P3LH
Well-Known Member
You will all be aware that one of my dogs, to a foolish eye - looks like a Pembroke corgi but in reality is some form of domestic terrorist who has been out to ruin my life since I brought her home from Berkshire as a pup.
There are many crimes she has been responsible for during her two years of living, many are detailed on here. From presenting OH pants to some very flummoxed Jehovah’s Witness door knockers to figuring out how to get to where the dog food is kept and eating a significant amount of a 15kg bag, with hundreds of similar acts of civil defiance in between: frequently opening the back door to let herself out (which none of us can still figure out), sexually assaulting my elderly rough collie, stealing everything from remotes to house keys and hiding them in her bed, watching as we scour the house.
I could go on forever, but I will leave this here:
We met with friends for a walk in a park yesterday. She vanished off into some undergrowth, rooting around for some time which usually means there’s something which has caught her attention - she’s too clever just to absently mooch. She materialised throwing something up in the air and catching it. Couldn’t make it out at first. She ran back towards us with said object, it was then I could see what it was. The horror. She stopped about ten feet away. Stared me in the eye and dropped said object. The tail was going and I saw the look I know so well - ‘see what happens next’. Before I could act, she had picked up the object and ran off. As fast as ones little legs can go, which is rather fast. Straight towards a group of four quite elderly ladies sat having a coffee in said park.
A chorus of “Ooh a corgi, you don’t see many of those” filled the air. Understandable, I would hazard a guess that as they’re quite recognisable most people seem to get ‘excited’ to see a living, breathing one. I would hazard a guess that most people don’t expect to see one carrying a massive, neon pink, vibrator - big enough to be used as a police truncheon, complete with some sort of rabbit on the end though.
As she believes strongly in communism, she gave it to the group of old women - and then sauntered, not ran, back to us to continue our walk. I didn’t acknowledge what happened.
Soon we will only be able to leave the house in hours of darkness. This is not the first time she has found sex toys - I am starting to wonder if she visits Soho in her spare time.
There are many crimes she has been responsible for during her two years of living, many are detailed on here. From presenting OH pants to some very flummoxed Jehovah’s Witness door knockers to figuring out how to get to where the dog food is kept and eating a significant amount of a 15kg bag, with hundreds of similar acts of civil defiance in between: frequently opening the back door to let herself out (which none of us can still figure out), sexually assaulting my elderly rough collie, stealing everything from remotes to house keys and hiding them in her bed, watching as we scour the house.
I could go on forever, but I will leave this here:
We met with friends for a walk in a park yesterday. She vanished off into some undergrowth, rooting around for some time which usually means there’s something which has caught her attention - she’s too clever just to absently mooch. She materialised throwing something up in the air and catching it. Couldn’t make it out at first. She ran back towards us with said object, it was then I could see what it was. The horror. She stopped about ten feet away. Stared me in the eye and dropped said object. The tail was going and I saw the look I know so well - ‘see what happens next’. Before I could act, she had picked up the object and ran off. As fast as ones little legs can go, which is rather fast. Straight towards a group of four quite elderly ladies sat having a coffee in said park.
A chorus of “Ooh a corgi, you don’t see many of those” filled the air. Understandable, I would hazard a guess that as they’re quite recognisable most people seem to get ‘excited’ to see a living, breathing one. I would hazard a guess that most people don’t expect to see one carrying a massive, neon pink, vibrator - big enough to be used as a police truncheon, complete with some sort of rabbit on the end though.
As she believes strongly in communism, she gave it to the group of old women - and then sauntered, not ran, back to us to continue our walk. I didn’t acknowledge what happened.
Soon we will only be able to leave the house in hours of darkness. This is not the first time she has found sex toys - I am starting to wonder if she visits Soho in her spare time.
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