Not happy at the yard

Well, I must say I feel better after reading all your coments on the thread and knowing I am not the only person going through this! As a follow up to my situation, I tried to have a calm chat to the YO, however it did not go well, I told him I would like to talk to the people who had allegedly seen my daughter taking feed to find out exactly what she was supposed to have taken and when, he then became quite aggressive and said I was calling him a liar! Also said he was told in confidence and that he did not want me to talk to them! There was no way for my poor daughter to defend herself. Anyway I made the decision there and then to move as I need to know that my daughter feels safe and not intimidated when she is spending time with her pony, she is 15 and I can't be there all the time. Moved yards the next day and told the yard owner what I thought before we left! Fingers crossed the next yard is a happier one.
 
No I havnt confronted her... yet!!

I think the YO has had a stern word with her as I didnt have a problem at all yesterday when i went up to the yard, just a few coments here and there but im letting that go over my head now, shes obviously got nothing better to do or jelous one or the other.

The YO called me into her house yesterday and said that shes going to call her physio up and check him all over to make sure theres nothing wrong and that shes going to pay for it! I couldnt believe my ears when she told me! All that to keep me happy and to get the mean lady off my back and to prove that im not doing anything wrong!! soooo happy!!
 
FulshawGirl said:
No I havnt confronted her... yet!!
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Well you should. That's the most adult thing to do. And will soon put a stop to her gossiping.

I think the YO has had a stern word with her as I didn't have a problem at all yesterday when i went up to the yard, just a few comments here and there
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Good.

The YO called me into her house yesterday and said that shes going to call her physio up and check him all over to make sure theres nothing wrong and that shes going to pay for it! I couldn't believe my ears when she told me! All that to keep me happy and to get the mean lady off my back and to prove that im not doing anything wrong!! soooo happy!!
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I wouldn't be happy - I'd be furious.
 
FulshawGirl said:
The YO called me into her house yesterday and said that shes going to call her physio up and check him all over to make sure theres nothing wrong and that shes going to pay for it! I couldnt believe my ears when she told me! All that to keep me happy and to get the mean lady off my back and to prove that im not doing anything wrong!! soooo happy!!
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Bloody hell - that would p*ss me off. Why is she doing that??? There is no need, surely. I would find that very offensive personally.

Someone on my yard tried to tell me what I should be doing with my horse - I doubt they will try again.
 
Why would you be furious?

If shes wanted to pay to have my horse checked over well thats fine as i know theres nothing wrong with him so shes just trying to get that woman to stop annoying me.
 
FulshawGirl said:
Why would you be furious?

If shes wanted to pay to have my horse checked over well that's fine as i know there's nothing wrong with him so shes just trying to get that woman to stop annoying me.
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Because it calls in to question your management of the horse. If she has a problem with your management then she should talk to you directly about it, citing her concerns and asking you to address them.

It also gives credence to the 'gossip'.
 
Ahh right i get what your saying. Well i had the physio out the other month for just a check up as hes 17 in april and there was nothing wrong with him then, so if she wants to pay and waste her money so be it!
 
There is a difference between asking for help or advice from fellow liveries .
And thrusting upon your opinions what some one else should do with their horse unless they are very novice or something they are doing could be potentially dangerous.



If you want help you will ask for it thats my motto.


I hate this in shops when you just walk through the door and they say CAN I HELP YOU. my COMMENT IS i DONT KNOW I JUST WALKED IN:mad:

OR just walk out again.
really bugs me .

What I would expect this women to say is ( are you ok do u need help or if you do this might be better) and then leave the person to decide.





But to be pushy and thrusting their opinions on you over and over is

not only rude
its unkind
intimidating
and more.

Personally I would move now . If yard owner wont nip this in the bud now, she wont and the problem will escalate.


We all hate criticism or being told what to do but sometimes people do it out of kindness and their way could be better .

I don't interfere with liveries unless

A, they ask

or B, i know of a better way that WILL get better results once i give my opinion I have done what I can the decision / the rest is up to them:)

If you want to take his shoes off what buisness is it of hers??
 
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skint1 said:
I think at this point it is just going to start getting silly and possibly out of hand, be the bigger person and ignore it, she'll get bored soon enough.
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I think this ^^^ is the best option as a general rule on most yards. I will pass pleasantries with people but tend to keep what I'm doing with my horses to myself. On the odd occasion I let a bit of information out, if anyone starts giving me their opinion I end the conversation, or make it clear im not asking for their opinion..I don't say "I don't want your opinion" but do it in such a way they get the message. It takes a bit of practise but it works. Eventually I think you give off a vibe and it stops happening.
 
there seemsto be a general rule that every yard has to have a resident bitch. I have been on the same yard for 10 years, and like you I try to avoid going up when there are lots of people about. I've been critisised for having my horses shoes removed, on my farriers advice, that was 2 years ago and my horse hacks out happily and has never been lame. In the summer I was informed that my mare was too fat, I wasnt riding due to an injury, now I'm reliably informed that she is far too thin! All this by a supposed friend, who is now safe to say an ex friend! I would move in a heartbeat, but I like thehacking (all woodland, no roads) and havent yet found a yard nearby that can match it. I now just go, do what I'm doing and leave, if someone is pleasant to me, Italk to them, if not, I ignore them. Not ideal, but at least I'm not made to feel like crap! Oh, and I also avoid riding if there are certain people about. Honestly I dont get why people are so nasty, I cant understand what they gain from it. I hope you get this sorted and this bully can be put in her place, if not, I would def move if I were you. Its heartening to see that there are others who have this problem, and the support here is great xx
 
Catweasle said:
Well, I must say I feel better after reading all your coments on the thread and knowing I am not the only person going through this! As a follow up to my situation, I tried to have a calm chat to the YO, however it did not go well, I told him I would like to talk to the people who had allegedly seen my daughter taking feed to find out exactly what she was supposed to have taken and when, he then became quite aggressive and said I was calling him a liar! Also said he was told in confidence and that he did not want me to talk to them! There was no way for my poor daughter to defend herself. Anyway I made the decision there and then to move as I need to know that my daughter feels safe and not intimidated when she is spending time with her pony, she is 15 and I can't be there all the time. Moved yards the next day and told the yard owner what I thought before we left! Fingers crossed the next yard is a happier one.
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I hope your new yard is a happier experience. I think often it is very easy for people to blame children and young people when things go missing. :(

In my humble experience it is not very often the children that take feed etc as their parents are paying for it. Whips and buckets are often borrowed and not returned but feed is generally someone on the yard struggling.....and it isnt often a child that is not paying for the bills.

I hope your daughter will be made to feel more welcome at the new yard.
 
smokey said:
there seemsto be a general rule that every yard has to have a resident bitch.
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We have our fair share of Bi9tches on the yard on the past . Now all of those have been removed and the hyard is a happy yard with no squabbles. :)

Everyone might not agree with something but as anything crops up its always forgotten about next day. None of this coming up to avoid any 1 now .
 
i can t stand any women any where near my horse now.. I just dont get them at all.
The first one rang the yard owner to say i had deliberatley let her horses out. He was really angry with me until i forced him to question her in front of me. She denied making tha accusation and made a fool of herself. As soon as i left the yard with my apology she did the tears:eek: that was the end of me!!! She was crying i wasn t so therefore im a bitch in the eyes of the yo.
The second one used and missapropriated my stuff for a year then just stopped speaking to me, her bloke told me it was because she wanted the stables to herself now. He also told me that he thought she was a (pregnant fish i think is the official term)
The horse is moved and happy and i will never ever as long as i live allow any woman any where near my horse again we are all horrible.
 
You're doing the right thing by going to the YO first and sorting it with them. If the situation doesn't improve then you leave and it's the YO's loss!

I've had a similar experience when I first got my horse and was a bit novicey. There are some that will gladly help/give advice, and then some that go too far, interfere and become bullies. I think I had problems because I was taking a TB barefoot (not allowed in their books!) and for other reasons I think they were jealous of the circumstances of how I came to own him.

There are nice yards out there, we promise! Don't let anyone stop you enjoying your horse. Good luck x
 
Thanks everyone :)

Ive been up the last couple of days and she hasnt said a word to me, which I think is a good thing, I definatly think the YO has had a stern word with her!

Awful thing happened the other day though, my horse came in with just 1 shoe on, thought ohhh great just what I need!! Anyhow went to the lady who turns them out in the morning and explained to her that he had only one shoe on so not walking very well, obviously sensitive, and I heard the mean woman talking to another woman about how bad I was at looking after my horse!! anyways turned out this woman stuck up for me and told her where to go!! I just ignored it, sounds like everyones sick of her ATM. Rang farrier up, and he came out the following day and put a part worn shoe on gave horse a good scratch behind the ear, said his back feet are looking in a good shape and didnt even charge me! What a fantastic farrier. All good :) dont think that mean ladys got long left at the yard now before shes asked to leave!
 
as I previously posted, I have had my share of yard bullies, and recently things have been pretty crap. however, I know I'm not doing anything wrong, so I have decided not to give a flying **** about any of them, I love my horse, shes reasonably fond of me, and thats all that matters.
 
I do feel for everyone on here putting up with this kind of unecessary rubbish. Some people are just beyond comprehension-what sort of life have they had to feel the need to make others miserable in order to make themselves feel good/powerful/knowledgable/superior? I have had 2people like this on my (small) yard in 4 years. Eventually,after ascertaining it wasn't just tittle-tattle&they were actually horrid(not difficult,as saw it myself on various occasions) I asked them both to leave(not something I took lightly at the time,as am a fair person). Never had any regrets,only that I hadn't done it sooner. Yard was transformed-lovely,relaxed atmosphere returned,everyone happy again. Some people are toxic. I've been a livery and I always was polite but kept my head down but that cannot compare to having that 'yard family' feeling that is so fab if you experience it (which mine say they do,thankfully!) Hare to say it but agree with above poster-if YO won't sort(&the culprit looks set to stay),leave-you will be happier elsewhere.
 
We've just moved from a yard with one really unpleasant individual. Never said anything directly to me - just lots of talking behind our backs (best buddies with yard owner), comments made about way we did things etc, and generally being not very nice. I don't usually let people like this bother me, but it did just make going to the yard no fun anymore.

I'm not even sure she realised what she was doing - she may just be quite a sad character who has to put other people down because she has little else in her life. But it's hard to be understanding when they are spoiling the enjoyment of your horses. It's a great yard in many ways, but one by one people have left which says it all really.

I think your options are either to move or to talk to this person if you think it will make a difference.
 
NOISYGIRL said:
If my dad had his own yard, I wouldn't be paying to keep somewhere else, ask owner if you can move him
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But assuming OP is an adult should she not expect to pay livery to her Dad? I always look upon anything relating to horses as a business transaction essentially OP keeps her horse in a stable at her Dad's is he expected to forego the rent income from that stable?

OP FWIW I would have a chat with YO and maybe take a deep breath and ignore the interfering old bid! People like that thrive on being involved in everybody else's business to detract from their own dull lives.
 
I couldnt really move him in all honesty. Hes 17 years old and hes been there since he was 4 so i think hes definatly settled down. Of course i would have to pay him livery, he wouldnt make any money giving away stables haha!

This week at the yards been fine and things seem to be getting easier!!
 
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