No horse, feeling sad, hugs please

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lindsay1993

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Recently, my boss, who I work for in 'proper' official work and did extra on the side horsey work, has changed my hours so I no longer have anything to do with her horses.

Truth be told, I'm sad, confused and a little bit angry. I have helped them as much as I possibly can over the last year or so. I put everything into these horses. I have helped back their youngster who is now successfully competing BE. I have also got their other 3 horses back into work, fit and happy again, after they had been left for over 6 years. I put so much effort into everything I did, I guess I'm feeling slightly mad that she's just totally cut me out of the picture. Everything seemed to be going so well and they were always so positive.

I had entered into events with one of the horses, on the recommendation of my instructor, but whenever the time came, they were too busy to take the horse, or were too stressed. I was so disappointed. I was so happy to be riding again after a break to have my daughter and now I feel useless. My instructor was amazing and said I was really progressing with one of the mares, as she is very stressy and panics when introduced to new things. Now, to have her taken away so suddenly has actually hit me harder than I realised.

I can't help but think that they thought I was a rubbish rider. They were always very big on the whole 'eventing' thing. It's not something I ever did, and I feel that they have held it against me. Just because I've never been classically trained in dressage, I'm not good enough to ride their horses in a public show or training event.

Now I have seen them advertising for a stable hand who can exercise their horses, which was exactly what I did. They are also sending away 2 of the mares as companions, including the one I rode mainly as apparently they are too difficult to manage.

I guess I'm just venting really. The mare I rode was coming on leaps and bounds and I feel so sad that she's not going to be used to her full potential. It seems like such a waste of a lovely horse, especially when I'm so willing to take her on myself.

I know I'm not going to have a chance to ride again anytime soon, as I just can't afford a horse for myself. We just about manage with the pony I loan for my little girl. My heart just feels heavy with the thought of not being on a horse. I didn't realise how attached I had became to this little mare and am finding it difficult to take in at the moment. :(:(:(:(:(
 
Ask your employer straight why they have done this.
Ignore anyone's opinion on your riding, apart from your own.
Can you have a bigger pony for your daughter and yourself to share?

Or offer to take the mare on LWVTB?

I can understand how you feel, but if you allow other people's opinions or actions to upset you, skew your opinion or affect you negatively then you will never be truly happy. (Easier said than done I know)
Do whatever is best for you, and if that's quietly look for alternative employment then so be it.
Life is too short to be feeling like you do all the time.
 
AShetlandBitMeOnce said:
Ask your employer straight why they have done this.
Ignore anyone's opinion on your riding, apart from your own.
Can you have a bigger pony for your daughter and yourself to share?

Or offer to take the mare on LWVTB?

I can understand how you feel, but if you allow other people's opinions or actions to upset you, skew your opinion or affect you negatively then you will never be truly happy. (Easier said than done I know)
Do whatever is best for you, and if that's quietly look for alternative employment then so be it.
Life is too short to be feeling like you do all the time.
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I have thought about leaving my job, but I'm in such a rural area it's very difficult. I have offered to take the mare on a number of occasions and am stumped as to why they won't let me. They haven't directly said no, but just glaze over the subject when I have asked.

I would love a bigger pony to share, but my daughter is only 4 and is so in love with her little pony, I couldn't take him away fro her just to please myself.
 
You are clearly a very talented rider and horse trainer/rehabilitator and these people are clearly completely jealous of how good you are.
There will be many people out there that would be only to happy to allow you to exercise their horses for them.
Put up an advert in local tack shops and feed merchants and spread the word via farriers and vets.
You will be snapped up very quickly.
Good luck.
 
OWLIE185 said:
You are clearly a very talented rider and horse trainer/rehabilitator and these people are clearly completely jealous of how good you are.
There will be many people out there that would be only to happy to allow you to exercise their horses for them.
Put up an advert in local tack shops and feed merchants and spread the word via farriers and vets.
You will be snapped up very quickly.
Good luck.
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If Lindsey is any where near South Oxfordshire, drop me a pm :)
 
What makes you think it's personal? Perhaps she can't afford the overtime any more or needs you more in the office and doesn't want to impose any more than she had to? Have you asked your boss why or are there one too many assumptions going on?
 
blitznbobs said:
What makes you think it's personal? Perhaps she can't afford the overtime any more or needs you more in the office and doesn't want to impose any more than she had to? Have you asked your boss why or are there one too many assumptions going on?
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I didn't get paid any overtime and did a lot of work in my spare time with the horses. My boss is just as nice as ever with me and is very friendly. I genuinely think they just didn't like the fact that I'm pretty much self-taught to a certain degree and they would rather have someone who has been trained by famous names.
I don't really want to bring the subject up with my boss as I don't want it to jeopardise my job.
 
I may be slightly playing devil's advocate here, but I wouldn't necessarily be happy with someone else competing my horses and I certainly wouldn't be happy with a member of staff dictating how/whether I keep my horses or not. If the owner is finding them difficult to manage, it doesn't matter if a member of staff doesn't - it is the owner's decision if they want to rehome them appropriately. Horses are expensive and I wouldn't pay to keep a horse I couldn't ride just to pay someone else to do it for me. Have they previously said that you could compete their horses? I'm slightly confused as to why you would think they should let you unless they have said you could.

Sorry if this comes across as overly harsh, and there may be many more details that aren't in your post that negate many of these points. But based on the information here, it seems that you have slightly lost sight of the fact that these aren't your horses and therefore you have little to no say in their management.

With regard to being understandably down about this, I do understand that it is frustrating to have all of this taken away from you. Why don't you place an advert in a local shop offering to exercise someone's horse for them? Even if it's just a happy hack, you will at least get a horsey fix. One last thing: over the past year it sounds as if you have got a lot out of this arrangement - you have been able to use their horses for lessons, gained experience of youngsters and I am sure your riding has improved. While it is upsetting to lose this, this has been a mutually beneficial arrangement and once the upset has passed, I am sure that you will be grateful for the experience.
 
apercrumbie said:
I may be slightly playing devil's advocate here, but I wouldn't necessarily be happy with someone else competing my horses and I certainly wouldn't be happy with a member of staff dictating how/whether I keep my horses or not. If the owner is finding them difficult to manage, it doesn't matter if a member of staff doesn't - it is the owner's decision if they want to rehome them appropriately. Horses are expensive and I wouldn't pay to keep a horse I couldn't ride just to pay someone else to do it for me. Have they previously said that you could compete their horses? I'm slightly confused as to why you would think they should let you unless they have said you could.

Sorry if this comes across as overly harsh, and there may be many more details that aren't in your post that negate many of these points. But based on the information here, it seems that you have slightly lost sight of the fact that these aren't your horses and therefore you have little to no say in their management.

With regard to being understandably down about this, I do understand that it is frustrating to have all of this taken away from you. Why don't you place an advert in a local shop offering to exercise someone's horse for them? Even if it's just a happy hack, you will at least get a horsey fix. One last thing: over the past year it sounds as if you have got a lot out of this arrangement - you have been able to use their horses for lessons, gained experience of youngsters and I am sure your riding has improved. While it is upsetting to lose this, this has been a mutually beneficial arrangement and once the upset has passed, I am sure that you will be grateful for the experience.
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Yes, the original plan was for me to get the horses back into work for them and begin competing one of the mares. Actually, it started with helping to back the youngster and I was to then bring him on and start to event him. That never happened as he was sent away.

I understand what you mean though. They are not my horses and I'm very grateful to have had the chance to be involved with them over the last year. I just feel like I have been very suddenly, completely pushed out. I guess it's just me feeling bitter really and I should just forget about it and move on.
 
lindsay1993 said:
I didn't get paid any overtime and did a lot of work in my spare time with the horses. My boss is just as nice as ever with me and is very friendly. I genuinely think they just didn't like the fact that I'm pretty much self-taught to a certain degree and they would rather have someone who has been trained by famous names.
I don't really want to bring the subject up with my boss as I don't want it to jeopardise my job.
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Could it be a clash of riding styles? I've seen plenty of people ride their own horses , some under instruction, and it's fine, no issues from a welfare charity perspective, but the things they do or the way their instructor teaches is totally different to the way I ride/do things and there's no way I'd ever let them on my horse. I also wonder if the owners didn't want you competing. It's not really for your instructor to give you permission to compete somebody else's horse. The instructor might have said you were ready to and in that sense that you "should", but that doesn't mean the owners were happy for you to do it. Even if you asked and they agreed, maybe they just didn't like to say no. Or maybe they've been feeling guilty for letting you down repeatedly because they really are genuinely unable to take you at the time of the competitions. Perhaps the owners didn't want to say anything directly because you've been so kind, helping out for free, and their way of dealing with the situation has been to end your informal arrangement and employ someone officially. That way they get to call the shots and there's no expectations from the groom to be able to do anything other than what they've been told to do.
 
If we can find a positive from this... Could you put this recent experience to good use and ride for someone else in any spare time you have? It would be easier if not connected to your job. There are (in my experience) always people crying out for riders and you end up getting more offers to ride than you can take on. I expect your boss would be able to spread the word that you're competent, reliable and trustworthy. Good luck :)
 
I have a relatively novice sharer who rides my boy, but I also have someone else who rides him. She comes once a week and does the fast work and jumping. I'm just about to book the wagon and the XC course for her to go XC schooling with him. Once we've done that then we will be looking for a hunter trail for her to do, then some hunting once he gets fit enough. And he will also be going to dressage and probably some low level SJ. All at my cost. All she has to do is turn up and hop on :) Mine is a HW cob so not your BE sort of prospect but I can think of a fair few on my yard that are whose owners would be interested in a good rider to get out and about :)

The world is literally full of fat middle aged women who would love a competent rider to do stuff with their horse! They dont advertise as they cant be bothered with the hassle of teenagers etc but they are out there. Paddymonty doesnt have his own horse yet he gets a lot of riding in on really good quality horses. I think his current one is a it green but hes aiming it a BE early next year. He doesnt pay a penny :)
 
Sugar_and_Spice said:
Could it be a clash of riding styles? I've seen plenty of people ride their own horses , some under instruction, and it's fine, no issues from a welfare charity perspective, but the things they do or the way their instructor teaches is totally different to the way I ride/do things and there's no way I'd ever let them on my horse.
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This. I doubt it has very little to do with being "trained by the big names" and rather to do with them preferring one style over another. It can be quite confusing for a horse, particularly a tricky one, to be trained in two completely different ways. Consistency is key.
 
By your own admission you weren't in a position financially to take this mare on, so it very much sounds like you were only offering to take on the workload of the mare whilst expecting your boss to foot the costs. Unfortunately there are very few owners that would accept such a proposition, particularly if the horse in question is one they find to be quite difficult/unsuitable for their own needs. It also sounds like you were fairly dependent on them when it came to competing. If I had a rider wanting to compete my horse I would be expecting them to arrange their own transport, unless I had specifically asked them to enter an event.

It's a shame that the agreement has come to an end, but as others have mentioned I would be grateful for the experience you've gained and perhaps use it to seek out a slightly more formal share arrangement.
 
Quite the opposite - sounds like they are envious of your talent - you have vastly improved their difficult mare. Can you keep an eye on where she ends up ???

Sad situation. They sound a mean bunch.

Can you advertise locally in the hope of finding something decent to ride ? I'm sure people will be snappy at your heels especially with winter just around the corner.

Sending hugs.
 
Regardless of her reasons, she should have afforded you just that – a reason. Not being suddenly and harshly pushed out. Hell, even if she thought you were an awful abusive rider and wanted Miss Dujardin to school her horse for her, she should have said and not just changed your hours and advertised without so much as a word to the side one morning.
 
I think to be honest you may find that 'self taught' equals too many rough edges - they woudl essentially be giving you the experience of competing by their good will and if you haven't done it before you don't realise that owners want horses to go out and look smart with a smart rider - its different if its your own. I am always VERY wary of people who are 'self taught' as I tend to find they lack knowledge and skills picked up by e.g a pony club rider and I am not necessarily able or willing to give that time. I suspect your owners may be the same or not confident in your skills but don't want to say as such so as not to upset you. I'd take the hint and move on - get a share or loan pony
 
A different perspective - if you work for them full time, AND do overtime, AND ride and care for the horses, you must be around for an awful lot of the time. It might just be that they want some space. As an employer, I wouldn't want even my loveliest employees around quite as much as that. Perhaps they just feel it's gone too far and they want to redraw the boundaries?
 
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