oh god...stan hates me...what have I done?!

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bex1984

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I think Stan hates me :(

I gave him a mid-snooze snuggle last night, and he sort of slinked away from me...which he never does...and now he keeps slinking away from me looking sad :( waaaaaa what have I done?! I want him to LOVE ME!!!

He did love me before, what have I done?! I am clearly a horrible mummy. My OH has gone out and stan has taken himself off upstairs to sleep on the landing away from evil me :(

I am sad! :( Will he love me again?!?! :(
 
Did your OH and you have a row or something? Any raised voices? Could you have dropped something/broken something and scared him?

If not - sounds like he might have hurt/tweaked himself which is why he retreated when you snuggled him and is just scared - he has associated you with the pain.

I'd pop him to the vets x
 
Nope, no raised voices. We are embracing calm-assertive ;)

He is totally his normal self with my OH, and will play with me if encouraged by his favourite game (Stompy-Chase), has been on normal walkies and been very good with me on lead duty, just doens't seem to want cuddles (OH doesn't do snuggling the pooch!). I thought he might have tweaked something when I gave him a cuddle last night :( I'm not fussing over him as don't want to reinforce any worried thoughts he may be having...
 
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

Gah. At least I can rely on the cat.

Going to keep an eye on him though, he seems quiet at the mo but I don't know if that's because OH is out and he is avoiding me by sleeping upstairs, or if he's not quite right :( Will take him to the vet if in doubt.
 
Ahh, Im sure he still loves you :)

I gave mine a cuddle to say bye before going to work the other day and I got a growl so dont worry!!!

*Note to self* Dont cuddle dog and disturb her when shes still asleep and your going to work :) :)
 
OK, after several quick experiments:

He won't come when I call
He won't sit on the sofa (the scene of last night's snuggle incident) with me, even for a second
He will take treats from my hand only some of the time and very cautiously (but scoffs them if I throw them on the floor for him)
He slinks away in 'please don't hurt me' mode when I walk towards him
If I sit down next to him and stroke him to goes all nervous and slinks off (as per above) within a few minutes

:(

Will ask OH to repeat the above tests when he gets home but I'm pretty sure it's just me. I've ruined the dog :(

Is it really sad that I could actually cry now?! :( He must be associating me with some pain or something scary from yesterday I guess, but he didn't squeak or anything (as he would if I'd accidentally hurt him) when I cuddled him and he normally loves cuddles.
 
try peanut butter if you find primula offensive!!

My Harley had a sleepover at his bessie mates George's house a couple of weekends ago. apparently there was arguements in the house about Harley cuddles! Turns out George the GR is not at all cuddly whereas Harley LOVES them. Seriously 2 adults and 2 children arguing over Harley cuddles (and he's a big boney GSP!!)!!! At least I know he's welcome back! :) :)
 
Just leave him be for a while, don't 'test' him and in the nicest possible way, you sound very stressy in your last post and he will be feeling that added pressure off you, don't crowd him.

Do pop him to the vet just in case, he sounds a bit shy of your hand?

My dog jumped off the top of an A-frame, landed in a heap and put his back out and didn't so much as whimper, just picked himself up and walked off, which is why I missed that he'd damaged himself at all, so I wouldn't rule out an injury just because he didn't cry.
 
I am wondering if, as you say, it's just me being stressy. Apparently he does want to play fetch and tug with me, although he doesn't want to initiate it.
He is shy of my hand - yes. But not scared if I play one of his favourite games of stomping my feet at him like a big giant (v silly but he loves it). Will see how he goes tomorrow and try to get to the vets if no better.
I am all over the place at work so our routine has gone slightly skew-iff (altho not for the first time...) so I haven't been home to see him at lunchtime (OH came home) and haven't taken him to the yard with me tonight. Doesn't normally bother him though.

He is back downstiars now, chewing his hoof, more normal behaviour.
 
Yeah, dogs feel our stress and can feel 'pressure' from it...like my dog, if I am angry or frustrated, not even at him, I don't even have to speak or say anything, he will put his ears down and slink, so go easy on him :) I just have to drop the lead and walk away or put him back in his kennel until I calm down.

Keep everything lighthearted and fun :)
 
This morning's update...

He is still slinking. he seems perfectly happy and.normal when playing but just subdued when sitting around at home.

We have been working slightly differently for the last few weeks as he was pushing his boundaries, so we have done some work on establishing us as leaders. OH thinks he may just be adjusting to it...but I want my old stan back!
 
Is he a rescue, Bex? I'm in much the same postion with our rescue - some days he's fine but often he won't come near me, if I make a move to fuss him he will get as far away from me as he can. He's much happier with OH but sometimes is the same with him too.

Not sure what you can do but I've come to the conclusion that he is behaving in much the same way as an abused child would and there is little I can do about it. It can be depressing to live with a depreseed dog sometimes, though. When he is happy he is so lovely then it is like a switch has been flicked on (or off) in his brain and he retreats.

All I can say is you have my sympathy but I think you have to accept that is the dog you have taken on and hope he will gradually have more good times than bad. We had a rescue before and several years down the line I realised almost all the problems she had come with were gone. It happens so slowly you don't notice day to day improvement.
 
Just an idea but you've mentioned calm-assertive and practicing leadership, so I'm assuming you're following Cesar Milan's methods? Maybe he'd be better suited to a positive reinforcement approach to training/manners etc?
 
We've been picking up bits of that yes...mainly about us being calm in 'tense' situations, like when visitors arrive. But still doing lots of positive reinforcement, but maybe he needs a bit more of that.
 
I can't see him being worried by you being chilled out tbh :D

If he's tweaked himself somewhere and is a bit sore it might make him a bit 'off' in general. See what the vet says tomo :) I wouldn't worry about him falling out with you personally over it, or associating you with pain for a prolonged period. If that was the case we'd all have dogs that avoided us due to stepping on their paws/cutting nails too short etc. on occasion :)
 
Ooh, just following along that line...would you be scruffing him at all if he is naughty?
I know Cesar does it on the telly, but some dogs really, really can't cope with it.
I've only done it the once and it won't be happening again.
 
Some dogs really, really need you to accentuate the positive. Henry just switches off if I get too cross, it has to be fun with him. Our old dog Barney was a far more resilient, 'harder' dog.

Is he quite timid generally? Just picking up what you say about visitors arriving being 'tense'. How are you reacting when he is acting stressy? Are you being calm but ignoring the behaviour? Or are you trying to reassure him?
 
Good news...he has suddenly resorted completely back to his normal self. very strange! there was done primula involved. weird dog. maybe he has been feeling under the weather, maybe something hurt it scared him...don't think we will ever know. he has had a lovely walk, played some games, and fallen asleep snuggled up to me. so glad to have my happy stan back.

just to clarify, we never get cross with stan, he doesn't respond to it. he is very excitable and raised voices etc just build up that excitement. And would never scruff him. He's really very well behaved and all we've been doing re dog whispering is trying to control situations a bit more by being calm ourselves. hope that makes sense.

thanks for all the advice and support everyone x
 
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