non horsey advice, pretty please? LONG

kerrieberry2

kerrieberry2

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don't know who else that can give me advice that isn't impartial!

Basically, I'm 30, gave up full time work 3yrs ago, went back to college full time for 2 yrs doing hairdressing. I am now back to full time work but doing my level 3 part time! For this I have to work in a salon at the weekend where I can do my assessments.

I have 2 horses and a mini, close to home, they live out in the summer so don't take massive amounts of time up, but one is 3 so I am starting to try and get him going. the other is 28 so doesn't take much riding

on top of that I help at a weight watchers meeting for 3-4hrs a week on a Wednesday night and I am trying to lose a stone that I've put on, so try to get to the gym 3-4 nights a week, straight from work! then after that I tend to do some hairdressing, some also for assessment and some for clients I have from the last couple of years!

so an average week for me is about 58hrs of work!

for my college course I've had to take Mondays off as holiday so when I enrolled it was 12 days I would need to use, which I thought I could cope with! but as the years gone on they've expected more and more from me! I have until Oct to complete everything and it seems each week they are asking us to go in for something else! I basically now have 2 days holiday left until next Jan at work. I am constantly breaking down crying because im so tried! I feel like my tutor feels like im not pulling my weight as im the only person with a full time job that I can't swap shifts on as its a normal 9-5.30! most of the others on the course have more flexible jobs! but I've worked so hard, but its going totally un-noticed!

we had to plan the end of year hair show for the level 2, which was last night and I was spoken to like a piece of poop all night, I ended up crying twice and my model has today written an email of complaint about my tutor, without my knowledge! and has sent it to the principal! so now im worried this is going to make things worse for me!

I'm at the stage where I feel like I should just drop out, waste £1000 and all my holiday but I just cant cope anymore! I feel like its making me ill!

I'm notmally so happy and positive and have loads of friends and right now I feel like I've lost all my friends coz I never have time to see them and when I do have a free evening all I want to do is sleep!

any advice on what I should do?

Sorry for the length!!
 
If I were you I would stop weightwatchers meetings. If you get a set of scales you can weigh in yourself and you probably know the methods etc by now so you can just keep dieting without going to meetings. Maybe give up gym too and just go when you can, try going for jogs instead and walk to the fields etc.
Argree start long reining too as it'll help your youngster and its exersize! Good luck with everything!xxx
 
I would forget the weightwatchers, skip the gym and get all my exercise from doing horses and walking places. Stick to your course and finish it, not long left now. Can you take some unpaid leave at work? Just a few days, so you can catch up on some sleep and relax?
 
STOP. Take a breath. Write down what your long term goal is then make that a priority for the next few months. Make a list of what you really have to do - care for horses needs but you dont have to work them just yet. There might need to be some compromise on the gym and weightwatchers for a while - perhaps weightwatchers online for a few months? You really do need to be firm with yourself and make a REALISTIC plan which allows you some time to relax otherwise you aee going to make yourself ill. Talk to the head of your course and explain how you are feeling. Make an appointment to see your doctor too for a chat, if you are as stressed as you sound it might be a good idea to make sure it doesn't all get out of hand and an outsiders perspective could be all you need to help you to rebalance things. Sometimes no matter how hard we try we just cant do everything at once, so give yourself a break and dont make it all too hard for yourself.
 
I can't take unpaid leave as I'm on a temp contract, which is coming to the end and I am trying to get taken on perm, so I don't want to take the p and ask for extra time off, plus I cant afford it!

I hate letting people down, ive helped at ww since 08 and a good friends with the leader and don't want to leave her without the help that she needs! but I do need to let something slide!

I do need to start long lining the boy, struggling at the mo as I'm on a private yard on my own, he has not fear of the lunge whip, so when I ask him to walk forward with it he doesn't react, so need to find someone to help me with that bit!
 
I should add that i speak from experience, i pushed myself and tried to do everything until i ended up unable to do anything, it was very scary for a short while, but i had good advice and i listened to it, now things seem much more managable, i am more in control, able to make better decisions and a lot happier.
 
If the weightwatchers leader is your friend she will understand - tell her how you feel. If you make yourself ill you will be unable to function very well anyway so first of all you mustn't let YOURSELF down. If you've helped since 2008 you have hardly been unreliable! TELL people how you are feeling, any friends worth their salt will support you. You need to make some time for yourself, a night out with friends, long soak in the bath with a book, anything that helps you relax.
 
maresmaid said:
STOP. Take a breath. Write down what your long term goal is then make that a priority for the next few months. Make a list of what you really have to do - care for horses needs but you dont have to work them just yet. There might need to be some compromise on the gym and weightwatchers for a while - perhaps weightwatchers online for a few months? You really do need to be firm with yourself and make a REALISTIC plan which allows you some time to relax otherwise you aee going to make yourself ill. Talk to the head of your course and explain how you are feeling. Make an appointment to see your doctor too for a chat, if you are as stressed as you sound it might be a good idea to make sure it doesn't all get out of hand and an outsiders perspective could be all you need to help you to rebalance things. Sometimes no matter how hard we try we just cant do everything at once, so give yourself a break and dont make it all too hard for yourself.
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Thank you, good advice! I don't feel I can talk to my Tutor as she is the one who is making my life hell! expecting me to drop work a be available at any time she wants us! got an email today, she wants us ALL in college next Monday at 10am! I can't get the time off with that short notice!

but I've just had a call with the friend who's complained to the college and she wants me to make sure I push them to show how difficult they are making this for me! another girl on the course has just told us shes dropped out today, because of the way she's also been made to feel this last few weeks.

I thought about the docs but as soon as I think about it all I just start crying and the doc will think "who's this freak that's crying in my chair and not saying anything"

I'm worried it will start affecting my day job if I start crying and they wont want to keep me after my contract ends!
 
You'll not be any good to anyone if you have a nervous breakdown!

Time to start putting yourself first. Stop weight watcher's & don't worry about doing anything with the youngster, he's 3, another few months doing nothing isn't going to harm him.

I would cut everything back & just concentrate on finishing your course. You've invested a lot of time & effort into it, don't waste that.

You really do need to make time to relax & socialize, we all need our friends, they help us cope with life. Make a date with some of yours, even if it's just a quite drink at a friendly pub.
Everything else can wait, it will still be there in a few months time.

Good luck & take care x
 
kerrieberry2 said:
Thank you, good advice! I don't feel I can talk to my Tutor as she is the one who is making my life hell! expecting me to drop work a be available at any time she wants us! got an email today, she wants us ALL in college next Monday at 10am! I can't get the time off with that short notice!

but I've just had a call with the friend who's complained to the college and she wants me to make sure I push them to show how difficult they are making this for me! another girl on the course has just told us shes dropped out today, because of the way she's also been made to feel this last few weeks.

I thought about the docs but as soon as I think about it all I just start crying and the doc will think "who's this freak that's crying in my chair and not saying anything"

I'm worried it will start affecting my day job if I start crying and they wont want to keep me after my contract ends!
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Ok. Firstly, Doc's rooms are full of people crying & not saying anything, they're used to it, that's what happens when people are feeling overwrought. So please don't worry about that, your Doctor will understand.

Secondly. I think, if i were in your shoes, i would send an email to the tutor. Don't make it confrontational, i would say something along the lines of you know how important it is to come in & do whatever it is she wants you to do, but you have made a commitment to your place of work & you understand that reliability is so important in the industry. Say that you really appreciate all she's doing for you & could she possibly give you more notice so that you can ask for holiday leave. Tell her how important it is to you to get this qualification & ask for her help.

Flatter her a bit & copy it to someone higher up. You'll appear very reasonable & they won't have much option but to help you out :-)

I hope this helps. Good luck x
 
I am a very well organised "in control" sort of person. I hardly ever need to see a doctor. When i went to see mine i felt fine until i sat in front of her and tried to speak, all i could do was cry, she handed me a tissue and told me to take my time. When i explained how i felt, she listened it was clearly not a new problem for her and i know that if you can share your feelings you will find more people than you think, will actually understand.
 
Well I would not stop the wieght watchers but I would ask the leader to ask in class if someone will do your bit until your course finishes then just go class every fortnight until you are finished the course at college.
I would stop the gym , leave the three yo until your course is over and concerntrate on your course.
Most colleges have someone to oversee the care of the students find out if yours does and make contact with them if there is, the days where tutors could belittle students where I thought long over and you should find help to resolve your issues there .
good luck and let us know how you get on.
 
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