None of my business?

TrasaM

TrasaM

Well-Known Member
Joined
19 May 2012
Messages
4,742
Location
Midlands
Visit site
I help with riding horses belonging to two friends. One is a first time owner and has not had lessons but she does listen to advice and is trying to improve how she rides. we are working on her cob and he's turning into a nice little horse who just needs a slight nudge to go and will pull up as soon as he feels seat and hands go still. Mostly. :) he's a work in progress but we are getting there.

The other has been riding forever and is self taught. She does not ride either well or nicely. I know, that's my opinion.
The horse I ride belonging to her was very unresponsive but I've got him stopping and starting when I want and he's beginning to respond nicely.

Problem is that she's got a 4 year old who was backed in November. If he does not go forward for her she boots him hard and if this does not work she uses a crop. Both done whilst she's pulling in his mouth. Poor lad just looks confused but mostly after much thumping and slapping he will move forward.
It's upsetting to watch and he is the sweetest little chap ever. I have noticed some signs of rebellion recently however so I don't know how much longer his goodwill will last.
Just what does one do in this situation ? Ignore it? I've gone on and on about how I feel about kicking and use of the crop but it's all going over her head.

To all intents and purposes this is a very experienced horse owner. She's ridden forever. I have been riding less than two years but because I want to be a good rider I have weekly lessons and also have coaching in French classical riding. My feeling is that I owe it to any horse I ride to be as good as I can be so seeing this type of riding is upsetting and annoying.

So what to do. Keep my eyes averted.?
Continue to harp on about my riding theory?
Find someone else to ride with?
Buy my own horse?
Or something else ??

Sorry for going on but just needed to write this down.:( :confused:

Sorry can't offer cookies as I'm on a carb free diet :o
 
I would have to say something directly to her about it but the problem is it could loose you your friendship and ride! It's a difficult one but I couldn't watch someone ride like that!

Sorry not very good advice I know!
 
Avert your eyes. Sometimes polite hints work, sometimes not. I suspect if she's been riding longer than you, but is of the yank/hit/boot persuasion, anything you say will just be ignored, because she won't want to take advice from someone she perceives as being less experienced. And you run the risk of alienating her if you keep on, because it will become about her trying to prove the point she's right. Fwiw I've taught people in a paid capacity who happily acknowledge I'm more experienced than they but will still argue that their dodgy methods do work even with clear evidence infront of them they aren't working. In your shoes I'd keep quiet now, so that she won't be put off admitting she's wrong when horse makes objections known.
And if you are on a carb free diet, give me all your carbs so you aren't tempted!
 
the horse is more important that the person as he is the innocent party and she jusr sounds like a bully. I'd have to tell her ... or maybe suggest she have a lesson with your classical instructor!!
 
The trouble is that you are commenting on the wrong thing imo. the trouble isn't that she kicks and uses the crop if he doesn't respond - you will see plenty of people on here advising just this method of delaing with a backward thinking horse. The problem is that she isn't allowing him to respond because she is pulling with her hands. Perhaps you could suggest that she drops her reins when asking him to go forward - always better to suggest doing something rather than not doing something ime.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
The trouble is that you are commenting on the wrong thing imo. the trouble isn't that she kicks and uses the crop if he doesn't respond - you will see plenty of people on here advising just this method of delaing with a backward thinking horse. The problem is that she isn't allowing him to respond because she is pulling with her hands. Perhaps you could suggest that she drops her reins when asking him to go forward - always better to suggest doing something rather than not doing something ime.
Click to expand...

I second this!
 
Is there anyone else on the yard she might listen to? Another 'experienced' horse owner perhaps? That way you could have a word with them and see if they'd pass on the advice.

Or drop it into a conversation about your instructor maybe, say something like,oh my instructor was telling me about a young horse she's having trouble with and doesn't go forwards from the leg, she said she's resorted to riding on a long rein as he seems to like that better...

That way you're sort of giving advice without it sounding interferring and she might listen if she doesn't like being told what to do, this way she'll thing she thought of it herself as something to try!
 
Can you ask her to share lesson with your instructor, "as a favour to you". Make up a plausible reason - your horse is more relaxed with familiar company or something - and then just hope your tactful instructor will make some useful suggestions that stick?

It would drive me crazy too, I have to admit!
 
HPHC (great name and very topical!
Just had a chat with another friend who also rides with her. She's got a far better riding pedigree than me so we were discussing what to do. She's agreed to keep making hints and suggestions in the hope that she will listen. Like me she is convinced that the horse will be totally ruined and that it's a testament to his lovely nature that he hasn't already lashed out but she also thinks it's only a matter of time. Oddly enough friend did day you have to plant the idea then wait.

Agree Littlelegs..she knows far too much to take advice. There is a defensiveness there with her with regard to what she terms "riding correctly"

Carbs are no good for you so for your own welfare and health I can't let you have them.:)

BB. I don't think her ego would cope with a regular riding lesson with me as she would be corrected and therefore on her eyes, criticised and lose face.
However I have thought about asking her to come with me when I next see Derek for my classical stuff. idea uumh....

Yes, Pearlsasinger. I will see if I can get her to relax the reins and sit up so she's not blocking him. That might be a good place to start.

CC..friendship is tethering on the brink but I'm trying to keep quiet. I don't want to lose the rides I've got and as other friend's horse is at the same yard it would be very difficult if we fall out as she needs and wants my help and ASBO cob seems to like me ..well I'm assuming that as he's never tried to dump me Lol.

Thank you for the support and advice. Part of me though that maybe I'm just too sensitive about it. OH just sighs and says "horse politics" :D
 
luckyoldme said:
one things for sure, i would nt like you riding my horse then discussing my horsemanship on here. It s not nice.
Click to expand...

hopefully your horsemanship skills are a lot better ;)
actually my intention is to help both her and the horse. Shes not exactly having fun riding him at the moment. It is very special to her and I don't think she realises the effect her behaviour has on him.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top