Not coping and I just don't know what to do

You're not alone. Been there too.

You never forget, but as the old saying goes, time is the greatest healer. You will eventually end up looking back over the memories of you both fondly, and find she'll still give you a reason to make you smile even without being there.

Big hugs. It's hard, but you do get through it.
 
Aw, bless you. What a lovely horse she was and great pics you've posted. Remember your beautiful memories and people grieve in different ways. Horses always have special places in our hearts so when they go it is very upsetting. Take care of yourself. Sending huge hugs.
 
I really feel for you, I've been there myself and I know just how heart-breaking it is.

It is very early days, so you will feel a bit lost - a big part of your life is gone. Can you take some leave from work? Then you won't have the pressure of having to keep up a front. I know think that being round horses will make you cry, but there's nothing wrong with that - it's best you get it all out, and I'm sure friends will totally understand. Horses are very therapeutic, it may be the very thing that helps. I had to go back to the yard after my beloved boy was pts, as I had 2 other horses there. It was very painful and emotional, but just being round the others helped enormously.

Just give yourself time and some tlc. There's no rulebook for grieving, so do what you feel is best for you.
 
I'm so sorry. Such beautiful pictures of a beautiful horse.

I lost my little dog in July and kept bursting into tears at work, but luckily my boss and work colleagues were very sympathetic. My OH and I were due to go away for a couple of days with the dog. We still went and I spent a lot of the time away crying, but I felt much better when I got back. Now, about 8 weeks on I can think happy thoughts about him although I am still very sad.

If I were you I would try to take a couple of days off work and maybe get away for a couple of days either with someone who understands and will be there for you, or go and stay with a family member who won't mind if you are a gibbering wreck. Maybe go somewhere that you can walk on a beach, or by a river. I don't know why by being by water always seems to soothe the soul. Most importantly take time to grieve knowing it will get easier.

Sending hugs
 
Bless your heart! I do so feel for you. In the last three years I have lost two dear horses and my beloved collie dog, so I know how you are feeling. It's very, very early days for you. She was a beautiful horse, but she will always be there with you, no matter what. It WILL get easier, I promise you. There are still days, when I think of my two and my dog, and yes, the tears flow, but there are smiles too, and the same will eventually happen for you. Treasure your sweet memories, time will heal your broken heart and one day you will smile when you think of her. Big, big hugs for you xx
 
Very, very sorry but what lovely pictures you have to remember her by.

When I lost my old horse due to colic, I had a first meeting with a new client the following day and I burst into tears in the middle of it. I'm no spring chicken and, while they were a bit taken aback, they were quite lovely and understanding about it.

Anyone who has truly loved any animal will understand entirely and no-one else matters. Give yourself time to grieve if you can. Sending big hugs. x
 
Honey, you`re not supposed to "Cope" .... Grief hits people in so many different ways ... just roll with it. Cry, scream, shout, smash the living daylights out of your pillow ... it`s ok, and tell yourself "it's ok to feel this way" ...


Modern society tries to fit everything into these neat little boxes ... well the grief and pain of losing a beloved member of the family just doesn`t fit neatly into those boxes, it`s messy and it`s raw and it spills out all over the place with out even a seconds notice.


Go to the docs, get signed off and have a little bit of time off work if needs be. Though your motivation may be at an all time low, try and read maybe? or watch some DVDs, give yourself a few days just to process ... and know there are plenty of people who have been where you are now .. and know how you feel x
 
Thanks everyone.

I feel a bit better for having got out my flat for a bit today and I do think I need to get out and keep myself occupied. I'm going to go to work tomorrow (I work 2 jobs so have my normal day job during the day Mon-Fri and job number 2 at night on Friday and Saturday) so I am hoping my mum will be free to do something on Sunday. I've also got a friend coming down to visit this time next week for a couple of days.

Right now I feel like doing something horsey is maybe a bit too much for me right now. The thought is just a bit overwhelming.
 
oh, bless you starry23. That awful feeling of not knowing what to to with yourself to make the pain stop... is so frightening as well as desperately sad. You and your horse looked absolutely wonderful together, I am so very sorry that you have lost her but you did the right thing for her. After the first couple of days when you literally cannot stop sobbing, I think it does help to go to work if you can - it is a matter of putting one foot in front of the other until you can start to think and feel without the terrible grief hitting you. So many of us have been there with our loved ones whether human or animal, and we understand your pain. Sending you a hug. xx
 
So sorry for your loss - I lost one suddenly like you did, and I was numb for a few days (which made things easier in a funny way because I could deal with all the practical things) and when it hit me it was like a sledgehammer, and I don't think I'm fully over it now after over two years.

But trust me, it does get easier to bear, just take each day as it comes and don't let anyone tell you what you should be feeling. One day you'll be able to think of her without crying, and there'll even come a day when you can think of her and smile.

xxx
 
If you want some time off work, personally I'd book some days holiday, or if none left, and you have an understanding boss, maybe ask for a couple of days unpaid leave.

I don't think an employer would look that kindly on someone being signed off sick in a circumstance like this.
 
So very sorry to hear of your sad news. Losing one of our dearly loved equine friends is something that we all have to get to grips with at some time in our horsey lives. I think you have been very brave in going back to the yard already, just remember that whatever you are feeling is right for you - we all grieve differently.

Big hugs from me - look after yourself.
 
Nothing makes it easier, it's a huge loss. We've all experienced it, and can understand how you feel. I had no option, having 2 horses. When I lost my old girl, I had to keep going to the stables to see to my youngster. I got a friend to say to people though not to mention my old girl, when I was ready I would raise the subject. Only 1 person ignored my request and tried to speak about her before I was ready, to which I just walked away. I did talk about her, when I chose to and when I was ready.

I would also encourage you helping somewhere (doesn't have to be horse related if that's too hard). To find an animal (s) who need you and your love to help them helps stop you from sitting around mooching, wondering what to do, and gaining pleasure from helping an animal in need. If it's not at your yard then you also don't have to constantly have people trying to tell you how much they miss your girl. You will chat about her, easily in time, when you are ready. Don't stop it letting you love another animal (including another horse). Nothing will replace her, ever. Each one you love for different reasons, so you love them all differently for who they are.
 
Oh you poor thing. She really was a beauty. But you are definitely not alone to feel the way you do. When you truly love an animal and have a strong bond, losing them can, to some people be as bad as losing a person, and the problem is many people cannot understand this, and even get angry, but it's a fact. I lost my mare last November. I had a long time to prepare for her loss because she was suffering from chronic laminitis which kept getting better and then flaring up again. So I knew her days were numbered. I did a lot of my grieving before finally having her PTS. My only comfort is that I know I got the timing exactly right for her. It wasn't too soon or too late and she was a happy little thing right until her last moments. But it hurt so much to see her go. I still cannot look too long at her photographs. I have never loved an animal so much as I loved her. For the first time yesterday, I was finally able to take out the piece of her tail and hold it. I could not bear to before now. All I can say is that it gets less painful every week that goes by. I can now tell people about her without bursting into tears, though I still can only speak of her briefly or I will break down. But that is better than I was.

So take your time to grieve. It is absolutely normal. It will get better; I promise. x
 
Different things work for different people but I found it helped to have a time of day when I could just let it out without worrying about the people around me. I hate being fussed about & found if I set aside a short while a day when I was on my own just to think about him & sob as loudly as I needed it helped me cope.
 
Thanks for the supportive messages.

I went back to work on Friday (both jobs). I'm not one to phone in sick unless I am genuinely unable to work. My sleeping pattern was all over the place and I couldn't speak to people for the first few days without crying uncontrollably. I still didn't feel great on Friday but it felt better getting back to some sort of normality.

I still haven't felt able to go near a horse yet. It was a beautiful day today, perfect for going riding/having a horsey day but I just couldn't face even seeing a horse. I wanted to but I think that it's still too raw.
 
Every 'first' with my remaining two reduces me to floods of tears - stabling them, bathing - anything (I lost mine two weeks ago). Even seeing them in the field - two doesn't look right and won't for a long time. Feeding time is the worst as it was my time with them in the morning (and when they are most pleased to see me!) - just checking them over, fussing them. I feel like I have more time all of a sudden (even though I was constantly prioritising before) so I fill my time with the other two. The little companion has never looked so clean. I don't feel like riding as much at the minute - I just want to spoil them. It so hard and I am with you all the way - it's one day at a time and allow yourself to feel sad and upset. You will in time sure want another horse in your life - you clearly adored yours so some horse will be very lucky when you are ready.
 
You just have to take it day by day. Some days are easier than others. In time the easier days outweigh the tough days. Then eventually you are able to think about your horse, and feel the fondness and happiness you felt when your horse was alive and with you. It takes time and you need to grieve. She was a lovely girl xx
 
So sorry, as already said, most have been where you are now, I still miss and shed a tear for my best ever friend, but it will become easier in time. It is raw now and you must accept there is no time limit to how long you will feel this way. You will come through this, you'll never forget her, or stop loving her. My thoughts are with you take care x
 
Sending you lots of hugs at this awful time. She is beautiful. Take time for yourself and perhaps take a few days off work if you can. It is very hard but sometimes a complete change of routine can help get through the early days and I'm afraid only time will heal. Xxx
 
Some nights I dream about riding my old girl, who passed aged 29 a decade ago. Difference is now I wake with a smile and cherished memories, having just had the chance to be with her again (albeit in a dream), rather than aching at the loss. You will get to this kind of place in your own time. Don't limit yourself on how quickly, it takes as long as it takes. Nature is a wonderful healer. At some point an animal (horse or not) will find you that is in need of your help. You just have to be ready to open your heart again and not fear the loss. The time together is worth the pain.

We are having to have one of ours put down this week. We've given her a last summer out at grass, now the weather is changing it is time. Whilst the loss is something I dread, I keep reminding myself she was on death row aged 6 due to injury when we bought her for peanuts 8 years ago. Since then she has had 3 lovely foals and a life of leisure. She may only be 14, but we have done our best for her, and will do so again this week. It is only us that will hurt, not her. Her second foal had to be pts this year aged 5 due to an injury. This week she will be joined by her mum, and they can run free together.
 
Nothing makes the pain better, but time makes you deal with it differently.

On Sunday it will be two years since I suddently completely out of the blue lost of horse of colic and then heart failure. I didnt get to say goodbye and that is the hardest thing of all and the thing I struggle with everyday, even though I know I did everything I could for him. He was in the best hands when he died and went within seconds. For a few days after I was abit like a zombie, nothing really felt that real, I had expected him to come home so had done his bed/haynets and feed. I just stood and looked in his stable expecting his to pop his grumpy head out looking for polos. I dont want to be sad when I think of him, Im sure he wouldnt like that one bit. I promised him the day I agreed to buy him that he would never want for anything and could live his days out with him pootling around the country side.

Try not to be sad when you think of your horse, there are far worse fates for a horse then to go peacefully with an owner that loves them so much. You did the best you could and I am sure she is thankful for that in that big field in the sky. x
 
Am so sorry to read of your loss and your pain, I think it helps knowing you are not alone and others know how it feels. I still cry over the recent loss of a pony to grass sickness and a cat to a road accident. Your mare was delightful and she was lucky to be so loved and appreciated. It will get easier but I just cried all the time and actually found that it helped.
 
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