Newly retired horse why do I feel so sad

Alchemy

Alchemy

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Hi

Sorry probably a pointless post but feeling a bit down about this and my non horsey family just don't understand!
My boy is 20 years old and all summer he has been on and off slightly unsound in near fore, nothing serious never dog lame just unsound, he also has gone stiff behind and isn't right behind (previous X Ray showed arthritic changes in both hocks) took him to vet who x rated front feet and hocks ( found nothing major just some small changes in off fore but navicular looked fine) hocks have got worse further changes and the near hind hock joint has practically fused together. ( should mention he has a pin in top right at the top of cannon bone from a previous fracture) vet said both hocks are *******ed basically. He has been on a bute a day and is on a joint supplement and now the weather has got colder I've add some cod liver oil to his feed. He has been living out all summer but will have to come in at nights within the next 6 weeks. So if he's stiff being out in warm weather I dread when he's in at night and out in the cold during the day. The last few times I've tried to ride him he has violently tried to get me off his back (one occasion an ambulance was required) this is not him at all so I deduce he is in pain (back most likely) awaiting to speak to vet on this issue. So with all this I think the time has come to retire him, he owes me nothing and I owe him so much so I have called it a day on his ridden career I think he is telling me he's had enough. I just feel unbelievably sad :-( I know owning a horse isn't just about riding and he has been a true friend to me in my period of depression and the reason I get out of bed in the mornings. I was made redundant 3/4 months ago and am finding it tough and this has just about finished me off :-( to keep him active in going to walk him in hand and long rein him but I'm so going to miss our rides together.
Anyone else felt this sad when they have retired their horse? Is there anything else I can be doing to help him?
Anyway sorry for this rambling post! 🙁
 
Oh poor you. I am not in your position... Yet. Things are fine with our 22 year old, but i know the day will come when I will have to make the same decision as you. Sometimes when I struggle to get the best out of him now (schooling wise) I can feel a bit sad that we won't be making those huge leaps and milestones like we did when we were both younger. It is perhaps a bit self indulgent of me. Like your boy
, ours owes me nothing and I shouldn't moan. But it is normal to grieve for something lost and that doesn't always mean through death.

Feel your pain and I can totally empathise with you. Make the most of your walks in hand, you might get a new 'insight' to him even doing this.
 
It is a kind of grieving for what used to be and perfectly normal and understandable. As for the stiffness, have you considered magnet boots? I found them very useful for !y retired made when she came in overnights
 
Totally understand. I have a 24 yr old that retired last year and is grazing out in the field. I get regular maudlin moments when I feel upset about things not being as they were. I miss hacking out on my own with her and wish we could go back in time. I dread the day I lose her as I cry even thinking about it. I have bought a young horse this year which made me feel guilty but she can never live up to my old mare who is my horse of a life time.
 
You poor thing, you've got a couple of big things to deal with right now. I'm not surprised it's doing your head in. The horse would be tough enough on his own, but a recent redundancy really doesn't help. I know what that does to you (I was made redundant almost 2 years ago). The way it can play with your head and make you feel... I know, it isn't fun. You could have done with some good horse help at this point in your life, but he's not able to give it in the way that would have helped you most.

It's a very sad thing to have to call time on your horse's ridden career, so what you're feeling is normal. And correct me if I'm wrong but I'm sensing you're worried that the time to pts might come over the winter. Try not to worry about that, if that's the case. Try to put it aside, deal with it if it comes up. Worrying gets you nowhere, it just makes you feel crap. Easier said than done I know, but give it a try.

One thing you can do is spend time with him. Just chilling out together without riding can still be good for your souls. Enjoy some good grooming time. Get on YouTube and learn a few simple equine massage moves you can do while grooming. And like Gem said, make the most of your in-hand walks. Hanging out like the two old friends you are and nurturing him into this next phase of his life will help him a lot, help you take your mind off the job woes and give you that sense of purpose that goes when you lose your job. He can still be your reason to get out of bed in the morning.

ETA - You posted before I finished writing. I see you are going to hang out together. Good stuff.
 
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I had to retire my upcoming BS prospect at 6 after a field injury. I remember the day the decision was made between me and the vets, and I had to go out for a family meal in the evening and try to look happy, yet inside I felt absolutely crushed. I had backed and produced the horse myself and he was shaping up to be a very, very nice. I recently lost him, at the age of 18, but I am so grateful I got to have him in my life even as a pet.

Sending hugs your way xx
 
Yes poor you, it's like saying goodbye to a wonderful dream .... However, you could make 'hanging out' productive for you. Why not use it to try out some new techniques and skills and see what works so if ever you get a new horse you have even more knowledge. Places I would look at are clicker (I taught a retired horse to laugh at jokes, which impressed non-horsey people much more than any rosettes I had won), ground work, maybe the dreaded parelli, etc to keep his brain ticking over.
 
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Thank you for your kind words, walked him out to day and just relaxing thanks for the tips on doing groundwork yes will look in to it all xx and Lady Sam you were spot on I am worried about that :(.
 
When I knew for sure my horse was retired, it was something I'd been putting off because so many people said to keep him going to keep mobile and that horses like him go down hill like stones when you stop etc etc
The day I decided was because we were out hacking and I just knew he didn't want to do it.
My family, some horsey some not but non understood the significance of the decision.
They went out that evening and I just sat in absolute floods of tears. Just cried hysterically for ages!
I think it is almost like grieving.
FF a year and I'm glad I made the call then. He's actually far sounder now and has cut down on his windsucking massively.
He's happier and I'm happier.
You will come to terms with it and begin to enjoy your horse more just for spending time with him. (I now enjoy poo picking as my horse follows me round nuzzling at me. He didn't used to bother!)
Hope you feel better soon xx
 
I can very much understand your feelings. Every day I can ride my 21yr old is a blessing and I know that when he does retire completely I will be very sad.

Things that I give mine now are turmeric and linseed oil and Buteless. When he had an op a couple of years ago I used Premier Equine stable wraps and they were excellent at keeping his legs nice and warm and much easier than bandages. You can get magnetic pads to go in them too. You could also treat him to a regular massage or shiatsu massage (vet advice depending) to ease any overall aches and pains.

I recently did a zoopharmacognasy (offering natural plant oils and extracts) session with a friend who is doing a course on it. He really enjoyed it and mainly preferred those for anxiety including St. John's Wort and Valerian. It was fascinating to see his reaction to different herbs.

When he's been off games I've done groundwork with him and taught him to stand on a pedestal. Took 5 minutes and a pack of polos 😂. Also it's nice to take them out and let them choose hedgerow herbage and it's quite interesting what they decide to eat. I indulge him by letting stop for a cow parsley picnic even when riding.

As a last comment twice in the last week that I've ridden him he's gone ballistic to the point I've had to get off and I've discovered it's due to deer keds (louse fly). It starts with a lot of tail swishing then fancy dressage moves followed by broncing. So that's worth checking.

Hope you get to enjoy a happy retirement together.
 
I feel for you OP. Have just this summer, made the same decision for my Old Gal who's got degenerative arthritis. The problem being that yes OK she may be able to do just walking round the lanes, no trotting or anything, but being a very forward-going mare that just doesn't satisfy her! She needs a good hoon or else she doesn't think she's done anything, and her body just isn't up to that sort of work, no way.

So for the last six weeks, I've made the decision to retire her, so I know what its like OP. I've bawled my eyes out about her, I really really miss riding her and the fun we used to have, she was such a lovely ride, just right for me in every way, but that's it now she won't be ridden anymore.

It isn't easy looking at her in the field and wanting to be on her back doing stuff!!

But now, she's off bute and the other day she was chasing the other horses around the field and bucking and whooping like she always used to......... so that did make me feel better. I had worried about how she'd do as a field ornament, but as long as there's plenty of activity around the field and yard, she seems like she's coping with it OK.

That is the key I think, that you keep in touch with your horse: groom a lot, do feet, tidy manes & tails etc etc, pamper them as much as possible and keep them focussed. Also get a physio to show you some stretches you can do with your horse to keep him/her supple. Walk out in hand if the horse can deal with this, and let them pick from the hedges, all to give interest and stimulus.

As someone else has said, it IS about grieving; grief for the horse that was, and also accepting the inevitability of whatever might come next too. It ain't easy, but we can only do our best for our oldies.

Oh and (edited): DO look around for your next horse. Yes you will feel terribly guilty - and not a little disloyal - but it's something I'm doing at the moment. Not that that's easy, because it isn't easy to find any horse that could in any way replace my lovely mare, but the best advice I was given was from my farrier who said that if you've got a horse which you love to bits and is perfect in every way, don't try to replace them coz you won't, just look for something totally different next time. Good advice I reckon.
 
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Again thank you for being so kind, just got back from yard have to admit to having a little weep but did spend a good hour just brushing and hugging him after a 20mins walk �� He has been the best therapy for me (suffer from depression long story) and the reason I get out of bed everyday, I can't contemplate another one at the moment with no job and I feel I would be betraying him and I made the decision long ago that he would be my last ( can't beat perfection ❤️ (Well in my eyes) again hank you for the advice, kind words of support xx
 
I retired the old TB at 24 because he was getting a bit trippy. He's now 28 and despite having been a bit of a pocket rocket he took to retirement like a duck to water. I actually think we overestimate a horse's need to work, he likes his routine, loves his turnout but is ready to come in when it's time. He's Mr B's BF but independent enough to cope on his own when we are away for a few days. It does help having another horse to ride but I still love doing stuff with him even if it's just a walk up the lane in the sunshine. I'm retired and TBH I'm happy to have a slower pace of life and I think older horses do too. I hope you feel better soon!
 
I completely understand OP, Frank has retired to just hacking at 23 (having been super active up until june this year, I'd bought a lorry and everything!) I've had to make the decision that he is better to back to Mum's in Somerset as the vet wanted him on the flat and we don't have flat in Wiltshire. I am now moving to Cambridge so going to be miles from him and it would be selfish to move him to be with me. He isn't just my pony though he is therapist and friend too.
 
I have just retired my girl and it's good to know feeling this bad seems to be normal! I'm eternally grateful to still have her with me but I have lost a little piece of her and things will never be the same. She owes me nothing and has a home for life. Hang in there OP, we can't possibly feel this bad forever.
 
I'm also glad it is normal to feel so strongly about it. We retired back in July and it hit me really hard; I'm only just starting to come to terms with it.

What I will say OP is that I was trying to decide whether to keep my boy in retirement or whether to PTS. I ended up having to stop thinking about it at all because of how much I was upsetting myself, and I've realised that I was still grieving over the first "loss" so how could I possibly make a decision about the second? Honestly if you can, cross that bridge when you come to it. I think one day you'll just know *hugs*
 
When I retired my old boy due to arthritis we used to go out on in-hand hack, just pottered round the places we used to ride and kept up to date with the goings on; we both really enjoyed it and I think it helped us both. If he was having a good day I used to hop in for a little bareback ride.
 
It's awful having to retire a horse. Is he properly lame or could you just go for very gentle walks? I've got two who are now retired. One was my competition horse (best I've ever had!) who could read my mind, he was incredible to ride and compete as we just knew and trusted each other totally. He injured his tendon messing around in the field one night, came in hopping lame, drove 3 hours the next day to a specialist vet who operated on him and told me they hoped to get him "field sound" because it was a "career ending injury" - I remember bursting into tears when he said that. After 2 years of being a field ornament, amazingly he did become sound. I did start riding him again but only very gently walk and trot. We successfully did some intro dressage for a while but his heart was always in eventing/jumping. He still wanted me to work him though, even if it was just some very light schooling in walk - he hated not being used. The tendon is weakened a lot so if he messes about in the field, he's a bit stiff on it the next day so I made the decision to retire him completely a few months ago. He's got used to it but he makes it obvious he's disappointed when I take my other one out :( Breaks my heart totally as he gave me so much, hence I owe him a nice retirement.

My other horse I was gifted, an incredible big warmblood with Olympic SJ bloodlines throughout - a very high quality horse. Sadly I only got the opportunity to ride him for a year before he started not feeling right. He became lame in front, vet couldn't find any cause so he'd have had to go to specialists hours away which would have cost a fortune. Because he was already 15 and I felt it was a long-standing issue, I decided not to put him through that so I had to retire him. He loves living out (having spent much of his life prior stabled) but I still look at this beautiful horse and am sad that I'll never get to feel that Rolls Royce ride again.

I'd suggest just spending time with your horse OP, grooming etc. You could also try teaching him tricks through clicker training, mine loved that when he was on box rest.
 
Hi Magic Melon, he isn't properly lame but the issue I have is the last few times I have ridden him he has violently tried to get me off (once required ambulance when I did smash into the rock hard ground) bucking/rearing and moves that wouldn't look out of place in the Spanish Riding School. My horse is the kindest natured boy you could meet and this behaviour is so out of character I think he has pain issues else where hence another reason I decided to retire.
 
I know how you feel, I have never excepted retiring my girl at the age of 12. If anyone asks I always say she's semi retired just so there is always chance for one more ride, that was 4 years ago. A specialist about 7 years ago told me to stop worrying about what is wrong with her and just enjoy her and the time we have with her.
 
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