Novice OH wants green horse

9tails said:
And if it's not OK it's not the end.
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It might be the beginning of the end....
You absolutely have to charge him full livery plus any schooling. Make it clear that although some horses will be OK for novices, they [novices] usually are best to learn to ride on a schoolmaster. AND that being able to post does NOT make him an intermediate rider.
At the moment all his mounts are there to teach him how to ride, until he can get on any reasonably quiet horse and teach it something, he should NOT buy, and possibly, ruin a green horse.
 
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I'd be fully supporting him and giving him as much information as possible to help him learn. Does he know about laminitis, colic, choke, windgalls, splints,bruised soles, ligaments, tendons etc and how to treat them. He can't possibly take on a horse without at least some of this knowledge. The Pony Club's Manual of Horsemanship is good for beginners. Once he's read it cover to cover (with a test after every chapter) he can consider a trial.

He also needs to know all the costs involved. Have you given him the price list for livery? That horse provides 25% of your income so there's no way you can't charge him to keep it. Then there's hay, feed (at least a bucket of oats every day), shoeing, insurance etc ;)
 
I am trying to think of a positive outcome here for OP, personally I would insist he takes the horse to a good riding academy for a week [seven days] of intensive education for him and horse. When he realises that a horse needs approx 21 hours per week and can easily cost about £300 per week when in training, he may realise that it is a major investment, AND there is a LOT to learn.
Having his own horse does not mean he can stop having lessons, indeed it is vital he really works harder in his lessons, which should be at least once a week. You are not there to provide free lessons for him or the horse. He may not realise that this is WORK for you. Who is going to look after it, he does not know how to ....
 
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MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
One solution: feed said horse a whole load of racehorse concentrate and keep it in for a couple of days.

Then very sweetly suggest to OH that he might like to ride it as you've come round to his way of thinking.......... (note to self: have paramedics etc on hand and ready LOL).

Problem sorted, simples ;)
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You're very evil. I like that.
 
Have you actually sat him down and asked him what his plans are in regards to training, upkeep, bills etc?? I can see all the reasons why you are not keen but he may suprise you.
Personally I would be finding out EXACTLY how he expects to fund the horse and care for it before dismissing the whole thing.
 
Thanks for the replies and suggestions. We have had a talk, and he only wants this horse because he loves this horse, he will be paying DIY livery as signing the contract as all the other liveries have and looking after the horse himself but he will still be trialling it to begin with. He will also be having lessons on the cob from someone who definitely isn’t me!

I don’t think I’ll need to bother with the racehorse feed as he’s never ridden this cob from the field, or not without it being parked behind one of my horses! So he may soon change his tune about his beloved cob once he sees the other side to him. He will also be buying his own hay feed etc and has even agreed to do what I tell him in all respects of horsecare.

You never know, I might be up one cob and minus one boyfriend by the end of this hahaha.
 
Well let's face it, cobs are better than men anyway! Think of the book you could write when the cob turns out to be a top eventer in your hands, and we are following you round Badders...

Good luck!
 
The owner is also getting rid of a problem horse. Very few people take being told very well and a little diplomacy is needed. My OH is very keen to get back on a horse having ridden a lot when younger but he was sensible and experienced enough to
Really think it through.,,and he doesn't want to "take over" ( his words) my space and hobby. I think your idea of keeping a distance between you with another instructor and putting the care onto a formal footing is a sound idea. I am most certainly not in favour of setting both him and the horse up for a fall as that won't be good for either of them.
 
Why are you so keen to see him fail or fall off? Do you really hate him? Or are you just annoyed that he isn't doing as you say and is following his heart on this?

Sorry to say this OP but you are coming across as rather vengeful and controlling. You obviously wanted him to ride with you because you rode the horse in on the day before and hacked out with him. Obviously he did enjoy the horse, but now that he wants to actually buy the cob...suddenly he is a fool in your eyes....have you ever considered that you have had a hand in this situation? If the horse was too dangerous for him to ride...why allow it in the first place?

I really hope he makes a go of it, gets all the help he needs, and doesn't get injured.
 
cobgoblin said:
Why are you so keen to see him fail or fall off? Do you really hate him? Or are you just annoyed that he isn't doing as you say and is following his heart on this?

Sorry to say this OP but you are coming across as rather vengeful and controlling. You obviously wanted him to ride with you because you rode the horse in on the day before and hacked out with him. Obviously he did enjoy the horse, but now that he wants to actually buy the cob...suddenly he is a fool in your eyes....have you ever considered that you have had a hand in this situation? If the horse was too dangerous for him to ride...why allow it in the first place?

I really hope he makes a go of it, gets all the help he needs, and doesn't get injured.
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Wow, I never said I want him to get hurt – I am just being realistic in that he needs to know what type of horse he is taking on as I can’t be there to babysit every single thing he does with this horse if he buys it, he’s not horsey at all – doesn’t have a single clue, if I wanted to teach novices and stable management I would have taken my PTT.

There is a big difference in letting him come on a few plods with me, sandwiching him and the cob between my horse in the lead and my sister on her horse behind him after I worked in the cob the day before. If you had read my other post, we are going to trial it in a professional manor.
 
That's not the impression I get from the OP at all. Quite the opposite. Sounds like her OH is the arrogant controlling one who even so,she doesn't want getting hurt!

It would be lovely if it all worked out but realistically it's far more likely the OP has to pick up the pieces of it all!
 
Merlod said:
Wow, I never said I want him to get hurt – I am just being realistic in that he needs to know what type of horse he is taking on as I can’t be there to babysit every single thing he does with this horse if he buys it, he’s not horsey at all – doesn’t have a single clue, if I wanted to teach novices and stable management I would have taken my PTT.

There is a big difference in letting him come on a few plods with me, sandwiching him and the cob between my horse in the lead and my sister on her horse behind him after I worked in the cob the day before. If you had read my other post, we are going to trial it in a professional manor.
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But there you've said it all!
You don't WANT to teach him how to look after the horse. If he is your OH, why don't you want to be there to guide and help him? Didn't anyone do that for you? Didn't anyone spend time teaching you when you were a novice...your mother perhaps?
 
cobgoblin said:
But there you've said it all!
You don't WANT to teach him how to look after the horse. If he is your OH, why don't you want to be there to guide and help him? Didn't anyone do that for you? Didn't anyone spend time teaching you when you were a novice...your mother perhaps?
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He's my OH, not my child. Actually I learnt at a riding school and joined the RS pony club where we used the school horses, I was then allowed a pony after I was competent. I work all day, I pay for my horses completely by myself and care for them myself.

I have four other horses to look after and exercise and it can be a military operation at times so if i'm honest, no I don't want to give up a huge chunk of my time to teach a novice for free on a difficult horse.
 
Merlod said:
He's my OH, not my child. Actually I learnt at a riding school and joined the RS pony club where we used the school horses, I was then allowed a pony after I was competent. I work all day, I pay for my horses completely by myself and care for them myself.

I have four other horses to look after and exercise and it can be a military operation at times so if i'm honest, no I don't want to give up a huge chunk of my time to teach a novice for free on a difficult horse.
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Well you sound as though you don't want him encroaching on your territory under any circumstances!
Even if he bought the most angelic plod suitable for a novice...he would still need to learn stable management and would still need help. We all help others for free sometimes, for an OH, frankly, I can't think of anyone who wouldn't do so gladly.
 
cobgoblin said:
Well you sound as though you don't want him encroaching on your territory under any circumstances!
Even if he bought the most angelic plod suitable for a novice...he would still need to learn stable management and would still need help. We all help others for free sometimes, for an OH, frankly, I can't think of anyone who wouldn't do so gladly.
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I think that there is a difference between helping people we love, and constantly being at their beck and call because they're not capable of the basics. As we all know on this forum, looking after horses is a lot of hard work. Supporting a novice owner is just as much work, and also uses a lot of emotional patience. In this set up, the OP wouldn't be occasionally helping out, or occasionally giving a bit of advice, she would always be there and therefore always "on call". I love helping out my friends and family, but I would find that exhausting and not conducive to a great relationship. As the OP said above, he's her OH and not her child!
 
FfionWinnie said:
Tell him you've thought about it and your initial reaction was wrong. If he wants to buy it it's absolutely his choice but you would be much happier if he had it on trial for a few months first. Then do nothing to assist him (unless you want to and he realises your assistance is helpful!) and see what happens.
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...and increase his life insurance! :)
 
cobgoblin said:
But there you've said it all!
You don't WANT to teach him how to look after the horse. If he is your OH, why don't you want to be there to guide and help him? Didn't anyone do that for you? Didn't anyone spend time teaching you when you were a novice...your mother perhaps?
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He doesn't want to take advice from the OP so how would you envisage your scenario working out?

Some people get on and do everything together and enjoy it. Some people don't have that sort of a relationship.
 
cobgoblin said:
But there you've said it all!
You don't WANT to teach him how to look after the horse. If he is your OH, why don't you want to be there to guide and help him? Didn't anyone do that for you? Didn't anyone spend time teaching you when you were a novice...your mother perhaps?
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Possibly because she needs her personal space just as most people in a relationship do?

OP hope it all works out for you, I doubt OH is going to go unscathed throughout it all so hopefully it doesn't go too badly wrong.
 
After reading Ellietotz's recent thread I thought I should update this thread I posted, I very recently broke up with my OH and couldn't be happier. I can't believe how emotionally manipulative and mean he was, no one should be made to feel how he made me feel.
 
ponyparty said:
Sorry to hear that; sounds like you've made the right choice though!

So what happened with the cob?
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I wish I had done it sooner and not wasted so much time but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Cob is still at the yard and pretty happy out with the herd, no current rider but owner hasn't tried to sell - I think she was hoping for the sweet deal of ex OH buying and keeping it on the yard. No chance of that now!
 
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