oh the shame whilst out riding today! no laughing you lot!!!!!

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Shady

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i can't believe i'm just about to tell you what happened to me today when i went for a nice little ride.
it's a measure of my affection for you horrible lot and my complete lack of pride in myself!!
so here goes
just me out today as OH wanted to practice being a redneck with his new gun and Mr P's hock is a bit dodgy
lovely day so thought the woods would be nice, singing a Tom Waites song today and feeling at one with nature
but' nature' has a way of calling in the cold doesn't it and when you've gotta go you've gotta go and no amount of buttock clenching is going to work past the age of 45.
Hopped of Shadow and as no one lives here( sigh) dropped my jods in the middle of the track to have a pee.
now this is a tricky thing to get right, don't want to pee on your boots or legs so had assumed the 'racing jockey' position and was perfectly balanced for maximum clearance.
for some reason i always look at the ground when i do this so of course totally missed the man walking towards me and was humming away happily and having a little ' relief ' sigh.
what i didn't know was the man was walking his dog and the damn thing came rushing up behind me and stuck his nose in a place a nose should never go.
i let out the most caveman like yell and catapulted forward into the prehistoric birthing position , jods round my knees and my arse to the sky.
call it what you will, cheeks to the wind , bum high, all i know is that my arse is whiter than the moon and you could probably see it from there .
what's even worse is that i know him, he's with the hunt and sells vegetables in the village on Thursdays , he will tell EVERYBODY, i can never go out again!
they will all say that Beaver have been sighted back near the river again!
oh ,the shame...
Happy New Year every:eek:body!
xx
 
Shady said:
i can't believe i'm just about to tell you what happened to me today when i went for a nice little ride.
it's a measure of my affection for you horrible lot and my complete lack of pride in myself!!
so here goes
just me out today as OH wanted to practice being a redneck with his new gun and Mr P's hock is a bit dodgy
lovely day so thought the woods would be nice, singing a Tom Waites song today and feeling at one with nature
but' nature' has a way of calling in the cold doesn't it and when you've gotta go you've gotta go and no amount of buttock clenching is going to work past the age of 45.
Hopped of Shadow and as no one lives here( sigh) dropped my jods in the middle of the track to have a pee.
now this is a tricky thing to get right, don't want to pee on your boots or legs so had assumed the 'racing jockey' position and was perfectly balanced for maximum clearance.
for some reason i always look at the ground when i do this so of course totally missed the man walking towards me and was humming away happily and having a little ' relief ' sigh.
what i didn't know was the man was walking his dog and the damn thing came rushing up behind me and stuck his nose in a place a nose should never go.
i let out the most caveman like yell and catapulted forward into the prehistoric birthing position , jods round my knees and my arse to the sky.
call it what you will, cheeks to the wind , bum high, all i know is that my arse is whiter than the moon and you could probably see it from there .
what's even worse is that i know him, he's with the hunt and sells vegetables in the village on Thursdays , he will tell EVERYBODY, i can never go out again!
they will all say that Beaver have been sighted back near the river again!
oh ,the shame...
Happy New Year every:eek:body!
xx
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That's so, so funny. Sounds exactly like something that would happen to me!
 
Oh my word! I almost did similar-but I had an ahem, dodgy belly, and I really needed to go, I didn't get caught, but I did stand in it as I was mounting. I was so ashamed of myself! But when you gotta go, you gotta go!
 
Haaa haaa, hee hee. Loved it.

Reminds me of an incident from Pony Club days (many MANY moons :) ago, yeah sorry, "moons", gettit, sorry wasn't intending that one LOL). We were on some local common land where military use it (still do!) for training. We were doing a treasure hunt, divvied up into small teams of four.

It was a long day, we'd hacked to the event AND ridden round the country, and friend needed to Visit the Little Girls Room....... except that there wasn't, only a little glade in a piece of woodland. Someone held her pony, she pulled down her jods and did the Deed; and with that there was a huge cheer of manly vigour all around.

We were in the middle of a bunch of red-blooded soldiers, all done up in cammaflage - poor girl, oh the shame of it.

Another incident was with a friend who'd gone skiing for the first time. She wasn't very good at it, bless her, and like all first time skiers didn't really have a lot of control. She'd gone up the mountain, and, like you do, needed the lav, and went off the ski track, piste or whatever its called, into some trees and pulled down her ski trousers to do the necessary. She hadn't taken her skis off........ and suddenly there was this scream and she'd gone pelting out at top speed onto the main ski runway, with her trousers and knickers down round her ankles, yelling and screaming blue murder, with her backside and foof on display for all to see :)

Poor love, she never lived that one down.

So feel for you OP. But you've probably made not only this guy's day, but his year as well!!! So well done! :)
 
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MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
Haaa haaa, hee hee. Loved it.

Reminds me of an incident from Pony Club days (many MANY moons :) ago, yeah sorry, "moons", gettit, sorry wasn't intending that one LOL). We were on some local common land where military use it (still do!) for training. We were doing a treasure hunt, divvied up into small teams of four.

It was a long day, we'd hacked to the event AND ridden round the country, and friend needed to Visit the Little Girls Room....... except that there wasn't, only a little glade in a piece of woodland. Someone held her pony, she pulled down her jods and did the Deed; and with that there was a huge cheer of manly vigour all around.

We were in the middle of a bunch of red-blooded soldiers, all done up in cammaflage - poor girl, oh the shame of it.

Another incident was with a friend who'd gone skiing for the first time. She wasn't very good at it, bless her, and like all first time skiers didn't really have a lot of control. She'd gone up the mountain, and, like you do, needed the lav, and went off the ski track, piste or whatever its called, into some trees and pulled down her ski trousers to do the necessary. She hadn't taken her skis off........ and suddenly there was this scream and she'd gone pelting out at top speed onto the main ski runway, with her trousers and knickers down round her ankles, yelling and screaming blue murder, with her backside and foof on display for all to see :)

Poor love, she never lived that one down.

So feel for you OP. But you've probably made not only this guy's day, but his year as well!!! So well done! :)
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hah, love the ' moon ' pun!!!!
god i think i'd have died if it had been the army seeing my bum, bad enough trying to get a tight pair of jods up whilst trying not to expose the other side of me which i failed to do as his dog was jumping all over me, could almost hear him going '' ooh la la ''!
 
MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
Haaa haaa, hee hee. Loved it.

Reminds me of an incident from Pony Club days (many MANY moons :) ago, yeah sorry, "moons", gettit, sorry wasn't intending that one LOL). We were on some local common land where military use it (still do!) for training. We were doing a treasure hunt, divvied up into small teams of four.

It was a long day, we'd hacked to the event AND ridden round the country, and friend needed to Visit the Little Girls Room....... except that there wasn't, only a little glade in a piece of woodland. Someone held her pony, she pulled down her jods and did the Deed; and with that there was a huge cheer of manly vigour all around.

We were in the middle of a bunch of red-blooded soldiers, all done up in cammaflage - poor girl, oh the shame of it.

Another incident was with a friend who'd gone skiing for the first time. She wasn't very good at it, bless her, and like all first time skiers didn't really have a lot of control. She'd gone up the mountain, and, like you do, needed the lav, and went off the ski track, piste or whatever its called, into some trees and pulled down her ski trousers to do the necessary. She hadn't taken her skis off........ and suddenly there was this scream and she'd gone pelting out at top speed onto the main ski runway, with her trousers and knickers down round her ankles, yelling and screaming blue murder, with her backside and foof on display for all to see :)

Poor love, she never lived that one down.

So feel for you OP. But you've probably made not only this guy's day, but his year as well!!! So well done! :)
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It's always the "friend" isn't it... Only kidding, you can't beat a good embarrassing story though. Happy New Year!
 
oMG just spat mince pie all over ipad!!!!!
At least you never landed in bunch nettles like I did many years ago when caught short, horsey stood nice for me while I did what I had to do, but then he got bit too friendly and nudged me a bit hard...and I sat in the ditch in a bunch of nettles... I walked home!, couldn't sit in the saddle for 3 days!!!
 
Superb! Not only are horses a great leveller, our own digestive system always seems to take the p***. Sorry couldn't help myself, oops there I go again, and again.........
 
Oh, brilliant! Sorry to snigger away, but the visual image is all too much! You poor lamb, you're not going to live that one down anytime soon!
 
Oh and if it makes you feel better I was caught stark naked having a wee on the toilet by one of my colleagues at work. And he was male :-(. I nearly died of embarrassment and he's now moved to Australia funnily enough ;-)
 
Penny Less said:
This is where men have an unfair advantage don't they? Just stand there and whistle
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Yes we do but we still have embarrassing moments like weeing up a post without reading the poster stuck to the top of the post which said "WARNING A MAN EXPOSING HIMSELF HAS BEEN SEEN IN THESE WOODS, BE ON YOUR GUARD" as well as weeing up a tree and a posh looking lady with her dog and 2 daughters came round the corner as I was going.
Worst one I have done is on a dog walk,having wee in a wood and as I went something large and brown moved by my foot making me jump backwards.It was a toad and I had pee'd on it but I had also wee'd all down my trousers as I jumped backwards. Was pretty obvious what I had done and met loads of dog walkers I knew on the way home.
I have wee'd on a snake on a muck heap too before now, it slithered past me as I was going, so stopped what I was doing and caught it.38 inches long!

My mate's girlfriend came off road riding (motorbike enduro) on Weavers Down with us and she wanted to go for a wee so went off leaving us blokes to carry on racing, when we saw her next she looked flustered.She said she was in mid wee when 8 or 9 squaddies in full camouflage gear got up out of bushes right next to her and walked off grinning from ear to ear, we were right in the Army training ground.
 
I would go round village bemoaning the fact that your TWIN sister took your horse out (stating precise date and time) for a hack without your permission!!!!!
 
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