Not sure I can do it - elderly mare - bit long, sorry

[JillA]

If it helps, they don't stress over it the way we do - think of it as just putting out the lights.
My old mare had an awful winter when she was suffering from Cushings, before pergolide was so readily available, She had laminitis, soaking bed and rugs every day and one morning she said as clearly as she could - let me go. She wouldn't get up, she wasn't distressed or struggling, she was just saying she had had enough, and I really wished I had let her go before she needed to ask - I was hanging on to forlorn hope.
Your mare will be free from all the things that make old age such a trial, and will be grateful for it. Regard it as opening a door to a crossing to freedom from pain and suffering.

 

[fatpiggy]

And hug from me too you are the sort of owner every old horse needs and many don't get.
You have to go with your gut , not mine or anyone else's , mine would tell me I would rather do it on a nice day in autumn than in the middle of a disaster in the middle of winter with bad weather and a sick horse .
Better too soon than too late is my belief but you know your horse best IME the run up to a planned PTS is very very hard on the owner .

100% agree with this and its what I did. Chose the day according to the weather forecast and it had to be before Bonfire Night as I couldn't put her through another session of that (or myself,having to sit up with her for hours). I always said I'd rather have to make a snap decision but in reality I ended up making the decision 4 or 5 months earlier and then just letting the summer go through. Counting the days down was hard, I don't deny it, but it meant that on the day my horse wasn't in pain, wasn't fearful, it was a normal pleasant morning of a tasty breakfast and a good groom. A snap decision certainly wouldn't have been like that and I would have felt I was rushing her away just to take the pain and distress of say, colic, away from her. I know from seeing other people waiting for the vet to come and destroy a horse that is dying or fatally injured is just AWFUL. Time slows down and you just want it all to be over as soon as possible. My horse's final day was gentle, unstressed and of course I was deeply upset, but it was MY decision and no-one forced it on me. It went at the pace that I wanted. Much much better, I promise you.

I'm sorry you find yourself with this dilemma.

 

[Burmilla]

I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this difficulty now. Your mare is looking good at the moment, at the impressive age of 34. People who know her well, (vet, YO and one time sharer) think she should be pts now,possibly because she is quite old, has trouble getting up, once down, and has a chronic re-occuring infection. Winter is fast approaching and you will have a new baby. Please consider how you would deal with the baby and the horse if one or other had a serious health crisis. This is more likely to occur for your horse in the next few months, given her history and age.
You have the opportunity to ensure your horses' safety and welfare before your daughter is born.
Your daughter will be told happy stories of your wonderful brave, clever mare, and see photos of her and you in your joint triumphs over the years. Better this than feeling your grief, loss and pain, at the mare's death, rather than joy at your daughter's birth.
I am sorry if the above sounds presumptious. Strength and honour for whatever you decide is the best outcome, now, for all of you.
Gx

 

[ester]

As in she couldn't get up without assistance whenever she lay down or just on occasion?

With what you have said now I would PTS before winter comes on.

 

[eahotson]

If its any help at all,the BHS do have a service where someone will come out and hold the horse for you and a bereavement counseling service as well I think!

 

[Annagain]

I'm so sorry you're facing this. I'm a big believer that PTS is as important to PREVENT suffering as it is BECAUSE of suffering, so maybe now's the time to be brave. Once you know that this is imminent, there's nothing wrong with choosing the timing to suit you and as emotional as you feel right now, you will feel 20 times more emotional once the baby arrives and you're sleep deprived and coming to terms with being totally responsible for a little life on top of massively hormonal. I don't want to be too blunt, but if you consider it in terms of what you'd be depriving her of if you PTS, it sounds like it's a life she's not totally happy with and isn't thriving in and it's only likely to get worse over the winter.

My old boy died very unexpectedly. He was 27 but fit, healthy and happy but colic took him - the first time he'd been ill in the 14 years I'd had him. He died on April 5th and although it was beyond my control, it still breaks my heart he went on a cold day in his stable rather than in his field with the sun on his back at the end of a long warm summer.

 

[Spotsrock]

As in she couldn't get up without assistance whenever she lay down or just on occasion?

With what you have said now I would PTS before winter comes on.

As in we had to go and help her a couple of times (hubs and I) and most mornings she was up and cranky but her outside area (she had a crewe yard with trees all round and an open shelter very near to our house) had large areas where the straw was pushed aside and scrape marks on the concrete or mud underneath as though she had been struggling. In the spring she stopped lying down in her stable altogether and only started again once her weight and muscle had built back up. She seems to be getting up ok now though some days she has dug up a little more bedding than others but never like last winter.

For pregnancy reasons she had to go back to livery so I am not on hand to check her 6 am, 830 am, 515pm, 8pm and 1030 pm like last winter though yard owner would check at 10pm and yard mate would check at 5am with me doing her at 7am and 530pm so similar level of checks. I just would never forgive myself if she suffered, I think I know it's right I just keep looking at her and thinking but she might make it and have another summer with us.

Baby is having her name for a middle name and I am ordering a canvas print of the old bag in her prime for baby's nursery (with Hub's full agreement)- it's the first time I have had to make the decision and it sucks monumentally.

 

[JillA]

I think the biggest question has to be if you kept her going would that be for her or for you?

 

[Grumpy Herbert]

If its any help at all,the BHS do have a service where someone will come out and hold the horse for you and a bereavement counseling service as well I think!

Thanks for posting this, I didn't know about it - what a great idea. I'd love to be able to do the holding myself next time, but I just know I won't be able to cope with it.

 

[Farcical1]

If she were mine I'd want her to go now, before she went downhill. I have two oldies, who thankfully are both going strong, but I do dread being in your position.
I think the pyo, which is now chronic rather than acute, and the not getting up easily, would be my deciding factors. Yes, she may make it through another winter, but at what cost to her health?
I can only send you my best wishes and wish you strength with whatever decision you make.

 

[ester]

'but she might make it and have another summer with us.'

She might, but I think the risk of her not is too great.

 

[Spring Feather]

I just keep looking at her and thinking but she might make it and have another summer with us.

So take each day as it comes then. If you feel now is not the right time, there's no harm in waiting.

The pyometra wouldn't be something that would be a major issue for me, many mares live quite happily with pyometra, however the getting stuck and not being able to get up, would. Is there any way you can change the type of bedding you are using which might make it easier for her to get up after lying down?

 

[Grumpy Herbert]

Seriously, if she can't get up then you have to have her pts. How awful would you feel if she went down and struggled and struggled to get up but ultimately couldn't? She'd be tired, distressed and scared, and it really would be a very sad and undignified end for her then. That's how my boy was getting, and I just couldn't bear it - the look in his eyes when he couldn't get up broke my heart. Far, far better to do it a time of your choosing when she's happy and calm. I think you know in your heart that you're doing the right thing, but you're right - it sucks.

 

[PollyP99]

You sound like a great owner, 20 years and her at the grand old age of 34. I'm in the camp of letting her go in a dignified manner pre winter. She's had a great life and you're offering a great end to that life, no knowledge, no stress, no pain, doesn't get much better that that in my book.

 

[cronkmooar]

Here is what I would do if I was you (and I have an almost 30yr old)

I would cancel the vet. You have then relieved the pressure of the situation and will be in a better frame of mind to make a rational decision.

Putting yourself under the agony of the date hanging over you is not going to help you either make a decision or come to terms with any decision that is made.

The best of luck to you - its a dreadful situation, but the person that knows the horse best is you, and you in your heart of hearts will know the best decision to make.

If you do decide that it is kinder not to put her through another winter, then make a new appointment for within a couple of days of making that decision

Take care

 

[Spotsrock]

Thank you everyone for your input opinions and support. We had a lovely groom tonight. Hubs now says she looks tired.
Will leave vet booking and take his advice on the day but enjoy her extra much till then just in case.

 

[crabbymare]

Thank you everyone for your input opinions and support. We had a lovely groom tonight. Hubs now says she looks tired.
Will leave vet booking and take his advice on the day but enjoy her extra much till then just in case.

Thats the best thing you can do but if it helps I would be letting her go before the weather changes. the last thing you want is for her to go down and not be found for hours and then have a wait for the vet to arrive. if the people who know her well are thinking its time then normally they are right I have just had another look at one of the oldies here and need to talk to the owner as they have not seen her for a while and I think she needs to go while she still has her dignity

 

[Haphazardhacker]

Better a week early than a day late . Hugs xx

 

[Jinnie]

I think you can see from all the various responses how hard we all find it to make that decision.We had our pony pts two weeks ago.It was the most difficult thing I have ever done.She looked amazing,she was happy but it was all going to change over the next few months and her quality of life was going to get worse from now on. Everyone congratulates me on being the type of owner every pony would chose for making the decision when I did,but I feel as guilty as hell...but if I hadn't done it I would of ended up feeling terrible I left it too long.

My conclusion is that there is no right time for you, you will feel awful which ever way you choose. Accept it ,take advice only from one or two people you trust and make the decision with your head not your heart. Your heart cannot be trusted to help you with this because like mine it will be broken.We owe it to those in our care to be brave for them and put their needs before our own. Be strong x

 

[Pearlsasinger]

You have given her the best possible care for the last 20 yrs, now it sounds as if it is time to do the last thing you can do for her, at the best time for her. The weather is changing, it will soon be cold, wet and windy -horrible weather for an elderly, unwell horse. I can think of very little that is worse than finding that your horse has got stuck in the stable, or gone down in the field and been unable to get back up and having to get the vet out in an emergency.

We have had several horses pts over the yrs and although it is never easy, imo it is better to have booked the day for a suitable time, booked time off work and made all the arrangements to do the deed as you want to be able to, than having to get the vet and make an emergency decision in a hurry, when you might well have to do things differently from how you would like. It is never an easy decision to make but you have already made it, for the best of reasons - you don't want your horse to suffer - if you postpone the decision now, you will probably be doing so for you, rather than for her.
The best people to advise you are those who know the horse well, though rather than people on a forum who have never seen the horse.

 

[amage]

Better a month too soon than a minute too late. It's horrible but I think in your heart of hearts you know. I had the same query with my 17year old mare last year...I hummed and hawed but knew it was time. Rang vet on a Monday, told him to come Friday. The Friday morn I took her for a walk to eat the last of the blackberries....a neighbour actually commented on how well she looked but still I knew something wasn't right. When she fell the angle she moved her head at we found a huge tumour at her throat that could never be seen or felt before. I was so utterly glad I had gone with my gut feeling. Hugs to you xx

 

[EquiEquestrian556]

Can we have an update please? x

 

[happyclappy]

I would probably let her go at the end of the month as planned. She may go downhill during the winter and start to suffer. It is a very hard decision whilst she seems so well, I am in the same position with a four year old. You have my utmost respect if you go ahead when planned, but I also appreciate keeping her a little longer, until she starts to show pain, distress or unhappiness.

 

[Spotsrock]

She's gone. Peacefully and I feel at peace with the decision,
especiallyas vet gave her a health check and said her pyo was very bad, and a new problem her heart was not sounding great. He said she may go on a little longer but I could come up and find anything.

 

[Sheep]

RIP little mare x

 

[AmyMay]

Thoughts are with you Spotsrock xx

 

[justholdon]

Thinking of you,

R.I.P

 

[meesha]

RIP ((hugs)l

 

[_GG_]

Bless her. I am happy for her that she had such a responsible and loving owner to let her go in a peaceful manner. Hugs to you xxx

 

[VickyP]

Thinking of you, what a brave person you are. Putting your lovely horse first, hugs.