Offer Advice or Mind Your Own Business?

Offer Advice or Mind Your Own Business?

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magicmoose

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If you don't agree with something someone is doing with their horse, either online or in RL, what do you do? I'm talking about day to day insidious harm, not OMG CALL WHW NOW!

I find it really hard not to say something if I'm worried about an animal, but I know that advice/interference is unlikely to be welcomed.
 
i think sometimes you have to be careful how you phrase things/ be tact-full (think thats the right word) as people can be very defensive when it comes to their horses! i like to be open to advise, but i have had a lady at the yard in the past who was blunt and rude all the time, critisising our horses behind each others backs, without any thing really being wrong. but i dont think she realised how rude she sounded. she practically acused my friend of cruelty for not brushing her horse everyday, just because she brushed hers twice a day even though it lived out and went straight to roll in the mud.
however, sometimes trying to subtely offer advice is good as some people may not realise something is wrong.
 
I've learnt to keep my mouth shut. A few years ago a woman at the yard I was on asked what I thought of cribbing collars (she used one on her ex racer). I think I was polite in saying each to their own but a collar isn't something I would use. Well she went into absolute meltdown announced that we were all a bunch of bitches and left never to be seen again. If I saw abuse or something dangerous I wouldn't have a problem speaking up, I have to do it all the time with my staff do am used to it. But if it was something that I just wouldn't do I keep my nose out.
 
If it's personal opinion, not an obvious welfare fact, then I keep my mouth shut. Not my horse, not my business.
When people have asked for my opinion however, then I will give it...but again, it is just that, my opinion :)
 
It all depends on the situation. I am usually pretty unconfrontational, unless angry (which doesn't go so well) and wouldn't want to offend anyone.

If it was a beginner or novice, I would probably try to have a quiet word with them (hell, I remember the first time I put brushing boots on my pony, had no idea where they went!), rather than try to look all knowing and embarrass them.

If it was someone equally or more knowledgeable, then I would probably mention it to someone else first, for their opinion. Not in a b*tchy, let's have a good old gossip way, but to see if it was something that looked horrific to me but was just because I didn't understand what I was seeing. Think about twitching- if you didn't know anything about horses, it would probably look pretty horrific. But it's not.
 
I usually ask why they're doing something in the way they are, then if the explanation makes sense (medical reasons etc etc) ill say oh wow didn't realise etc etc. if it sounds like they're doing something a bit dumb I'll say something like 'oh have you ever tried blah blah blah' and explain my way.

If they take the advice then great, if they don't then at least I tried :)

And by asking first sometimes I learn something and don't look a tit if what they're doing is the best for the horse (even if its not necessarily something I would do!) xxx
 
Depends on how serious it was. A lot of horse management comes under personal opinion/preference, rather than a clear 'right' and 'wrong' way of doing things.
 
Due to my own lack of experience I tend to keep schtum and ask one of my horsey friends or OH what they thought (again not in a bitchy way), generally the people I know in the horse world have a lot of experienced people around them so generally if something is wrong they step in and have a wee word. Whether it's listened to or not is another matter entirely :cool:
On the yard I was on I found it strange at times that people would come to me for advice because I've only had my boy for just over a year but if I didn't know the answer difinitively (quite frequently :o) I would point them in the direction of a more knowledgeable source :)
 
I will gently offer my advice thoughts to people but only if Im absolutely certain they want it or have asked me directly.

Other than that I keep schtum unless its something severely detrimental. Far too many people have their opinions and are very open with them where they perhaps might not always be welcome or needed. Sometimes these 'advice givers' might not actually know the full story of whats going on. And at the end of the day quite frankly Im too busy getting on with my own than worrying about what everyone else is doing :)

I always think that if people spent more time sorting out their own rather than worrying about what everyone else is doing they would do far better.

That said I am quite often happy to take other peoples advice - you just have to sift through the rubbish and take the good bits that you get!
 
Agreed there are instances where there is a difference of opinion and in those cases I just bite my tongue, unless asked.

Where I find it harder is if I can see a welfare issue, like a badly fitting saddle or an obese pony being given ad lib haylege.
 
Depends on the circs. Fat horse, definitely say something if I can, subtly if possible, usually in jest with serious undertones. Something like someone lunging a young horse in a pessoa, I wouldn't say something outright, but if I could work it into conversation in a "I saw this about the potential damage" type way rather than an accusatory way. If it's just a "not something I would do" or danger to rider not horse, I keep my mouth shut!

Mind you, I don't see folk that much as I'm on my own private rent, so not much to bother me :D

On here, I'll say it, if it's remotely appropriate!
 
magicmoose said:
Agreed there are instances where there is a difference of opinion and in those cases I just bite my tongue, unless asked.

Where I find it harder is if I can see a welfare issue, like a badly fitting saddle or an obese pony being given ad lib haylege.
Click to expand...

And that is where having a good YO is invaluable.
 
As a professional it's hard when we see something so obviously wrong and know it will cause the horse to be in pain or at the very least uncomfortable.
Take the examples of a badly fitting saddle or bridle, do I say something?
Yes I do, sometimes I simply can't help myself, after all that's what I'm trained for!
I usually PM people so as not to possibly embarrass them in public as well as someone on the forum usually tries to shout me down.
Some people I advise respond and respond well, thanking me, some don't reply at all but I would not be doing my best for that horse and it's rider if I didn't at least try.
Oz
 
magicmoose said:
If you don't agree with something someone is doing with their horse, either online or in RL, what do you do? I'm talking about day to day insidious harm, not OMG CALL WHW NOW!

I find it really hard not to say something if I'm worried about an animal, but I know that advice/interference is unlikely to be welcomed.
Click to expand...

When I read your post, I think of not agreeing, as in something I wouldn't choose to do, and to me that doesn't have to mean that it is wrong, it can just be that they make a different choice compared to what I would choose, so I voted for the first alternative.

Hypothetically, let's us say that someone is feeding a feed that I think makes their horse more on its toes, somewhat overexcited etc., then, in general and unless they ask about advice, I wouldn't say anything, because it is their horse, their choice. Maybe they don't know better, but maybe they've tried different options and the other options made the horse even worse.

I read a post some days ago, about someone who had tried several different saddles, but rode bareback because none of the saddles fit, hypothetically though, if someone in that situation had found a saddle that was just a little bit misfitted, and chose to ride in that saddle some days and other days rode bareback, then I suppose that I think that that is their choice.


ETA: But I must admit that it probably has happened, both on HHO and in real life, that I've written a reply or said something regarding pets (dogs, horse or cats etc.), without thinking first... :o
 
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I normally keep quiet unless the person is putting the horse in danger but sometimes you see the most odd things and its very difficult. The other day I saw a girl hacking with a hanging cheek snaffle on upside down. I stopped and said you do know that's upside down don't you ? And she had no idea as her friend had done it for her :0. She was very greatfull for the help.
 
I wouldn't offer advice unless someone asked for it. I like to think that I set a good example in terms of e.g. handling. If people like what I do, they can do the same - or not - entirely up to them!

P.S. I know some people who make a point of saying something, even if there's nothing to be said, adjusting tack that doesn't need adjusting, etc. Infuriating, but it's so deeply ingrained in their psyche that any serious attempt to change their behaviour would probably be traumatic for one or other party.
 
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i try to work things tactfully....but sometimes i will say exactly what i think (girl whipping her horse for no reason i did scream at once....)..

abuse/neglect i will tactfully suggest so i dont get shut out as id rather help than switch off it that makes sense??


in regards to if i dont like someone doing something as i wouldnt do it like that? thats upto them!!....their property/horse...do what they like as long as its not endangering etc go for it! :)
 
In real life, I keep schtum generally, unless advice is asked for.

On here, I speak out more. Mostly because I can walk away from this easily whereas I can't in real life. And I tend to think if you post on a forum, you are asking for public opinion whereas in real life you aren't until you actually do ask for help. This depends on the section of the forum though...
 
It probably depends on the person and how good my relationship was with them. Some people take well ment advice well others definitely do not!

On line - if someones asked a Q they should expect a wide range of answers, horses are not black and white and there is rarely a 'correct' way.
 
As a general rule I mind my own business. However, I once found myself mentioning an issue to the owner of the horse concerned with regard to the person who has been riding it for her. Owner was glad of the information, what she did with it is her business. I felt I had to speak up for the horse.
 
Nothing to do with me unless im asked for advice or opinion, and even then some folks arent happy if its not what theyve wanted to hear, ive been caught out with the latter a couple of times. Nowadays im a walk on by person unless it somehow affects me or mine,i have 2-3 friends who regularly approach me for discussions/help and im happy to chip in my thoughts, others im afraid can get it from their vet, coach, saddler depending on the problem unless its an emergency first aid thing.
 
I don't think it's always so clear cut and that's when you end up in trouble.:D

People don't ask for advice a lot of the time. What they do is moan incessantly about something or the other, day after day, week after week.
Should you suggest any solution, you can get turned on in some cases.

I'm not always sure people want a solution, I rather think they like the complaining.
 
I will always keep my gob shut, I best not to get involved.
Had a case a few years ago where myself and a friend were asked for help from someone who wanted to purchase a horse. this person is an extremely weak rider, Falls off at the drop of a hat, yet considers themselves to be far better than they actually are.

So we found a quiet, experienced horse that is a serious schoolmaster, arranged to get him on trial and got him to the yard, with the agreement of the prospective buyer.

Had the whole thing thrown our faces and then some. Not only was I put out, but the yard the horse was brought to were put out as they ended up with a horse that wasn't theirs and had to pay for it to be brought back. Felt so guilty about it but wasn't my fault and the yard understood that and agreed with me thankfully. I was lucky!

Never again.
 
If its outright abuse/neglect, I'll tell them but in a tactful. non confrontational way.

If its ignored, I tell them in an untactful, confrontational way.

If its less critical, I'd generally be friendly and get to know the person, just as with other liveries. Sometimes, saying less is more and influencing people by doing things in an effective way changes attitudes in the long term.
 
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