quietly lunge again (if you go round the perimeter and do loops rather than circles you won't be stressing his legs etc...) Make sure you have plenty of time before you start to ride so if any issues come up you can see it through.

You say you have a great bond on the ground which is a great start - you need to start transferring this to when you are riding him. Don't feel in a hurry to achieve big goals - just set yourself small ones and feel happy when you achieve them.

Start getting too know how he feels when you first get on him - the first time I got on mine in an 'exciting' environment I thought he was going to explode - I would have put him back in the box if I could have done!?!?! - but I reminded myself that he was my horse and a good sort (saying a silent prayer!!) , got on and keeping my fingers crossed set of cross country! Although he was full of himself he did nothing unkind and eventually settled ... that gave me the confidence next time out as I knew he wasn't going to do anything outrageous.

A useful tip someone gave me recently is that with mine he is better moving on a bit when you first get on as he is less likely to be spooky and look for trouble - I had tended to walk to keep him calm but it definitely is better moving on.

Don't give up, don't be hard on yourself and remind yourself 'you can do it'

 

[sport horse]

I really like this idea (if it was the right person!!) thanks for the reply

If you are correct and there is a shortage of livery yards near you it is quite possible that you could find someone suitable. Justmake a list of what you actually need from the arrangement and conversely what you can give to someone and discuss it openly with any applicants. If it does not work you have lost very little - you can always tell someone to 'buzz off'. Not very nice but sometimes has to be done. I have been very lucky and had two or three friends who were with me for 20+ years. Great support for each other to cover holidays etc.

 

[CavaloBranco]

Nothing to add to the good advice given but I just wanted to say how refreshing it is when a person asks for ideas on the forum and really appreciates the replies!! 🙂
So often the OP is resentful and rude, I sometimes wonder why people try to help. So best of luck OP, I'm sure you will find a solution as you are open to suggestions!

 

[mrchip]

I think you will regret selling - you have already spent 6 months looking and not found anything suitable. Nothing has changed in the market! At least before you decide to sell look at what alternatives are out there (realistically)

I have a youngster (and I keep it by himself at home) - don't have the luxury of large fields to hack in (sadly) - and they do try it on at different stages.

If going out alone is there someone who can accompany you on foot or on a bike? Often helps us feel more confident if there is someone on the ground. Could you use electric fence (not electrified) or something similar to section off a smaller area of a field. May be start by just walk lunging him around the perimeter until you feel confident that he will not have any issues and then get on him. If you start feeling uncomfortable then just get off an quietly lunge again (if you go round the perimeter and do loops rather than circles you won't be stressing his legs etc...) Make sure you have plenty of time before you start to ride so if any issues come up you can see it through.

You say you have a great bond on the ground which is a great start - you need to start transferring this to when you are riding him. Don't feel in a hurry to achieve big goals - just set yourself small ones and feel happy when you achieve them.

Start getting too know how he feels when you first get on him - the first time I got on mine in an 'exciting' environment I thought he was going to explode - I would have put him back in the box if I could have done!?!?! - but I reminded myself that he was my horse and a good sort (saying a silent prayer!!) , got on and keeping my fingers crossed set of cross country! Although he was full of himself he did nothing unkind and eventually settled ... that gave me the confidence next time out as I knew he wasn't going to do anything outrageous.

A useful tip someone gave me recently is that with mine he is better moving on a bit when you first get on as he is less likely to be spooky and look for trouble - I had tended to walk to keep him calm but it definitely is better moving on.

Don't give up, don't be hard on yourself and remind yourself 'you can do it'

THANK YOU - I could have cried when I read this (in a good way!). Hadn't even thought of the (non) electric fence - brilliant idea but yes you are totally right when you say that you just kept going and realised that there was no unkind behaviour there and he eventually settled, I just have to trust him don't I. Totally agree re moving on in trot and I should do it more often rather than walking to keep him calm which I do do!! Thank you again - really kind, helpful and supportive - really needed this today!!

 

[mrchip]

Nothing to add to the good advice given but I just wanted to say how refreshing it is when a person asks for ideas on the forum and really appreciates the replies!! 🙂
So often the OP is resentful and rude, I sometimes wonder why people try to help. So best of luck OP, I'm sure you will find a solution as you are open to suggestions!

Ah thanks so much! Yes I have read a few like that and wondered why on earth they bothered posting if they weren't open to advice - it doesn't matter how many years we've all been doing this if you get stuck in a rut it can take just one suggestion from someone totally out of the situation to see a solution as well as hearing other's may have faced similar and come out the other side

 

[Mucking out - still]

Echo CavaloBranco.....but also refreshing that mrchip isn't also being slated for any wrong-doings and everyone's full of support and ideas. Just what a forum should be about!
Nothing to add really to anyone else's suggestions, but best of luck and hope he does work out well for you. Our cob became a bit of a prat when he was around 5, having grown into himself a bit more (looked like a gangly thing when we got him), but, like yours, it was lack of confidence, not a bad bone in him, and perseverance paid off. Fake it if you don't feel it - sing and remember to breath!!