Now just you listen to me, Horse!

Ravenwood

Ravenwood

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29 November 2005
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You are under strict instructions to walk only, you haven't been ridden for a year! The following antics are, under no circumstances, acceptable..

1: Bucking, even in walk is neither clever nor funny, it is not impressive. It is ungainly and undignified and is doing your reputation no favours, my dear.

2: Using pheasants, odd coloured leaves or anything else as an excuse to launch yourself sideways will not result in losing me - ok.

3: Trying to race the collie across the field is also not acceptable, you forget I have control of the reins!

4: The very second you hear the latch drop in place when we are doing a gate is not a cue for you to spin round and charge off. I am not stupid, I know you are hoping to leave me in situ in the air and drop to the ground, I am sorry but you should know by now that I have a good seat.

5: Arching your neck, tucking your chin into your chest and trying to impersonate a Lippazaner whilst going down a steep hill, is not doing your dodgy front leg any good whatsoever - don't you want to get better?

So listen, you are a horse, I am a human - I will win everytime, fact.

If anyone could translate the above into Equine Language and pass it onto my Chestnut Mare :rolleyes: I would be very grateful :D
 
well if you find someone ravenwood then I would like to add a message to a certain black mare

1. You are 20 years old and the chiropracter has just sorted your back for the third time this year ....... galivanting around the field bucking and fa*****g like a 2 year old then slipping does not do you back much good

2. He has advised that after the bodywork riding you at WALK in straightish lines is the best way to build up those muscles that will keep your spine from going wiggly again and your pelvis rotating. Doing a speed walk SO fast your human says you feel like a gaited horse as she is floating along is NOT advisable.. ...I know she ways is does feel rather nice but really please do pay attention to her requests to slow down........ getting all antsy is just futile :rolleyes:, it p***s her off and she gets all worried about you :o

3. Please please please stop jumping four foot post and rails to get out of the field ......... no need to show off, we all know you can show these youngsters a thing or two but just STOP it now, its no good for your back.b :eek:


4. If you persit then you will just have to go out and flaunt your body to earn pound notes for the next chiro session :rolleyes:
 
Ahh Ethel needed something like this the other day! We were walking through a country park place thing and someone round the corner had a huge pink umbrella. Okay, I understand this is frightening, but spinning and then running flat out BACKWARDS because I wont let you spin is no good! Especially if in the process you force my Nan and 7 year old cousin to jump into a bush for their own protection :rolleyes: Also, I know you are no scaredy cat, so why did we have to canter a hundred meters sideways and then pelt off past scary pink with no brakes whatsoever?!! You cope with cows, and sheep, and tractors, and lorries, and dogs jumping up at you, but even after the lady folded down her umbrella for us, according to you the only way past is as far away as you can get and as fast past it as you can go whilst snorting like a pig! I let you off for that, but then jig jogging the whole way home after the incident was not my idea of fun. You are bouncy you fool! Meh ... done :p
 
Very good :D

I wish someone would tell BH the last one 'you are a horse, I am a human - I will win every time' Stoopid animal constantly forgets and enters in to a huge fight with me over all sorts of things only to lose in the long run. But the battles wear us both out!!!
 
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