OH wanting to ride my horse

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MissMincePie&Brandy

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OK, how do I get out of this one.

My other half has decided he wants to ride my horse. In fact he wants to aim to do an intro dressage test :o and is looking at buying boots and a jacket.

Now, my OH puts up with a lot from me spending most of my time at the yard. I have him poo picking at the weekends. He helps me out with large vets bills and other expenses. He's really very good to me and my 2 horses!

The vast majority of the time my 17.2hh Tb is well mannered, but he has his moments and can be quite sharp and has a mean buck if something gets him excited, and when that happens I can calm him down and ride him through it usually without any fuss, but my OH wouldn’t be able to do this. He doesn’t understand horses, and thinks I’m being obstinate when I try to explain it. He is also under the impression that if my horse is too ''dangerous'' for him to have a lesson on and to hack up the road, then I shouldn't be riding him either. (dear god!)

My OH did start learning on my (now retired) old horse years ago, and he mastered rising trot. Last year I booked him up with some lessons at a local riding school, but he didn't like their horses, and he thought he'd enjoy riding mine much more! I put him off at the time as I'd only recently bought this horse, and I tried to persuade him to carry on improving his balance first, but he stopped the lessons.

My OH is stubborn and a little bit arrogant (although that feels a bit too harsh a word). I don't want the horse or the boyfriend getting hurt or upset.

Hmm...Tricky one. I need a diplomatic solution to this one please.
 
Think the truth is the only way to go!
If he likes cars,use them to explain nicely why he shouldnt ride your horse right away. You wouldnt drive an F1 car after a handfull of lessons would you ;)
If you can,get your YO on side too and ask them to explain that an RS job is to teach riders,and that a TB who can throw the odd tantrum is perfect for someone who has been riding years but not the best start for someone new to the sport.
Most men are a bit odd,and will accept the salf same advice from someone who is a professional that would be laughed at comming from the wife/GF *roll eyes here* :p

Good luck!
 
Oh God, why is that some men only want to ride highly strung flashy rides or nothing at all?! Would he listen to a good instructor who could maybe work out a plan where the end goal was he rode one of your horses after progressing on a riding school horse? On the other hand, I wish mine had as much interest!
 
Encourage him to buy his own horse????

Could the retired one manage light work? If so could you suggest he brings him out of retirement?

Get him some more lessons and let him go for it?

At the end of the day getting hurt is part of riding and if it goes wrong you will be on hand to help. If it goes wrong and he still wants to ride then you know he really has the bug, either that or he'll never want to ride again!

Seriously a horsey OH is great you ought to encourage him!
 
Do any of your friends have anything a bit more suitable that he could borrow to go out riding with you? Then he can see first hand what your horse is like and why its best he more than masters the basics first?
 
Well my OH thought he could ride, we went out on a ride together, and a broken shoulder soon changed his mind (not his fault poor lad). I keep trying to get him to try again but he's not having any of it *sigh* , so I'm a bit the opposite.

With your OH, would it help to ask him to go to a riding school for lessons first ? That may well dampen down the enthusiasm, or it may show him how hard riding really is. Maybe six lessons, then he can sit on your horse sort of thing :D sm x
 
indiat said:
Oh God, why is that some men only want to ride highly strung flashy rides or nothing at all?!
Click to expand...


SOME men!!!!

My DH is the exact opposite! He's happier on a little hairy cob and has absolutely vetoed buying a TB. We are looking to buy a horse at the moment, and he'd happily have a cob if I let him despite the fact that his feet would be swinging round its knees..........
 
Ah. know how this feels.

The truth is the oly option here. my O/H has just started riding. he can walk, trott and canter and wants to ride my mare. Trouble is, she's only just back in work after a traumatic few weeks and I wanted to start off really gently. I'm happy for him to ride her eventually once I've settled her again but right now it's a no.

BUT. after we discussed the fact that my mare isn't right for him.....he's decieded to get his own! brilliant!
 
Katt - Bless him!! Sorry, I should have said some men. So many men I have come across only want to ride something that make them look like Lawrence of Arabia and god do they fight with you when you gently try and explain why they need to lower their sights first! Having said that, one of my mum's female friends, said she would love to ride but found horses a bit intimidating because of their size and she is a very petite woman. I suggested she learn on a pony and she looked at me in horror, saying she would not be seen dead on a child's mount. WTF??????????
 
Yeah DH moans about those types, he also says that most men just want to gallop and jump big fences and aren't interested in actually being good riders just being adrenaline junkies.......

We went to try a horse the other day and I rode first because (as he joked to the seller) "she's the crash test dummy" I think they found it quite amusing......
 
I put it to my OH in terms he could more easily understand. I told him that letting him ride my 4 year old horse having had a few lessons as a child was the equivalent of putting someone who had started to work towards their moped license onto a Superbike. You just wouldn't do it. The power and sensitivity of controls is an entirely different ball game and you have to learn the skills to deal with it first. Wierdly for an adrenaline junkie, he was very happy with the idea of a ploddy type to start with!
 
Years ago when i was with my ex, he had never even patted a horse before we met. Whilst together he bought me a mare, and he started to become keen. He went for riding lessons and was a natural. He wanted to start riding more and it was nice that started to share my passion for horses. Unfortunatly my mare and him just did not get on together. He was thankfully realistic and ended up buying him self a horse.

I think that if your oh is keen, then its only fair to allow them to persue it. As long as you are trueful and realsitic about his abilities. Maybe he could have lessons on your current horse? Or maybe if you can not afford to buy another, he could get one on loan.

if he has been keen to do all the hard graft then the chances are that he will stick to it, and it isnt just a fad. I know some oh's seems to go through a faze of wanting a go on the horsey, but it never progresses from there.
My current oh is not horsey at all, and as much as my ex used to anoy me at times. I do miss having that support with the horses. My ex used to be competant enougth to sort the horses out on his own.

I would embrace your oh's new found horseyness and who knows it coudl bloom into somethign fantastic. All men have an ego thing going on , im sure he will be brought down to earth swiftly once he is back riding again , and realisises his true capabilities.
 
Actually I do think my OH might want to do too much galloping about once he gets confident. That's another worry.
Apparently the reason he didn't like the RS horses was because he said they were slow and uncomfortable.

It's such a pain. In one way I am flattered and delighted he'd like to have a go, but on the other I know it would end in disaster.

My ancient old boy is far too badly arthritic to be ridden anymore, so no that's not an option.

There aren't any suitable horses, but there are a few good ponies, about 14hh that I could borrow. It's a shame they're not a few inches bigger.

I thought about letting him have a short lesson with my instructor. She'll do it, but she's not keen at all as we've been working so hard on improving my TBs balance.

Ha ha, I wonder if I could persuade him to get his own! TBH a 50 min private lesson at the riding school is the same price as a weeks livery! If he wont have lessons at the riding school, I could suggest it, and we could hack out together! A nice 15.2 - 16.1hh cobby bombproof type would be good. How exciting. It would mean I have 3 horses, as I'd end up doing all of the work including exercising his one as well I should think...

However he'd need to prove he's serious and it's not just a fad.

Bloody men!
 
My husband was exactly the same when I got my first horse since we'd been together a TB. Wanted to ride with zero experience so as Harry was pretty calm in the school I let him walk and trot, then one day he announced I want to canter so when I failed to talk him out of it I said OK but go in a circle so he doesn't get fast on the long sides. Once he was in canter he realised that he'd have to let go of the saddle to turn and suddenly was out of control (luckily Harry was responsive to my voice from the floor!!). Surprisingly he stayed in walk and trot from then on and soon lost interest!

So my advice is, stick him in a school/ enclosed area where they can come to less harm and let him learn from his mistakes!
 
KatPT said:
I put it to my OH in terms he could more easily understand. I told him that letting him ride my 4 year old horse having had a few lessons as a child was the equivalent of putting someone who had started to work towards their moped license onto a Superbike. You just wouldn't do it. The power and sensitivity of controls is an entirely different ball game and you have to learn the skills to deal with it first. Wierdly for an adrenaline junkie, he was very happy with the idea of a ploddy type to start with!
Click to expand...

very well put. I think I'll use this! Thanks
 
No problem...you just have to use an analogy they understand as they think all horses are the same! He got the gist...besides, he says he wants to learn on a little one (my horse is only 14hh but he is eyeing up the nearby shetlands!) I'm not sure what analogy to use for why they wouldn't be suitable!
 
I would say to OH I dont think its the right paring but if you want to try go ahead !!! get it out of your system ...
horses are very personal and not something you want others riding sometimes, I had a disagreement with an ex friend as im not into hurtling round jumping things whether it be brightly coloured sticks or barbed wire fences... no no and no!!!
 
It's a tricky one. 1) you don't want your horse ruined and 2) OH not badly broken, I'd say if your old horse can take the light work to start of with I put him on him as lets face it when it comes to doing the real hard grind of riding (schooling) they don't want to know, just tell him if he does well on your old one, he can then start schooling on your good one. Unless he's really into it, he will buy his own, if not your good horse will be ok and the old one a little exercise.
 
I allowed my husband to ride my 17.2 ex chaser; to cut a long story short, it put him off in a fairly thorough manner, and the people in the village still talk about the crazy man galloping at full tilt dodging oncoming vehicles shouting 'whoah' in a feeble little voice (and this happened several years ago!) :)
 
I'm with John Robert on this - I would be concerned about the damage your OH could do your horse! I am not very sympathetic ever since being soundly harrassed to let the OH of my sister ride my TB boy. He completely ignored my instructions, clapped his heels to the side of my highly sensitive horse who then took him through a fence. All he could say was mine a "little" more sensitive than what he was used to. I HAD told him. So, I am not diplomatic when asked. I think the best analogy would be the formula 3 v formula 1 idea and good luck in keeping his ego intact!
 
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