Not horsey at all- Any one know how to deal with stalking/ harassment

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trickivicki

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Hi All,

I know this isn't horsey but as there is such a huge user base I am hoping someone may have some advice/ experience;

My Mum is being stalked/ harassed by a couple for around 18months but it has been escalating recently. The police have been notified does anyone else know what we can do? She is getting upset and being put off leaving the house/ going about her life as they are everywhere (have been seen outside our house, at the charity shop (where she volunteers) and at the taxi office (where she works as a special needs bus escourt) on more than one occasion).

We do not know who these people are or why this has come about but it is (quite understandingly) very unnerving for the old dear. This has grown from just hanging around to now being very abusive and confrontational.

My Mum is very timid and polite and generally an all round good bod so is very upset by all this!

Me and Dad are suitably worried as we can't be with her all the time.

V x
 
The biggest thing I can remember (it happened to me years ago) is to keep a diary of every single time it happened - time, date, who, when, where. This will help in any future action taken by police or the law.
 
varkie said:
The biggest thing I can remember (it happened to me years ago) is to keep a diary of every single time it happened - time, date, who, when, where. This will help in any future action taken by police or the law.
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Defo agree with this, keep a record and document everything so then you have evidence if you do make a complaint with the Police.
 
Thanks for the advice guys, from now-

1. Diary of all times/dates/places/incidents.
2. Phone police every time she seems them.
3. Let me and Dad know where she is at all times (which is horrible for all of us but we are worried about safety).
4. I've ordered her a personal attack/ rape alarm.
5. Chain to be kept on front door and patio doors locked when she is at home alone.

Can anyone else think of anything??

(I work over the road from her voluntary job at the charity shop so if they appear there me and some of the lads may take a wander down)
 
If she has a smart phone you can put on so you always see where she is. How horrible for her.. Can't the police at least have a word with the couple?

Any chance of a nice noisy dog who will shriek when anyone comes to the house? My staffords scream blue murder when someone walks up my path.
 
Why are they doing this.... Mum volunteers at the local british heart foundation shop, the man used to come in as a customer, Mum being the nice person she is was polite and friendly, he then began pestering her for her number/pictures/ dates and he started following her. Then the wife (we assume) took offense to this chaps infatuation and also began following Mum and started by shouting things after her but will now block Mums path and issue a torrent of abuse.

Both have been barred from the Charity shop now (something I never thought I would say) but they hang around her constantly.

I may see about borrowing a dog for when she is here without us (Dad works shifts and I do bits and bobs in the evening).

It is insane and very upsetting (mainly the feeling that they are around the house).
 
trickivicki said:
Why are they doing this.... Mum volunteers at the local british heart foundation shop, the man used to come in as a customer, Mum being the nice person she is was polite and friendly, he then began pestering her for her number/pictures/ dates and he started following her. Then the wife (we assume) took offense to this chaps infatuation and also began following Mum and started by shouting things after her but will now block Mums path and issue a torrent of abuse.

Both have been barred from the Charity shop now (something I never thought I would say) but they hang around her constantly.

I may see about borrowing a dog for when she is here without us (Dad works shifts and I do bits and bobs in the evening).

It is insane and very upsetting (mainly the feeling that they are around the house).
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Or make friends with a local rescue and foster a dog? At home it's my eldest bitch who shrieks along with middle boy. Youngest lets them get on with it however when she came up with me to my brothers house in London she started to guard us in under 30 mins. Which included helping my brother collar the person who thought it was ok to let their dog toilet outside their house..
 
I would def get CCTV with recorder put at front and back of house. She can look on the TV screen before opening any of her doors(as well as alarm..if you can afford she could have panic alarms in side her home). The outside do record in the dark if you get the right one. Brilliant.The police do use these too. Make sure her neighbours and opposite know and ask them to keep an eye out for your mum. Give them your number too.

But I would make sure she has a good contact at the police and also dont take any nonsense from civilian police staff. You make sure you speak to a real police officer.
 
One other thing is within the law is it possible for someone to watch your mum come out of the shop etc ie a bit of surveillance....someone nice and beefy! If you get my drift!!!!!If you dont know who they are etc might be worth trailing them it is possible.
 
Thank you all.

Charity shop is over the road from work and her bus job is a 5 min walk from work and so is home, luckily I have an understanding boss who agrees I need to be available to Mum until this is sorted.

I will be looking into CCTV things tomorrow.

Will need to have a sit down chat with Dad about a dog (we have been thinking about it for a while) as it is a big lifestyle choice rather than a quick fix.
 
What is happening with the police?

For an offence of harassment there only needs to be a course of conduct. From what you say this has clearly already happened. What SHOULD happen is that once reported to the police, they should visit the "offender/s" and speak with them. Warn them under the harassment act that they should cease ANY form of contact with your mum. This includes visiting her place of work, messages, calls, shouting in the street etc.... They are usually asked to sign an officers Pocket note book to acknowledge they have been warned and understand that should they continue with their behaviour they are likely to face arrest.

Then should there be ANY form of contact with your mum they may be arrested and face being prosecuted and going to court.

Of course for this to happen your mum needs to make a formal complaint, provide a statement and be prepared to go to court if necessary. Hope this helps x
 
A couple of things:

If this has come about because of your mum's volunteering at a charity shop then she must make them aware of what is happening. The Area Manager or HR function of the charity MUST be informed and make sure that they speak to your mother about what help THEY are going to provide to support her. Even though she is volunteering they have a responsibility to her. Don't let them fob her off with taking no action.


I heard a feature on Woman's Hour recently about being being stalked. Go on their website (BBC Radio 4) and they should still have links to help sites and advice here.

Good luck and I hope that this soon stops
 
I would also find out who your councillor is and tell them. They might have been reported to them in previous matters, that you aren't aware of and this will help you press charges. Also the councillor can call the police on your behalf and it just gives the police a little push to taking actiong. Your poor mother :( I really hope this gets sorted soon!
 
Herts05 said:
A couple of things:

If this has come about because of your mum's volunteering at a charity shop then she must make them aware of what is happening. The Area Manager or HR function of the charity MUST be informed and make sure that they speak to your mother about what help THEY are going to provide to support her. Even though she is volunteering they have a responsibility to her. Don't let them fob her off with taking no action.


I heard a feature on Woman's Hour recently about being being stalked. Go on their website (BBC Radio 4) and they should still have links to help sites and advice here.

Good luck and I hope that this soon stops
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Thank you, I will take alook at the article now.

The charity have been great (barred them from the shop and put her in the stock room when they are outside the shop), it would be much easier for them to tell her not to come in anymore which would be a real shame. I might pop in tomorrow when she isn't there and explain how upset she is.
 
Stinkbomb said:
What is happening with the police?

For an offence of harassment there only needs to be a course of conduct. From what you say this has clearly already happened. What SHOULD happen is that once reported to the police, they should visit the "offender/s" and speak with them. Warn them under the harassment act that they should cease ANY form of contact with your mum. This includes visiting her place of work, messages, calls, shouting in the street etc.... They are usually asked to sign an officers Pocket note book to acknowledge they have been warned and understand that should they continue with their behaviour they are likely to face arrest.

Then should there be ANY form of contact with your mum they may be arrested and face being prosecuted and going to court.

Of course for this to happen your mum needs to make a formal complaint, provide a statement and be prepared to go to court if necessary. Hope this helps x
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Thanks (it is hard to explain to Mum that they are doing something awful and that she isn't getting upset over nothing, she thinks that as she hasn't been injured it isn't serious).

I will try and get more information tomorrow about what went on at the police station but she is to upset to get much out of tonight.

I am going to wait for the next incident and then go to the police station with her (in case she turns into a blubbering wreck- understandably).

Its a shame, she is only just getting her life and independence back after being very ill 18months/ 2years ago and I don't want anything ruining it for her again.
 
How awful for your mum & such a worry for you & your dad. As others have said get CCTV, I have CCTV around my house as we got burgaled a couple of years ago while we was in the house & straight away we got a CCTV set that records anything that goes infront of the cameras also has time & date. I have it programed to my telly & laptop so if I am in bed on laptop I can watch outside.

Hope you get it sorted...
 
Sounds like bullying etc especially if she is low self esteem etc Not strong etc. I would love to trail them(your mum as well). If this is happening at set times ie when she leaves the shop etc and is pretty set in stone I would ask police to do this or do it myself(aka beefy type etc). Are they druggies petty criminals etc?? Whats their motive?

Hope you get it sorted. CCTV doesnt need to be expensive either.
 
In my own experiance... the police wont do anything untill something serious happens.

I have experianced this myself... a in 2010 i was getting followed around by this lad and girl in his car, whatever time of day it was they were there. I put numerous complaints against them both as they were threatening me. They followed my to my friends house, which I then left my car there and got into my friends car and went out, came back to all my windows put through!! Rang police, they noted everything down. Got the car fixed, carried on as normal as possible. I worked in a pub till late at night like 2am, they lad and lass both came into the pub, police were called, had to give a statement the following day about what was happening. Took 2 hours to do. Went back to 'normal' again for a couple of weeks... then went to the same friends house where to my supprise the lad was stood at the bottom of the street holding a cricket bat, so reveresed out onto the main really quickly, and drove to the police station, where I was then informed that I had been reported to the police as driving irratically which I admitted as was very scared got let off. Told them about the lad, apparantly this was 'logged'. Couple of weeks later im driving on the back roads with my friend whos abit of a hardnut, and the lad appeared again following me, managed to get back onto a normal road where he stopped and waved at us (weird I know) anyhow carries on trying to ignore him, had to go the petrol station and wow and behold 5 mins later that lad turns up and drives straight into my car, I had to stop my friend from getting out of the car and lethering him as he saw how scared I was. Anyhow few months later all starts again, another friend whod recently got into the police force invited me to go see her sargent and hes try and help me out. Goes to look for all the logs and statements (by this time. I had about 5 harrasment complaints about them both and 2 long statements) ... nothing was found apparantly nothing had even been stored. The 3rd time theyd followed me and I reported it, they were both meant to have been arrested. This however did not happen!! the police did bugger all!!!! They said they couldnt do anything untill something serious had happened. Like putting all my windows through following me and chasing me with a cricket bat wasnt serious enough? :s

Sorry for waffling! Hope your mum sorts it out, I ended up keeping a diary of what was happening to me to show the police. I will be going IPC (i think thats what its called) if something does happen, fingers crossed hasnt happened in a while. Xx
 
Good luck with this. I would look at getting an injunction to be honest. we had issues with a neighbour, who threatened me, our customers and my now ex partner, and the police would do nothing. He also left bruises on my partners father, and yet they did nothing. Threats to kill me and maim/kill our horses were all ignored by them. It sort of stopped when we moved, but we felt at the time he was behind soome hacking into our website which then had to be taken off line. at the time we wish we had just got a friend to witness and step in when he got nasty, but we tried to do the right thing by involving the police. If you get no help from them, maybe someone could challenge these 2 idiots and find out what there problem is. The police attitude is very much until they have done something they won't/can't do anything.
 
trickivicki said:
Thanks (it is hard to explain to Mum that they are doing something awful and that she isn't getting upset over nothing, she thinks that as she hasn't been injured it isn't serious).

I will try and get more information tomorrow about what went on at the police station but she is to upset to get much out of tonight.

I am going to wait for the next incident and then go to the police station with her (in case she turns into a blubbering wreck- understandably).

Its a shame, she is only just getting her life and independence back after being very ill 18months/ 2years ago and I don't want anything ruining it for her again.
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I don't think I'd 'wait for the next incident', it sounds as though she needs someone with her 24/7 pro tem. Possibly with a camera to record events.
She shouldn't be facing this whenever she leaves the house. Good legal advice in previous posts. Best of luck:)
 
Back when it happened to me, the police were fantastic, and very pro-active.

If it is continuing to happen, go back to the police, and demand action. They can do something - they did in my case - so insist they do. Or take it further for sure.
 
PLEASE don't wait for the next incident.

And as I said before, if this is also happening on work premises then it MUST be escalated to the Senior Management (I'm thinking more about the charity shop as I guess the taxi company is a small local one). Please put your concerns in writing and make sure receipt is acknowledged. I would also let the Police and local council have a copy.
May be worth also going to Citizens Advice
 
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