Nice chat with livery did not go well!

Doormouse

Doormouse

Well-Known Member
Joined
24 February 2009
Messages
1,680
Location
The West Country
Visit site
You may have seen my other post about a new livery who wants to hack out with 2 of us on her youngster who is quite naughty so she can't go on her own.

Well, today because we wanted to canter we explained that it might be a bit too much for her horse as we had turn at the bottom of the field and then canter to the top and both our horses are pretty strong so she wouldn't be able to go in front as she has to or the youngster bucks her off. I do geniunely feel that as her horse has done nothing in company or any hacking that cantering towards home in a group would be a bit too exciting for her at the moment. We did say that we would hack out with her tomorrow though.

She got really quite stroppy about it and stomped around asking what she was going to do. We suggested she went in the school, which she did, but when we got back she was really sarcastic and asked how our 'gallop' went and then said 'oh sorry, your canter' in a really nasty tone as though she thinks we are making a big fuss about how we work our horses. She then tied her horse up right in our way of the hose that we needed to wash our horses feet off and it tried to kick us!

I am really cross now because I feel that we are doing her a favour really which we don't mind at all but there is no need to be horrid when we ask that she doesn't come as we are only really thinking of her safety to be honest.
 
I'd let her get on with her temper tantrum, she is not your responsibility and you have been kind enough to help her when you can but she can't call the shots. I'd just keep smiling and offer for her to go with you again but only when it suits you!
 
Well to be honest it was a bit wrong not giving her any notice. Maybe it would've been better to explain that tomorrow you want to canter to keep your horses hunt fit and it'll probably be safer all round if she waits until she is a bit more confident with her horse before she joins you. But you still want to hack out with her today.

By doing this will prepare her not to hack the next day. I'd be pissed off if I'd arranged to hack then whilst i'm tacking up my horse the people come and tell me im not aloud to join them.
 
you've been very nice to her and you didnt deserve to be spoken to like that. let her have her tantrum then just stop riding out with her.
 
You didn't ask for her company or for her to move to the yard. After trying to be careing & thoughtful, all you get is rudeness back I would suggest she is showing some very unpleasant spots. She isn't being rude to the other people who aren't riding out with her is she? It is hardly your fault she has issues.

Bottom line is she is accompanying you. Having witnessed her hacking, you made a judgement call with regard to her safety. It is a real shame she can't see you were concerned for her safety. What were you meant to do, go for a canter & witness an accident that could have been avoided as it was predictable?
 
Ditto nuttynugget. I think its right to say for her not to go out with you, but not 10 mins before you were due to go.
Really, the only way is honesty. Tell her that if she wants to continue riding with you, she goes at your speed,and the way you go, as she is joining your ride, not you joining hers.
 
We hadn't arranged to hack with her, we never do she just turns up at the yard at the same time as us and says she is coming. Me and the other girl I ride with always send texts the night before to each other to check what we are doing in the morning.

She has never asked if it is ok to come with us and we did say yesterday when we were riding that we were going to canter this morning so I don't really think we were unfair.
 
MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
Personally I'd let the little madam come along with you and if her horse can't deal with it and p!sses off and/or and bucks her off then that's her problem, let her learn the hard way methinks?
Click to expand...

After this mornings effort I am very tempted to do just that!;)

Sadly it is not the best field to get bucked off in as it is right next to a main road and I would hate the horse to have or cause an accident.
 
jumbyjack said:
I'd let her get on with her temper tantrum, she is not your responsibility and you have been kind enough to help her when you can but she can't call the shots. I'd just keep smiling and offer for her to go with you again but only when it suits you!
Click to expand...

this. No need to get irked. She sounds lonely and a bit young, but you gotta put yourself and your neds first.
 
Good grief, she spat her dummy out and threw her toys out the pram because you declined her somewhat ikesome company?
I'd make a point of saying you dont appeciate her behaviour, and in future she had better find herself another nanny as you wont be doing it again!
 
I read your previous post, and thought you were being pretty generous, you've gone out with her, and upset your horses and their routine.
And to be honest if she carried on like that to me, I 'd tell her you're not riding with her again.

She sound like a very immature silly girl ? Woman ?
Kx
 
Why not try again, sounds if her tone of anger was out of dissapointment, make a day to hack out with her, let her gain confidence.
When I am out on a hack and riders want to do anything more than walk and trot they say to all to join or not and will wait till other riders are away out of sight to do what they want. Talk to each other about what type of hack it will be.. I know you are not a babysitter..well mybe just one more time.
 
How terribly spoilt. If someone were doing me a favour like that I'd be grateful and wait patiently til next time.

You'd be very kind to give her another chance but it wouldn't be pleasant with that kind of air between you all.

Lets hope she has the grace to forget about it and be nice in return.
 
its up to you what you do with your horses, you were thinking of her safety and did in in the nicest possible way.

She is being stupid, dont worry about her, people like that arnt worth bothering with.
 
sounds a bit to me like she's a tad jealous, not necessary of you but more of the fact you are able to go at different speeds in different places and not have problems. she probably really wants to go for a canter but because of her horse/her nerves she can't.

i personally don't see that you did anything wrong (after reading your last post). you should sit her down (with your friend) and explain to her that she can come with you in future BUT you go at your pace not hers, maybe once or twice a week you will let her 'dictate' the speed you go at. hopefully that will make her realise that you are being fair.
 
jumbyjack said:
I'd let her get on with her temper tantrum, she is not your responsibility and you have been kind enough to help her when you can but she can't call the shots. I'd just keep smiling and offer for her to go with you again but only when it suits you!
Click to expand...

Completely agree.

Doormouse - you come across as the nicest person, but sometimes you just have to throw up your hands and walk away......
 
I've been very lucky in the past to have had people "nannying" me when I've need them to on hacks but never abused it. Maybe her tantrum is actually frustration with herself caused by nerves and she didn't mean to difficult. Not that acting that way is acceptable, it isn't and of course would make anyone far less likely to want to go out of their way to help her again.

The main thing is that you are not responsible for her, her horse or her happiness. That is her responsibility and hers alone. Hopefully she'll be able to come out on some future slower hacks with you when it suits you but if it doesn't you mustn't feel bad about it.
 
joeanne said:
Good grief, she spat her dummy out and threw her toys out the pram because you declined her somewhat ikesome company?
I'd make a point of saying you dont appeciate her behaviour, and in future she had better find herself another nanny as you wont be doing it again!
Click to expand...

I couldn't agree more! I don't see why you should bother giving her another chance! you have been nice enough!!
 
amymay said:
Completely agree.

Doormouse - you come across as the nicest person, but sometimes you just have to throw up your hands and walk away......
Click to expand...

Thank you amymay, that is really kind. I am probably a bit soft to be honest, I just hate seeing people upset or struggling with things. However, it shouldn't be at the expense of my horse really.

Thanks also to everyone who has replied, it makes me feel better to know I am not just over reacting to her. She has now decided that maybe the youngster is in pain possibly with her teeth (only bucks on one rein in the school and head shakes alot) so I have given her my dentists number, lent her a hackamore and said I will help her tomorrow in the school with it to see if it helps at all. At least that way I can work my horse in peace!
 
Doormouse said:
Thank you amymay, that is really kind. I am probably a bit soft to be honest, I just hate seeing people upset or struggling with things. However, it shouldn't be at the expense of my horse really.

Thanks also to everyone who has replied, it makes me feel better to know I am not just over reacting to her. She has now decided that maybe the youngster is in pain possibly with her teeth (only bucks on one rein in the school and head shakes alot) so I have given her my dentists number, lent her a hackamore and said I will help her tomorrow in the school with it to see if it helps at all. At least that way I can work my horse in peace!
Click to expand...

She sounds as if she's calmed down a bit.

And I completely understand where you're comming from. We've all (I'm sure) been in situations where we've been struggling, for what ever reason - and it can be a very lonely place. Someone offering help is just a god send. However, this girl should also understand that you have no wish to put her, you or any of the horses in danger - so she needs to take your offer of help in the spirit is intended, with health and safety being paramount.
 
ISHmad said:
I've been very lucky in the past to have had people "nannying" me when I've need them to on hacks but never abused it. Maybe her tantrum is actually frustration with herself caused by nerves and she didn't mean to difficult. Not that acting that way is acceptable, it isn't and of course would make anyone far less likely to want to go out of their way to help her again.

The main thing is that you are not responsible for her, her horse or her happiness. That is her responsibility and hers alone. Hopefully she'll be able to come out on some future slower hacks with you when it suits you but if it doesn't you mustn't feel bad about it.
Click to expand...

What a nice post! I agree with you that most aggresion is nervousness.

Doormouse it sounds as though you have been lovely in offering to help with the hackamore in the school - a great compromise, that should leave the yard without an atmosphere hopefully.
 
What will she do if you turn your hunters away for their summer break do you think?!

I'm on your side DM, you've been more than kind and she should have checked out her options better before moving to your yard I think rather than put on someone else to do her dirty work for her. That or get a more suited horse for her.
 
You sound like a very nice person Doormouse, she's lucky to have your help & I'm sure her horse will benefit from your input.
 
More fool her for buying a horse she can't manage. I always hacked out on my own, primarily because my mare wouldn't tolerate anything even vaguely near her, let alone alongside or in front and would jog me to exhaustion (never blinking tired her out though :) ) plus it meant I could do exactly what I wanted, go where I wanted at the speed I wanted - no, got that wrong - at the speed SHE wanted, oh yes, and no-one could keep up with us even in walk anyway. I've seen the results of hacking out together when some idiot suddenly decides, on a walking hack that they'd like to go for a canter - one girl was lucky to escape with a badly bruised leg because she could have broken it.
 
Think I'd say she can please herself as long as it didn't involve you and your friend. Just makes thinks awkward round the yard, but you didn't ask for this to happen and were happily doing what you do before she came along, is there nobody else she can ride with?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top