Not sure what to do (warning self pity overload!)

WellyBaggins

WellyBaggins

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I am really struggling ATM and could do with a kick up the butt/advice.

I work with horses and have always wanted to do so, I am not financially driven and work to ride/event, I did my first BE event 10 years ago and I am still at 90 level :( the first horse was not mine and notoriously tricky so not a great result, second horse I had on loan to get experience, he was genuine but really weak/poor when I got him and had water issues, first couple of events involved water related stops so no biggy, worked really hard on his strength and water issues, came out the next year, water resolved but he went lame after that event, retired with navicular :( I was horseless for a while, did a couple of events on a friend's horse, did ok at 90 not happy 100, owner had him back, had same issues so decided it was not for him.

I was then given a horse for Christmas and 4 years later, long story short he has navicular too, I never got further than the SJ for now obvious reasons. This year I have taken horse 3 back on, with the intention of staying in his comfort zone (90) and having fun but he really does not like the XC and has said no so this year is going to be a write off too :(.

I really don't know what to do, I have my horse who is now being turned away for a year and cannot afford another one :( I don't think I am a bad rider but it does not seem to be happening for me, I am getting really disheartened, I have no confidence, I have always had low self esteem but have been confident in my riding ability, I have now lost that too, I see loads of people moving up the ladder, lots much younger than me and I seem to be stuck, do I just accept it is not going to happen and give up on my dream, maybe change jobs or do I just suck it up again and hope for the best? Should it be this hard to event at low level? I always hoped I would get to novice as a minimum but I am stuck at 90! Thanks for reading, epic I know!
 
Sorry didn't want to read and run, I haven't got much helpful to add. But I have noticed what separates those who can climb and those who can't, is the ability to cope with slipping off a rung once in a while.
Those who keep trying will get up at some point, those who give up, never will :) if only I could follow my own advice :)
 
I can sort of sympathise as have always felt like I ride ok ( even though I won't be half as good as you are) but now I feel like I can't at all. It is a miserable feeling and I don't even make my living from it anymore!

You sound like you have been very unlucky in terms of horse power. But don't give up. Could you afford a second if you put your horse out to grass for the year needed?
 
BoolavogueDC said:
Sorry didn't want to read and run, I haven't got much helpful to add. But I have noticed what separates those who can climb and those who can't, is the ability to cope with slipping off a rung once in a while.
Those who keep trying will get up at some point, those who give up, never will :) if only I could follow my own advice :)
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Agree with this totally! When it goes wrong,you need to analyse WHY it goes wrong and how to change it. Why did the horse dislike XC (perhaps nappiness, fear of ditches/water, lack of trust in rider, not enough XC practice)' why did 2 horses get navicular (choice of vet/farrier, diet, exercise/turnout regime)?
 
Sounds like you've had fairly pants luck, hugs.

What is the prognosis for your horse? Will he be able to go to a hacking/rc loan home? Could you then have another one? Ex racer? Cheap and plenty of them go on to be great eventers.
 
Thanks for the replies, the first horse had navicular because the rider before me really did not look after him, his feet were in a right old state, well he was in a right old state in general when I got him, I did everything I could to get him right which is why he was then given to me, just before he went lame. Second horse, I really do not know why he has it,
I chose him for his conformation and he had KS last year, had the surgery and then went lame this year, finally got the diagnosis of Impar ligament strain, I am meticulous about feet since the first horse and have a brilliant farrier (not just my opinion).
Other horse is complicated, he has done it with his owner too and trainer agrees he is not the easiest, there is a reason for it but as he is not mine I would rather not say on here, nothing we have done BTW. I do always go over what I have done wrong or try to pin point things if possible, I do try to do the right thing :)
 
AWWW I feel very very sorry for you. But as they say "that's horses"

I am afraid most people competing at 90 and novice have a story like yours. I know I do.
It isnt all plain sailing.

That said. It's very hard when u have so many setbacks. Some good advice there on getting to the root of navicular problems. if you feel it wasnt just fluke.

Other advice. Find a good friend, some wine and have a good moan. Keep working hard. One day it will pay off. If you want to change your career awy from horses. Do it. just keep them as a hobby and your goal. Don't give up. Have a good moan, pick yourself back up, get your gane face on and keep on fighting.

One day you'll make it to novice and finish the xc with the biggest smile on your face. It will mean so much!

chin up. There will be better days.
xxx
 
PS, leahurst vet was not overly positive, my vet is more optimistic but I have tried remedial shoeing steroids and shockwave, which have not worked for him, he has had a real crap time the last 18 months with KS surgery and then nerve blocks and various vet trips for this so I have taken his shoes off and turned him away, if I can rehome him I'll have a other but I think the world of him so if he is broken he stays. He is an ex racehorse, I think they are smashing :)
 
Thank you misswagtails I know I am not alone and it is horses, just all got on top of me recently :( I can't see myself doing anything else so I guess I need to stop whining and man up :)

I forgot there was another horse that got kicked on the hock to the bone :(
 
whereabouts in shropshire are you? If your issue is the purchase price of something else I could find you a cheap ex racer - it would be completely unproven but it might be worth a shot if you could find a way to keep another. :)
If you have confidence in your abilities then it's got to be worth picking yourself up and soldiering on - if and when you do succeed at least you'll know it wasn't down to good luck;)
 
On phone so cannot edit but tricky horse has also been to a Pro eventer who did not think it was for him but I thought after a few years he would be ok at 90 level with no pressure, he is not so he will go back to his dressage career.
 
Chin up......

I think thats horses for you, or rather horses of a dubious past, there is a huge difference in the soundness & trainability of horses, and unfortunately the ones at the lower end of the performance tree tend to bring with them a truck load of issues.... if they didn't have issues, they wouldn't be cheap/free etc

and then you get the expensive ones that drop dead/break down/etc etc, there will always be horses that break your heart, test your patience and wear you down, sometimes i think its easy to keep trying with a less capable/sound/trainable horse because you've developed a bond with it, I think there is a lot to be learnt from pro's.... if a horse isn't good enough to do what you want, its not the horse for you, regardless of how lovely it is as a horse.

last year my main horse went lame, again, (he'd been lame 2years previously, had hock injections etc, came sound, continued with eventing) we'd just started the season with the plan to do a couple of PN runs, then step up to N.... he went lame, & tbh it was only very slight, but we had two out of character stops xc, then he stopped at a x pole at home. he's had almost a year off, & during that time, managed to give himself the mother of all splints & then skin his hind leg on the fence during what can only be described as a rage attack!! he'd be fine to pottle about round a 90.... but TBH.... there is no point, i could drag him out for another couple of seasons at 90, but he's 15 & is never going to produce a sub 30 dressage, but he loves hunting, i love hunting, so he'll just hunt & hopefully stay sound enough to have a few fun seasons hedge hopping! so I had 3 runs last season, & i've done no eventing this season, i've a 5yo homebred that won't be ready to event this summer, i'm not sure what he'll do next year, but he's still growing & developing so still a bit of an unknown... which is always a gamble with any horse, & he wasn't bred to event, he was bred to go racing, (but was so lazy he got sent home for slacking!)

i could tell you the catalogue of disasters i had with horses when i used to have point to pointers, but TBH... its enough to put me off, let alone anyone else!!

if you enjoy it, keep at it, if you aren't enjoying it, try a change of scenery, even within horses, working in a different discipline can give you a bit of a fresh view on things, and its always nice to see the grass isn't usually any greener

they say you have to experiance the lows to enjoy the highs.... just think, when you get your next high.... how good will it feel!!

I think you deserve some chocolate!! :)
 
Couldn't read and run - you've had really rotten luck, hope things pick up soon. The world works in funny ways xxx

(I also think an ex racer could be ideal for you, plenty of heart and guts to make you smile)
 
I really feel for you and know how much you have put into your boy to try and get him right. On a practical note there are some options, not all of which may be possible or desirable in your personal circumstances that I am unfamiliar with. So, while he is off you could:

Get a job that allows you to ride and possibly compete event horses. Difficult yes, impossible, no. Our member of staff rides BS, BE and competes virtually every weekend, and hadn't competed past 1m before starting with us. Hard work and a positive attitude open doors.

Advertise for a horse to ride for an owner, or a loan horse. Make the time to be known as someone who will grasp opportunities and network, network, network.

Lastly, look at the pics in your profile and believe that you ride well because you do. Chin up, and go out and grab opportunity wherever you find it :) Very best of luck
 
Your pics look class. I wish I looked that elegant and effective on a horse. Luck will change. Judging by the pics I'd say crack on with horses and enjoy it when the good times come. All the best. :)
 
Thank you everyone, lots to think about, you have all been very kind and given some great advice, it is good to have some outside opinions :). I have a catch ride at a XC clinic on Friday with my trainer so hopefully that will be fun and clear my head a bit! I will look at ex racehorses, a little wary of loan, I have only had good experiences but you hear so many bad and I really like the idea of riding for an owner but I am worried as I have no results no one would be interested but I guess it can't hurt to try! And racing demon, chocolate would be great :) thank you for sharing some of your experience but not all ;)
 
I just wanted to offer you some sympathy as I've been in a similar situation.

My whole life I've wanted to event, but my horse horse had endless physical problems (arthritis and navicular) and before/between these problems she had stage fright jumping away from home so i ended up showing.

Due to lack of funds for buying a horse i ended up with a rearer to rehabilitate. Turned out she reared due to physical problems. Once they were sorted she did do well competing but tbh didn't have the brain for it.

It took 7 years from first getting a horse to doing my first BE event. We managed to find the money to buy an older horse - cheap as he only has one eye. We've just done our first novice and I'm so happy to finally be doing what I love.


So basically my message is don't give up, it WILL happen. I know what it feels like to try and try and try but have constant set backs. But don't give up, you'll get there if you keep trying.
 
You have been given some good advice - I would particularly second measles' post.

Have you looked into jobs with top eventers? This may sound mercenary but if you don't have money it's doubly important to learn the right things from the right people. If you are serious about making this your career it's essential you think of it that way and while you have to take what you're offered, riding and work wise, you also have to be smart about being in the right place at the right time. Grab every educational opportunity you can - offer to help at clinics etc, watch the best riders you can, talk to lots of people.

It sounds like you have been very unlucky with your horses but - against the grain - I urge caution before you purchase again. Having a horse in tow that you have to support out of your wages really does tie you down and limit what opportunities you can take. If it's a good horse and you can do well with it, great. But if it goes wrong then it's no help at all. You would be better off riding someone else's nice horse for free if it gives you a chance to get out and be seen.

As to confidence (you won't like this. . .;) you're going to have to 'fake it 'till you make it' a bit. As measles pointed out, this is very much a business of putting yourself out there. Obviously don't agree to do things you obviously cannot but to some extent 'self belief' is a question of gritting your teeth and pushing your limits.
 
Agree with TS that you need to be cautious about buying another horse too quickly. It sounds like your situation has come about from inheriting other people's problems combined with a big chunk of bad luck.

I would definitely look out for rides - I know of many cases where amateurs have bred a nice young horse but lack the bottle, youth or inclination to compete it themselves. Also people who buy and sell often want people to take horses out and compete them. But you do need to be in the right place at the right time and network a bit, as most people prefer someone they have met than a random from a rides wanted advert.

If you are desperate to buy again, then perhaps wait until the onset of winter when prices tend to drop and you may get more horse for your money. I would be cautious of the ex-racer route unless you know the horse's full history, how it was trained and any injury history.
 
Thank you all, again, very helpful! Tarrsteps, I have thought about getting a job with a pro but thought I may be too old (30) I don't mind working for little money, I just want to ride, not really fussed what but now I would really like to get some competition experience, I have done young and problem horses but no "proper" ones! Food for thought, thank you :)
 
Well, if you get a job round me with someone and want something to ride you can run mine. I am about to sell it as I can't get along with it but I think she's great. I can't afford to send her to a pro to compete indefinitely but if someone decent was looking for something I'd hand over the reins and keep her in food and livery.

It might be worth seeing if you could find something similar in your neck of the woods. There are loads of people who don't want to ride but don't want to give up either. As a teenager I got all my (admittedly showing) rides that way :) I'm not quite sure how it started but I didn't go with out once I'd got going. I think my feed merchant mentioned it to someone who mentioned it to me. Worth putting the word out that you might be looking to take on a ride or two?

ETS: sorry TGM has already said all of that. :o
 
"Old at 30"? you have maturity and experience and understand just how hard the sport of eventing is, I would employ you over a teenager any day of the week, but I agree with others about buying another horse. It will limit your opportunities if you decide to look for work on an eventer yard.
 
Just wanted to say its tough when you have all your eggs in one basket and it goes wrong .
But try to keep yourself out there so people see you about for instance I am in my fifties have two horses that I produce along eventing lines for various reasons I don't complete now I produce the horses because I enjoy it if I knew you and you lived near me I would love to have someone who was keen to complete them you need someone like me near your home.
Good luck .
 
I agree with getting an owner on board I would have given my eye teeth for a decent jockey a few months ago fortunately I found one who is everything I could wish for Kind, considerate, firm and confident with quirky youngsters and oldie alike now showing workers at county level for the first time ever needs more flat schooling as she is resistant to going on the bit but we will get there. She loves to jump and is happy and easy over meter courses so there are owners out there
 
Re age. . .if you show up willing to work they won't turn you away. Then when you're in the door you can prove yourself. It's not enough to BE good, people have to see you being good.

I know I'm coming across as blunt but if you want horses to be your career - rather than a series of jobs - you need to think of it that way. You have to love it, of course, as it's too hard a life otherwise, but you have to give some thought to where you are and where you want to be.

And - this is really brutal :D - try and keep the worst of your confidence wobbles to yourself and your friends. EVERYONE has them. Everyone. Really. But remember you are being hired to do a job. Would you hire a plasterer who didn't seem confident in his ability to do a good job? I'm sure you do seem perfectly confident when you're working but it's worth saying. :)
 
TGM said:
Agree with TS that you need to be cautious about buying another horse too quickly. It sounds like your situation has come about from inheriting other people's problems combined with a big chunk of bad luck.

I would definitely look out for rides - I know of many cases where amateurs have bred a nice young horse but lack the bottle, youth or inclination to compete it themselves. Also people who buy and sell often want people to take horses out and compete them. But you do need to be in the right place at the right time and network a bit, as most people prefer someone they have met than a random from a rides wanted advert.

If you are desperate to buy again, then perhaps wait until the onset of winter when prices tend to drop and you may get more horse for your money. I would be cautious of the ex-racer route unless you know the horse's full history, how it was trained and any injury history.
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Thank you for your input, I will hang on for a bit before committing to another, as I am quite stretched paying for my horse and his baggage ;) will try aim to get myself out and about and put the word out a bit, I have already been offered a project horse but I am not keen on the risk that involves, she has said I can ride him and do a bit :)

oldie48 said:
"Old at 30"? you have maturity and experience and understand just how hard the sport of eventing is, I would employ you over a teenager any day of the week, but I agree with others about buying another horse. It will limit your opportunities if you decide to look for work on an eventer yard.
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That is reassuring, thank you :)

Goldenstar said:
Just wanted to say its tough when you have all your eggs in one basket and it goes wrong .
But try to keep yourself out there so people see you about for instance I am in my fifties have two horses that I produce along eventing lines for various reasons I don't complete now I produce the horses because I enjoy it if I knew you and you lived near me I would love to have someone who was keen to complete them you need someone like me near your home.
Good luck .
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It is good to hear people are looking for people like me to ride their horses, will have to see if I can find someone in my area looking for this sort of thing, sounds like it is not impossible :)

windand rain said:
I agree with getting an owner on board I would have given my eye teeth for a decent jockey a few months ago fortunately I found one who is everything I could wish for Kind, considerate, firm and confident with quirky youngsters and oldie alike now showing workers at county level for the first time ever needs more flat schooling as she is resistant to going on the bit but we will get there. She loves to jump and is happy and easy over meter courses so there are owners out there
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I am pleased to hear that, also glad you have found someone to help you, she sounds great!

TarrSteps said:
Re age. . .if you show up willing to work they won't turn you away. Then when you're in the door you can prove yourself. It's not enough to BE good, people have to see you being good.

I know I'm coming across as blunt but if you want horses to be your career - rather than a series of jobs - you need to think of it that way. You have to love it, of course, as it's too hard a life otherwise, but you have to give some thought to where you are and where you want to be.

And - this is really brutal :D - try and keep the worst of your confidence wobbles to yourself and your friends. EVERYONE has them. Everyone. Really. But remember you are being hired to do a job. Would you hire a plasterer who didn't seem confident in his ability to do a good job? I'm sure you do seem perfectly confident when you're working but it's worth saying. :)
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All makes perfect sense, I am a bit guilty of letting everyone know when I am down, will keep it buttoned in future, I am normally fairly confident when I am actually on a horse but am not that good at the "chat" and self promotion ;)
 
BoolavogueDC said:
Sorry didn't want to read and run, I haven't got much helpful to add. But I have noticed what separates those who can climb and those who can't, is the ability to cope with slipping off a rung once in a while.
Those who keep trying will get up at some point, those who give up, never will :) if only I could follow my own advice :)
Click to expand...


I love the ladder analogy and will remember it!

I think you are in the same boat as 99% of us, Ive been producing dressage horses/ponies for over 20 years and each time I start to get somewhere real life just gets in the way. One of the family needs me, the horse goes lame, I have an injury. So many reasons. I keep going because purely and simply I love it (most of the time). I hope that it will happen for me one day but if it doesnt I will have learnt a lot along the way.
 
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