Not happy at the yard

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Carrots&Mints

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Anybody else dread going up to their stables because of someone else on the yard? I do! And its starting to bring me down! :(

Too much gossiping going around at the moment and this one lady has just got it in for me and my friend at the moment and Im sick of it, actually dont feel like going up or I try and avoid her at all costs, but she still finds her way to annoy me.

Recently Ive had my horses back shoes taken off over winter, as Im not doing much roadwork and generally I dont think he needs them and I wanted his feet to get into a better condition, well this lady thinks Im a total idiot when it comes to horses and has made it very clear that I know she thinks Im total idiot, when Im not. Anyhow shes gone to everyone else apart from me and told them that Ive been doing the wrong thing... this is after I got my farriers advice to take them off over winter... and she keeps saying that he darnt even come out of his stable in the morning when hes coming out of his stables. Ive heard from one of that staff who turns him out in the morning that this is complete nonsence what this woman is saying and that hes perfectly fine! Anyhow to stop this woman saying more crap about his feet I had the farrier up again to check them for me to make sure I was doing everything right and he said their perfectly fine and I shouldnt be worrying.

I thought this would stop her from gossiping... it didn't! Shes now still making up anything to try to get to me grrr!

Ive been quite friendly with this other lady on the yard who the mean one doesnt like and weve been discusing the mean one between ourselves and we both feel like we dont want to come up to the yard whilst this woman is here! My friends recently lost her horse to illness and picked up the courage to buy another one, but completly different to the last one. This lady (mean one) has done nothing but complain about this new horse and is constantly slagging my friend off about her ways of dealing with her new horse... hes abit excited at everything at the moment so shes decided to wait for a while till hes settled before she rides him...

I cant deal with this woman anymore, I think shes just a bully and Im just getting fed up! I thought it was because I was the one of the youngest on the yard being 21 but I dont think it is. And because the horse Ive is a full loan I darnt ask the owner to move yards... but I think Im gonna have to as this woman is making me really down now!! My uncle has his own farm and my dad owns a yard so I could take him to either one but I dont know what to do :(

Sorry for waffling but has anyone else experianced anything like this?
 
:( sounds like your having a rough deal.
This other person sounds like a nob. Only hearing one side can you not ask yard owner to intervene tell her whats going on , maybe she or he could be nearby when this person kicks off and they'd hear it for themselves??

I have been on yards like this when biotching going on and i was singled out. Even happened here but being a YO now i kicked them off in the end.

I would go to staff and owner tell them your unhappy ask any other liveries who are experiencing this the more the better your case. Yard owner will more likely to remove 1 trouble maker than risk loosing 3-4 other liveries and what this women is doing is unfair and nasty . See if she can have words with them.


if all else fails leave :)
 
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If I were you I would have to take her to one side and ask her why she feels the need to say such things?

most usually don't have an answer, but if she does then just simply say, I will ask my farrier, vet or trainer for advice when I need it, it will never be you who I ask, because I don't agree with your opinions and views and because you are underhand and two faced
 
Yeah ill have a word with the YO this afternoon and discuss it with her, as its just getting me down now, supposed to enjoy riding horses and spending time with other horsey people! The lady whos staff actually lives next door to YO and I think shes cottened on to the mean lady so hopefully shell say something aswell. If nothing changes then im gonna ask horses owner if I can change yards. Thankyou for your advice I really do appreciate it! :)
 
Thankyou Snopuma, if I hear anything else shes been saying I will defiantly being doing that! I bet she wont like it if I stood up to her! Xx
 
I would have a quick chat with t
Your horses owner first, especially if she has chosen this yard for her horse. I would tactfully explain you no longer feel comfortable at the yard due to a bully/gossip, just be tactful as she may know them. If you are not wanting go to he yard and care for the horse then it's in the horses best interest to move. Bit if you want to stay at the yard then as said above speak to yard owner, of she is that bad I don't think you'd be alone in having an issue with her.
 
Ive mentioned the nasty lady to horses owner before it got bad before, think im gonna have to have a word with her again. Horses owner has been up at the yard for 10 years and this womans been here probs the same if not more, but just recently things have been getting worse! I more or less have free rein on what I do with this horse, so im wondering if she would let me take him to a different yard. Hmmmmm!!
 
Also i cant really 'disown' the horse as his owners just had a baby and not probably couldnt afford to keep him. And I wouldnt want to as I do love him lots. Luckily I am saving up for my own horse to buy in a couple of years but I wouldnt buy one untill I knew HO could afford to look after her horse again. Maybe if she knew I was unhappy at the current yard but is willing to take him to another yard, she might agree with me?? Id like to take him up to my uncles, but we dont have an indoor school thats the only thing! Grrrr what to do!!
 
Well he rents it out to this lady so would really have to ask her, it is a livery yard though so possibility :) proper indoor school tack room and what not :) but would most likely have more luck at my uncles xx
 
I feel for you! I am in a similar situation but the person causing problems is very friendly with the yard owner, she also lives very close so is never likely to move off the yard, but she has fallen out with almost everyone on the yard. The only people friendly with her are ones she does regular favours for who would struggle without her! I am friendly with her because I hate atmospheres, but people who don't like her are wary of me because they see me talking to her, so I can't win. But there have been times the bitching and backstabbing has got me down and so I know how you feel. I don't want to move because the yard is the nicest in the area and really suits me, so I have to put up or shut up. If you have an alternative I think you are right to look into it and see if your horse's owner will let you move. I don't see the point of bitchiness and having atmospheres, it is meant to be your fun leisure time after all isn't it??? Hope you manage to find a happy resolution, keep us posted!
 
Hi everyone, hope you don't mind me joining in on this forum but I also dread going to my yard at the moment. I am very new to all of this and am learning as I go along as my teenage daughter recently got her first loan pony, up until now everyone I have met has been totally helpful and pleasant. Then, the other day I was approached by the yard owner who accused my daughter of stealing hay and feed from other people at the yard, apparently they have all complained. I feed and tend to the pony in the mornings and most of the time I am there with my daughter in the evenings too, she would have no reason to be stealing anyone elses feed or hay as we have plenty of our own, and when I told her what had been said, she became extremely upset and could not understand why they would think it was her. I believe her, she is a very honest person and evryone seems to get along very well with her, and I'm not just saying that because I'm her Mum! I just don't know what to do now, I don't want her up there on her own, and the thought that everyone seems to think this of her is just so upsetting. please has anyone had a similar experience or could offer any advice?
 
Its sad but unfortunatly there is one at every yard! Trust me I know.

I too went through a stage at an old yard where I purposely wouldnt go up till late at night as to avoid them people and I wouldnt want to be up there on my own if they were there too but then I was 15/16 at the time and even when I was in late teens / 20 I wouldnt ride in front of them espically jump incase we had issues with a spooky fence beacuse I knew what they would say.

It is a horrible feeling but its one that will make you stronger. try your best to ignore them, get on with it and please do not let some wench at the yard stop you enjoying your horse or the time you have with them.

If all else fails and you can find another yard close by concider your options or you could always speek with your yard owner if yoy dont feel you could confront her yourself.

All the best, chin up.
 
Im gonna try my hardest to either put up with it or get out. Gonna give HO a call tonight and see what she says. Would love to move him to my uncles ,its only 2 mins down the road so I wouldnt have to drive 10 miles to him and then put up with the c**p from the woman!

Catsweasle - I hope you find out who the real culprit was! and I hope you dont let them talk to your daughter like c**p because people are just bullys.

i think... and dont take this personally anyone... but theres allot of 'older' people well older than me, who think they know it all about horses as this crazy lady that Im on about, but dont know its head from its a**e.

I think they like to bully people and it must make them feel better about themselves. I openly admit to anyone that Im not the most experianced person with horses but I do what I thinks best for him and if Im struggling I ask someone who does know. Theres a girl whos new to our yard and has worked for years at a racing yard, well shes gone and bought a horse and brought it up :) all was going good.... but now shes leaving, I think shes been here a week or 2. Dont know the exact reasons on why shes leaving but I can imagine why and who.

I just hope if I speak to HO and my uncle I can get a yes and move him.

I feel like Im waffling again! xx
 
Ps when I actually do buy my own horse which I am planning on doing in the next year or so.... it is without a doubt not going near that livery yard!
 
It is a sad fact that wherever there are groups of females there is conflict which just drags on and on. Men seem to fall out and get over it very quickly. I think the horse world in general is very competivive and bitchy and it's sad since the joy we get from the horses is second to none.

I had a friend in a similar situation to you and she ended up moving yards because of the gossip and feeling bullied. I actually moved onto the yard that she moved out of and have had a totally different experience. The only thing I've done different is to try and keep myself to myself and just get into my head that everyone does their best for their horses including myself, we are all different and do things differently and often don't agree with what each other are doing concerning our horses but as long as they aren't being mistreated who am I to think my way is better. I come up to the yard when people aren't around so I don't get involved in the chit chat and gossip (doesn't always work this way and I think gossip is inbred in women so I'm guilty of it on occasions). Is there any way that you could re order your routine so that you are up there when others aren't? If not then I'd move. My friend did and she has never been happier.

I think some people are just rotton and will do anything to make your life a misery but then other times people just don't click with each other. Hope things sort itself out for you:)
 
Phillipa... if you can move your horse do... and evan better take your new friend too. Horses are exspensive and there is no point paying the money to get no enjoyment. Make sure you are very direct with the yo and tell them you are leaving because of this woman... and get your frined to do the same. I agree with every one else that says there is one on every yard.
I firmly believe that jealousy is the root of it ninety percent of the time ... and there is no changing these bitches.
Im a fair bit older than you and have been through a lot of crap to get where i am... and im really content with my life. The way i see it life is just to short to be near these toxic bitches. They might take a brilliant day and mess it up!!!
 
if you can move - then i would.


ive been on a yard with know-alls - very irritating!.... im now on a wonderful yard with a few of us - and no bitching or anything else....

lovely yards are out there - so move :)
 
Trouble is, they are like frogs - you have to kiss a few before you find a prince. You might think you are moving to a lovely place and it all starts again with someone different. I had it too so I know what its like. Unfortunately the perpetrator was best buddies with the YO (despite slagging her off behind her back) so when I did try to complain I was told I was a trouble maker. She used to steal my stuff, feed her horse out of my bins, lied about me to the YO (amongst other things apparently I didn't put any water out in the field despite the fact my horse was out there too???). Nutjob and a parasite. The world is full of them.
 
Right! Ive been to talk to the YO and she actually sympothised with me, if thats the correct word! She said to me that this woman is just a busybody (her own words) and that other people have complained and that shes gonna keep an eye on her. She also said I should ignore her and if she keeps saying anything to me about the horse then I should just say 'hes been checked out hes fine'

Another girl on the yard said that shes had a word with the mean lady about how she treats other people, but I dont think she got through to her! Hahah!

Today Ive made up my mind though... the yard itself is on my last warning and if anything upsets me again, that same day I will be going to my uncles!!

Thankyou everyone for everyones advice, youve been fab, its good that you can ask for peoples advice on here and always get brilliant advice :)

Thankyou xxx
 
Brave you. Hope it works out for you. Don't want to scare you but must tell my story well some of it.

I had a similar thing happen to me many years ago. At a yard I had been at for years and with somone I thought of as a friend. Just goes to show you never really know people. I was horrified to find out that the woman took it out also on my ponys. One of her many favourite things to do was to sweep the yard and throw it over his stable door and over him!!!! Shake rugs at him was another of many things I am sure. I even caught her daughter red handed! In the end we had words and she was made to look very stupid infront of many people. I left that yard and will never return even though she herself left not long after :confused: It took me a very long time to recover and I lost a lot of confidence in horse ownership. Now some 10 years later I feel so much better and love the yard I am at. Thinking about it I would never of ended up at my present yard or with my new loan horse if this woman hadn't of done what she did:).
 
Catweasle said:
Hi everyone, hope you don't mind me joining in on this forum but I also dread going to my yard at the moment. I am very new to all of this and am learning as I go along as my teenage daughter recently got her first loan pony, up until now everyone I have met has been totally helpful and pleasant. Then, the other day I was approached by the yard owner who accused my daughter of stealing hay and feed from other people at the yard, apparently they have all complained. I feed and tend to the pony in the mornings and most of the time I am there with my daughter in the evenings too, she would have no reason to be stealing anyone elses feed or hay as we have plenty of our own, and when I told her what had been said, she became extremely upset and could not understand why they would think it was her. I believe her, she is a very honest person and evryone seems to get along very well with her, and I'm not just saying that because I'm her Mum! I just don't know what to do now, I don't want her up there on her own, and the thought that everyone seems to think this of her is just so upsetting. please has anyone had a similar experience or could offer any advice?
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I might be inclined to confront the owners yourself and ask for an explanation. There may be a falling out, but you may also get to the bottom of this. Take the approach that if someone is stealing food then you all need to see who it is.

It could just be that someone (your daughter even) has taken a carrot or something and all this has been blown out of proportion. You may well find that stuff you are accused of taking has gone when you aren't even there. I woudl be livid in your place though and if there is a gang mentality or if you have a nutjob YM then I would be out of there.
 
Oh my word, you're post could have been written by me!! Unfortunately, everyone on yards think they're the expert and have an opinion on everything. Try not to let her get to you and just rise above it!! I always try to be over friendly and bubbly to the old bat that gives me grief and when she says anything out of line, I'll cut her dead with a very short answer and walk off!!!

I did the same last autumn and took my boys back shoes off after the vet and farrier recommended this - the old bat as ranting and raving about me taking his shoes off and low and behold and TOTALLY coincidently my boy got a huge absess in his back foot and it swelled up twice the size - As you can imagine the stupid women was spitting feather all over the yard, flapping about how i NEVER should've taken his shoes off. I rang my farrier crying and when he came out, made sure she knew it was nothing to do with the lack of shoes!

Anyway, do not let this women ruin your hobby - we spend our hard earned cash on our beloved horses and want to enjoy our time spent with them. Just give her the silent treatment and she'll probably move on. Chances are, this women can't even look after her own horse properly!!!?!

I am now leaving my yard - not down to this women, but I feel so relieved that I'm not going to have to bump into her first thing in the morning - Enough to put anyone off their brekkie :)
 
What a shame for you all with these people on your yards.

OP I think you did a very mature and correct thing in talking to the YO. Just focus on the fact that you, the farrier, and the YO are perfectly happy with your horse, and if she starts chipping in, say thanks for your opinion, but its different to my farrier's and YO's, so I will stick with how things are.

Catweasel did you have a chat with the YO and set the record straight? I would be inclined to - tell her what you told us, that you usually feed or are with your daughter, and that she is very upset by the accusations so could any of the accusers please give some evidence or proof so that the matter can be sorted out.. I think as an ex YO I would take it onboard if someone came and had a calm chat with me.
 
I can really sympathise with you. We had someone like this on our yard (obviously I'm not going to say too much on here) I'm only on a very small (and now very lovely yard) and there was a group of us that would go down later in the mornings and earlier in afternoon, just so we didnt have to see her. It got the the stage I was looking for somewhere else for my 2. Spoke to yard owner about it and she was promtly given her notice to leave. The change in atmosphere there is amazing, its gone back to a relaxed friendly yard. Have you spoken to your YO about it? (sorry if this has been covered i didnt read all the replies!!)
 
We've got a know-it-all on our yard, but they're not terrible, I have been around worse. They went through a stage of asking various questions about decisions we made regarding our horse and then would scoffingly ask "Why are you doing that?!" and then be dismissive about our answers, but we could VERY easily do the same in return, I guess when it comes to it I just don't care enough about what they do. :D

My daughter, being quite an alpha mare herself, finds this person pretty grating (but not unbearable) but it's as I say, we could all scoff and criticise, I remind her we aren't above a bit of gossiping ourselves, same as pretty much everyone else on the yard, overall we all rub along together pretty well.
 
Thanks everyone for you replies :)

RolyPolyPony - I spoke to my YO and she said I should just try and ignore her and if she tells me my horse is wrong or what not Ive to tell her that hes been checked out by the relevant person ie farrier vet physio.

Been up today with my mum! And my mum is a scary woman hahah always says everything straight its either black or white with my mum haha. Anyhow, this woman came to me and my mum to appologise about gossiping about me... I didnt even realise she had!! (this isnt the mean one btw) so I said its okay.. didnt want to ask what theyve all been saying, shes friends with the mean lady so I have an idea what it was about!
My mum was telling a few of the other women on the yard about what this mean lady has been doing to me and how I felt and they said theyve seen it all before with her and how shes treated younger and more newer people on that yard.

Then my friend came up to sort her horse out and and my mums friend came up she also has her horse there so they all had a kind of 'mothers' meeting in the stable to discus matters and they all thought it was about time someone went to the YO about the mean lady. They were saying that its not fair how she treats people and that shes been there many years and thinks that she owns the place.

Then the mean lady came up....!! She did nothing than to complain to some other lady on the yard about how 'rude' my friend is and how she has to take a whip up with her to 'rescue' her horse from the feild and she fears for her safety... this is all utter dog poop as the horse is good as gold 99% of the time, and I doubt she feared for her life. She then went to the YO about the horse which I presume the YO turned around and told her about my complaint and I think also told her to shut up about my friends horse as I didnt hear her complain again about it.

Then.... my mum decided she was going to go home just before I was about to put his stable rug on so I said my goodbyes and what not, no sooner had my mum disapeared the woman comes up to me and said 'apparantly youve been calling me names to everyone on that yard' so i said, 'no *womans name*, i just think youve not been speaking to me very nicely and i dont like it' anyhow she stormed off in a huff and I heard her go bitch about me again!! I wasnt in no mood to speak to the YO at this point so Ill let it go, but if it happens again tomorrow im gonna speak to her!! Grrrr why cant people who are grown up actually act their age and stop prentending their on the school playground!!

Overall successful day with the horse... did a few jumps (im a novice on jumping) well be ready for the olympics in no time (i wish!!!)

Thanks again everyone will keep u posted. I WILL get this woman off my back! xx
 
I think at this point it is just going to start getting silly and possibly out of hand, be the bigger person and ignore it, she'll get bored soon enough.
 
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